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Ariana Sweeney Jun 2014
Anticipation climaxes
the moment you unscrew
that seal tight jar
keeping hazy secrets
locked away.
    You're about to touch the
    snow-kissed mountain tops
    and breath air so pure,
    it distorts the very heartbeat
,
and that feeling granted only by the enemy
--sobriety--
drags you to hell itself.
It gets off tormenting your every particle of being
but you're clouded in a smokey shield and
wielding the winning sword colored ash black
  (obsidian
     volcanic
       explosive)

Defeat is on the horizon
and you're so high above the battleground
that a giddy serenity enfolds you into the
golden-dipped sunset

But the height only lasts
for as long as you hold in
that choking air

and it's gone

and your sanity returns

and you've never felt
more insane
than ever
before.
Ariana Sweeney May 2014
Bitter.
Enfold me in it.
Steel body and diamond crusted ears
So I can feel no pain
And hear no outer influences.

   Hard.
   Turn me into stone.
   Infuse me, weld my cracks
   From a past never to be renewed
   And too stoic to ever feel another's warmth.

      Bold.
      Let myself take whomever I want
      Whenever I want
      Without consequence of being
      Anything but concrete.

         I'll be the manifestation of a developing polaroid
         Only to be swayed and
         Persuaded to come into focus
         By the tickle of murmured wind
         And golden embers of light.

             Black and white
             Color
             Negative
             Sepia­
             I could be it all.
Ariana Sweeney May 2014
Life just throws you loops
And strange circles
  That you've traversed
Millions of times before,
  And this world
Is physically rotating in
  It's most tedious way possible
Day in and day out,
  And the funniest part of all
Is that the definition of
  INSANITY
Is "doing the same thing over and over again
  and expecting different results"
According to Einstein.

          We're all crazy.
          Just taste a small droplet
          Of pretentious poison
          And take it
          Because it's embodiment
          Is everyone.
Ariana Sweeney Apr 2014
My mind doesn't make sense.
It changes
Doubles
Destroys
Designs.
It cascades in on itself
Creating rubble,
Only to rebuild something
Twisted,
Unsettling,
Squirming,
Swelling,
Bursting.

My mind is a place that
I tend to fear.
It's a trap,
A net
Tangling me in
It's sick web
Of spun tales.

To it,
I'm a slave.
No escape
Nothing left
But shadows
And lost artifacts
Best left in the dark.
Ariana Sweeney Apr 2014
It's as if time
    Becomes a wisp
  Of vapor.
It leaks from my memory
  And distorts my concept
    Of concept itself.

      Floating through a place
    Filled with clouds of
  Creamy crystals
Being grasped by their
  Seductive claws,
    Tantalizingly slow,
      A shudder.
Wrote this one when I was wwwwwaaayyyy too... well... look at the title and figure it out.
Ariana Sweeney May 2014
And here,
Ladies and gentlemen,
Is my life’s reoccurring theme,
Or motif, per say:
You have certain expectations
And requirements
Waiting to be fulfilled.
You build up a spectacular
Amount of anticipation
And collect quite the quantity
Of anxious awaiting
For simplistic disappointment
And a derailment or detachment
Of dented dreams.
It’s pretty ******* pathetic.
But you become apathetic
And solve your problems
By running away
And discovering
New things
New people
New toys
New distractions
And expectations
And wait for the cracks
To be filled.
But it won’t.
And it’s the sickest
Most cruel cycle of cynicism
I subject myself to.
Ariana Sweeney Jul 2014
Your thoughts start coming out
In low key lighting,
Sepia toned shots,
And distorted by a fog machine
Hidden in the corner.
You analyze it
Piece-by-piece,
Paint-by-numbers,
Cuts, takes, dissolves,
and throw the fragments up
in the air.

