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12h · 27
Midnight
Ava 12h
In a cold brisk wind
I felt the power
Of midnight
In my hands
A starless
Void-like night
Under a muted moon
With dreams
Almost in sight
No rules
To bind us
Nothing to stop us
Only midnight
And time
Dripping from
Our hands
Ready to play
1d · 97
A Tree
Ava 1d
I can compare
myself to a tree
and the way its
branches sway
I am lost in
the restless wind
yet still rooted
to one place
I want to go
but I never will
till the day I die
so instead I send
these poems
like leaves just a
forgotten goodbye
they will survive
long after me
drifting through
all of space
and decomposing
only to feed me
so I guess
I'm just selfish
not a giving tree
I take from you
and you take from me
but in the end
we all breathe
1d · 24
Lightless
Ava 1d
I sit on a balcony
Half a world away
Remembering your lace
Clad legs
And the heat
Of a summer’s day
Laying in the sheets
A scent of fresh bread
Through your open door
I never knew that
Sunlight could scar
A soul that begs for more
And now I sit here
In the dying light
Picturing your silk hair
Splayed across the pillow
And once agin I’m there
On the street where
You left me
Forever looking up
Into your cracked
Window blinds with eyes
Just peeking for a bluff
So I turned and walked away
In the bright sunshine
of a ruined the day
And I learned that even light
Can feel like darkness
If there’s too much
Based on an artwork
https://i0.wp.com/www.rattle.com/ekphrasis/EC19Apr.jpg?ssl=1
2d · 34
I thought
Ava 2d
I thought I felt love
And consumed me
I thought I knew hope
And it crushed me
I thought I found peace
And it tore me
I thought I misplaced myself
And I was right
2d · 22
Request
Ava 2d
Sometimes I hate
Every little thing
That makes me alive
I hate the grass
And the air
And everything
I need to survive
Cause I don’t want
To be here
It’s a simple request
But I have no
Excuse to die
And no reason
For the rest
4d · 27
Who we are
Ava 4d
Sometime I just
Sit alone
In my room
Pretending I’m
With you
Even though
I don’t know
Who you even are
We’d sit alone
in silence
Pretending we have
Some sense
But we don’t even
Know who we are
5d · 140
Last Dance
Ava 5d
Dance with me
One more time
Sweet limbs
With such sorrow
Raise your head high
If only for tomorrow
Let the music hold you
And make your legs sing
In its spellbinding trance
Before you go and abandon us
Offer one last dance
7d · 28
My Only Friend
Ava 7d
Some how
I always forget
The pain
I can feel
When it’s gone
I’m so happy
And it all
Seems real
Until a black shroud
Envelopes my
World again
And I am retaught
Pain is
My only friend
7d · 18
Too high
Ava 7d
I’ve flown too high
And reached the sun
Now only ignorance
Has truly won
I thought my feathers
Had turned to gold
But it was only a
Reflection of something old
A dream that is now
Never more
It’s lost in wax and feathers
On a distant shore
Apr 12 · 25
Hands
Ava Apr 12
In my mind
I see sure hands
Always knowing
Their own weight
Never failing
In their task
At a steady rate
These hands
Know the worth
Of the things
That they capture
Molding time
Into art
A vision meant
To enrapture
But these hands
That I feel
Cannot carry out
The task
They fall short
As they lay
In my lap
Missing the potential
To break
My mind’s mask
Apr 12 · 34
Express
Ava Apr 12
I can’t express
Myself
Anymore
The words are
Too stunt-ed
So bro-ken
Losing meaning
By the minute
I need something
Else to pour
My brain
Into the air
Colors, notes, or
Simple movement
When the words
Are no longer there
Apr 12 · 186
Less Alone
Ava Apr 12
I write poems
To a girl
That I’ve never known
And I don’t know why
It makes me feel
