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I am dying inside;
I have this secret longing
That smiles cannot hide.
     I am trying to stand;
     I have such a weight upon me,
     It's getting out of hand.

I just want to breathe;
It's enough that my lungs are burning,
I can't unclench my teeth.
     I just wish I knew;
     It's so difficult to understand
     And always believe in you.


Where did you go?
    And who have you become?
    They ask me constantly.
Where did she go?
    I feel that I've grown numb,
    A pale catastrophe.

But where should I go?
    And who will be my one?
    No one cares for me.
I know it's not so,
    But no one has come
    I'm waiting impatiently.


Give me a chance and let me change
    Surely you don't want me!
I am as imperfect as imperfect comes--
    Surely you don't want to see.

Just give me a day, a week, a month,
    I'll show you who I can be;
I'll be better than I ever was,
    My old self? Who is she?


    Goodbye, fair world
Of lost hopes and lost dreams;
    I know we'll never meet again,
Unless I burst at the seams.

    Farewell to all I knew before,
I'm not the girl I seem;
    Just let me go and leave me be.
Let this all be a dream.
You’re always just a reach away
For every time I go astray
There’s nowhere I could ever go
That Your love won’t reach, I know.
Potential chorus--should I try writing more of this?
Not quite sure, am I,
Neither certain nor at ease.
I find no resolution
In this step in front of me.

I have no metric measures
To plumb this stormy ocean,
And if I tried to name the weather,
It would match my emotion.

Life is not a picnic,
No matter what some may say
It picks you up and throws you
Bound to dent, nick, and fray.
Have you ever seen a clouded night
the darkness suffocating?
Have you ever seen the blinding light
the darkness all-negating?

Have you ever felt the black surround
when you were all alone?
Have you ever felt the lightning shake the ground
from celestial heights unknown?

Have you ever felt the spray upon your face
from a coming, speeding storm?
Have you ever known the even pace
of earth's rain-brought reform?

If you've never seen a lightning-light,
or felt it burn your eyes
Upon a cool late summer's night—
then you're in for a surprise.
I don't want to lie to you,
So don't think that you're horrible—
But I just think I'm not in a place
Where I know what love is anymore.

I don't want to lie to you,
But I also don't want to say
That I miss having someone to call mine,
'Cause I'd regret it every day.

I don't want to lie to you,
But you probably should know:
I do have a few feelings for you,
But I'm scared to let them grow.
I am fire & ice
I am forward motion
I am strength & determination
I am going, going gone.

I am everything you want to see
Focused and pummeling
Going where no others go
I will never stop pushing.


But there's a secret side to me
That you ain't gonna ever see
There's a lie that hides deep in me
That you wouldn't even believe.

I am trying to fight
Straining for a light
I am dying inside
Failed every time I tried.

I'm caving in to pressure
Missing the boat, missing by a mile
Life's beating me a hundred to one
The water over my head gets higher and higher.

So stop if you think I'm perfect
Stop if you think I'm what it's all about
I'm burning, true, burning to ashes
So someone douse me before I burn out.

I put on a show
I give you what you see
You see me through a haze of lies
But the backstage sees the broken me.

I burn from the inside out sometimes
When my heart likes to collapse
But sometimes it's outside in
From this life's raps & taps.

Someone gave me hope once
They told me to keep my chin up
Held me when I was crying
Helped me to get back up.

I've known that when life is harder
When I want to give in to those lies
I can't hide behind myself too long
When they know, it'll be no surprise.

I want to be someone's hope
Someone to warm their heart
I want to give them joy to believe in
Maybe acknowledging my pain is a start.
Today I think the world has latched
Onto the climate of my soul:
For now, not only have I a shivering heart,
But all those around me are cold.
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