Confetti in the form of "art"
Left for anyone's interpretation.
Ariana Sweeney May 2014
I stared into your eyes
And searched
For something more.
Those eyes
That change color
(Whether with the season,
Sun exposure
Or current mood,
We’ll never find out)
I looked for something
To give me meaning
To give me a sense
Of hope.
I searched and softly whispered,
“This reflection you’re seeing
Is worthless
Unless you do something about it.”
Ariana Sweeney Apr 2014
It's crazy
How much we all
Use each other
In a desperate attempt
To create
Artificial love.
We settle and
Sink so low
That we don't remember
What the top pier
Of past priorities
Looks like.
We push away
Intense feelings of
Depravity
And delve into hidden
Discord.
We forget who we are.
We forget what love is.
We're forgotten.
Ariana Sweeney Apr 2014
I don't light up to open my mind,
     But to temporarily silence the demons.
    And right now
   The monsters are climbing into
  My eyes
      Ears
  Mouth
Heart
  And ripping apart
     Every solid piece of myself
           I used to care about.

      They’re laughing,
     Dripping venom,
    Burning me over and
  Over and
OVER again.
Making me scream so silently
That no one else knows.  
  No one else can hear
   The fleshy sound of
    Wet skin
     Being torn
      From the outside, in.
 
They don’t see
   My hands bound
    To my own demented thoughts
   Making me do things
       I’d once refused.

      I see in flames now
     I see the world burning
    I see rubble,
   Wreckage and
  Ruins.
I see remnants of a
Person I used to love, used to know.

So lift me up higher than I’ve ever been before
To suppress the inner creatures
Controlling
A newfound stranger.
Monsters, demons and creatures OH MY
Ariana Sweeney Apr 2014
Blood doesn't mean
Anything anymore.
I wish black and blue ink
Would drip from
Every open wound
And pool together
to create
A tangle
Of
Pain,
Pleasure,
Purpose,
And make words
That mean nothing
To anyone but myself.
Ariana Sweeney Apr 2014
People will try to brain wash you
  They pelt their ideas,
    Throw their beliefs in every direction
      Hoping that one of their bullets will stick.
    People want you on their team.
  Any idea or belief opposing theirs?
Well that’s downright disgusting.

  Convert to this side,
    Sway to that
      Sometimes it’s fiction
    People forget about the fact.
  What happened to individuality?
The choice of right or wrong?
  It’s beginning to be so hard to see
    Where one fits amoung the throng.
      You begin to shift your own ideals
    You begin to change your side
  Simply to blend in with the crowd
It’s just another way to hide.
  You hide behind that thick façade
    Always worn for show
      You’re melting inside little by little.
    You’ll be nothing before you know.
Ariana Sweeney Apr 2014
We’re all slaves
To a fluorescent screen
Forgetting to search
For our personal being

Accepting stillness
Embracing a mold
Forever doing
What we’ve always been told

Nothing is new
Repeating the past
Creating things
That’ll never last

So we sit and stare
Blank as can be
No longer looking
For what we can't see
First poem on this site!
Ariana Sweeney Sep 2014
Flick the Bic
and you'll get a flame.
Ignited as if magic,
a spark, explosion,
hidden within
a hard case
cold until held by
callous hands.

You become grounded.
The earth begins to claim you
as it's own.
Vines, roots
scale your body
and dig themselves deeper,
becoming one with
the captor.

It started with
a drip.
A singular orb
of pure and innocent
water,
and soon you're submerged within
that person more
than you thought possible.

The air you had
inhaled, exhaled
together
has become more
painful than the searing fire,
hitting harder than the
most crusted stone,
pushes poisonous liquid
into your lungs
with an endless swell

and leaves you breathless.
coffee shop poetry always does me well.
Ariana Sweeney Apr 2014
We go after stuff just to make us feel whole
It’s our therapeutic way to gain some control
It’s a kiss on the neck, or that burn down our throat
The stories we tell make us feel less remote

We **** up our lives just to give ourselves purpose
Earn trophies and badges to feel less worthless
Sleep with a few strangers and break a few laws
Cause we’re already ******, can’t you tell by our flaws?
Does this count as explicit...? Ha.
Ariana Sweeney Jun 2014
The coal sky
Splatter painted
In cherub white
Emphasizes
And encompasses
That feeling of incompleteness.
How is it even possible
To feel everything
And nothing all at once?

I used to worship a God.
He used to be my savior
Father
Faith.
Now the only prayer I whisper
Is crafted in the sound
Of runny pen
On lined paper.
Ariana Sweeney Jun 2014
She’s got a hole on the topside of her right Nike shoe
Pink, black, white patterns ruined by her bony toe
Does she know
She’s not wearing socks?

