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The button is pressed
Like you would squeeze a trigger
Its not a bullet that hits us
But its just as fast
The camera flash
Snatches a snapshot of the past
But time won't let this moment last
So it's a good thing the lens
Played witness to this instance
Now the purity captured in enternity
Is proof of her and me currently
Loving our uncertainty
And for that spilt second
These trees are seized by the breeze
Though it is brief each leaf
Is gently rocked to sleep
And it's their dreams that I seek to keep
Because its seems to be the only time I can SEE
My reality is fading to fallacy
So this is my last stand
And I will fight it valiantly
You can take my vanity
But leave me my sanity
I have a feeling this sand will be
Far past challenging
So if you are up for it
Box it and store it
Put the pedal to the metal lets floor it
Remember I kissed your lips
So tag. You're it.
Hurry up and make your move
Cause soon there won't be enough room in this tomb
Keep your eyes on tomorrow
But still live for today
And if you can't see that far
Then all you have to do is say
"Please, show me the way"
Though we both know you won't stay
But I'll play along anyway
Cause when the flash comes again
I believe I'll be leaves in your wind
Even if for only a minute
And as long as you're in it
Each pictures worth
Is far more than 1,000 words.
Anthony J Alexander 2010
A&E
A&E
You're too high strung wound like a top, but not well spun.
What are you, sprung?
You're too well hung to act this young.
So what if she loves every song that you've sung?
It's just because she's obsessed with the grooves in your tongue,
now,
move in the sun and taste it.

Today is beautiful and I'll be ****** if you waste it getting wasted, let's face you're too content with being complacent.

Your placement and current situation are not your destination.
However,
don't be anxious you know your knowledge is ancient and none of this "ain't ****".
Take note of the double negative.
**Anything.
Is.
Everything.
been a long time since i wrote a poem i guess this is my attempt at a new one.
Picture everyone around you
Fallen to rubble
Because you gave up
At the first sign of trouble
You fulfilled their demise
When they saw defeat in you eyes
You never know what God has in store
So never settle for less
And always strive for more
When everyone starts
To fall and crumble
Hold them up
And don’t you dare stumble
You have to have the ability
To show mental stability
Even through pure insanity
When all is dark
Be their sun
Be their strength
When they have none
When life brings
Nothing but pain
Be nothing
But their cleansing rain
So when they come to you
With the problems they’re facing
Be their salvation
When they think it’s all over
Lift them onto your shoulder
Show them strength
Until the day you die
During life’s long length
Always Smile And Never Cry
Anthony J. Alexander 2006
Out of all my days under the burning sun
I regret not for the things I have done
I regret not for all the times I had fun
Now I regret something but only one
My vengeful thoughts got the best of me
Now my heart questions my mind
And my mind questions the rest of me
Some say what I did was right
Because you did the same **** to me
But they don't see
That what I did
Destroyed everything we could be
Tell me this
How are we
Supposed to live happily
If I can't trust you
And you can't trust me
Say I did all this for you to get rid of me
No punishment would sit more fittingly
For you to still stay with me
And still lay with me
'Cause if I hate to be
Around you then punish me
And don't leave me
Stay right next to me
All this of course speaking hyopthetically
That isn't what I want
And this isn't just a stunt
I love you baby
And that isn't just a front
I'm sorry for all the things I have done to you
All the times I made you blue
I see how much its hurts you
And for that I wish you never knew
I should have just left it to hide
So that I could eat me inside
As our relationship grew
Into the blossoming flower
I wish it to I will be
For everything im sorry
Now the only thing I regret...is you loving me
Anthony J. Alexander 2006
A heart still stinging
The tone still singing
And still ringing
Still enraged in wrath
Still burning with fury
But now
Right now
The beautiful tone ceases
And now it's dead
Just like all these pieces
And I pick them up
One by one
While these tears drop
Until the day I'm done
Until the day I die
And I ask my self why?
Why am I so stupid?
How could I let you do this to me?
Again! You think I would learn
Since it happened once before
You think that I would see
By the way you acted
By the way you attracted
All these guys
But although I knew
You would never do anything
I just never thought that you would do this
I just thought that you wouldn't hurt me this bad
I didn't think that it would hurt this bad
But now I'm not sad
And now I'm not mad
Because now I see
You never cared for me
And now YOU see
I care not for you
But only for her
And me
Anthony J. Alexander 2005
Somewhere deep inside it stirs
And at first it felt like a curse
But now that I have a better look
Its a hand filled with everything I took
Attached to an arm that bears my strength
Attached to a shoulder that carries this weight
Attached to a chest that is hollow and dark
Attached to a head that is falling apart
So they gaze upon me with the highest bias
Like they already know which one my lie is
When theres a noose on your neck
Its hard to tell how tight your tie is
Until I got this advice life doesnt play nice
Its hard and rough
And doesnt care if you're tough enough
Or how much stuff you can bluff
Or even who you wish you could love
So when you get knocked down
Knocked out or even knocked up
Dont just give up first sit up then get up
So now I'm brushing off the dust and more so the lust
Just trust that you and me making us is a must
Because we stand like no one else can
And I'm shaping your sand with my own bare hand
Attached to this arm that can hold you for years
Attached to this shoulder that can catch all your tears
Attached to this chest that has a place just for you
Attached to this head that wishes only that you knew
Anthony J. Alexander 2010
Love notes disguised
As poems she wrote,
Are hidden under the pillow
Where she rests her head
On the bed that holds the only world
Where true love can blossom;

