you ignited this fire
now I get off watching it's fury explode
berserk, fatigued, my arms do the lifting
"more wood on this fire
must keep it burning"
alone in our backyard
forgiveness floats through dark air
offers me peace
offers me rest
the fire pit smolders
ashes of past fires find my soles
I track them into the house
***** footprints on the floor you just mopped

i don't want this love with you
yet i feel without a choice
you grabbed me from inside
grasped my heart, and stole my voice
i felt your presence fill me, satisfied and full
but you began to push, push, push,
i began to pull....
i don't want your love anymore
i wish i never had
i don't want to be attached
let go my heart
let go my mind
from your heavy grasp

I don’t know what it is
that pulls me to you
a magnet to my inner soul
I’m growing weak with struggle
you're enticing me to jump all in
I don't want to get my hair wet
I'm terrified that this journey of falling in love
(eyes closed)
makes us blind to the dead end sign, just there down the road
but now the tide is low and calm, you say
I’m coming……
I’ll be there……
I’m wading ever slow….

He asked me then
as we stared at the strawberries
lit in the fluorescent grocery store lighting
adjacent in their plastic coffins
red and ripe
clearly evesdropping

“do you love me?”

I hadn’t ever thought about it before
but I guess I did.

“but are you in love with me?”

their green stems were a reminder of home
their severed ends a scar of the violence they endured
yellow seeds clinged to their polished red bodies
the small taste of bitter to remind you,
nothing can be that sweet all the time

I cocked my head to one side
They had me captivated
I wanted their taste
Their raw delicious flesh

$5.99?

****. Too much.



“No.


                                              I’m not in love with you.”




Oh, thank God.

The blueberries are on sale.

The bigot who knows only his bedding
and parades around preaching its threading
the world is not right he ponders so fiercely
he feels it's his duty to make them see clearly

slander so foul
tongue sharp and cruel
hate is a fire
his words are its fuel

you can't listen
it hurts!
you have to defend them
you want to yell back

you just want to end him

but what would come of it?
what would you do?
you try to change him
you're a bigot too.

if i focus on numbers the passion it fades. focus on lines and the colors turn gray. how do i balance? i want back my vision! the surge of creative that grants me my wisdom. if i focus on dates, on filling a schedule: i don't smell the flowers or notice their yellow. i don't cry so easy, my shell becomes tougher. i react much quicker, i act like my mother. i think green. i think thin. i clench my fists YOU CAN'T COME IN. i don't want to feel. why do i choose artificial//real?

holiday cheer a hallmark fantasy
warm and fuzzy
distant, imaginary
a daytime dream, a sleepy scene
one I’ll never know

But the thought of you
as though a fire crack
lifts the weight from my limbs
I float on your fumes
feel soothed by your moves
living my hallmark fantasy