You see me
I see you
A ******* snake
No more secrets to hide
Only to prey away on my ego
Your cyanide eyes fill my heart with chole
Rising like a current
washing over my body
Wants to give you what you deserve
But my intuition is stronger than my actions
I must resist
"Thou shall not ****"

when you said
it was over
man you shot right through my heart

why you let these h03s tear what we had right apart
i shoulda seen it coming from the start

you should beware
beware
beware

of a woman with a broken heart

i hate being sober when you're not around
sometimes I question my sobriety
even in the absence
of such distant memories
were they real
or just nightmares and daydreams

now I'm turning 20
and you're not here
i hate being sober
i know on my birthday
I'll just be invisible to you
i hate being sober
i want to turn back time
i hate being sober
i want to be able to see the warning sign
the sign i missed
it was red
like the blood i would bleed for you
but yet we move
i thrive without you
somehow i manage

still, i must confess
i miss you

sitting on my desk trying to write a paper
my ritalin wearing off
its 9pm and i don't know how much longer until my eyes will close
there's a voice in my head
it talks to me
the only comfort i have during quarantine
tells me to keep going, do not stop
remember what you’re doing this for
for the heart of spain, the only one that does not stop

my mindset going down like a GPA
it used to be 3.9
but like my desire to be dead at this point
makes it go down to 3.5
winter makes it harder to breathe
it’s getting colder, I feel number
my mind is frozen like a piece of ice
not to mention to know the feeling of suicide
time has stopped in my world
the only clock ticking is the countdown to may
there’s a blade against my wrist
it likes to give me wounds

fight this pain
you are worth more
your future lies in the hands of that number on the walls of your college counselors door
I love you
please stay strong
you almost made it
and then you’re free and gone

your touch is nonexistent
but I can still feel it
your presence is nonexistent
but you're always next to me
your texts are imaginary
but I can see your name on my screen

I swear sometimes
just sometimes
if I try hard enough
and close my eyes
I can relive that one night
cheek to cheek
skin to skin
replaying that memory over and over again

the ***** was too strong
my hands were numb
only bits and pieces scattered in my shattered mind
just come back to me
just once
that's all I ask
please

to the hometown i hate,
i miss seeing the october sunrise while taking the train to school every morning
to the hometown i hate,
i miss being able to wear uggs, hats and scarves already at the end of september,
to the hometown i hate,
i miss being able to buy 90 cent face masks and my favorite protein bars at the drugstore 10 minutes away from me
to the hometown i hate,
i miss seeing the porsches and mercedes c-classes parked on the curbes of our sidewalks
to the hometown i hate,
i miss the quietness of my area
to the hometown i hate,
i miss being able to speak a language i know fluently, not worrying about the anxiety i get if i get into a complicated situation
to the hometown i hate,
i miss running in the quiet, clean, green forest next to us
to the hometown i hate,
i miss sleeping in my own bed, in the room i did not like
to the hometown i hate,
i miss being able to go to my fully-equipped kitchen and bake whenever i want to, which i complained was too small until i moved into my dorm
to the hometown i hate,
i miss you

sometimes, my moods go

up
     and
            down
      like
this

but usually, my moods go

HSHEHESGUDHAKDODJSBSJSOALJDVSJSJDHSHIDIEKSHDHWOPWORKWNBDBVXKSLW­ORIUEUWYSHWBWKEKRJBEBD

you promised the world


and I fell for it

do you even know me?
think again.
just because you heard some **** about me doesn't mean it's true
but thank you for telling me what you heard
now that's my definition of you
your revenge is not the healthy kind
if i were you, i'd stay the **** away from those manipulative minds
i know i have my own issues, some i won't admit to
but hearing all that
like garbage being dumped
like the ocean being polluted
like the ozone filled with substances to dilute it


just breaks my heart.
please stop.

i miss the feeling of being held
your strong arms around my chest
muscles flexing
grasping around my throat
pulling my ponytail
eyes looking up eager to get rid of this love drought
your fingertips tracing my thighs
hands pinned down while you look me in the eyes
a hard ******
to soothe my craving lust
heart racing faster
breathing increasing
...faster
...faster
...and faster

stop.

like a tsunami of relief
washing over me
ridding me of my misery
all my senses heightened
my vocal chords tightened
let out a scream

If your love was so true,
Then I could truly trust you.