Because in this one
She gave her flowers away,
But they were tossed in
A locked bin and forgotten,
Now broken hearted and feeling discarded
she runs harder then when the race started

Has a destination in mind but no end in sight
Just the moon and the light from the stars in the night
She pours out her heart, I see the scars from the fights

And as I lay my mind, body and soul
On top of hers in an attempt
To use these words to to heal anything that hurts
...We burst...

Into a realm where every reflection
Is the exact perfection you were never expecting
To discover in each other
Couldn't find it in yourself let alone another

Now the ground, once covered in moss and things
Is awesomely blossoming
With the most beautiful flowers,
Not often seen by the eyes of the waking world,

I turn to this girl

And speaking soft as all time stopped
She said to me


"You've never been here before.
But I have spent more time here than there,
for various reasons I'd rather not share.
My mind, body and soul bid you welcome
to the only place I can help them.
This is my heart.
The very essence of my core,
what you see is all I have,
and nothing more.
So please tread light,
my heavily and shiny armored knight."



While I remove my armor,
I can't help but wonder
Would I get trapped in this bliss
If we happened to kiss
The softest green blades between my toes
I've never felt grass like this
So I walk slowly toward her
I know; I may not get another pass at this.
Anthony J. Alexander 2010
The Winter is cold...
The Summer is colder...
With this heart of gold...
I will only get older...
And grow old all alone...
Incrazed by this constant ringing...
Of this beautiful tone...
Of a heart still stinging...
And burning with fury...
Enraged in wrath...
But still I worry...
About following this path...
Is it the same?
Just like before...
Is she playing a game?
I can't take much more...
Maybe I should get away...
From the pain before it comes...
Maybe I should stay...
So that this pain just numbs...
Or it might just not come at all...
I hope it doesn't show...
I don't want this one to fall...
Baby I just want you to know...
That I love you...
And I'm going to stay...
I hope you love me too...
And I'll never go away...
I love you too much...
Please don't be mad...
'Cause I miss your touch...
And it's making me sad...
I need your love now...
More than ever...
I need your vow...
To never, never...
Leave me alone and always be there...
'Cause I won't stop loving you...
And I think we're a cute little pair...
And I hope You still love me too...
Now I will never miss...
This eternal bliss...
As I run back through the mist...
And you come into view...
You're still there...
You waited for me...
I tell you I love you...
And you say it back...
So now I see that you do love me...
Now mutual love we will never lack.....
Anthony J. Alexander 2004
Just yesterday...
I hugged you...
Just yesterday...
I kissed you...
Now today...
I fight with you...
Now today...
I yell at you...
I hate this...
And I miss...
Our endless loving bliss...
And I clench my fist...
As you fade into the mist...
Once your gone...
I stall...
Once your gone...
I fall...
Onto my knees...
And now I'm nothing...
I'm begging you please...
With you I'm everything...
Without you I'm nothing...
So dont leave...
I need you here with me...
So that I'll be...
Something, someone...
So please dont tell me..
Dont tell me we're done...
And I dont want a break...
Because us apart...
I just cant take...
All the pain...
And I cant take the hurt..
Thinking my loves a stain...
On your shirt...
Baby I want you back...
I promise I'll pick up my slack...
And I'll try really hard...
If it will make you happy...
I'll drop my guard...
And I'll let you see ME...
The true me...
I'll open up...
And I'll spill it all...
Just for you to see...
Anthony J. Alexander 2004
All dreams shattered
All hopes lost
Love’s roaring flame
Now covered in frost
A desolate wasteland
With a blanket of ice
This is because
Love comes at a price
To love someone
Means to sacrifice
Everything good
And everything nice
I gave it all up
Just to be with you
Threw it all away
For you to love me too
So why is this frost bitten heart
So icy blue
You give everything for love
And lose it all to pain
That’s why this heart is frozen
And forever slain
If my eyes could rain
It would be a furious rain
Birthed from a vicious pain
Which from love I gain
Your unspeakable actions
Ring still within my brain
Love suppressed my reactions
And kept me sane
As any man with a heart so slain
And these thoughts ringing within his brain
My decision unclear
Loneliness or happiness
My mind quit
And my heart did steer
When I walked away
It took me right back here
After the drop of a single tear
No longer cold as I hold you near
I feel the warming rays of the sun
In my heart Winter is over
And Spring has begun
Anthony J. Alexander 2006
In a time of only black and white I am half past colored,
choking on grey.
Relentless in my decent I am sent into the fray.
Sentimental sense gone and washed away.
Clean like our hands dipped in dismay.
Can we interest you in a few "I guess it's true" well that's too bad, it's all that's being offered. And it's awfully absurd.
Can't recall when it occurred but here it is. Inside my every word. Within my every waking moment I am observed in blur and slapped with a slur attached to defining my ability to serve. Smothered in the debris of everyone before me, my book is 30 chapters of the same story.
I break from the mold demanding the ever intensifying focus of eyes wide open as I preach from the curb screaming from within my own skin. But I am speaking in tongues
and these ones, well, they are deaf anyway.
In a time of only black and white I am half past colored,
choking on grey.
If you happen to ask what one half of me thinks of other
I would ponder upon the perplexity,
that to think less of me would mean that I don't think of me at all.

