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You know how they say
That if you pinch yourself
And it doesn't hurt
That you're dreaming?

Well I think
The same thing goes for love.
We get angry and hurt
Because we feel so deeply,
And we're so vulnerable
So it's easier for things
To scrape at the raw parts of us.

Not to say
That being angry
And being hurt
Should be common.
Just to say
Love makes people
More reactive.

I get hurt because I feel like
You don't let me in.
And I get hurt
Because sometimes it feels like
You don't care
Or don't pay attention.

And it's alright,
It's okay.
I'll be fine,
Anyway.

But I know you care,
I know you wouldn't lie to me about that.

But within my dreams
You leave me
Because I don't stir a fire in your heart,
And I don't feel like home to you.

I pray to the God you don't believe in
That all of that isn't true.
 Jan 2017 Austin Dusseau
ruxi
sitting in the 7th grade classroom,
the science teacher sternly explained

the premise is that
if a frog is put into boiling water
it will jump out

but if it is put in tepid water
which boils slowly

it will be burnt to death.

and oh my god
i never realized why I stayed
and let myself burn

(but then again, I run towards smoke
and I like the smell of fire)

(i keep matchsticks under my tongue
and I like to fan the spark)

(i guess you could say
smeared char compliments the colour
of my vulnerability)

(ive never looked better)
An ashy weeping willow,  
Lay in my wobbling garden.
Like a cosmic silver pigeon.

Up: the still, leaden flow
Sailed - a cold, prowling woe,
Charging to pounce on Carthage.

In: the wreaths of smoke letters
Gather as leaden fetters,
Then dart like Irish setters,
Released after a game.

LazharBouazzi, January 6, 2017
 Jan 2017 Austin Dusseau
Loveless
We're born free, all of us
Some don't believe it
Some try to take it away
To hell with them
Mountains of fire
Water like ice
Lay your eyes on them
And you'll know what freedom is
It's worth fighting for
Fight to live
Risk it all for even a glimmer of real freedom
It doesn't matters what waits outside the gate
Or what comes in
It doesn't matter how cruel the world can be
Or how adjust
Fight
Fight
Fight
An inspirational speech I heard in an anime.
 Jan 2017 Austin Dusseau
rebecca
This is
a cattle nation,
an endless sea of
black and white
floating perpetually towards
a smudged horizon,
grey and faded and
seemingly farther away with
each step.

I feel confined in this world of
flat-irons and resumes
and the words
and the people who say the words
but really mean something else,
expecting me to speak in the same
cookie-cutter sentences and
plan out a logical progression of mundanity
to cloak myself behind,
placing my footsteps carefully
in the molding
that was set by the infinite
faceless people that trudged on
before me.

There is no fork in this path,
no place where it splits into
two strips of gravel,
but there is grass on either side,
waist-high and swaying rhythmically
in the breeze;
I step out of my molding,
out of my cloak
and there is mud soaking my feet,
grass grazing my bare knees
and I can see music
and hear color.
I look at the black and white creatures
who can see only shapes and shades
and their grey destination
and I turn around.

I feel free in this world of
choices and serenity,
allowing my feet to lead me
to where the tall grass
meets a pond;
my body caked in dirt,
my hair loose and curly,
my lungs full of air.
The wind whispers fervently,
words unlike
anything I have ever heard
telling me of that feeling
between hiccup-sobs
and moving on,
between being tied down
and pulling away,
reminding me of the
moments of calm and
moments of chaos that
eventually led me

Here.

Staring into the reflection in the pond,
where the transparency meets
the slow ripples,
and I see

Me.
Alone,

leading the way
to my new destination.
the weeping aspect of the distant
echoes miles into the hearth
when the holy moments past
became memories beyond recall
and silence drifts like heavy gloom
cold and turgid and lost
losing the tight grip that holds
our vows to be eternal,
to persist forever
Groping prostitutes
Violating hearts
and nothing is sacred
and nothing is valid.
Honesty overrated
Love bludgeoned by the masses.
irrational distaste bleeds from the pores.
Spores spawning sores.
Returning blind.
returning.
Leaving
Returning.


What did she tell you?
"You didn't pay me enough."
 Jan 2017 Austin Dusseau
dafne
there I watched, the moon leave and the tide become unsettling, knowing waves would turn into knots and eyes would become foggy,
everything returned to the way it began.
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