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arCamm Jun 2021
I am splattered ink on these empty white walls.
a story told by collisions.
splashes of my deepest intuitions:
a handprint embroidered here,
a slash of claws over there,
a baby footprint by the door to say "goodbye" to my innocence,
a distorted smile on the ceiling that could easily be mistaken for a question mark,
and a cancellation symbol on the window shunning anyone's smart *** remarks.

I
am
a mess...
and if one were to try and clean me up,
my secrets beneath would devour them whole.

- a.r. Camm
arCamm Apr 2021
the driving force of will and imagination
with an unique lens of the world
the gifts that reside within these 4 wheels


- a.r. Camm
R.I.P. Grandpa
arCamm Jan 2021
beauty is you
sharp dancing along your luminous light,
dangerous upon your fragile ankles,
the potential to “bring down the house,”
beauty is you
I look at you and feel your passion,
if not tamed correctly while seated,
we all become dancers with you...

such pain and beauty,
such hypnotizing mastery,
you’ve thawed this coldness inside me,

I must have you
so i shall reach...

I want to dance

With you.


- a.r. Camm
Whether it’s a campfire or in the fireplace... I always have this nagging temptation to reach.
arCamm Apr 2022
You are complicated…
but you’re also simple…

which makes you complicated.

— a.r. Camm
arCamm Dec 2020
Perhaps, one day I’ll understand why you did it.

Why you pushed me through the ground and expected me to reach for your high expectations.
Why you branded me with your dying wishes and made me feel selfish for adding my own.
Why you assumed that it was the attraction of other women that ended our love when it was really because I chose to come home.
Why you listened to your heart and felt as if it was okay to mute out mine.
Why you pinned our actions against one another and claimed me dense and blind.

The list goes on and on but I for one don’t have that much time...

Perhaps, one day I’ll understand why you did it.

Why you made me feel like there’s nothing that I can do right.


- a.r. Camm
arCamm Apr 2021
& around we went...
circling the reality
that at some point
the wheel would stop turning
& we’d have to return home...


- a.r. Camm
It’s hard to say goodbye, especially with such a view as this.
arCamm Jan 2022
If someone handed me a rose and said that “it grew from the concrete,” should I feel bad for the rose for no longer being home or honored to be symbolized with such a brave soul?

I no longer affiliate myself with the decisive minds. For my mind is in a constant search of the unknown answers. The E through Zs on scantrons that only have room for A through D. The “maybe” or “perhaps” between true and false. The compromise between what’s right and what’s wrong…

I think that’s why I never agreed with school...
arCamm Dec 2020
“yes...
feed me more
and soon I’ll show you
what you’re truly made of.
a mere lonely child,
misunderstood,
damaged,
a sad product
of failed dreams,
an experiment gone wrong,
too perfect to love,
an enraged beast,

unhinge me
and let me takeover
I’ll make sure
to get it right for you”



...okay.


- a.r.Camm
An inner beast remains locked away. Fueled by misery, vexation, and vengeance... the emotions we hold within instead of carrying out.
arCamm Jun 2021
you wanted love,
you wanted out of this cage like a magician’s dove,
you wanted understanding,
you wanted support for your hobbies and any future career planning,
you wanted safety,
you wanted to feel tucked away in a man’s arms, blocking you from harm…
you wanted to be like those couples you watch on Youtube,
you wanted to travel,
you wanted to explore,
you wanted power couple Vibez and, dare I say, more.

you wanted everything I could provide you.

May I ask “what happened?”

- a.r. Camm
arCamm Jun 2021
ignite your inner child,
setting ablaze a once dried well,
a swallowed light will lead you from this darkness.

