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xntivibes Sep 2013
I'll keep saying what
I have to say, kid
You've never even walked a
mile in my shoes and
I'm up here taking a look down at your now
You have absolutely no
idea what i've been through in the past
it's bad, but the worst part is behind
me now
I still live a nightmare, but
you don't know what it used to be
this never-ending thing, it's
still with me
And i'm here still
why can't you be strong?
You have nothing wrong and
you are all ready to end everything?
Don't say you're strong, kid
because I waanna see you live with
what I've had
take a walk in my shoes, see
my perspecitive for only one day
and see just what i've been through.
loosely based off of of mice & men's ben threw
xntivibes Sep 2013
I  don't know how to explain myself
i'm 'tired'
'broken'
'a mess' would be the easiest way to describe this shell that is me
I don't know how I got here and I try to play it cool but
all my trust is fading
I can't continue lying
no other words could be spoken
I'm living with regret
yet I keep to myself
I don't know the person inside
my shell
there's a hole in my heart where
you used to fit, back then
I'd do it over again
but you meant so much more to me than I ever did to you
There's no one else to blame
I brought this on myself
I hope you're listening
because I couldn't forget you, even if I tried
I wish you luck and
you weren't a waste of my time at all
how did we get here?
based off of a day to remember's song you be tails i'll be sonic
xntivibes Sep 2013
Manage me, I'm just a mess
I'm only half read, my story finished here
I want to rid myself of this dead weight
and fly again but it's
not enought for me
I hope this is my worst because
I couldn't handle another
breakdown
I'm sick of watching everyone pass
me by and I'm stuck here
wasting time, going crazy
I make-believe, pretend i'm fine
everyone turns away and
I'm still living the lie
There was a breakthrough, and I thought
"This could be all I've waited for"
"This is everything, I can't
dream anymore"
And do you think I've gotten better?
I'll let you answer that yourself
using the red lines scattered on my body
because that skin, to me
does not read
'fine'.
based (loosely) on all time low's weightless
xntivibes Sep 2013
run away and say goodbye
to everything you know and love
and say hello to a new world
without her
she can't be yours, not
after your dreams to go, leave for another land
you sound crazy and
you aren't lost, boy
keep it simple and say goodbye
and move on
because holding on to old routine
isn't healthy, like you're a map without a compass
no guide
are you over and done with?
do you wish you could start again?
you want a better reality?
find a way
find your friends
don't make those mistakes
stick it out
because it's your last chance
to run away
if you're with me, here we go again
written based on all time low's song somewhere in neverland
xntivibes Sep 2013
The evidence speaks for itself
that i'm not okay
pass me another bottle so I can have
time away from everything
mouth off about our hell-forsaken world
and let the heated tension warm
us up under the stars
On a night like this I shouldn't
play with fate
In a matter of minutes the atmosphere
change and we washed
away
Safe but not innocent
when I'm six feet under I'll belong, a
lot better in my grave
that I made myself
If the sweetness keeps you here I'll use it to my advantage
I'm hardly worth your time, dear
and there's enough room for two
but I should've known better
because I'm always in over my head
written based on all time low's six feet under the stars
xntivibes Sep 2013
you're set to go off
it's difficult, hard to hold on to
you're spiraling,, i'm not
free of the consequences anymore
but you'll get stuck at the bottom
I can't let you go and
I can't get out
you'll die down, storm out
but instead you're stupid and fearless
and i'm taking the fall
we'll blow up
your heart in my hands
keeping time, until we
start again
we won't let go, I swear
we should know better
destination, explosion
you've got no way out, my dear
and you're still crashing, spinning dancing away
from me
there's one way, no way, but
I wouldn't have it any other way
written based on all time low's song time bomb
xntivibes Sep 2013
As I choke on my breath
I watch you leave out of the corner of my eye
It's cold here now without your sun
drunken sun that you are
And now I'm conversing with a gun
It's frightening me, as I fly forward into
those million ways to end my
unnecessary life
I hope you're having a really good time with her
I try to think of happy thoughts but
the only thing of a million ones
clouding my mind is you
I'll wash you down with something strong,
and watch stars fall
until everything I have known is a blur
and it is all the same
It's still cold
You slide into her bed
lull your darling into sleep
Palm Springs has nothing on the luxurious life you two lead
that ****** taste you left still remains
torturing me
and I hope you're having a wonderful time
written based on pierce the veil's song I'm low on Gas and You Need a Jacket
xntivibes Sep 2013
Steal my kisses
intoxicate yourself in the darkness
get painfully lost with your flaming heart
wage a war inside yourself
get caught in lies and
sound the alarm
we're stuck in a picture
ignite yourself
double up and create a new beginning
go down
we won't go together
tonight
you'll set fire with a passion and
you'll conflict in ways
you couldn't merely understand
before
I happened to you
There's no need to begin something
When what you want
is fighting
for you
written based off of all time low's song a love like war ft. vic fuentes from pierce the veil
xntivibes Sep 2013
You broke me
split me down the middle
without even uttering a single word
somehow you saw
all the bad parts of me
and made them  numb,
at least for a little while
that was the worst and the
deepest most fragile parts of me
but you aren't here,
now
and you took with you that numbness
so we're done now
I'm sick of everything you've left behind
now I can't go back
I don't believe it
I never wanted to be loved, not by anyone
especially you
and it wasn't enough
your choices, not mine
but I still punish myself
you cloud my mind
you're everything I want but
I still can't believe
you saw the worst in me
based off of like moths to flames's song the worst in me
xntivibes Sep 2013
I woke up alone
I wish I could change
they're tearing me apart inside
I'm just a travesty
and you aren't my friend, keep all you've got
keeping this up, whatever it is,
dear it isn't safe
give me a solution
your expertise is not for me
that arrogance can't get you anywhere
just smile at everything they'll
be fine with or without you
you've never been my friend
you'll be lucky if a memory of you even remains
choke on your misery, darling, because
my lungs are giving out
and the waved crashing on the sea
could pull me under
you're a fool
you can't tear me apart like a blade, a hurricane
I'm a bone, flesh, you're just a boy
but I'll continue to smile at everything
and keep misery to myself
written based off of all time low's therapy
xntivibes Sep 2013
'Dad'
that's what I call you, of course
even if I don't see you as a father
but you don't seem to care, as
a matter of fact you don't ever care about
anything that goes on around you
especially me
Last I saw and heard, you were downstairs
still wondering why I
have never, can never, won't ever
please you
Lately I don't particularly
care either, I don't understand and I
am indifferent to you
Is this what you call a family?
putting your children, your flesh
down for struggling? And why are
you walking away? Is this
how things are supposed to be?
I've spent years and years hearing
"You can do better!"
"You aren't even trying! You're smarter than this!"
"Why didn't you get an A instead?"
"Keep acting like this and you'll turn out as dumb as the rest of the world."
"Stop acting like a ******* idiot and grow up and be the
smart person that you are! ****!"
I don't want to see you, you're downstairs though
because this is all you ever say to my face
I don't even want to know what you really think
Do you even care about my happiness, dad?
Did I make a mistake staying here?
fortunately for you
i'm glad you
don't want me
because death is definitely
more than an option at this point.
based on sleeping with sirens's trophy fathers trophy son slightly, as well as my own experiences with my father.
xntivibes Sep 2013
anything that has once been kind
to me has left
and not come back.
So I call you 'artificial' until
you show me that
you can handle
seeing the
deepest parts of me
and still
stick around.
So far I've never had anyone
who coud handle
any part of me in
their life
And I'm stuck without
anybody or anything to
be with me
And all of the friends I have
aren't really my 'friends'
because i'll never let them get that deep
they have never and
will never
break me down to my core
like you did
xntivibes Mar 2014
You
told
me