Hair callously thrown into a disgraceful bun
Wetted from sweat or shower
I’ll never know.

Screensaver sepia toned
And donned in the center
Is a lover, perhaps,
Kissing her laughing cheek.

She’s more organized than me,
Dutifully taking notes
And yearning, craving for the professors
Pleasant spew of factual ****

She records his words
I record my thoughts
Who’s the more selfish one?
This stranger sitting diagonally in front of me
With her pink ears and lightly freckled face,
Or myself
Because I don’t even want to know her name.

Her world will forever remain a place
Untainted by myself
(Lucky her).
She’ll remain a mystery, an enigma
Stories that define who she is
Left for assumption and infinity.

She’ll never know I’m thinking
Only of her
And for absolutely no purpose
Other than practicing
Observing the small glimpses
Of people’s lives they offer you
Unknowingly
Trying something new. Observing my surroundings and people, being more in tune to the world I'm in. It's pretty invigorating
Ariana Sweeney May 2014
Always searching for somewhere
Anywhere else
To let my mind wander
Away from myself.
Free to live higher
than even the clouds
Floating on other's thoughts
Blending in with the crowds.

I'm searching, I'm looking
Desperate for escape
Because life is ******
And I don't know my fate.
What's the future hold?
Does it even exist?
Externally scrounging
For internal bliss.
Ariana Sweeney Apr 2014
I’ve got this insistent need
To constantly feed
That hungry emotion
Inside of me
I can’t seem to stave
The things I crave
I’m feeling alone
And I need to save
Me from myself
Cause I’m trapped inside
My mind and my heart  
Simply won’t subside
So here I sit
Just like a clone
But in the end
It’s me alone.
Ariana Sweeney Apr 2014
It’s scary how much you see
When you’re actually looking.

I see the shadows on your face,
Your pores gasping for breath
Making your skin look
Bent,
Broken,
Blemished,
Beautiful.

I see the self-destruction in your scars,
Every imperfection marking your body
Like a sharp kiss from Death
A flirtation with a dark deity
A ******* failure.

I see our words blending together,
Entangling mid-air
And painting pictures lost in translation.
Creation was breed from our loveless lips,
Slipping into an infinite abyss:
A disappearing act we couldn't figure out.

I see the way your sad eyes can’t meet mine,
Because it brings back a shattered past
Something fragmented and fragile.
A torrid thing,
Making our breaths quicken
From fear and regret.

I see the way you look into the changing sky
Thinking that there has to be more;
There has to be more than this monotony
Haunting you and making you wish
For the sweet taste of
Impact,
To end it all.

We were born for each other
Yet we’re fighting
And we’re losing
And we’ve lost.
We lost each other
In translation
Again.
Ariana Sweeney Apr 2014
My guard is up
My pride is down
Trampled, smashed, stuck to the ground

I bared my soul
But just for you
For which you took and simply threw

Heart of anvil
Heavy as brick
You were unintentionally a ******* *****

But still I stand
Wrapped in embrace
Smiling gently at your face.
Ariana Sweeney Jun 2014
It scares me
That this empty,
disturbingly vacant feeling
seemingly rooted in
my gut
can only be temporarily
sated.

What more is it going to take?
What more can I do?
Because my ulterior forms of escape
are encapsulated within
*****
drugs
people
hate
love
wispy smoke
clouded dreams
warm cups of coffee that burns the throat if sipped too quickly

And those silly,
frivolous
mechanisms of coping
do less
than water slipping through open fingers.

My apathetic attitude
Has been finely tuned.
Ariana Sweeney May 2014
It rarely happens,
but when it does
Appreciate it.
I feel happy.
It's a novel concept
And I love it
and it makes my heart feel light.
This is what I want.
Right now.
Eternally etched into my being
Just breathing
And living
And loving myself.
Thank you.
Ariana Sweeney Jun 2014
My entire existence
has been orchestrated
around hypocrisy
And conducted by
artificial affirmations.

It's a dead end
and we're already dead,
So what's the point
exactly
Seriously, I'm open to suggestions. What do you guys think the point of being here is truly about? I'm looking for a sliver of enlightenment and encouragement.
Ariana Sweeney Apr 2014
It's just one ****** up little circle
Full of hate and degradations,
Malicious meanings
and confused connotations
That keeps us chasing after
Futile fires.