- a.r. Camm
as we grow older, we tend to lose sight of that inner child that kept life light. we get exposed to money, politics, expectations, and other **** that swallows that light in an instant. exciting that inner child gets us back to that innocence. that happiness. that child is strong enough to carry us from the darkness.
arCamm Feb 2021
aged with wisdom & culture
forever symbolic of love
my gentle leaf has fallen


- a.r. Camm
R.I.P. Obaachan
arCamm Jan 2022
If you were an instrument
you’d be the piano.
A gentle touch on the keys
that make life worth living.
Full of raw emotion,
tugging away at my soul’s mere existence
arCamm Apr 2022
filtered water neglects
the body of necessary
minerals…

If I am to know
the true nourishment
you bring to the table,

you must show
yourself to me…

unfiltered.
Don’t come to masked up. I want to know YOU.
arCamm Jan 2021
It’s strange.
I’m a water sign
fascinated by fire.

Does this mean
that I’m seeking my own destruction
or simply curious of what warmth feels like?


- a.r. Camm
arCamm Dec 2020
warmth, i spew to you,
with time, you must choose,
feed me fuel or let me die.


- a.r.Camm
Whether it's in our relationships, our jobs/careers, friendships, or within ourselves, the life of that flame is something that must be a priority. Given time, it'll dim and at other times we give a bit of it to someone/something else... in hopes that it'll give them light. At times we give someone/something else the gas tank... to see if it is worth saving to them...

Whatever the circumstance, be mindful of that flame. It is our ideas, emotions, effort... our everything. It is our lifeline...
arCamm Dec 2020
my patience is a shoelace weaving through hoops. within every turn, a new excuse
another complication,
another misfortune,
another nuisance that nooses
these protruding veins around my neck
until I suddenly can’t breathe.

they call this bow “tongue-tied”
it matches the “aggravated red” color way of my eyes
coupled with my “speechless black” aura...

for those of that I cut off,
you brought it upon yourself.


- a.r.Camm
My patience is not to be tested. I’m usually the generous kind of person. That is, until I’m taken for granted and continuously find myself waiting for someone to get their **** together.
arCamm Dec 2020
is it odd that
i'm fixated on the
idea of us being
a Picasso masterpiece-

unorthodox but unapologetic?


- a.r.Camm
unlike anything people have ever seen
unresponsive to the nay-sayers
come from two completely different worlds and color between the lines a bit differently...

what a masterpiece we are, indeed.

No?
arCamm Jan 2021
I hope he knows that I feel the stress
vortex banging against his cranium.
even with my welcoming surface,
he struggles to let go.

I hope he knows that it is not I that
needs replacing,
but simply his way of thinking that
needs readjusting.

A new year
A mindset anew

Hello 2021


- a.r. Camm
Hello 2021,

I know that you’re going to bring some more bullsh** my way. Just to let you know now, I’m mentally preparing myself for you. You won’t catch me off guard like 2020 did. I’m ready for you. Bring it on.
arCamm Jul 2021
I've housed
demons before
Sometimes they're
better roommates than angels
at least with these demons, i dont have to worry about sugarcoated answers and the uncertainty of lies and honesty. demons are harsh, but honest. demons test you, giving you that chance to  look inward and grow...

at least...from what i've been experiencing.
arCamm Dec 2020
1 shot:
Happy to meet your acquaintance
2 shots:
The groomsman is like a brother to me
3 shots:
That dress compliments you well and dare I say, you’re killin’ it.
4 shots:
What's your schedule like next week?
5 shots:
Look, I don't know if it's the alcohol or not, but I can see through your eyes that the love held in your heart is tied into a knot. Shards of broken hope disguising the lust you seek within me. Intrigued by my character and that "grown man" I put on, yet only drawn to the life of a mere liaison...

I'll leave the choice to you:
I can be your man for the night
or
I can be the man to show you how to love right


- a.r.Camm
I went to a wedding and met a young lady. It didnt take long for us to start chatting over a couple shots of tequila. Easy to say, she had been heart broken for some time and has giving up on any hopes of true love, thus her thirst for a lustful evening. I couldnt help it. I had to
arCamm Jan 2021
Last time I trusted someone,
I ended up being an animal head
on their collection wall.

a victim to their survival
renamed “trophy”


- a.r. Camm
I have trust issues.
arCamm Dec 2020
This morning,
I opened the blinds
to my window

the sun rays beamed
at my face to say
"Welcome. Come on in."

