Being away from my life and out of the world's time
I've lost 3 months and i can't take back what's mine
Locked away from who I am
People tried to break me like dawns breaks the sky at 6 am
The people I trusted and loved locked me away
I fought and struggled and won every hour of each day
I'm free from the bonds of America's facilities
and no one can ever stand up and bring down this lone King
I have won the battle and the wars I was ****** upon
Many are still in that place and they await their break in the horizon
My friends and readers of my work I'm back for good
Thank you to all those out there that have been where I have stood

Anger people say its just an emotion
but they don't realize that anger clouds the mind
it makes a man lose his sense and piece of mind
Anger puts people in danger with a large amount of violence
and I myself have let my anger control me and now its time
I control my own anger the dangerous thing it is
I will kick its *** and not let it make me into my father of my past
i am beautiful and i am strong and i will defeat my emotions and they will always fail
and i will always prevail because i have the motivation to make it through any situation

She finds a way to make me smile
she doesn't care hold me a while
Miss Paige always finds a way
she is someone that gets me through the day
this lil girl
is my best friend in this world
she tells me I'm not a monster
Miss Paige tells me that she doesn't love any other
she says its okay to cry
Miss Paige wont let me hide
deep inside
Miss Paige is someone ill give up anything for
she is a woman that ill leave my own heart torn
Miss Paige
for her ill my life at least save
until the day she says that i am again something
other then a Shadow or a disappearing thing
i will wait with the patience of a thousand monks
Miss Paige has been given something that never stunts
she has been given something unstoppable
something that people say is impossible
unconditional unending Love
and for me thats a gift thats enough

they say that love finds a way
but mine hasn't
it's in the complete opposite direction
is my love not included?
is my love the wrong kind?
i try and i try
is that where i went wrong?
so many questions and not enough answers

what does it actually mean?
"love finds a way"
a way where?
a way to what?
how does love find anything?
is that where I'm wrong again?
i have so many questions

how will my love find it's way?
to someone else?
to someone better?
to someone who has love that will find me?
what if that love never finds what it is looking for?
then what?
you find love in yourself?
is that where i'm wrong?
i have no answers

when this love that is somehow a noun,
finds this way of love
what then?
you live happily ever after?
everything goes right from then on?
am i wrong?
i have so many questions and no answers

The thing I've ask for, for so long I've ask for death for me to take my final breathe maybe the world will be better when im laid to rest because life leaves us all hard pressed then there are people like me the overly stressed and constantly depressed everyone leaves behind the person that helped the most that was there when they needed someone the most then they're gone sometimes I'm surprised i made it to the next dawn the people around me don't see that I'm drowning because I always hide it to keep their alarm from sounding and to keep them from surrounding i promised i would never try again at suicide and im still fighting my fight I've earned that right and for those out there just like me find someone to love that promises you theyll never leave they'll just be waiting for you when your ready theyll always be there to hold you steady when the weight if the world gets to **** heavy and it crushes you they'll be the one rushing to you ive ask for death and to be laid to rest but i dont think that would be for the best to have my heart stop inside my chest people depend on me so i believe the world can try an fight me but i have an army behind me if I ever speak that I'm in need now you know part of the darkness inside of me ive bared some of my soul its not white its gray so what do you say

People ask what i see when i look at myself well here it is my answer
I see a man that fits no standards I see a heart with battle scars i see a soul that's gone a little dark i see two beautiful gray/blue eyes that shine with the fire of fight i see hands covered in colluses from years of work i see a tanned body from years of being kissed by the sun i see a mind that's wild and ***** and completely insane i see a little boy at ten crying tears of fear when he tells his mom goodbye i see a boy of thirteen cry his eyes out as he tells his mom goodbye for the last time i see a mind that is piecing itself back together from multiple personality disorder i see a fighter i see a lover i see a lunatic and i see a monster but i see one other i see a Big Brother that will do anything for his sisters and i see a potential father what i see i am finally proud of and i finally understand that what i do isn't who i am that doesn't make me my past is what made me who i am and people along the way that i have loved and lost and the ones that are still with me my family thats who they're and some don't even know the true me because i dont know if they'll stay or run away like everyone else did in the past this who i am noe you know and its your choice to stay or go

Pain some people say im insane
because of how much pain i can take
there is one pain i can't take the pain of the heart the one pain that makes me fall apart who would think that someone used to being left and desserted would still be able to feel the hurting Pain to me is like a game how much can it take Pain it excites me how can that be people ask
because my mind only focusses on one pain and thats my heart
maybe one day it will stop being shattered along with my hope by people i know maybe one day it can let everyone go and just die alone
i suppose that's how it goes  
a positive spin is this i have a strong soul so ill keep fighting till i reach my goal and ill let a woman or a man hold this broken heart of gold time is on my side i hope but man the Pain just gets worse with every person that says those words "I need time, I'm sorry I'm seeing someone, I'm back with my ex sorry you weren't good enough" how can a heart handle the wars when its bleed from all the open sores
I wonder if anyone hears my heart cry in the middle of the night im losing my fight and I'm starting to believe thise people are right