It hurts more and more
And more and
more, but
feels
as if time is speeding by
without your doing.
Your complacency
is at fault.

You feel yourself burning.
You are the ashes
Of a dying flame,
Not the Phoenix.
Ariana Sweeney Jul 2014
Pick and pencil
Retired and replaced
By a packed piece.
In an acoustic sense,
Life is empty.
In an analytical approach,
Life is already over.
All we’re left with
Is half finished sheet music
And half written pages.
Ariana Sweeney Apr 2014
Pretty people are petty.
Isolated individuals
Are either
Insane
Intellectual
or both.
We're all marred up beyond recognition.
Perfection isn't an option,
Therefore neither is peace.
We're all floating down
A swirling stream
Filled with insecurity and scrutiny
Looking for something
Anything
More.
We're coming up empty-handed
left only with rays of the sun,
Billowing trees in the teasing wind
And hands that hold nothing but
Loneliness and apathy.


We're all insane.
Ariana Sweeney May 2014
Seconds
  Minutes
Hours
  Days
Blurring by
  In a spectacular haze
Ariana Sweeney Apr 2014
What’s the point of being perpetually safe,
Wrapped up in a bubble of faux perfection?
Where is your sense of adventure?
Your insatiable desire to search for what to love;
Be it people, places, things,
Or intangible pieces of yourself you’ve yet to meet.
Where is your spontaneity,
Your yearning to flee and face every lost corner of yourself?
Security?
Scoff at it.
That isn’t what you want.
You want dreams.
You want a sharp intake of breath,
The quickening of heart,
Sweat.
You want wonder and lust and to get lost
And to be someone who sees themselves
And smiles.
You want desperation
And fear
And heartbreak
Because those are the only things giving you the chance to grow.
You want self-discovery and enlightenment
And to readily await the next day in excitement
Rather than just trying to “get it over with”.
You want a reason to live, and you can’t buy that.
You can’t buy it.
You search and scrounge,
Beg and bleed
Until you’re reduced to ashes,
Until the world becomes saturated with all you’ve left behind.
You earn it.
You live it.
You love it.
You are it.
You’re passion,
Pleasure,
Purpose
Priceless
All in one.
You’re finally you.
Ariana Sweeney May 2014
Ethereal pieces of myself
float away  
to join
the nostalgia  
and innocence
of a past  
best shrouded in shadows
Ariana Sweeney Apr 2014
Constantly craving a crazed
Escape
Fleeing reality, piece by piece
Aware the immortality
Isn't an option
Never ceasing to seek
Release

Questioning other's
Translucent translation
Of a world that centers
All of us each
Construals clashing, creating division
Misunderstandings at war
No point in speech
Ariana Sweeney Apr 2014
Hurt me once
Hurt me twice
Leave a scar
Haunt my life

See me fall
See me break
Laugh at what
I cannot take

Make me love and
Grant my wish
Seal it all
With a painful kiss

Emotionally torn
Exhausted, abused
A hazy fog
Perpetually confused

Gone right now
Gone for good
Life played out
The way it should

Yet still you lurk
And steal my breath
Our unknown thoughts
An inevitable death
Ariana Sweeney Sep 2014
Use of heat
engulfs your ends
Into a splintered crisp.
Every inch you sear
Irons out the curls in your mane.

Flick the lighter,
Spark up some magic
And bring that
Shy, crying ember
To your dry lips.
The harder you inhale,
The faster you burn.

Smoke sneaks around
Your body and
Encapsulates you in
A hazy plume.
The scorch marks on your arm
Emphasizes your need
For warmth.

You seem to think you’re
A phoenix by how often
You play with flames,
But how high will you rise?

Will the ashes you’ve left
behind provide you with
a rebirth
or purge you into
the hearth forever?

How long will your eyes
Stay ignited,
Because every time you
Play with snowflakes,
You become a dimly lit,
Sputtering flicker.
Elements are a reoccurring theme in my life, according to my poetry as of late.
Ariana Sweeney May 2014
I'm calm
Collected
Completely in charge
Of how charged up
Or powered down
My mind is.

Don't worry,
I've got it under control.
Ariana Sweeney Apr 2014
Go ahead and look in the mirror.
Stare at the stranger till the image is blurred
Everyone around you, well they’re superior
So you drink past the pain till words become slurred.