Less alone
Because I want
So badly
To have a
Happy end
But first I have
To get there
And I hope
when I’m with her
I won’t have
To pretend
Apr 11 · 18
Science
Ava Apr 11
I’m so embarrassed
I’m too embarrassed
But very little action
I have to shut off my mind
Make it in abstraction
The words I hear echoing
Mean nothing to anyone else
No one saw me stumble
Not a single thing was wrong
They’re just syllables
Produced my tongue
Made of cells that
Make a body with
A brain of molecules
And there are atoms
With electrons, neutrons, and protons
That’s the rule
I have to break it down
Until I can comprehend
The words I said meant nothing
And we’re just science  
In the end
Apr 11 · 28
No More Me
Ava Apr 11
I can’t stand
Myself
Anymore
I’m so sick
Of the person
I’ve found
At my core
A person
Who should
Have been
Beaten and
Bruised
Put down
And let down
Only ready
To lose
But instead
As I chip
Away at my
Dead outer skin
I find a person
Still willing
To fight their fight again
Apr 11 · 1
Fame
Ava Apr 11
I want to be
A rock star
And yes it’s
For the fame
One big excuse
To drown out the pain
Flashing lights of the night
Blinding you from
The world that is
Too **** in the day
Music that surrounds you
It takes you it’s wing
So you forget why
You cared about everything
Apr 10 · 38
Tragic
Ava Apr 10
she said
"you have to
have a tragic
life to make
your words
mean something
it's too bad
and too good
that'll you'll
never be a writer
in that case"
but the words
I didn't say
to her are
the words
I write down
right here
and maybe
it doesn't seem
like I have
a bad life
but my mind
gives me a
half life
and it's its
own tragic fault
Apr 10 · 414
A Reminder
Ava Apr 10
Darling you don't have to
love my broken pieces
back together
they're not your fault
and maybe we'll
be better if we
just let each other
fade into the distant sky
forgetting the feel
of a kiss that could
make us feel alive
Apr 9 · 27
Stop Beating
Ava Apr 9
You can’t will your heart
To stop beating
Trust me
I’ve tried
As I lay choking
On tears
In the heavy silence
Of my bedroom
No thought can stop
The constant thrum
That makes me
Want to rip open
My tight chest
And hold that
Pumping red thing
In my hands
So I can be sure
I’m not dreaming
And that I’m
Really dead
Apr 8 · 59
Figures of Wax
Ava Apr 8
We’re all in pain
That we can’t acknowledge
We let our friends
Fall through the cracks
Because if we see
A true hint of struggle
We ignore it
And pretend to be fine
When we’re really all
Just melting figures
Of painted wax
Apr 8 · 21
Hellish Dream
Ava Apr 8
I don’t know what
I’m thinking
As the words bounce
Around my head
Off the wall
Back and forth
Only to bother
Me again
They are trapped
And rarely used
Cause when I
Take them out
They scream
At other people
And I know
They don’t deserve
My own personal
Hellish dream
Apr 8 · 30
Release
Ava Apr 8
I want to feel
The sweet release
Of weightlessness at last
I can’t remember
How it felt
To not worry
In the past
I wonder how
I made it through
And who that girl was
I don’t know her now
Because of a cruel world
That told her she was beautiful
When broken is all she was
Apr 8 · 51
Suffocate
Ava Apr 8
So what if my heart
Is breaking deep down
In my heaving chest
I’m out of breath
Out of my mind
And I can’t figure out
The rest
So I just keep
Gasping for clean air
A lifeline I never get
As I tear from the inside
And suffocate on regret
Apr 8 · 31
Strong
Ava Apr 8
I want to hold her
in my arms
But they are already
too weak
I can barely support
a boughed down frame
Made of
Bones and other broken things
There’s no way
I could support her
First I have to build myself
But I will because
