Brilliant, your fury touches briefly
upon my sunburned shoulders -
one last caress, one last

violent

kiss; and then, in a blaze
of light and color you slip gently
behind the clouds and

I

shiver in the sudden
cold left in
your absence.

(sunkissed)

.    Father, I have seen you
haunting my footsteps,
     judging harshly my own
actions, and I fear that
     I will follow the way
you have chosen for me.
     But that path, however
narrow, is not where my
     heart lies, and so on
I go, my own way. Will
     you forgive me? Or,
perhaps, when all is said
     and done, the question
to be answered is,
     can I forgive you?

Earth's Star slipping down
beyond the horizon, wind
in my hair, blowing

cold prickles up and
down my skin; though desolate,
the stark beauty of

the sight strikes me to
my core, ignites my soul, and -
to myself - I think

I wish to Live

Cry.
   (but shed no tears)
Laugh.
   (but do not smile)
Hurt.
   (but feel no pain)
Love.
   (but have no heart)
Live.
   (but do not dream)
Die.
   (but do not decay)
Emotions
   .**** and steal and open.
Emotions
   .cause tears and hurt and Life.
Emotions
                 >FLY<
(you dream, you die -)
             YOU LIVE

One eye staring at me,
       The other eye staring into space.
Half a mind on my words,
       The other half on groceries,
                                 life,
                          bills.
And I'm dying on the inside,
         Because I forgot why I should care
That his attention
                                  is Elsewhere.

.  Smashing and crashing and angry noises
Name themselves as Mommy's toyses
   And only when the last enemy's killed
Can Mommy's tears cease being spilled.

   So **** and slash and mutilate:
Spill out your rage - and all your hate.
  Cause when you're done and they're all dead,
We know you'll tuck us in to bed.

   With our goodnight kiss, we'll say our prayers;
You'll ask our dreams to ease our cares.
   And when we wake up, fresh and bright,
You'll be happy, and hold us tight.

Hello, Goodbye. Farewell Yesterday.
          Today is Tomorrow -
                     Today no longer exists.

     Tears cried are folly;
              Held in, they poison the soul.

Which way to turn in a dead-end street?
                         (No way out.)

   ...But will a way (and one appears).

Hello, Goodbye. Farewell Yesterday.
          Today is Tomorrow -
                     Today no longer exists.

I don't remember, any more,
The exact shape of your hands
As I held them in mine,
Caressed them,
Memorized the length of your fingers,
The depth of your calluses.

I don't remember, any more,
Exactly your height, how much
Taller than me
You were, where
My head rested on your chest
When you held me tightly close.

I don't remember, any more,
Your scent, when we lay together
Creating our own
Magic rhythm,
Matching our heartbeats as we
Touched the sky, together.

I don't remember, any more,
The sound of your voice, calling
My name as though
It were a song
Within itself, a precious treasure
You valued with all your being.

And I don't remember, any more,
The color of your eyes, the shape
Of your lips,
Only...
How your eyes crinkled at the corners
And your laugh, as you told me,

"I love you."

I gather up the pieces of you that have been
broken off, callously tossed to the side, crunched up and
discarded, because they hurt too much to own.

Though right now you shudder to look in the mirror,
to see a reflection of your scars, your pain, your hurt,
I wait, and

In a private place, full of quiet light and gentle silence,
I collect the pieces of self you have lost and set them aside,
so that when, at last, you are ready to rest,

Your healing place will be waiting for you.

Little love, my little squirrel, hiding in
the tree roots, the great big roots of the
trees you love so, rising up to kiss
the sky, caress the clouds, make love
to the sun, do you fear?

In the green,
     In the browns,
          In the roots near the ground,

Sometimes you hide
       (like now)

But lest you forget, (listen!)
you were born of the moon; of the rain gently tip-tapping
the leaves overhead; of the soft breeze
playing in the branches of your trees,
the trees you love so -

And so you are as strong
as the earth
as the sky
as the moon
and as strong as the
great big roots of the
trees you love so,

little love, my little squirrel.

Is found in your arms,            
                                  calm me down,
                                  calm me down,

Quiet solitude in your arms
Makes the voices stop,
Makes the hurting stop
                       momentarily
                                relieve me of the pain...

Help me to be stronger
               (maybe -
                             I have not yet decided      
          if being stronger will be worth it again...)

But in the meantime,
Quiet solitude        
                      in your arms  
      Makes the world

              ~STOP~

((And I remember how to breathe))

for those days
when hope will not help
because it is not hope that you want
but a cessation
a finality
an end

for those days
when comfort only hurts
because everything hurts, everything
is tender to the
point of
pain

for those days
when kisses feel like
dagger blades between your shoulders
and promises like empty tin cans
tied together
with string

on those days
I will be silent
I will be absent, even when
I am very near
I will hold you
without touching

and when you cry
I will catch your tears in
a vial of crystal that makes rainbows
in the sun
to hang around your windows
when you are smiling and
laughing and
joyful
and
content

to remind your tears
they are safe to fall

When you close your eyes,
                                          Eternal Midnight
                 Catches up to you, and with her
                                          Dark Night voice,
                         She sings,
                 Come away with me, and I
                 Will grant you Eternal Dreams,
     Magic things,
                            She sings;
                                           She sings,
                 Come away with me, and remember.

     She forgets, being immortal, the terrors
     That lurked in the shadows of your childhood.

                 Come away with me,
                                       She sings,
                           Come away with me, and forget.
     Resolute, you square your shoulders.

Sweet tea! Porch swings...

                    (she sings, she sings)

                                            ...and other bits of
                    memories from the daylight.

Still, memories and fears are stronger than fragile trust-  
And by the time she sings again, you will have turned to dust.

Like a spring creek, merrily trickling over the
tiny rounded pebbles in its bed, so glad
to be free of the winter.

Like the thousand and a million and the one
voices that make up the ROAR
of the largest, most glorious waterfall in the world.

Like a butterfly delicately gracing the cheek
of its favorite rosy flower,
swaying in the summer breeze.

Like the glorious vibrancy of fall, the leaves
playfully dancing in the wind, the world
alight with a thousand brilliantly colored leaves.

Like the unwritten poetry of a wintery
field, snuggled tightly under the blanket of
pristine, shimmering snow.

I think that I might love you -
I just wanted to let you know.