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**** Butterflies

You are like the itch in my throat
You are a nuisance I could do without
So I swallow some lyrical pills and kick you out
But you are doubt
And it doesnt matter that I'm the illest
I am so sick no anecdote could **** this
No sugar coating can hide bad business
I'm feelin like a train derailment, my lives so off track
Might as will hit the cupboards and pack
Leave tonight and leave for better or for dead
Is life worth living, just to pay off debt?

But if I leave I will still be trapped in my head
Funny how all these epiphanies are tapped into in bed
Where if I was sleep instead
Maybe I'd have a future not encompassing a floor that's wet and red
If my compass was working I'd already be found
Yet now I lay in the void of avoidance
Wishing not a thing in the world could exploit the simplicity of being thoughtless
Then I remember I am in the wilderness
And I may be found as a skeleton
So I make a fake parachute over the next three months
I climb a tall tree
And spread the fabric out on top
Hook myself up
And then lean over a branch into the air
And when the rope meets its full length
I loose all strength
But noone will ever have to know that I never flew
And felt the high skies breeze
That I was always so low
Noone but me
And what hangs is a dismantled ego
But not my body! Not my mind
For I stand at the bottom of the tree looking up
And you would think you won the battle
But I've come to realize there is no up and down in the Universe
Theres just a line, either bouncy, or straight or curved
And since forward is the only place to go, I unfold these verses out of the crevices of my brain
So I have something more than my negativity to leave behind
And thus lays a trail of bones from the creativity I caught and ate alive
And now I can be at another level of life, because I can travel through time
And go back, pick up old poems and make them dance to new vibes
Then be so **** glad I decided not to cut my rope short, so glad I stopped drowning sorrow with a quart
So glad I didn't give up on love
And then realize how great it feels to realize theres no such thing as above
All that ever really mattered was just now
Just us
I've always deserved freedom
And now
I've found justice
Some people reside in conformed buildings
Birds fly south
Bears hibernate
But when the cold comes
I let my poems slip out my mouth
For these sentences are wild
But these syllables are my warmth
These words are my home
And so, I will never be alone

Sometimes, I curl up into my own arms
But what I don't know is that's where I'll find the most harm
The ghosts tell me I am their favourite charm
But when I speak back and they lock my mouth, it sets off an alarm
It rings in my head, but so low I cannot hear the sound
Of my subconscious clawing and screaming at the door
It takes months to realize whats so long been in town
Theres been a creature creeping closer to my core
For now is when I realize this frown
Is nothing more than the reality of this haunting tour
My heart is being crushed by the bones of my doubts and stretched by its own pounding
My physical identity is trying to point to something sharp on the floor
But there's a mirror on the ceiling
and I just look up at the illusion of feeling found
Head in the clouds
Walking aimlessly
With no sign of moving around what could be my last feeling
For it could slice my toe off setting off alarms like a ping ball machine in my head and I grin shamelessly
The layers of skin punctured and the layers of my heart peeled
Cupid does not shoot arrows at me
She launches missiles
Dismemberming my limbs, spreading a mess of arms, legs, fingers and toes, maybe thats why they call it a mistletoe

Seen something move out the corner of my eye
Can’t tell the difference between dreams and real life
Maybe that’s why I got such unrealistic visions
They tell me to create a real list of things I could be
But I ainte a realist, because life’s too silly to sit around waiting for the reel to end
They don’t see what I see
These pupils are blood shot with conformity stuck up their rear ends
They just live a broken hope smothered in icing, while I sit on the ledge
My brains got no drive these days, see it flies eh, I’m livin’ on a flaming jet
They keep asking me to flash my knowledge
Maybe that’s why they call it a mind-set
But hell, I only know ledge, never seen over the hedge
Is the grass greener?
I don’t know, I haven’t smoked it yet
I felt high above but then life got plain and crashed into the edge
Of the Earth
And I rose again like smoke does when things get heated
And I know the Earth isn’t flat, it’s got a nice set of behemoths
Ones Mount Everest
And then there’s me mounting every verse until I’ve fulfilled my thirst
Eating creativity alive and only leaving behind the skeletons
So when they pile up you can identify their behinds and come find me in my cabin
Would you like to see my trophies mounted?
Dates below from when they were founded?
They weren’t found, they were downed
And only a fool would mount’em
I’d rather stack’em and climb’em like a mountain
And prove I’m the chest of the world
Look inside and find golden albums

… What the ****, that was a weird dream
REM sleep sure knows how to deceive
And it left me with such a cliff-hanger too
Or should I say aircraft hangar
To store my fly art in ‘er
Feels like I was at a witch-craft banger
I’m feelin cursed as I spell
Feels like the devils got my voodoo doll
Maybe that’s why I’m on fire
I’m so tired my words tie together in red
The line between my dreams and reality is ceasing to exist
My two worlds dance, my thoughts prance and draw blood, in a beautiful dissonance
It’s only when I’m half asleep that I’m truly awake to my passionate presence
Insomnia is a curse and a blessing