If I can’t be strong for me
I’ll be strong for someone else
Apr 8 · 35
For A Moment
Ava Apr 8
I let the sunlight
Slip through my fingers
Only lasting for a bit
A heat that brushed
Against my skin
And let me breathe
Reminding me to
Let the world
Brush over me
If only for a moment
Apr 8 · 30
The Same Again
Ava Apr 8
That mouth
Looks like
It hasn’t smiled
Without trying
In a while
And those eyes
Look like
They’ve been crying
Without drying
For a while
But maybe
Just maybe
There’ll be a wide smile
With shinning eyes
Even if they’ll never be
The same again
Apr 8 · 388
Fire Underneath
Ava Apr 8
I can’t stop
This hungry fire
That courses through
My veins
A blazing path of
Crimson flames
That will only consume
Every bit of me
That truly thinks
I can be happy
With all this pain
Underneath
Apr 3 · 98
Reckless
Ava Apr 3
We're only reckless
with ourselves
because we can't
hurt anymore
we can cut and bruise
but we can never lose
what's already gone
we can sit and waste away
or seize the day
until we realize
we'd rather not
Mar 30 · 35
All the Love
Ava Mar 30
Maybe I’ll never get
Young Love
In all its fiery passion
Maybe I’ll never get
Old Love
In its patient changing
But I hope I’ll get
Some Love
Because I know it’s worth waiting
Mar 28 · 31
Hold her
Ava Mar 28
Why can’t I just hold her
There’s an ache in my chest
Telling me to hold her
And I would do my best
To never hurt her
And always confess
When I want her
Because she is the rest
Of the world I have
And she’ll never know
Cause I keep her
Here in my head
Where she loves me
And there’s no chance of regret
Mar 28 · 31
Fixate
Ava Mar 28
I can hyper fixate
And focus way too much
On every single word
And every little touch
I wonder what I look like
And how my voice will sound
I’m afraid to make a move
And never get around
This awareness of every flaw
And attention to my words
Because I don’t want to say something
And forget to be heard
Mar 28 · 27
Rising sun
Ava Mar 28
How can a rising sun
Take me in its flames
They never really touch the ground
But my heart is consumed, never the same
Even if the color was washed
And there were no beaming rays
Somehow I’m caught up and overwhelmed
By the thought that it’s a new day
Mar 28 · 183
Smile
Ava Mar 28
I didn’t know
It could hurt
So much
To put
A smile
On your face
How hard
It can be
To rearrange
Your muscles
And put them
In their place
When all you
Want to do
Is let them
Droop and
Waste away
To save the
Smile for when
It’s worth it
On another day
Mar 25 · 74
Privileged
Ava Mar 25
I see and know
That I am
Privileged
But I can’t
Feel that
Way until
I see them
Suffer and
Want a
different
Day to
Live and
Maybe then
I’d see
If I’m just
Lucky
Or unhappy
Just as me
Mar 23 · 71
Reason
Ava Mar 23
I don’t want to
Need a reason
For everything
I do
But if I don’t
It’s just another
Thing to pick
Apart for you
And there is
No reason
I seem
To feel
This way
Maybe that
Destroys you
Even more than
It does me
Every day
Mar 23 · 56
Art
Ava Mar 23
Art
I want my hands
To say what
My words cannot
So I learn how to
Draw and to paint
Not because it’s useful
To others but
Because it may be
All that is left
When the words
Can’t say what
Lines and
Colors do
Mar 23 · 42
Breaking
Ava Mar 23
I wonder if they see I’m breaking
That I thinking of jumping
And falling down so far
That I will never wonder
If they care at all
Ava Mar 23
I didn’t plan for her to ask me
Everything I’d pushed aside
But then she brought it up
And I can no longer hide
She asks are you depressed?
Is your grandparents’ death your excuse?
Like I can control it
And don’t hate myself for it
She asks do you like girls?
Will you marry or be single forever?
