Any present moment

Any present moment Aug 2013

Collecting the lashes of lustful living
Still the shadow of the welts discernible on my thighs
But it's the ones not visible to your wandering eyes
The gashes on my
mind
The lacerations on my
heart
Still bleed
Still a mess to clean up everyday
Still a disaster to ignore
The elephant in the room has found a friend and I'm pushed up against the wall trapped
What could I cut off to escape
This crevasse I've fallen (or was pushed) into?

Abba " knowing me knowing you " strums on my iPod
"Breaking up is never easy to do" the refrain while I try to absorb
"This time were through". How does the device know...?....followed by "down in it" (NIN) and seasoned with a little PJ Harvey. Wow...tough walk this morn!

Any present moment Aug 2013

Detoxify

Of a cleanse she speaks so sweetly
As if a sweat
some fresh veggies
and sobriety
will erase the evil deeds she did
She’ll never escape the
emotional poison she injected
into their lives
It will be an anchor
Dragging
and
Keeping her toxic
Despite her denial.

Admissions and apologies are the way to begin absolution ....

Any present moment Aug 2013

Forget me not

And
so it begins...
I'd like to think
anyway.
Except,
it was already
over...
Has been
for
weeks
months
years
and a
day

I am so going to miss myself now that I'm gone.....

Any present moment Aug 2013

Mid-night comfort

At 2:20 a.m.
Sometimes it's hard to see
Both sides of the story
Thick with irony

My bright blonde boy is
   scared of that
   one low roll of rumble
Thunder reminds me
   of his vulnerability
The pitter patter
   of the rain
   keeps time
As I trudge up and down the stairs
   to tuck
   and reassure
He won't need me forever

At 4:22 a.m.
The creaks and groans
Of an aging home
Amplify
My lucid dreams
Danger all around me
In my subconscious scape

On the edge of
   half-awake
   dark shadows
   rouse me
Too alert now
   wandering from room to room
   checking the locks
My fortress is secure

The pitter patter
   of the rain
   a sweet refrain

Any present moment Aug 2013

Covet

I am in a pink
     sheath
All straps and
     flesh
So wanting to wrap my legs
     around you
Wishing you were
     here
     to put me to bed
Knowing I will miss it
     for the rest of my
Life

Any present moment Jul 2013

Perchance to dream (or not)

Random images
Floating through my dream
Slapped with all the things that
Scare me
Out of my skin
Even my subconscious
Doesn't let me rest,
feel safe.

Haunted with visions

Giant hairy spiders

Dusty shadowy rooms in my grandparents old house
A place I haven't stepped into for nearly twenty years
but can still smell

An unexpected face to face
In a familiar place-the marina
with extras

I watch you reach out to shake his hand and
Mercifully
Wake

Any present moment Jul 2013

Today

No bells rang out
On that fine day
Each moment
Imprinted
In my mind
     Spilled red wine
     Sunshine chasing the clouds away
     Acres of shoulder high corn
     Spreading green
     As far as the eye could see
Now these memories
Tarnished
     with
Time
Boxed up
Locked up
So obviously
     obliviously
meaningless
meaning
Missing still
Silver band's embrace
Shiny shadow on that
     second finger
     left hand
Missing still
No bells ring out
On this fine day