She had to many curls
I mean she was asking for it when she came to church dressed like that
Lets face facts she wasn't looking that good
her shoes where falling off her feet
she really need to do some laundry
but is that all you see
I know you see a reckless person
who you think could never be your friend
but if you looked deeper you would see something different
if you looked in her eyes instead of leeking at her eye shadow
maybe you would find the hurt that lies behind
or maybe you would see her cry for help
or maybe she will look up to you like no one else
you could change her life
and yet you walk out of her way because you think she wants a fight
Maybe if you told her what you thought
instead of holding in your laughter with all your might
you should see what she went through in her life
because while you want your dad to bring home take out
she hopes she gets food
you got to school caring about being cool
while she thinks about hot water
maybe if you just looked a little farther
but no its just to fun
laughing at someone
you dont know
because you think everymans on there own
well you know what
thats not true
while you walk down the hallways with your crew
texting them i cant live without you
yet she doesn't know if tomorow she will still be able to live
maybe the reason she has those clothes
is because that's the only thing she owns
and maybe she got those shoes form the dumpster out back
but your to busy having fun to admit the possibility of that
and she feels alone
more then she ever felt before
because she goes to a place of refuge and they laughter at her some more
when she finally has had enough
she picks up a gun
then you cry "I didn't know!"
maybe you would of known if you decided to look in close

You were suppose to hold me tight at midnight
You were suppose to tell me I am beautiful
You were suppose take me out and show me off to your friends and family
You were suppose to kiss me every day
You were suppose to tell me that I was the one
You were suppose to say I love you
But instead you were with her
The girl you claimed that was your friend
The girl you said you did not like the way you liked me
The girl you kissed in public
You held her like she was a diamond
You kissed her like she was beautiful
You loved her like she was the one
You were right, you did not like her the same way you like me, you loved her and liked me.

-Susan

lonely star,
don’t be sad,
you’re the first friend,
i’ve ever had,

i hope you can,
look over me,
as i look up,
its you, i see,

glittering, sparkling,
lighting up my sky,
please, my friend,
don’t say goodbye,

because if you leave,
who will i see,
and who will suddenly,
watch over me?

i need the guidance,
i need the light,
that you give me,
during the night,

lonely star,
don’t disappear,
its important that,
you’re always near,

because without my light,
without my star,
i guarantee,
i won’t get far,

lonely star,
now can you see,
what you have,
done to me?

I’m crashing into,
an emotional state,
that you, lonely star,
helped me create,

lonely star,
you helped me see,
that in the sky,
is where i want to be,

i hope we find,
each other again,
because after all,
you were my first friend

two things that are never meant to be.

*don't pretend you're sorry.

I'm surrounded by people
people who consider themselves my friends
but they don't know who I am, not really
They all laugh and talk and do their own thing
they seem so carefree
and then there is me
me who is here
writing
feeling lonely and sad
I don't talk, I don't laugh, I'm just there
I want to talk, I want to laugh, I want to be part of something..
But no one talks, not to me anyways
Although I understand why, I'm not interesting
I'm not fun, I'm not there.
No one would miss me if I wasn't there
No one would even notice
no one would care
I guess it's my own fault though
If I did talk, they would listen, right?
If I did laugh and joke around they would join in
and I would matter and people would care if I was here or there
but I don't
because what do I have to say?
I'm not interesting, I'm not funny
I don't know how conversation works
I'm a mess, I'm a wreck, I'm absolutely desolate
I'm empty
I'm a shell of a person
I don't matter

