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Arden Dec 2019
I can feel it getting tighter
And
It's strangling me

My heart racing
And
Head pounding

I thought this was gone
But
It's back

I was done with this
But
I guess not

Someone help me
I'm suffocating

Ice
A knife

There's blood
There's so much blood

This is not what I wanted
I just wanted it gone
Arden Dec 2019
If I think harder do I burn more calories

Does being hot or cold burn more calories

Silent night time exercise

how many calories in
           lexapro
           ibuprofen
           air
           saliva

how many calories did Auschwitz prisoners eat

is diy liposuction possible

what body parts can you live without

could they have poured calories in this water

how to give myself the flu

can thinking about food make you fat

how much does a finger weigh
please don't hate or make fun of me for the things I have wondered. I am mean enough to myself.
Arden Dec 2019
rip off all my skin
2. stop, just stop
3. ask for help
4. never talk to anyone ever again
5. go far away and never come back
6. never eat again
7. eat ******* everything
8. lay in the snow, in a swimsuit
9. stop being so ******* dramatic
10. you should just disappear already
Arden Oct 2019
Im not doing ok
I havent washed my hair
since last Sunday

I've worn these clothes
For the past 3 days

Just about killed myself
Saturday night

But like nothing is really wrong
Im just ******* depressed
And I don’t know how to get out of it

I almost asked someone how
I know if I need more help
But
Instead I typed a paragraph about
Why they matter and
Need to put themselves first
Arden Sep 2019
It is true that not all who wander are lost
But it is also true that
Not all who are lost want to be found

Or maybe I’m I just don’t think I deserve to be found
I feel to lost to be found
I am too far away from who you think I am
That if you knew
I would be a stranger to you
Arden Sep 2019
Can we talk about the word trigger
Because people are dumb
Teenagers say they are triggered when
They don’t want to write a paper
They miss a goal in soccer
They drop their phone
That is called being annoyed or disappointed
That is not triggered

A trigger is an emotional allergy
Some that triggers distress or panic
A trigger is loud noises cause a panic attack
Arden Sep 2019
Hey dysphoric trans girl,

I see you.
Your outfit is really cute today.
And I'm really proud of you for getting
Our of bed with such grace.
The weight of dysphoria is heavy
Let me carry it with you.
You're essential to the world we live in.
You're more than a trending topic.
Your bodies existence is a radical act
And it's survival is worthy of celebration
Disappointment *****.
Being able to still be disappointed
Means you are engaged in your life.
You are an active player.
That's good!
Every part of you is a girl.
Especially the part you don’t like today.
Your voice, hands, and feet are feminine
What else could they be

Love,
A dysphoric trans boy
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