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I'm here.
I am small and my      fears crowd      all of my thoughts.
The monsters        lean in        on my hopes,
  crushing         them and      my energy
as I fall          to my           knees
hopeless.*
But at your call,
every           cell in my          body
stands itself      up and marches      forward
knowing I can     do anything,     if you need it.
I will be there for you,           as you           have always been here
for me.
If there's a word that you're holding back, say it.
If there's advice in your brain, let it out.
And if anything helps, then I'll take it;
But no man can assuage all my doubt.

I doubt that I'll ever quite make it:
I doubt that my dreams will come true.
I doubt night and day, but I fake it
In case they start doubting me too.

I don't think I can catch my breath now,
I doubt that this air will be clean;
Don't know if I'm close to my death now,
But alive? I just feel in between.

Come and steal away all of my guilt now
Make me sigh and admit I was wrong
For of all of the things my mind's built now
I distrusted self-doubt all along.
Will I now forget your face
Since I do not fear you?
Will your wretched memory fade
And will I cease to hear you?
Has this day brought healing,
Or is it a passing feeling?
Sunlight streaming in,
I see you unlock the door.
I run in my socks.
You open it before me...
Every time, it's happier.

I will write a book,
But I won't describe it well:
Your arms around me,
When I feel safest and loved,
Is the moment I wait for.

Unexpected poke
In my side where it tickles:
I shriek with a laugh.
How do you still surprise me
The same way every time?

Listening to you
As we sit and look outside:
Your voice on my ears
Is a song of silent peace,
Calling for me to just breathe.


I can run and jump,
I can sit through the traffic,
And I can bear it
When the crowds are surrounding.
You take the fears from my mind.

Life has new meaning,
And death is not haunting me.
The trees grew this spring
And my heart grew inside me,
Reaching without fear of loss.

When I look ahead,
I see a haze, maybe storms.
I might need a coat.
But the God of Heaven knows
And will prepare us for rain.


So as I sit here
Waiting for you to come home,
I know He sees us
And He holds our lives gently,
Using life to grow our faith.
6-2-17 ACS
In those Summer days
When the green grass scratched my legs,
The mud cooled my toes
And I ran through the cold stream,
Pulling off green leaves
From the bushes by the house
And twigs from young trees.

Somehow the fall came—
I liked to call it Autumn—
And I walked slowly,
Picking up acorns and nuts
Before squirrels came
And quickly hid them away.
As morning frosts came,
I began to feel the chill.
Somehow the world changed,
As an apple will grow ripe,
And the world changed me.

In Winter's strong grasp I woke.
I looked around me
And in every grey shadow,
I saw a regret,
A what-if of circumstance:
A sharp memory,
Hanging like an icicle
Just waiting to fall.
Summer would sweetly call me,
And Autumn smiled,
But Winter's embrace choked me.
I would leave the world,
Fly back to the land of dreams,
If I knew a way.
I would cry to the grey sky,
Ask all the questions,
If I thought it would answer.
And so I slept deep,
Knowing nothing could be done
Unless the world changed,
Giving me fresh hope inside;
But it never would.

Spring has crept up to my door
It has knocked loudly
And shaken me from slumber.
Its face is grinning,
Smiling so wide, and laughing.
I've opened my door,
Not fearing a winter wind
For the first time now.
Spring calls me from my bedroom,
Asking me to play
And hang up my coat of doubt
By the scarf of shame
And the hat of my worries.
Spring pulls on my arm,
And even though it hurts now,
Somehow growing pains
Are better than the bedsores.
So take the shoes off my feet
And teach me to run again.
Choka 5-7-5-7-5-7-5...77
Can I fight?
Can I fight anymore?
Will I ever see the stars again,
Or will the clouds remain?

Will the sun,
Will the sun shine again?
Or will I dance beneath the shadows
Of a dark and dreary land?
Two days, and nineteen hours
Are left 'till he arrives;
And I'd count the ticking minutes
If I thought it'd keep me alive.

These thoughts just won't stop chasing
The dreams I once believed;
And when I try to catch them,
I find they can't be retrieved.

I'm trying to stand and fight it.
I'm giving it all that I've got.
But finding that I'm not adequate
Ties all of my strength in a knot.

Rain doesn't just soak your jacket,
It seeps in and freezes your bones;
And all of the warmth leaves your body
As you wander bad weather alone.

But find you a friend, and you're warmer
If only because he's a smile.
Just braving rain with a companion,
It takes the edge off for a while.

So I won't let fear keep me lonely:
I'd rather run through fields of glass
Than stay one more day in my bedroom
Just waiting for sadness to pass.
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