I've spent so much time in my own head I'm not sure if I know how to leave anymore

Sometimes I look out the windows and think about the things that could be

Then I turn away and go back to where it's warm and comfortable.

Recently, i cracked the window a little;
the breeze is nice.

a lot of the emotions I've once felt are nothing but distant memories
small faded parts of me that are hidden deep within,
reignited by specific switches that come in all sorts of shapes and sizes

small faded parts of me tucked away so neatly and carefully
as to forget they were ever a part of me until they are randomly selected to switch on once again.

I've never really been sure who I am or what I'm for, but I know I'm sure I'm going to die one day, and sometimes that's comforting enough.

I brought you two large pizzas.
You only asked for one small.
You never thanked me.

It made me want to drive home without wearing a seat belt.

You know chicken is a premium topping, right?

I miss lusting over boys who didn't want me back.
At least then I had an active imagination.
Now I feel nothing.
Nothing good, anyway.

you travel alone sometimes, to distant stars, to the distant future
you go where you're needed but not where you're wanted
delicately walking, your presence undisturbing of the dirt below you

you make the greatest impact to yourself only
an observer, a thinker
trying to make things slightly brighter

I'm scared to be alone sometimes, and selfish too
I go where I'm wanted but not where I'm needed
and I pick blossoms off of trees and put them in my hair
and I leave footprints in the mud

your need to be alone is fascinating, taking in sights, colors, sounds, smells,
with no one to share it with

I admire your strength and willpower, you admire my desires and the flowers in my hair

I hope once you reach new lands, where the ground is softer and the trees glisten in the light of their star,
you think to yourself,

"she would like it here."

Hatred caused the darkness
That radiated the land
Perspiring a toxic fume
Pollution covering the dawn of freedom
Causing a grey sky
The flowers die
The soil rich with poison

Beauty abandoned the colors
Abolishing the glow in deep eyes
Acid rain inside a dry mind
Love lost interest of its golden shrine

For gold has rotten teeth
And love yearned for peace
Violence could not find a home
Love had to leave its throne
And find a reason to dream a sickly smile
Yet choose to stay awhile
But where

In the dark a rose bloomed
Dawn did not know how to accept
How sunshine would glow after the sun would set
But we looked
And finally dreamed
Of many things
The why's
The where's
The how's

Our questions could not be answered
Nor denied by prophecy
Only examined by the mystery

Elders only asked
While the rain turned to ash

Would you trust it?

****.
Eddie Eddie Eddie.
I'm just at this stop sign.
Minding my own radio stations and avocado smoothie.
Of course you pull up next to me.
Of course you look away casually.
Of course you're wearing a plain white tee.
And don't you look so good in it Eddie.
****.
So unfair.
My car is here and yours is there and
I'm trying not to stare but
How can I not be aware of my biggest crush? EVER?
With his blonde hair.
It never was fair how this black girl
Yearned for green eyes that never cared back girl.
While the sun is always on my mind
You come up sometimes and it's stupid.
"You stupid
****"
I think, sometimes.
Because she's little stupid-
The little girl who followed boys home.
The one who would wait for emails before we had phones.
The one who grew up and still doesn't know what the **** to do so she calls her mom in the parking lot asking for advice because she desperately wanted to follow him to his destination and learn everything about his day so she could better coordinate her outings in order increase her chances of seeing him again but she knows that's creepy and her mom says so too.
That girl, is dumb.
Eddie.
But you're dumb too.
You dumb ****.
No, you're smart and funny and so **** **** I want to **** my self.
I hate being so beautiful and so clueless that it goes to waste sometimes.
Eddie Eddie Eddie.
You make me really nervous.
So *******.

No Clicking Of Heels

I don't cry anymore
Because I know
Anything that lasts
Must go slow.

We burned it out
With passion hot.
I touched you softly
And found your spot.

Not the one
Between your legs
Or your neck
Or pulling hair while you begged.

Far deeper than that
Did we go.
To a place unknown
In our soul.

A place that scared
The living hell
To a point
We did bid farewell.

We burned it out
Before we began
To see each other
From end to end.

From heart to heart
From head to toe
From places beneath
That none will know.

To places far more vast
Than we can see within ourselves.
Places never written about
On tall bookshelves.

Places beyond
space and time
Where angels dance
Where all things rhyme

And gel within
To grow us far
From egos to souls
On other sides of stars.

Where did we meet?
In halls of school?
And where's that baby
We wanted, with coo?



And I think of this
From time to time.
Wondering how
To end this rhyme

This hell to heaven
All wrapped in one
The memories of pain
And so much fun.

Where we are together
Making love and peace
As gypsies do
Living in ease.

But all my logic
And all you feels
Can't bring us back home
By click of heels.

The storm is too great
In your mind from then.
Yet I'll dream of you
Until my end.

4 mins flat,
This took to write.
And it's done with love
Not worry or fright.

You're within me
And you just flow out
So it all much be true
I have no doubt

That you miss me too,
Now and then
And have great wonder
Why did we end

Or could we begin again.

My feels; your logic;
My logic; your feels.
But no fine answer;
And no clicking of heels.

I've tried.

Haha

Love,
Smarty Pants [aka NitWit;)   :*]