Lonely.
Darker.

Seething.
Blacker.

Slowly seeping,
deeper into the ether,
toward the sleeping creature.

The Keeper of Neither.

I can wash it off but it's all for naught,
It's in my skin now.
Spent too long on the wrong end of upside down.
Never have I ever made
or heard a sadder sound
than when I finally got a grip
just to watch it still slip
and shatter on the ground.

Am I lost or just waiting to be found?

So here I am sitting in my throne of obsidian,
drinking damnation as I dine on oblivion.
Self proclaimed king with a paper mache crown.

Am I lost or just waiting to be found?
Any chair is a throne if you try hard enough.
Everything has changed
Yet nothing is different
You left me deranged
But I don’t think you meant it
The things you have done
Have burnt this one
Engulfed in flames
With the rage of the sun
My hearts a puzzle
For which you hold the last piece
You hold it forever
Is the way it seems
To watch my soul decrease
And my life decease
Sleeping tranquil
In eternal peace
You teased me with happiness
And punished me with pain
You pleased me with cuteness
As you played your game
You set up a smoke screen
To keep me blind
I could have never seen
The hurt and anguish
Resulting from you scheme
An unescapable pain
This is no dream
Fore this is reality
And I am love’s fatality
Anthony J. Alexander 2006
As I lay my head down to sleep
I ask you Lord, please keep
Me from the Devil’s grasp
Free my soul from its fleshy clasp
So it can set flight
As I retire for the night
So I can sleep soundly in my bed
Without a dream in my head
Because to tell you the truth Lord
My actions were of the most untoward
I don’t want these thoughts to haunt me
And wake in the night looking rather gauntly
Please Lord, forgive me for my sins
Let me start anew as the new day begins
I am truly in dismay
For the unholy crimes committed today
I ask for your sympathy
And I plea for your empathy
I apologize for tomorrows sins that I may commit
I’m no where near a saint yes I admit
But I tried hard today
To live as close as I could to heavenly way
And tomorrow will be better
I’ll try harder to loosen the Devil’s fetter
Just let your mercy rain down like thunder
To help me sleep but avoid eternal slumber
Anthony J. Alexander 2006
Out with the old
And in with the new
I'm rather sick of you
And your shade of blue
So pack your bags and keep walking it
Because these moccosins are wearing awful thin,
These shoes can't take the softenin'
So I'm stuck scraping the **** off of them
Where's the coffin when; you're needin' one
I didn't see the gum before I stepped in it
Now I'm left with it- on the bottem of my soul
And your diamonds are still coal so I'm still cold
To any bull that you throw,
Because the catch is I can catch its, truth
As long as any tooth stuck to the roof
Of your mouth screams out about
How it's living a lie and giving the blind
False hopes through all scopes
That have you in their sights
And sleep with you at nights;
When you're leaving your side
Of my bed freezing-
I can only hope
That one day your secrets,
Will become your regrets
And your defects,
Will become your respects.
Until then I keep my hand raised
In the background; in case my sound
Will ever be found, but it seems too loud
For me to come around-
So I keep my distance
And put my name on the guest list
Like I'm just another "friend"
Looking to the future
And having faith in the end,
Like you won't be another "again"
Anthony J Alexnader 2010
The things I have been through
Make me question why
Why can't I die?
Why can't I just grow wings and fly
Float away to the sky
Leave earth with relieved goodbye
But no I have to stay
And watch the threads of my life fray
Until the long awaited day
Where I hear you say
See you later one last time
When my pen hits the paper
For one last rhyme
And then I lift that pen
After that one last line
Then I can take that peaceful flight
With the Gates of Heaven in sight
I'm hoping I accepted
After all I might
But I haven't done that much good
And never once did I fight
For something worth while
So now I'm setting everything right
With a soft warm smile
But no one sees me care
They say it's not my style
They say my heart is too bare
And my mind is too wild
I'm not trying to convince everyone
I just want to undo
The damage I have done
On my own life
I'll continue to bet
And through out life
I'll continue to repay that debt
Until its my time
And death I have met
So all thats left for me
Is to lie in wait
Contimplate and calculate
On the arrival of
That so atticipated date
Where for one last time
I can attempt to defy my fate
Anthony J. Alexander 2006
Destruction rains down
From a storm stricken cloud
The wind muffles the sound
Of the rain drops shattering the ground


Like the concrete is made of glass
Being not the first but the last
Is the only thing I could ask
If she would ever read past


The cover of the book
To give it one more look
Or hand back what she took
My bishop, knight; and rook


Her darkness harbors creatures
With the all her demon's features
Why should it be me first?
Does she really think I can defeat her's?



