It’s no longer the escape it used to be,
My thoughts- they’re too full,
They can’t let me be free.

The gift of deliverance,
How I cherished it long,
The hours of relief;
All those times I was gone.

I was taken away,
With people I trust,
But the gate- it won’t open,
I’ve allowed it to rust.

All those places I travelled;
That wonderful feeling of welcome,
It’s all starting to fade now,
No…I can’t let this happen.

But I know it’s no use,
I’ve tried again and again,
Reality keeps intruding,
I can still see its grin.

Oh, how I wish I could go back,
To how it was before,
When I could walk freely in that realm,
When there was no lock on the door.

But instead I’m sitting, staring,
And all I see are pages,
It’s not like it used to be,
Where are all the dragons and mages?

I stare intently at the words,
But register only spaces,
There’s no one there to greet me,
No familiar faces.

This is when it happens,
When my reality takes the wheel,
It scares away my one reprieve,
It tells me what to feel.

No longer is there comfort here
Between this tattered cover,
My real life is weighing down on me;
Begging that I take over.

I gently close the book I love,
And resist the urge to cry,
But it’s time to focus on myself right now,
It’s time to say goodbye.

My survival becomes uncertain
As my feet begin to drag,
I stumble ten steps forward
Then concede and raise my flag.
But just before defeat sets in
I hear your voice call out,
My eyes begin their frantic search,
Too unreasonable to doubt.
A seeming speck on the horizon,
I see you lift your hand,
And it suddenly seems so short a distance,
As I press forth across the land.
And though I find it odd
That you remain in place
I continue to rush forward,
Longing to see your face.
Drawing nearer to your wavering form,
My heart begins to fall,
I shake my head in disbelief,
You were a mirage, after all.

Before this moment,
I'd felt only resistance.
But I can see the goal now,
Far off in the distance.
My doubts and my fears
Had corrupted my mind.
They had hidden the path,
Rendered me blind.
But even in weakness
My destiny prevailed,
The path never mattered,
I could never have failed.
My future lies waiting,
And though all is not shown,
Just by feeling its presence
My courage has grown.
I had almost surrendered,
Victim to my hindrance,
Instead I stand as victor,
And can smile in remembrance.
When I look back on my life
And all the battles I fought,
I can properly count the failures
As crucial to the plot.  
My fate has reassured me,
Provided peace of mind,
I can look forward to my future
And the obstacles I'll climb.

Wearily I rest my head upon your offered shoulder,
Always there to shelter me from the fears that make me colder.
Just as darkness closes in, persuading me "come hither",
There you are to rescue me, just before the shiver.

As I rest beneath a sturdy willow
I dream of days long past,
Of long before my universe
Had veered from its straight path.

I have lived a life with happiness;
I have no reason to complain,
But imagining things that could have been
Overwhelms my heart with pain.

I wonder if he'd be here with me,
Relaxing by my side,
Maybe we'd have children now,
To fill my life with pride.

But in this life I'm here alone,
Lost love my one regret,
And despite the grief it causes me,
I pray I don't forget.

As I stare up at the swaying branches,
I hum an ancient tune,
And though the words are long forgotten,
The melody stays true.

I feel a breeze upon my skin,
And the song begins to soothe,
Despite the choice I wish I'd made,
I find comfort in one truth.

That dwelling on my past mistakes
Will never bring you here,
That there's beauty in this world to find,
Even though you're never near.

I must focus on the subtle hope
That joy will find me soon,
But before I start to crest that hill,
I must appreciate the moon;

To humble myself enough to see
The awe in my surroundings,
All the gifts this world provides,
On display for us so proudly.

Forever avoiding me,
It has a mind of its own,
I reach out to grab it;
Always too slow.

My fingers once brushed it,
I thought I had won,
It consumed my whole body;
My face felt the sun.

Before I could bask,
The warmth disappeared,
It left me alone;
Confirmed my worst fear:

It's not mine to possess,
No matter how I try,
And I won't try to retrieve it
Next time it goes by.

As light shines through
My bedroom window,
Casting shapes upon the wall
My thoughts drift to days long past,
Which I'd rather not recall.
The shadows start to twist and turn,
My hands begin to shake,
And as I shift to get a closer look,
My heart begins to break.
No longer do I see a wall,
With shadows splayed across,
Instead I'm in another time -
My reality I have lost.
Even knowing I'm no longer sane,
I'm not ready to return,
Maybe if I relive the past
I'll have no bridges left to burn.