that I needed to find someone who made me happy
so I searched for anything that could lead me
down a helpful path

Someone once said that you shouldn't hold on to something that is gone,
even if it's the one thing that keeps you alive. You have to find something
new to love and cherish. What good is remembering something or someone
that isn't here anymore?

I feel weak
I feel broken
I feel nothing anymore.

All
I
See
Is
The
Empty
That
Surrounds
Me
Now.
xntivibes Mar 2014
and then it hits you
like a wave of pure
and empty sadness
and you can't seem
to figure out where
it is coming from.

and your stomach wrenches
and your eyes let go of the
raindrops they've been keeping
safe, and your knees grow weak
and you can't even find the words
to write in a coherent verse that even
strangers won't be able to understand

but
you
know
you
can't
feel
anything
except
the
crippling
sadness
that
pulls
on
your
heart
and
rips
open
your
bo­dy
and
tears
out
your
spirit

and you
can't seem
to feel
the way
you felt
when
you
were
young
and
h
a
p
p
y

before.
xntivibes Sep 2013
We've probably spoken four words aloud since
we met and you
probably couldn't recall my name if you tried
And although you're gone physically
somehow I can still feel you here, inside
And that thought, that you could somehow
appreciate me both helps and haunts my mind
I know we had our differences
And i'm too fearful to start a conversation but from what i've
heard your friend say to me
my feelings were probably matched by you
unfortunately, i'll never know because
like I said i'm
frightened i'll be utterly wrong
and left hanging for everyone to see on
a noose in my own bedroom
I literally cannot go one day without
wishing to see you smiling, and
talking with your friends
or even waving at me, like that one instance in the school halways
after my religion class
but then you would go home, we wouldn't talk at all
and I'd be left to go to a horrible science class
to think about "What if?"
xntivibes Apr 2014
Get out of my ******* head

I don't want to look for you down every walkway,
every sidewalk, every school hall, every classroom
I don't want to wish to see your smile next to mine
or hope that one day you'll crash your lips to mine
or desire your hand trailing up and down my side
while we lay in our bed just existing with each other

I don't want to mistake strangers for you.
I don't want to write about you anymore.
I don't want to see you in everyone I love.