These walls were built with the intention
To keep all of mine fenced in
In hopes one day to send them
To some other dimension


Alas; I have fought three or four
Of her demons before
But when I asked for more
She locked the door


So I can't keep believing
That she's going to keep reading
The truth is she's leaving
And I still feel like I'm bleeding.
Anthony J. Alexander 2010
Indigo sunrise on midnight skies
Crimson fog rolls on and over every shoulder
Soul demands that were holding hands
But our fingers never interlace as we enter space
And exit gracefully
We all together free-fall forever
Heavily bleeding hardly breathing
Heavenly seething far from leaving
Ironic how the difference between a smile and a grin is within the eyes
Are you certain your discernment wasn't descended from a serpent?
There’s purpose on the surface but everything under that is worthless  
Too many links in the chain to measure its length
Or the faith in its own strength
Beguiled by the mild high of the wild fly
Who, somehow always remembers to forget
However never has to do either
I fell in love with a girl named Hope,
as she wrapped her cold hands around my throat.
And while I choked, I wrote "let's elope..."
She replied,
*"Nope. Even though that'd be dope,
I only came for what's owed. So, here's your last smoke and six feet of rope."
Nothing but sand
As far as I can see
No hide and seek
This vulture is in sight of me
Continuously even in sleep
Massive wings a deep
Almost tranquil black
Each murderous flap
Hits like a thunder clap
Or better yet a back hand slap
To remind me of the fact
That as long as I roam
Nothing is ever my own
So when I find anything I feel is a meal
It swoops down to steal
Everything I call real
Now hardly far from starving
Me and this vulture keep arguing
That my nibbles and bites
Can suffice to keep me warm
Through these nights
I wonder how it will survive
When I'm no longer alive
Because it almost literally
Feeds off me
Then whispers it's needs softly
That I meet promptly
So it can constantly taunt me
Because the thought haunts me
That if it went home
I would roam all alone
Anthony J. Alexander 2010
Sometimes my heart dies
And when that happens
My mind cries
And when that happens
My soul flies
And keeps on going
On a constant rise
To a place that sits
Well above the skies
And in that place
I need not a mask or a guise
Unbound by society's
Stereotypical ties
I am unaffected by
The world's maniacal lies
And in this place
No one says their goodbyes
Because no one has to
Ever meet their demise
And everyone loves
No one chooses sides
Everyone's loyal
There are no traitors or spies
No one is in competition
Because there is no prize
This is where I want us to be
For the rest of our lives
Because this is what I see
When I look into your eyes
Anthony J. Alexander 2007
There once was an angel
To look after a girl
There once was an angel
To resurrect her world
She loved this angel
And dreamed of them together
But every time she hurt him
Down came a feather
She thought they were gifts from him
When they fell from the sky
So she held them close
And never asked why
She kept each one
Not knowing the damage she’s done
And at the end of the day
She puts them next to her bed
In very special place
Then rests her head
With a smile on her face
Not knowing soon he’ll be dead
Not knowing he’s hurting
From all the things she said
He looks at his wounds
As he tries to say “I love her”
He tries to protect her
And tries to stay above her
He looks down
And she no where around
So he lets himself
Crash to the ground
That night she had nightmares
And together-less dreams
And in the morning found her angel
With featherless wings
So rushed to where she kept them
And she collected all of them
She put them back on his body
Only to watch them fall again
His heart filled with the resin
Of love’s bitter sweet nectar
But if he goes back to heaven
Who will protect her?
So he turns in his halo
And his torn apart wings
He gives up his powers
For material things
Now stuck on Earth
Never again to fly or glide
He gave up everything to be human
So he could stay at her side
Anthony J. Alexander 2007
Mind forced to wonder
The planes of oblivion
Heart blackened and rough
Covered in obsidian
This is the damnation
Of the body I'm sitting in
Abandoned and hopeless
Im lying there helpless
And youre standing there selfish
You have done your damages
Rained your destruction
No need for bandages
They are only obstructions
Witness the wounds
Observe their infection
This is merely obsession
Filled with deception
Shackled and bound
By chains of depression
Now terrorfied to feel
Heart sunk in reccession
Once was full
But now only a cresent
A sliver a life
Cursed with agression
That only you can lessen
With you beautiful blessing
Just your pressence your essence
Is all I require
To lift me up higher
And escape this fire
On top that spire
Is the spot I desire
I will try to fly us
But my wings are so tired
From lifting you
Out of the brire
But I won't quit until we make it
Only then can I retire
Anthony J. Alexander 2008
This life of sin
Is like a game of chess
That I just can’t win
It has no pros
All it has is cons
Like a team of queens
Versus my team of pawns
I have no power
And it seems my grapes
Always turn sour
Even if I try
To make the best of every hour
No matter what happens
My heart will never know
What it means to cower
It only knows now
What it is to empower
My body with the strength
To reach the top of this tower
Hopefully with my new faith
I can manage to scour
The stains of sin from my life
Leaving nothing but a glower
Upon the Devil’s face
As I slide you
Into my protective embrace
My sins will erase
When our fingers interlace
Anthony J. Alexander 2006
Over royal tombs and palace walls,
moonlit dreams spread whispers of the rising sun.