There is a little girl
That rests in my bones
Inhabits
My soul
Hides within me
Peaks out through the cracks of my ribcage
And
Every so often
Reminds me
Who I am
I call myself woman
Now and then
Give my body to men
Who promise me fleeting moments of attention
I live in routine
Put on the charade that is adulthood
I almost forget sometimes
That I am not grown
That most of it is false
A cover
I hide under the covers at night
And still fear the dark
Conquer it with a glowing light shaped like a rubber duck
I sleep alone
But the pillow of my late dog besides my head
Keeps me safe
I am a person of habit
Afraid that if I alter the slightest details
More than just the content of my sandwiches will change
Change has never been a close friend of mine
I know him just well enough
To invite him in
But his arrival always seems to come
When I least expect it
I still cry
When I get overwhelmed
And the thought of unfamiliar hands
Makes me shudder
I am still learning
How to trust
When I had always been taught
To not believe everything you are told
I've recently realized
That soon enough
I'll have to confront the reality that is life
So for now
I'm choosing to protect
The little girl within me
Wrap my arms around her innocence
Shelter her from the hurricane like storms
From those who have come to knock her down
I'm choosing
To hold on to her
For my greatest fear of all
Is letting go.

Sorrow found me, he found me in my bed, he came in through my heart, and lodged there in my head.
He was rather rude you see, he didn’t ask if he could stay, he told me that recent circumstances had lead him straight this way.
"What ever do you mean" I said, and he pointed to my heart, "It’s broken into pieces, you’ve all but fallen apart."
At this I exclaimed, and looked down at my chest, he was right, my heart, it was a complete mess.
I stood back for a moment and wondered what to do, sorrow looked at me bleakly, and said as if on cue.
"There’s nothing that can be done here, I’m telling you all is lost, you better make some room, because I’m staying at all cost."
With that I shook my head, and realised with a start, that sorrow was but an illusion, and I alone had the power to fix my heart.

At one point he realized that if he hugged me hard enough our hugs don’t last as long

It reminds me of the way some people take pills
if you take enough all at one time
perhaps the dosage will be strong enough
to run through your blood like runners in a race
to blissfully declare that it’s all for nothing and nothing for all
that the feeling of my shoulderblades cracking under pressure
is better than overdosing on pills

It reminds me of the way some people gorge on food
because if you eat it all as fast as you can
it takes a few minutes before your stomach feels that its too much
and if you wait to puke it all up in the bathroom of your school after lunch
maybe the feel of ***** and the burn in your throat
is worth the taste of all that food
that you ate too fast to enjoy it

It reminds me of the way some people use their orajel
because if you sit there are you numb one spot
all the other aches are suddenly so appearant
because all of you hurts, doesn’t it?
Not just one tooth, but all the others
and if you numb the one distracting you
suddenly your whole mouth is in disarray
and you hurt everywhere

It reminds me of life support
because a machine pumping what you were born with into your body
reminds me of the way I cling like a child to their mother’s skirts
to you as if you were my only living teddybear
because I know that if you were to walk away one day
I could go on living
and that fact alone makes it that much likely
that you’ll stay even longer

because I don’t think I need you
but I want you around anyway

spending each day on the verge of tears takes its toll.

I believe her to be insane
because she's listing her requirements
and I've managed to meet most of them,
but I'm still her Windex-ed glass window

I believe her to be insane
because she claimed she was jocking me
though she'd only met my voice
and lived near my Cali family

I believe her to be insane
because she liked me when she annoyed me
and was quick to end the years
after I said she was skinny

I believe her to be insane
because she could be straight up with everyone,
but whenever it came around to us
her mouth remained completely shut

I believe her to be insane
because I was more natural than her ex
Then suddenly she became work-obsessed,
but found time to marry the ex

I believe her to be insane
because she ******* up her life to get my attention
She was always beautiful, but deader inside
Another stereotypical trailer park girl

I believe her to be insane
because she searched the mall parking lot
to leave a bocay of daises
on the windshield of my car

I believe her to be insane
because she sang "Before You Walk Out of My Life"
more beautifully than Monica herself
exclusively to me late at night

I believe her to be insane
because she walked miles to see me at work
with bruised, sore, raw feet
to be somewhere safe away from him

I believe her to be insane
because she let me go in a heartbeat,
then she pleaded for my forgiveness,
then she let me go in another heartbeat

I believe her to be insane
because our poetry complimented perfectly,
but I wasn't the one she pictured
because of not being the desired ethnicity

I believe her to be insane
because she cherished me so much,
poetically revealed me to be the catch,
but she's the one that lost touch