She says she’ll accept me no matter what
But I don’t the look on her face says different
And then she bombards me
With all of her questions
She shatters my world but
She can’t see it break as she
Gathers more pieces for hers
And I’m left feeling empty
With my stomach feeling like
I’m rotting inside-out
And she doesn’t care
because she got her answers
Mar 20 · 241
Trapped
Ava Mar 20
I could never try
To **** myself
Not because you’ll miss me
I know you would but
That’s what it would take
For you to notice and see
That I’m afraid to even
Take my life
In case it doesn’t work
And then I’ll be trapped
In shame and on Earth
Mar 20 · 2
Repeats
Ava Mar 20
It seemed it was alright
I was finally at peace
But then you killed my calm
With one word of speech
And I’m once again reminded
That I truly hate this life
The monotony and the repeats
Mar 20 · 51
Downplay
Ava Mar 20
I can’t downplay
What I’m feeling
But my words
Don’t get through
You brush me aside
And I feel worthless
What else I am to do
Because maybe I’m not hurting
Just as much as they are
But I’m dying all the same
In a different way
That shows no scar
Mar 18 · 124
Not Brave
Ava Mar 18
You’re right when you say
I’m not brave
I am not and I don’t
Pretend to be
I’m a wimp
I cower and
Flinch away
Cause I’ve been hurt
Maybe not as bad as it could be
But if I take another blow
Equal or worse
There’ll be nothing
Left of me
Mar 16 · 126
Family
Ava Mar 16
I realize now
I must give up
Parts of myself
To make you happy
And it doesn’t make me happy
But I still do it anyway
Because I’m stuck with you for 3 more years
And that’s what family’s about
I have to stay
Mar 15 · 47
Two of Us
Ava Mar 15
I didn’t think
I’d break so soon
But the weight
Just piles up
My heart is now
Too heavy
To hold on
To the two
Of us
Mar 13 · 27
Burn
Ava Mar 13
You can hold me down
and let me burn
from the fire that's inside,
it consumes my brain
and some would call it drive,
but it is a thought of only seeking,
an untouchable goal,
only reaching to be pulled back,
into the flaming pits below
Mar 13 · 186
Twist
Ava Mar 13
I feel such a twist
coming from inside,
a guilty twist when
I know I've done nothing
or have I?
It doesn't matter
because my stomach
will still tie itself in knots
and I can only think
to drive a knife
to release the tension wrought
Mar 11 · 63
Ode to the Seasons
Ava Mar 11
If nothing could ever change
And nothing could ever die
Would beauty still be seen by the everliving eye?
For the burning shine of the sun
That beats upon a cool glass lake
It melts away all struggles
And lets a mind just take
All the heat and heavy summer air
Only seeing the calm water
And yourself reflected there

But maybe there is wonder?
In the laughter of the leaves
That fall from branches swaying
Caught in an autumn breeze
The crunch of life escaping
And turning into dust
The colors twist from hues
Bold, ever changing, green to rust
There is a hint of darkness creeping
But it cannot split splendor in two

Opposites can make quite a pair
In the contrast of the night
Blanketed fields of winter’s white
The soft touch of a single flake
The soundless snow envelopes all
Yet the black sky seals fate
Wrapping the world in the dark
Seemingly forever cold
Until there is a hint
Of green just becoming known

Life can be built in a single swipe
By the falling of a growing rain
Buds now bursting from the ground
Carrying the promise of springtime’s stain
The blossoms that will take back the land
With soft petals to catch the dew
The seasons are always shifting
Ever changing with a purpose
Serving time only to mark it
And every clock tick marks them few
Written for a school assignment
Mar 11 · 243
The words
Ava Mar 11
I haven't so much
lost the words
it's as though
they're not there
and never were
I haven't forgotten them
but they have lost meaning
and if I get them back
will they be the same?
Mar 11 · 7
Touch
Ava Mar 11
just once I want
her to touch me
I don't even know
who "she" is
but I'm caught up in
imagining her lips,
against mine,
while her hands
are on my waist,
and between us
no inch of space
Mar 6 · 90
Within
Ava Mar 6
Something makes me want
To drag a knife over my skin
To see the blood well
And find the demons trapped within
I want to cut them out
Otherwise they’ll stay
Trapped within my chest
Ripping my heart away
Feb 28 · 31
(W)hole
Ava Feb 28
there is no romance in a body
but there is love in a soul
and if you put them together
you might make a (w)hole
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