it was all because of you ; the reason that i do the things that i do

l.r.

My first day as an eAchieve student.
I was scared, yet excited.
All the teachers seemed nice.
The class just as, without a price.

I had some trouble getting around.
Like being stuck in the ‘Lost and Found’.
I failed some assignments here and there.
Tried my best, never failed a test.

Determined to graduate.
I found my way.
Asked for help.
Even when I was afraid.

Today I’m doing fine.
Even though I’m a bit behind.
But I will graduate.
I will become an ‘Ace’.

grub worms, grave gravity,
failed romances, the fate of the Great Auk,
a death too young, a silent sacred dance
of butterflies

all flow behind my eyes
song lyrics whose melodies
never quite reach my ears, so
I plop verses on a page

an elder adolescent sage  
writing in riddle, sometimes rhyme, committing
the crime of filching grist born of life's abundant mill,
and bastardizing it, carelessly, at will

at sixteen the girls were taking their baked cakes home from school
while the boys talked of going to the pub
the girls knew all about ***
the boys knew nothing and never stopped talking about it

It's dark again.
It's hard to breathe.
I am okay.
I am fine.
Because I have to be.
I'll learn to see.
Even in this darkness.

Hales the hole is twice wide.
I'm struggling to breathe.
All I want is to be held,
But there's no one to hold me.
Why'd you leave me?
I told you I'd never learn to live without you.
Should've listened to myself.
It was safe babe.
He still feels safe.
But I can't be what he needs.
I can't seem to get pass the feeling.
But I know ******* those huh babe?
I'll find my balance Hales.
I just wish you were here to guide me,
To hold me through the pain.
I miss you Hales.