I want to forget the way your smile
infected everyone else's in the room

I wanna forget the sound of your
****** laugh that rang out from
your ******* lungs when your
friends told a stupid joke

I wanna forget the contour of your face
how your teeth grazed your bottom lip when you were deep in thought
how your eyes crinkled when you were trying so hard not to laugh

I hate that i've memorized your face
down to the freckle splashed on your cheeks
and that I can recall your scent with so little effort
and how your lips danced whenever you called my name

I want you out of my ******* mind
I want your memory gone
Just like you are.
xntivibes Sep 2013
I believe my lungs have just let
go of their last breath
I feel them begin to collapse inside meĀ 
my heart gradually slows its rhythmic beating
my body bends, knees fall, arms thrown
down and encircling my legs and torso
my skin begins to shrivel and I hear
a bone slowly brush off it's
white surface, eroding down
in between my muscled arms and legs
my eyes had closed, mouth slowly agape
hands and feet that have explored so
many surfaces, now fall flat
no longer moving and instead resting gently on the ground
I choke on the air around me and let myself
go to a better world filled of white
a cold, lifeless shell is all I've left behind
no emotions anymore, nothing soft and
warm to live on with
my bones crumble now, my
skin withers away
I turn to dust, no longer
sad anymore.
xntivibes Mar 2014
there is a house on a busy street
where there lives five busy people

and in this house in these people's hearts
lied several desires that they each housed
in their small and precious hearts

and a girl in this house knew that she was not perfect
and the girl knew that she needed some kind of help
and this girl understood that she needed a way out

but her father was a cruel man,
blaming her for things she hadn't caused,
beating her for reasons unknown to her petite mind.

her friends could not comprehend
the pain she felt when she walked
through the doorway to this place
called "home" on this busy street.

her mother wouldn't listen to
her cries of help or desperation
and all she wanted was a way
out.

but this story was not a fairy tale;
there was no prince charming at
her window, ready to take her to
a safe place.

her life was not as precious as the
fairy princess in all the movies or
the teenage girl who always finds
her way out.

she didn't know if she wished
to drown herself
in love,
*****,
or the sea.

so she chose the latter
because she was not a fan
of goodbyes.

and this busy house
with the busy people
lived on with their
busy lives and didn't
stop to think about
the pain they had
caused to the girl

their sister
their daughter
their "friend".

but their busy lives went on
with or without a 'savior' to help
them along.
xntivibes Sep 2013
"An american nightmare, I'd rather be dead."

She was sleeping in her bed, mind
racing with dreams,
thoughts clouding her small mind
her sleep drowning in the beginning of
a nightmare
die,* the voices whispered, waking her her petite ears that are
adorned with the two diamond hearts her
mother bought her for christmas last year
no one wants you here, a spirit shrieks, evading her 2 am distraction, making
her small body jump in fear
you can't live like this, her parents, teachers, new therapists have said to her
seek help, dear, they continued to preach, throughout adolescence
though not realizing she was drowning in her own voice,
her threatening mind
after days, weeks, months, she couldn't
think any more good because it was instantly
covered by her own horrid thoughts
so instead of writing or singing, she
turned to another helper, a monster
of it's own.

...the blade cut her skin, the razor
made the panic disappear and
the voices fade
for just a few moments, that was all she needed
it left her skin with a tingle, a
fiery touch nothing like she
had ever felt before
one Night particularly her father
had sought solace in alcohol that sunday evening
and instead of
keeping quiet to himself, only drown his sorrows of the day
insults, words not of endearment, were spat her way
worthless, *****, suicidal freak, *****
all that were echoes from her weeks at that prestigious, expensive private school
her parents had thrown money at
because she wasn't grotesque or proletariat to even be seen in 'public schools'
and instead of voicing concern over her distraught father
she calmly stepped into her small, cozy bedroom
adorned with every expensive thing she desired
and she grabbed her blade and cut just a touch deeper,
a smidge further,
a small bit sharper than before.
Now she lays sleeping with a gravestone at her head
that reads her name
and no nightmares to cloud her young mind anymore
however, she hadn't realized that her nightmares
did not go away,
rather,
they were left back on earth
with her loved ones as their newly sought homes.
this is long, i hope it's worthy
xntivibes May 2014
Do not tell me that I have impacted
you and do not tell me that I etched a
memory into your bones and that you
can feel the way my lips dragged
along your own flowered mouth because
I am not a hurricane and I am not a
natural disaster, I am only a human, I
am only a voice that belongs to the choir of
the world you are stuck in, I am just
a grain of sand left over from a torn-up
highway and discarded with the memory
of us because one person shouldn't be able
to affect another in the way you affect me.
xntivibes Mar 2014
I
want
to
find
something
that
makes
me
feel
whole
again.

I
want
­to
find
something
that
will
make
the
gray
clouds
go
away.

I
want­
something
that
will
make
flowers
grow
in
the
deepest
parts
of
me­.

I
j
u
s
t
w
a
n
t
h
a
p
p
i
n
e
s
s
.

— The End —