I suddenly
thought to myself
"If only it were that easy for me."


- a.r.Camm
I don't just let anyone in and become vulnerable. I've been hurt way too many times. I may seem like an open book to people because of how outgoing I may seem, but really it's a way for me to keep myself safe...

Sorry to everyone who THINKS they know the real me.
To the select few that do...

Please... I beg of you... Don't hurt me...
arCamm Dec 2020
Like any other Friday
I wake up early
get ready and
go work

but...

today,
I heard them,
and paused as I took
that first step out of the front door

the screams of my ancestors,

the desperate plea from
wrongly accused men,

the last words and breathe
of every black man,
woman,
and child
murdered in cold blood...

I heard their warning.
“Don’t go.”

I called off work.


- a.r.Camm
As a black man in America, it is common knowledge that as soon as I take a step outside, I am in danger. Justice in this country is non-existent (as if it ever existed in the first place for my people).

Thank you, ancestors.
for the warning.
arCamm Dec 2020
When I was younger, my mother used to ask me, “what do you know?”
Knowing that it was in a joking manner rather to discourage me,
I would simply reply with my palms facing the sky, “I don’t know.”

At 25 years old, if nothing else, I know this...

It’s that feeling when you’re about to ride your first rollercoaster- scared shitless & excited at the same time.
It’s constant indecisiveness... usually over what to eat.
It’s that tug on the arm you get when you get up from bed, as if vines from the comforter spat out out of fear of missing your presence.
It’s stepping on your shoelace and landing on your face simply because she walked by in that leopard print dress, looked at herself from every angle in the mirror, & had the audacity to ask, “No?”
Yet, all you could think is, “Oh, yes.”
At times, it’s a moment of silence while two souls dance in an electric space.
It’s having the patience to learn their love language so that you may speak it back to their soul more fluently.
It’s a forever gift & everything alike.
& I know every couple has their own version, so here’s what mine is like:

MY love is a monsterous game of “who loves who more” & we’re both clawing for that gold medal
MY love is distant, yet close. Lonely & cold in bed yet warm in heart knowing that I get at least wake up to an angel telling me to “win my day.”
MY love is drenching everything in my room with the cologne she bought me so that it may somehow seep into my pores so I could be a walking memory.
MY love is 5,291 unbearable miles across the Pacific.
Try $2,546.03 worth of 2 trips of a grand total of 64 days spent together out of nearly 2 years of being in a relationship.
MY love is getting a little under 3 hours a day of FACETIME & each second, yearning for more face to face time.
It’s saying, “***** a text.”
I’ll write a letter expressing how at times when I’m spiraling downwards, the song of her voice on repeat makes it all better.
MY love is snatching my voice box from my throat, smashing it into ink, writing an “I love you” message, stuffing it into a bottle, & tossing it out to sea so it’ll one day wash up on her shores...
Then she’ll read it and cherish that voicemail for the rest of her days.

And so... now I’m prepared to answer my mother’s question...

What do I know?

I know LOVE
& at times it shares the same address as PAIN...

I think it’s time to sit them both down
& have a little talk.


- a.r.Camm
Long distance relationships aren't easy, but it brings out the effort within you that you never knew was there. Most people run from the idea of being in one. Though, it is one of the more rewarding types of relationships to be in. You learn to TRULY miss someone. You learn what it means to TRY. You test the limits and go to new heights within yourself and with someone else. Just because something isn't ideal to you, doesn't mean you mustn't try it.
arCamm Dec 2020
gloomy days
gloomy skies
brighter times will arise


- a.r.Camm
As I look out of my second story window, the world seems ill... has been for a long time. As sunny as the skies are at times, grey clouds still hover. Cries and screams still reside over the speaker systems. And above all else, we go on as if it's the way it's supposed to be...

What comes with darkness, a light to clear the pathway to correctness, togetherness, and love...

Brighter days will come... I'm sure of it.

— The End —