Please, pray tell me, what exactly is beauty?
Is it simply an outfit we wear?
The color of our eyes, skin?
A glint of something special,
Something to make them stare, grin?

Beauty is a figment.
Beauty is a fallacy.
Beauty is in our mind.
Beauty will die, and so will we.

It’ll erode with time.
Turn into a slick, thick slime.
After you’ve hit your prime?
You’re done.
You’re garbage.
You’re finished, gone.
It’s a fact of life, now it’s time to move on.

This life we’re in, a selfish game we play
The cards we’re dealt, a hand that can’t fold
We’ll shift through scenery seeing a vast array
Of truths and lies that’ll always be told.

We hold onto beauty.
We treasure it.
We put it on a pedestal.
It is the God we adore,
The saint we praise,
The prayer we recite.
“If I’m this pretty, well…
At least I did something right”

We base self worth on looks.
The pool we bask in is shallow.
So easy to touch the bottom.
Vapid, almost worthless thoughts
Float along;
Skimming the surface
Where they seem to belong.

Scratch past that surface and what do you find?
Maybe a small girl, cowering with fear.
She makes herself perfect so the whole world is blind,
It’s her established façade that she holds so near

Near to her heart,
Near to her soul
She’s lost then she’s found
She’s so good at her role

Her role of the perfect,
Her role of the light,
Her role of the worthless
Her role with no fight.

She’s trapped in her box,
She’s chained to her arm
It’s a weight she can’t bear,
Only one to cause harm.

But go ahead, run away,
Run as FAST as you can.
We won’t catch you because you’re a worthless man.
That’s how you see yourself, so that’s who you are
When you’re sprinting away, you won’t get very far.

You’ll trip on your own,
You’ll fall over your feet.
Stumbling, tumbling
It’s you you’ve just beat.

Learn from this now,
Try to HEAR what I say.
Beauty’s the cruelest
Game that we play.
My attempt at spoken word.
Ariana Sweeney Jul 2014
Off                   comes my slip, socks, sanity and an echo
Goes                 up my spine.  
The                   men
Film                  my sinking heart  
And                  dive into the  
Filth                  plastered against my mind without a thought  
Of                      what moments define me.
That                  girl who used to wear a  
Shirt                  embroidered with flowers and had a mother  
Making             her a meal with love is now working the  
Room               with what's left of her.
For                    -ward motion depicts nothing
More                 than bones and memories never cherished.
Inspired by Emily Hopkins
Ariana Sweeney Apr 2014
Little  did  I  know  that  they  were  the  worst.
They  were  shrouded,  covered,  buried
So deeply under the illusion of light,
That  they  couldn't  see  they
Were   born   of   darkness.
They fooled themselves.
They fooled me.
No more.
Never.
Ariana Sweeney Jun 2014
Blank mind
Eyes open
Intake everything
Or focus on a
Singular star.
Any number of
Profound and perfect things
Could be murmured right now
And etched into the
Night sky’s infinite existence
To dance with the stars

So I—
With hands cupped over mouth,
Eyes bleary from tears,
And hoarse voiced—
Whisper


“I’m so stupid”

And it was by far
The most insightful,
True,
And honest thing
I’ve ever said.
Rooftop writing
Ariana Sweeney May 2014
And finally
After time seemed
suspended,
We looked into each other’s
Longing
Lusting
Eyes and leaned in,
Tentative
Tantalizing
Taking sharp breaths.

Every time skin
skimmed skin,
a sizzling segment
was breed from
blazing bodies.

Each exhale
Was inhaled
By the other
And turned into steam

With every kiss,
Blood vessels boiled, burst
Burning a trail
Made of ice and fire

Hands shook
Fingers trembled
Bodies meshed
Heads thrown
Eyes closed

Slowly.

Softly.

Panting
Pleasing
Pleasuring
Playing

We were just toys
And we liked it that way.
Ariana Sweeney Aug 2014
Blank paper
quickly morphs
Into something
Extravagant.
Our mind
Prints and
Polishes
Everything white
And adds some
Needed color.
We are the
Creators
And concoctors
Of a world
That's unknown
To anyone but
Our crossed faded
Minds.

Beauty is found in destruction

— The End —