Come to me says the sirens song
Come to me, lay down your sword, lay down your shield
Come to me


Shadowy figures gather within the dark spots of her eyes
to share secrets of why she can't see.
Vision stolen by the greatest of thieves,
capable of stealing things that aren't yours to begin with;
Nor anyone elses.

But when the stars come down to kiss goodnight
and she rests her head on the softest planets,
sprawling across galaxies, wrapping her body-less soul in a warm nebula,
the sweetest dreams will cradle her new born thoughts,
tugging at the strings to her wings,
drowning out every siren that sings and brings their destruction
with out having to touch them.

Standing on rooftops chanting paganisms toward the heavens
like a heathen taunting the sky fire.
And it comes,
like the rain from home it comes;
It always does.

And as the gentle sunrise graces her face,
lighting up and opening the windows to her soul
I see that it's burning cyan-hazel flames;
Make moonlit dreams become sun soaked realities
Anthony J. Alexander 2010
There have been times
When I thought about
Going to church
Just to see if it
Would ease my pain
Or make me not
Hurt in vain
This heart of gold
Grows so very cold
With no one to hold
I’m so close to praying
For God to stop playing
With my heart, my mind, my soul
I fall to my knees
Put my hands together
And start to say please
A tear drips down
Hits the street
I’m feeling the pain
I’m starting to cry
No it’s starting to rain
Before I can choke out the next word
A shadow is cast on me
For a second I thought it was God
Come to rescue me
I slowly raise my head
Tears stop flowing from my eyes
To my surprise
It’s not God I see
But an angel
With beauty so heavenly
As she looks down on me
For the very first time
I don't feel cold inside
She wraps her hands around mine
Tells me all is fine
She lifts me off of my knees
And into her arms
The rain is finished
My hurting is done
As we sit in the summer warmth
Watching the rising sun
I can’t help but think
This is the one
I tell her “I love you”
She says “I love you, too”
If you haven’t guessed yet
This angel is you
Anthony J. Alexander 2006
I pretend to be indestructible
But I know I'm not
I pretend things don't effect me
But inside I rot
I make it look like I roll with the punches
So you never thought
For one second that I wouldn't protect you
From harm anyone sot
To inflict upon you
I play the role of bulletproof vest
You take one percent of the damage
And I take the rest
I'm willing to be your human shield
So you take a pin ***** of the blade
While my wounds can't be healed
So I stand bleeding
In a flower filled field
You didn't realize
We could have been something great
You didn't know how much I love you
And now it's too late
This was my destiny
This was my fate
To die attempting to touch
Something that can't be reached
Because I love you so much
It didn't matter what happened to me
Pain, heartbreak, and things of that such
Didn't demoralize me
And since I left, now I see
That I was born to die
And died to be
Your guardian angel
I was created to protect you
I was created to love you
I still do my job
Only now I float above you
Anthony J. Alexander 2006
As soon as you heard the rain,
you came in like a hurricane.

                                             Destroyed everything

and claimed I was to blame.

Then didn't even try to clean up what's left,
just moved the mess from one room to the next.

We're oh so close in our hearts and souls
but
our minds are so distant
might as well be antiscians.
Even though I see you in my nightly visions,
and you cross all my thoughts with capital Ts,
and I dot all your eyes with kisses from butterflies.
I know your disguise is comprised completely of lies
like both of your faces are living 2 separate lives.

In the darkness I scream
but
I don't speak.
In the darkness I dream
but
I don't sleep.
All I hear is the clock

tick-tocking
and it's
sick mocking.

I think it is laughing at me, for being half as happy
as I claim that I am.
You can only place so much blame on a man
before you find him laying in the sand,
thinking he should stayed when he ran.
So now I'm feeling dim
but
not quite dull.
Which means my mind is sharp
but
something is wrong with my *soul.
This is my oasis in the fog.
I was baptized in these waters
and I don't even believe in God.
But now;
my sanctuary is tainted barely
as you throw your rocks in my pond.

After three or four the ripples still,
can't even touch the shore
like an infant child reaching for their feet for the first time.

Clutching ... Grasping ... ******* ... Gasping ...

