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 Dec 2016 Audrey Illena
Max Vale
Why does no-one notice me?
Its not like I'm not here.
They don't stop and say hello,
They just walk right through me.
Why am I never noticed?
Why does no-one care?
I've always been alone,
Since the day I was born.
 Oct 2015 Audrey Illena
Lexie
No matter how close together our hearts are
There will always be two cages between
Some of them weaved in bone and tissue
Others are the kind that cannot be seen

As close as you are to me
Closer still I want to be


If I could touch your hand and know your skin
Would find a way to let me in?

So many walls that you have put up
Some barriers broken by your mind
Physically in our own little domain
Some barriers of a different kind

You remain in sand buried in a beach
Letting the waves take their toll
I would dig you out my love
But in this life it is just a role

*Send me your waves
So when the world ends
And the oceans rage
We will still drink deep
Of each others love
 Apr 2015 Audrey Illena
Rapunzoll
My mind keeps pictures of you up on its walls
                            again
                         ­         and again
I find my thoughts drifting down that river of memory
orbiting around you, like forces of gravity drawn
to the idea of us (if there even is an us)

If I could then I’d lock you outside my brain, leave you out there to rot
in the abyss, where your words couldn't penetrate me
and your lips that work like anesthesia forbidden to numb me again

I won't do you the injustice of romanticizing your imperfections
You're no nebular, you're a black hole, a gaping flaw in creation
Your eyes that held millenniums of history, now hold me no future

You made me forget what it feels to have stability
To not walk out of a room and forget why I left
You make me want to shred the skin you touched
Like a reptile, to become reborn, purified from my past.

There never were any butterflies in your stomach, only parasites
but you fed them to me readily like a disease

So no, I won’t dedicate you another love poem
                 no I want (deserve) better
This isn't what love should be
I’ll write you a poem where the words convulse on the page
and you’ll forget to read it (you always do)
© copyright
 Nov 2014 Audrey Illena
unwritten
she was a poet,
and he was her pen.
in him,
she always found words to write,
songs to sing,
thoughts to think.

he'd smile,
and kiss her softly,
and say,
"write me a poem."

and she would.
she'd put poe,
and whitman,
and shakespeare to shame,
and she'd write a poem that made his eyes water.

she'd compare him
to a rose with no thorns,
a book with no end,
a world with no poverty --
the things we all wish for,
but can never attain.

//

he asked her one day,
"what am i?"
and so she picked up her pen,
and began the usual:
you are the shining sun after a hurricane,
with rays that open the eyes of the blind.

but he stopped her after those two lines,
and said that this time,
he didn't want any metaphors,
or similes,
or analogies.
he wanted the truth.

and so on that night,
as he slept,
the poet picked up her pen,
and she wrote.

she wrote,
then thought better of it,
then started over again,
and this cycle continued well into the early hours of the morning,
until suddenly,
she wrote, frantic,
if i can't love you for what you really are,
have i ever really loved you at all?


this, too,
she thought better of,
condemning it to the trash.

the next morning the poet was gone,
her final work a mere two words:

i'm sorry.

(a.m.)
this is more of a story than a poem but i like how it came out so leave thoughts & comments please
 Jun 2014 Audrey Illena
Katrina
I remember the pain.
I remember crying my self to sleep every night for months.
I remember not being able to breathe when I thought of you.
I remember comparing everything to you.
I remember pretending I was happy.
I remember realizing nothing would ever be the same.
I remember remembering our love.
I remember figuring out I would never stop loving you.
And I still haven't.
You have the greatest power over me.
I would do anything for you.
Always have.
Always will.
You wouldn't do the same for me.
Never have.
Never will.
But I still love you
Because I remember
Who you are.
Who you were.
I remember the look on you face after our first kiss.
I remember the beating of your heart when I laid my head against your chest.
I remember the warmth of your body against mine in the cold autumn air.
I remember the taste of your lips.
I remember the sparkle of your eyes.
Most of all I remember what it felt like to love you and have you truly love me back.
In this very moment
I am free
I no longer regret
the past nor obsess
about the future

Today is a gift
A free gift
I get to keep by
giving it away
 Apr 2014 Audrey Illena
LF
I stood in our closet
For what felt like 100 years
Talking myself out of staying
And holding back my tears.

I couldnt form a single thought;
Felt like part of me had died,
I was the one who gave and gave
The only one who had tried.

Shaking hands , hollow heart,
And nothing left to say.
Pack our memories in a box
And ill be on my way.

Anger and sadness fill my heart
And now im just feeling lost ,
Love can be a dangerous thing
And my heart is the cost .
 Apr 2014 Audrey Illena
Alyssa
It's been a while since you've written,
and it's been 3 weeks since my blankets have stopped smelling like you.
I couldn't help but notice the way my body drowns in these sheets
because you were my life vest but you were not there when i jumped in.
I looked back at the dock before my head went under
and i saw you just sitting there, watching me struggle.
I tore you apart in my head
every single strand of thread and love was separated
until every bit of silence that was woven in has been exposed.
But these strands don't hold any value when you're drowning,
what I have done is destroyed the only thing that could give me buoyancy.
Now I am left with extra weight on these shackles i bear
and water filling up my lungs like a measuring cup
to a recipe from Hell's kitchen.
In your last letter you asked "Are we okay?"
but you don't just tell someone you love them then let them drown.
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