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Ariel G Nov 2013
i do not know how to write for you
my loneliness
i can only assume that you’ve felt it too
that bitter realization just behind your navel
that you are all you have
that no matter how many people say
“are you okay”
none of them really want to know the answer
they don’t want to hear
of the weight that wraps itself around you
a vine twisting around your intestines
until you believe they are the same thing
no one will understand the beckoning of the covers
and the way if you lie under them for long enough
your own body heat starts to feel like
perhaps there was someone else there too
someone who could lend you their sunshine

you need to ***** the idea of him
like all the chocolate and alcohol
you’ve consumed to keep him within you
he will never be able to love you
the way you deserve to be loved
neither will he, or he, or he.
only you can do that
a kiss will never heal the way you think it will
his saliva may seep into your being
but it will never uplift you
he could trace your flaws a thousand times
name each and every one another word for beauty
but unless your brain is willing to be open-minded
believe it is beautiful
believe you are beautiful
believe your life is beautiful
your eyes will lie empty
like winter tree
after all the birds have migrated to
warmer lives

there are days when your heartbeat feels like a mountain range
and your compass won’t stop spinning
where your hands feel hot and cold all at once
and there’s a shiver you just cant shake
days when you’re a little fish in a big pond
and you’ve forgotten you have gills
days that drag on and on and yet still feel like there’s never enough time

but remember still,
there will be days when the whole world
wears rose-colored glasses
days when the grass is always greener underneath your feet
days when every step feels like a leap
and every breath feels like a promise
we were born to young to read the fine print
but you’ve already accepted the terms and conditions
so close your eyes
and try to imagine galaxies beneath your eyelids
and the blue light that exists
just above the void behind your navel
and right around your heart
the one that radiates
the one that gleans
the one that loves you
Ariel G Nov 2013
i want to **** the parts of me that still love you
want to peel the layers apart like an onion
tears streaming down my face but they are not
tears of sadness
but of fury
i want to cradle each piece
each foolish naive childish fragment
who believes in you
i want to show them what it’s like
to be big and strong and tough and bruised and
i want to cradle them gently
and crush them
exactly the way
a cobra cuddles the mouse
rocking him
squeezing him gently
until the cruelest nap overcomes him
i want it to be slow and painful
but i want them to know i forgive them
i am merciful
if only they weren’t so stupid
if only they knew what strength a
love like that holds
what power of destruction
i want to place them in a garlic press
pressing and pressing
forcing them to shreds
i want to bang their heads with hammers
breaking each bone
breaking all of the strength
i must remember the silver bullet
and wooden stake to the heart
for the monster within them
i want to stab them
hundreds of thousands of times
with the smallest of needles

i need to do it
before the jealousy does
before the distance kicks in
before they grow old and wise and realize
nothing will ever be okay
Ariel G Sep 2013
my heart is a wanderer
and so am i
we are not wanderers, but
poised and ready for adventure
with so many experiences out there
how can one settle?
i have lost faith in the
idea of
one true love
we are jittery
we cannot stay still
cannot peruse one place
one heart
we are impulsive
hopping from one train to one plane
looking for love
in every place
every face on the street
we have visited every corner of the earth
sometimes we have ended up in the
wrong side of town
we swipe our metrocards too many times
to visit the nice place in the park
where we like to breathe
to visit the theme park for some breath-taking roller coasters
to visit the diner for some good soul food
but sometimes we must fly
away away away
not nostalgic
no map in hand
headed for god knows where
and who knows who
we are armed
not with maps
not with pepperspray
but with open arms
and with a camera
capturing the moment
and how it changes us
gaining new insight
from even the dingiest little shacks
so no,
i will never make my home in your heart
i cannot promise i will not travel
but i will always come back
my heart and i need a place
to remember ourselves
and where we became who we are now
i will not always cuddle in your arms
sit on your front porch to drink some tea
but the memory of you
in a faded Polaroid photo
will aways make me smile on my travels
Ariel G Sep 2013
you stole my insecurity
with your scratchy stubble
flooded the gates and walls
i had spent hours meticulously building
with your sweat and sweet words
i was naked
stripped of any hesitation
i strove to consume you
**** the saliva from you
so if never to lose
this blissful comfort
we were intense and relaxed
floating on a cloud
drifting toward the sun
no tears have fallen
from my blue heros
though they are sure they will never
dart between your hazel ones
for an eternity
my hands do not yet mourn
the loss of their twin companions
but my soul is gutted
a pumpkin not yet a Jack
a purposeless shell
soon it will realize a new life
a new purpose
but for now
for forgetting
Ariel G Jul 2013
I am she.
I am her.
I am the one you hate.
The ****,
The homewrecker,
the other woman.
It doesn’t matter if
the home was already in ruins
or if his hands wandered first,
the audience hates me.
How could i come between Love like that?
but after four years of wondering
and two wandering lonely hearts
and not too much sleep...
there are worse things to happen
at 4 AM in a stranger’s bed.
and his hands were oh so gentle,
perfect bumbling fools
they knew what we didn’t know
we both wanted
a beckoning nose
was all i knew and then
it was lips
and peach fuzz stubble
and sloppy tongues
and we were both thinking of her
tasting each other’s almost morning breath
both mourning your still-breathing love
my empathy hurt me
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
we were alone on a bed and
so so lonely
curiosity and lonliness
cuddling and impulse

I’ve heard a kiss is just a kiss
but i’ve also heard that’s what fools say
we’re not fools
but we could be.
Ariel G Jul 2013
My heart does not know coyness
She can not - will not -
Play hard-to-get
Though she knows she should,
Peeking out from behind a fan
Covering her face but for glimpses
But she does not know how
She pulls her skimpy clothes
To cover herself more fully
But even that she does wrong.
The concept is so foreign
She won't shut up
About her adoration.
She tries to wait two hours
Before reading your texts
Like she was told to wait two hours
Before doing a belly flop in the pool
After eating so much.
She wants to respond
With ladylike "i guess so"s and
But after 15 minutes, my hands
Cannot type
Fast enough for her beating screams
For a heart so paralyzed
With fear of regret,
She sure sprints.
But she's no award-winner.
She's not very flexible,
Not quite graceful,
But so full,
So very full
And fat with love.
Let her curves entice you,
Not scare you away.
But be kind.
She is a gentle giant,
Prone to falling and crying and laughing
I keep her right here
Lightly pinned to my sleeve
For the world to see
My scarlet letter L.
She had some scrapes and bruises
From exposure to the elements
Of life,
But at least I can always find her.
Ariel G Jul 2013
a drowning ant in
a sea of troubles i want
to be your liferaft

cradle you with the
neon orangeness of my
love please don’t sting me

red ant biting ant
sarcastic ant i
fall for your cruelty

you protect your
fleshy vulnerable being
won’t you let me in
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