This is a Christmas song I just wrote. Link to the recording in the notes.



They say this is a time for family
but I am stuck here, all alone
I used to have a man that loved me
but I sent him off, on his own

And I'm so sad
I guess I must've been so bad
Because I'm so sad
This is the lonliest Christmas I've ever had

I didn't have too much on my list
Just to have someone by my side
But I guess my house must've been missed
It's okay, I know Santa tried

But I'm so sad
I guess I must've been so bad
Because I'm so sad
This is the lonliest Christmas I've ever had

I'm so sad
I guess I must've been so bad
Because I'm so sad
This is the lonliest Christmas I've ever had...

I have a warm heart
that's been coated in ice
And when it thaws out
it will feel so nice

But in the meantime,
while it's frosty and frozen
I'm regretting the life
and the choices I've chosen

The signs point me one way,
I walk off the path
The numbers are right there
but I can't do the math

I forget what I'm told
and I leave my room trashed
Maybe I'd remember
if I wasn't always smashed

I'm lost and I'm hardened,
blistered and broken
Stuck inside a dream
which I still haven't awoken

Each breath
in my chest
draws me closer to death
But I'm tough
and I just
haven't given up, yet

I noticed the moon was hanging on a wire,
right before it swung down from the sky
Dangling right before my eyes,
I grabbed it
And ******,
the worthless thing is plastic
And the stars are just the glowing eyes of strangers,
saying that
they're pleased to meet me

Swinging my arms through the night's sky,
I get covered in ink
Black and blue on my skin
from the thoughts that I think
The galaxies are writing stories
on my flesh
and singing songs into my mind
for only my insides to hear
The lyrics are vocalized in a multitude of languages, pitches, and tones
And I feel sick now

I keep hearing your voice in the night when I look to the sky and I stare at the light
The sun has no place here, no meaning at all
She must stay hidden away and only seen when she's wanted
Winter is my favorite time of year because the nights are always longer

my bedroom floor has become
a graveyard for beer cans
and cigarette butts

still,
the moon smiles at me

i know what he's thinking
and i don't dare say
any of it out loud

i've lost track of the time,
yet again
and i'm frantically spiraling
into the night
and sinking into the ground
beneath me

my sense of self control
is barely even in existence,
anymore

i can't seem to stay away
from bad decisions

it's almost as though
i deliberately seek
them out
just to make sure
my life stays
exactly the same

2 a.m. approaches, so of course i'm still drinking
sitting under the stars, getting lost,
simply thinking
and i lose myself in the night, as i'm sinking
goodbyes never come soon enough

notes scribbled out into rhymes
never serving a purpose
other than clearing my mind
taking all the ugly stuff out
and turning it into something else

i've always had a hard time taking advice
i make every wrong choice,
at the very least, twice
and sometimes it's hard to realize
that i'm the one thing that stands in my way

i've been shuffling pennies
inside my pocket
and hearing them jingle
as i take more
and more steps
in the wrong direction

Time keeps trying to absorb me,
but I've broken his hands
and hidden away
the ground up bits of his sands

I'll never be whole again
but at least
he and I are falling apart
together

a couple states away,
in the snow dusted hills
lies a possible future
that i never thought i'd see

there are several doors
lined up in front of me
and i'm not quite sure
to which one i hold the key

the map that lines my pocket
is crumpled to a point
where i can't read
and the ink has gotten sweaty
as it slowly starts to bleed

i see a light
through a dark, empty space
and i'm too afraid
of truly finding my place
you can read every word
that i think,
on my face
but there's no answer

decision making has always been
something i have trouble with
i either stand in place
or i sink myself into a hole
never really getting anywhere
simply watching
as i, and everyone around me grow old
i'd forget it was winter if it wasn't so cold

time passes around me, twice
twisting trails around my life
letting everything pass me by
as i live, and as i die