Searching for the lady bugs to fight against these aphids.
How could say this isn't where the rain hits
when I've never heard a single one of my songs on your playlist?

...Memories fade like a fragrance...

Or so dreamt the cool cat that slept
on the warm hood of a suburban in his suburban hood.
Born in a summer haze and died just the same.

Will you come sit by my side at the piano
and criticize the way I turn the pages?


Because kings are rulers but can't measure a thing,
all you can do is sit and count your treasure in vain.
Heavy lies the crown but don't let it weigh you down.

I feel oddly godly in this mortal skin of mine.
Sure I bleed like a human but my colors are true.
Not crimson red or royal blue.
Hell I mean, they aren't even cowardly yellow or envious green,
rather transparent; unseen.

Now I know how it feels
to splatter and shatter
like raindrops on the windshield.

Too intense and immense I can barely take it,
I quickly recoil like the foot that breaks forth
from the warmth of your blanket.
I sit here missing you...
Knowing I can't have you...
As I sit here wishing I was kissing you...
And a tear rolls down my cheek...
As I softly touch your face...
But of my love I shall not speak...
It tears me apart, knowing I can't share...
This terrible burden I must bare...
Knowing there are things I can't tell you...
Like how much I love you...
And how much I need you...
How long I want tou hold you...
How tight I want to hug you...
How bad I miss you...
How bad I miss us...
You don't know...
Because I will never tell...
I'm leaving her behind...
Because all she does is yell...
And moan and *****...
Because she is an evil witch...
And the only thing greater...
Than my hate for that *****...
Is my love for you...
You never knew and you shall never know...
To what extent I will go...
Just to let you know...
Just how much I love you...
But I can't let it show...
And my love you will never know...
Anthony J. Alexander 2005
Alone I sat on the top of a hill
Singing my sad song
Staring on the residue
That’s been there for so long
Wondering if I did things wrong
Trying to pretend that I’m still strong
But everyone sees the strength I once had
Is fading away and its driving me mad
I try to fall onto my side
To let out my tears inside
And lay on top of that hill
Never moving invisible to the world
Never to love another girl
As I fall the side
Thinking of pains new
And pains older
My head hits not the ground
But someone’s shoulder
I thought who would save me?
I look up and its you baby
So I sit on the same hill
No longer with a heart of stone
So I sit on the same hill
No longer alone
Anthony J. Alexander 2006
More ment for torment then enjoyment
a story of how a young boy went
from scared to scarred, caged and barred
to ruling the whole school yard.

Self taught on how to be a man
making makeshift sense of anything he can,
looking at the puzzle with no pieces in hand
she couldn't stand the picture, so she took them and ran.

Confessions of secrets well known
eroded by the wind, worn down to the bone.
Never felt more alone in his own home,
he can only hear you if you speak in the right tone

She can see it on his face,
he needs her in this place
and if they keep this pace,
she could be one of the greats.

But can she bench press the stress he puts on her?
With nothing but faith and love as her sponser,
no sword or shield, ready to defend their honor
she came head to head with his monster.

Tested in time
by the rest of his mind,
through the mess she will find
she has less to unwind.

Wearing his shirt,
cleaning his dirt,
taking the hurt,
because she knows they will work.

Arms open and hands empty.
Wanting nothing more than to love him simply,
she keeps his focus away from the tempting.
I asked where she came from
she whispered to me gently...

*The heavens sent me.
I have done everything for you
I even turned my life around
I even told you that I loved you
But this phrase you confound
You though I meant something else
When I said my love was abound
You though I meant something else
When I said my love was profound
The bird that once was my passion
Now crashed to the ground
I don’t remember its song
And I can’t recall its sound
Because the storm of your ignorance
Forced my our ship aground
I hope your tears as immense
That way you’ll drown
I blame my stupidity
For my mind being unsound
Or maybe it’s all the girls
That have been redound
Onto my long list
To create this compound
But then I met you
And my life unwound
I believed you to be different
And then I frowned
I believed you to be different
And then I found
That you’re not so different
Than other girls around
And just like theirs
I won’t let our bird’s song resound
No not this time
This time it will stay downed
It was damaged from last time
So it couldn’t have survived this fall
You broke its leg, wing and neck
So now it can’t even crawl
But I don’t care
That bird means nothing to me
Just like you
Another hole in my wall
Anthony J. Alexander 2006
Are these poems
Or love letters?
I suppose there is seldom a difference
When it comes to people like us
Convectional affection
Love conceived but left unborn
Never to come to fruition
A mutual decision
At least that what I tell myself
But I dreamt of you again
Laying in the soft grass by the still waters
Like you've always been
Though I have avoided that place for some time
Call this my homecoming
My shining armor now tarnished
My sword and shield worn free of their varnish
Skin garnished with scars
I hold neither regret nor shame
That everything has changed so much
But will you love me the same
Even though I am not such?
Horrific scenes of things unseen,
haunt my dreams with terrifying screams.