Grimly smiling
At this leg of the race how'd you think I got it made
Done had me some power but never got paid
I volunteered my hours while being mentally slayed
Brain slashed so I lashed out by never sleeping though life always layed me out
Knocked down, ears ringing
Is this my calling?
To stand up taller, am I meant to be a crawler?
I'm not a zombie, I'm just hurt
That you'd think I can't escape the fate set on me, I don't live in hell but I feel burnt
I don't watch burnt movies on the disc though, wouldn't fit in at the disco
I stream em online, I want to get fit but I'm too busy waiting for the video to load
Then the **** thing lags, maybe it's a sign
To use my legs and get buffer
But I didn't brace myself to be cast in this role
Done capped my knees durability and out came my knee cap
Then people finally noticed that I was hurt, but it wasn't my limb they should've been concerned about
But I'm not here to pout, hell I'm getting help
I'm just here to say
When you're ready to give up
Life hits you even harder
To remind you that you're tougher than any doubt you've ever had
You can handle more than even a hurt body, brain, or mind
You ain't dead till you die
You ain't high till you fly
You ain't ahead until you try
It's a lot like rugby, even when the magic rug be out of reach
You can still be a-lad-in joy
There's something about dodging and taking hits that's enthralling
Chaos is beauty
If you don't just let it be but let yourself succeed
A little sweat and blood to get the lead
In the rain wet and loud, passions what I bleed
And obstacles are what my slightly enlarged heart pumps, what it beats
But sometimes I'm choking on led
My lungs are the weapon that gave me a shot, and onlookers say "You're rhymes have no pattern B, so the way you write things is awk, see?
How's this for an ox-c *****!
I'm suffocating on oxygen
Asthma attack at nine months old didn't stop me, a close call they said
But more like a call received
Because looking back now I know my purpose
Is to breathe

I know happiness is the ultimate goal
I know our potential to matter is limitless
I know the universe is infinite
I know that we're never the person we were a fraction of time ago
The fact is the only thing that is what we are, is our memories
Our memories help us choose a future
Our memories help us to reminisce
Our memories remind us of what we planned to do and didn't
They remind us if what we planned to do and did, and did so thoroughly we're proud like ants who take down scorpions
We may work better together but hey
Look at what I just did alone
Because its alone that we find out what were made of
It's as an individual we find out
we will make it
Sometimes I wonder how far I'll make it
But my past is always there to remind me, that everything I stack falls down
Everything I lack, might never come around
But thats okay, I'm not going in circles anymore
Sometimes I hear the wind say owe
As it hits the window
And I open up to see what's wrong
I soon find out it's trying to find out how to runaway from the sun
And I say, if you can't take the heat get out of the sky
And then it swoops back to me and whispers
I try
My past is always here to remind me
Everytime I slack, I get more down
And everytime my hope is hit by apathy's flak, my persona continues to crack, and revealed is a bigger frown
Tonight I lay on my *******
Wondering if my life will ever be on track
And if I even want it to
My past is always here to remind me
That my battles bring hope back around
That my good knights bring doubt to the ground
That these vessels of words forge royal sounds
That hard ships sculpt crowns

There is a candle burning in the dead of night
Shining brighter than any other light
The smell of wild fills the air
Leaving the towns people without a care
A starry night fills the woods around
Leaving nothing but quiet for this town
A cabin of wood sits on a hill
Leaving everything and everyone standing still
The town peaceful, but full of secrets
That only the residents could truly see it
The visitors that came by, could never believe
How such a small town can be so full of grief
What's there to cry about in a peaceful town?
A place with no laws or rules that bound
When voyagers enter, they feel at home
They do not know what is a stake in modern Rome
The people so stagnant stare on with blank faces
Waiting for the visitors to feel their silent graces
The people of this town have seen so many bleed
So many vanished to the works of creed
And in every citizen is a little guilt
For the evil motives on which the town was built
For when a group of tourists stay in the cabin on the hill to sleep
They do not know that tourists is that on which the towns people
*feed

Now
What do I write now
Now...
After everything before and before everything ahead
Now...
All the places I'd rather be than bed
Now...
All the lives I'd rather have lived instead
Most people don't admit regret
But everyone has some regrets
Looking back
Now...
I regret every minute since I've left childhood
I wish I held on a little bit longer
Just a few more years of fear being the monsters in the basement
Just a few more months of saving the world from aliens and zombies on a daily basis from my backyard
Just a few more weeks of  being brave enough to confront someone threatening to stab me, without hesitation
Just a few more days of knocking on doors and running away
Just a few more hours of feeling absolutely badass for staying up all night
Just a few more minutes of being able to have a girlfriend and not talking to her at all, mostly because you're too nervous
One more moment of feeling invincible
Feeling okay
Going to bed with a smile on my face
Instead of a frown under my mask
But time, time catches up
The clock goes on, and at some point
I wook up, to a much smaller world
A depressing world
Where crying everynight became pointless
Where the pencil pressed so heavily on the paper it became pointless
As I tried to write my way back into adolescence
Where the only kid I knew that flied to never ever land was Peter Pan
Not my friend on LSD who never wanted to grow up
Who could blame him
The closest I come to back when friends were forever and crush referred the cute girl in class and not crushing up grass
The closest I come
Is now...
As I open thy boundaries of my mind to limitless displays
With this wordplay, an aresenal of dictionary words, ****, **** n' all
Now...
I may not be bliss with all I've seen
But atleast these sentences have no hierarchy
Through these lines
                        
I            am           free