If you stopped to lie,
I wouldn’t wanna die.

If you could take me in your arms,
Hold me, love me, and never let me go,
You wouldn’t be such a foe.

on january 1st midnight sharp
i thought i heard the voice of new year's harp
fireworks banging
champagne bottles clanking
a new story, a new life, a new chapter to begin
a new year, a new me is ready to come in
or so we all thought...

it came out of nowhere
it started in the east
all cities were flooded with peace
the west still living in utopia
not afraid of the soon to come phobia
fast forward to march - the last big gathering
all forced to stay home and work online
the green spiky ball slathering
the numbers are climbing, what do we do?
wear a mask, keep 1.5 meters distance, don't meet people
otherwise you'll get the new flu
wait, stop, don't drink bleach!
don't trust that blonde, orange-skinned peach!
listen to your doctor and nurses at the front
like a war without guns or tanks

hello
do you remember me?
i'm the girl you dumped because she will leave
because she will leave the country after highschool
and you thought that wasn't cool

have your opinion, i don't care
but don't you dare come back to me and blame me for something that wasn't fair
it was more unfair to me
you knew from the very start my goal was to leave
to study abroad, psychology in madrid, barcelona or somewhere else in spain
so i don't have to share my pain

i hope she is good to you
whoever she is
does she give you all the bl*wjobs and *** you request?
does she agree to everything you make her do?
does she even leave her male friends to calm your trust issues?
does she love control?
does she plan to study in germany so your future is perfect?
does she do everything i couldn't do?

a man can be two things for a woman:

the best thing that has ever happened to her


or


the beginning of a new trauma


dear men,

is that what you really want? think again.

daddy's girl was yesterday

mother's daughter is today, now, and forever

a man is not a man if he believes he has to be superior over a woman to achieve her love,
a man is a man if he believes in letting a woman decide for herself who she wants to be,

a man is not a man if he believes control will make a woman stay,
a man is a man if he believes letting a woman choose what she wants to do will make her stay,

a man is not a man if he does not believe in giving a woman a choice in her free time, will make her feel safe,
a man is man if he believes that letting a woman do whatever the hell she wants in her free time to make her happy will make her love him more and feel safe,

a man is not a man if he believes that forbidding a woman to meet with other males, even just friends will make her stay,
a man is a man if he trusts a woman, regardless of how long the relationship, that she will not cheat by giving her the choice of who she wants to meet, will make her stay,  

a man is not a man if he constantly refers to a woman as only useful in reproduction,
a man is a man if he believes that a woman was created for other things too,

a man is not a man if he believes that a woman should be devoted to the kitchen and household,
a man is a man if he believes that letting a woman choose how she wants to keep herself busy will make her feel valued,  

a man is not a man if he believes a woman is only useful for his needs, wants, and desires,
a man is a man if he believes that being with a woman is not only about objectification, sexualization, reproductive control and male privilege.

i can hear britney's voice in my head,
"I'm addicted to you, don't you know that you're toxic?", she said,

she has a point you know,
that guy who i like is a foe,

confusion, anger and distress in my head,
but i long for our bodies in bed.

i remember you clearly,
you looked at me so dearly,
but I didn't see the red lights,
your seduction was too bright

those red lights, oh god
but your *** was so good i was in awe,
how could have i been such a fool,
*** so good, when i'd see you i drool

how dare you take advantage?
why, because i was 15, naive, and vulnerable to damage?
the red lights were flashing again, your seduction too strong,
i wanted more from you, but i knew it was wrong

I'm not the first girl, i know
what makes you think you can turn me into a ***
remember freshman year? that twelve-year-old deer?
like a hunter, so swift, so skilled,
she fell right into your trap and lived afterwards in fear

but look at me now,
momma's girl turned into a bad *****,
doesn't even give a **** about an itch,
bodak yellow on loud, beyonce making me feel proud