                                     Breath taking sight with colors vibrant and bright,
                              is the guiding light to my thoughts through the night.


Laying in a cold sweat my sheets soaking wet,
and I'm willing to bet I haven't even slept yet.

                                       Sound asleep in my bed with pillow under head,
                          loving that I never bled from everything that's been said


Tossing and rolling, not wanting whoever is next to me to hold me
I want you only and I need you solely

                              Cuddled with my princess, finally came to my senses.
                                                 No more defenses, just tickles and pinches.


Sick, broken hearted and thoughts always darkened,
don't know why we parted or how this all started.

                                     Calm, cool, collected, not defensive but protected.
                       Wrongs have been corrected and the right choice selected.


Overwhelmingly stressed and equally depressed,
I'm such a mess I have nothing left.**

                                                *Cup overflowing with smiles both glowing,
                              happy in knowing we don't know where we're going.
The skies are clear, between these ears.
Days turn to minutes, while months turn to years.

I'm set in stone,
how are you still molding your clay?
Don't look at me that way.
I take on your whole week in just one day.

So take shots and smoke ***, rather then not.
Simply forgot or just part of the plot?

Does the sleeve hold an ace or just empty space?
Whatever he's got, it seems like a lot
of riddles and

trickery.

I'll spit this heat until you're sick of me.
You're every bit of free so sit and see
how quickly we can be
each other's enemy.

With no help or aid
the trembling lending hand is afraid.
Would you have stayed?
If things were taken to the grave
instead of put on display
like they're cut into a high top fade

Powerful or powerless
carefully creeping
with a slithering prowess.
Don't tell the cowards.
Because.

They will sacrifice hours
To take what's ours

I tried to whisper your name yesterday,
but all I could do was scream.
I tried to remember your face,
but all I could do was *dream
I educate the ignorant,
     but am not a teacher

I spread the truth,
     but am not a preacher

I fight for my life,
     but am not a soldier

I shape my future,*
     *but am not a sculptor


Everything that you are seeing
Everything that I am being
Is the only thing I can
Fore I am, solely what I am

                  ...A man...
Anthony J. Alexander 2010
If only, if only...
If only you knew...
How much I care...
And how much I love you...
Your spot in my heart...
Is vast and wide...
Nothing can compare...
To this love I hold inside...
This love for you...
That I hold, is umatched...
And I know you love me too...
No one can understand...
That our love...
Can cover this land...
Mabye its just me...
Or maybe its just our love...
But to me your an angel...
Right from above...
God sent you down to me...
As a special gift...
Just for me, and for everyone to see...
I have u now only for me...
But I still lack to see...
If only if only...
If only I could see...
How much you care...
And how much you love me...
Anthony J. Alexander 2004
You knew I loved you
And you know I love you
Still you brush me off
And turn me aside
Now I turn the tide
And let my anger free
Though my insanity
I hurt you now
But dont you worry
I wont hurt you physically
I'll just hurt you physcologically
And drive you crazy
'Till you hear the things I hear
And see the things I see
'Till people tell you
The things that they tell me
And the whispers oh the whispers
Whisper so softly
But still driving me crazy
Stealing away my sanity
Hurling me into a world of choas
Here no one can bother us
Not you and me
But the voices of my insanity...
Anthony J. Alexander 2005
Digging through dreams,
to unearth confessions.
Can't you see the difference
between deception and discretion?
Or are you distracted by the cracks in the perfection?

A timid but ever relentless conscience
guides the human like responses.
Remind me that I'm only mortal
Take hold of my soul,
no need to be cordial you can be forceful.

Show me your strength and to what length you're willing to go
Question me for the answers you're not just dying
but killing to know.


These visions that I've fit you in,
you claim aren't genuine
and have no impact on real life.
But to me it feels like steel spikes
so I keep the seal tight.

If we both know what love takes
let's open up them flood gates
and give it a run for it's money.
We'll do it for Slug's sake,
because I'm not the coldest hopeless romantic rapper.

After the smoke clears
and cheeks have soaked tears
I stood and spoke here,
even if it was to closed ears.
Doesn't matter how rough the road
or that the rain is cold.

*'Cause I'm gonna be alright,
and you're gonna be alright,
you ain't gotta hold my hand
just walk with me tonight.
My nightly routine now days
Is to sit and watch the sun raise
Above these graves
Not to absorb it's majesty
But to observe the tragedy
As the warmth flows though my veins
Wishing it could chase away the shame
And anything that looks the same
Now here comes the rain
No here comes the hurricane
With winds stronger
Then any demon I've fought, bottle I've bought
Pill that I've popped or drug I've dropped
So more often then not
I've sought to put holes in your plot
In hopes to stop the thought you brought
From taking over your mind this time
It's not as easy as you think
When you stand on the brink
Of being extinct and begin to sink
But my instinct tells me
What I don't understand
Am I any less of a man
Just because I can surpass your demands
And land in the sand with a helping hand
You have too much on your plate
And I'm looking for a meal to steal
But you think I'm carefully
Searching for clarity and apparently
I can't handle the hunger
I wonder how you got under
This wrong impression
Was it the aggression
Or just it's direction
I pack my pistols with pencils
And point them at these pages
With faith that it's contagious
Run to or run from
Any and everything under the sun
And when you're done if you come
With some type of gun
Be sure to take it off stun
And make that *** weigh a ton
You wake up shirtless on purpose
The thought that comes first is
Was it worth this?
I'm not going to lie
I still wonder why you even came by
Because through my eye view of you
Everything is plain and clear
But when you SEE me
Everything fades and smears
So what's it going to be
I'm not settling for "friend"
I'm not going to buy it
I want to hear the wind again
It's far too quiet...
Anthony J. Alexander 2010
I can clear these fence posts in one jump now...

But I remember the days when I would have to peek through it's cracks to catch a glimpse of the magical world that lay just outside them.

Stepping foot on grounds that haven't been touched by any shoes of mine in quite some time now...

But I remember the days when they had lights on side of them and I would jump higher and higher to try and make them brighter and brighter.

Sitting on that old swing set with my knees almost in my chest now...

But I remember the days when my feet dangled at the bottom of my legs reaching for the ground but never reaching it.

Standing in a field that's borders are clear because it's empty and plain now...

But I remember the days when the blackberry bushes covered near half of it's grass and I carved out a path to my first sanctuary that sat in the very back.

Awkwardly walking up those tiny random stairs fully bending down to slide my hands across the rails now...

But I remember the days when they were just waist high, the perfect size and I'd fly up them hitting each step with flawless stride.

Ducking under the monkey bars to avoid the blunt force trauma of smacking my head, I am much taller than them now...

But I remember the days of when I would climb onto the shoulders of friends to hang from them for as long as my fading grip would allow me.

Resting my weeping head on the this picnic table that is obviously too small for the likes of me now...

But I remember the days when I'd stand with ferocity on that table top and rain down my terror on Beth and Peggy Sue like any good Godzilla would do.

In a world where everything is instant and constantly fast paced, time seems slower in this place; untouched by age.

These walls and halls still echo my childhood laughter. As my now calloused hands capture my, adult sized, tears I silently thank whoever spent the years keeping this piece of history an unseen mystery to the ever flowing and changing universe.

No matter what turn my path takes I'll always remember the days when nothing could make greater escapes.

This man's weather worn face sits eye to eye with the unforgiving world now...

But behind the barrier of memories I am still a boy...

Spying on the non believers and teachers through fences that bordered my secret lair running up and down random stairs stomping my light up shoes on each step that rests just beyond a rusted swing set with chains as long as the sky so I felt like I could fly climbing mount bestfriend just to hold on for dear life like the monkey bars are as high as stars dropping down on top of the world and letting out a roar to scare the girls followed by belly laughter that shook the rafters....

That world has been morphing and contorting for quite awhile but I still smile

Because back then... I ruled it
In the very same way I do today.
Anthony J. Alexander 2010
Curse this heart of steel
I hate it's invincibility
Joy I can’t feel
And I accept pain so willingly
I think something’s wrong with me
I’m so comfortable with my insanity
As I sit in your room
And stare into your vanity
I catch myself thinking
What a perfect life it would be
Just you and me
Raising a family
A little you and a little me
Running around playfully
Then I fade back to reality
As you look at me innocently
Your kiss on my forehead
Reminds me of things once done
And words once said
You’re not the first
To tell me you love me
I say it back
Because I fall in love so easily
Though I know it will hurt
So painfully
When you leave me
And I’m left crippled, weak, and measly
Anthony J. Alexander 2006
The road is long and rough,
                    but it's ok;
These shoes are brand new.
The forest is dark and ominous,
                    but it's ok;
My candle is bright.
The rain is pouring and painful,
                    but it's ok;
I have my coat.
The wind is powerful and cold,
                    but it's ok;
My heart pumps warm blood.
                    So its ok,
                      it's ok...
              it's ok...
       it's ok...
**I'm ok.
Anthony J. Alexander 2010
I wish you knew
How bad it hurts
To watch him kiss you
To stand next to you
And act like we were never
Never together
Like I never said I love you
And neither did you, never
But we both know
We did love each other
And we let it show
We didnt care who saw
Your lovely kisses leaving me in awe
My hearts beats 100 miles an hour
Whenever your lips touch mine
Whenever your eyes meet mine
'Cause your hand fits mine
So perfectly
Like it was meant to be
And when you hug me
And squeeze me gently
Then touch me warmly
All I can do is smile
So you kiss me again
Oh so softly
I hold you closer
Hoping you will stay
But again you slip away
Again I live alone
Day by day
I wish you knew
That I can't live without you
And how I love you so
When you see me with her
Your emotions don't flow
But when I look into your eyes
I can't see that you know...
Anthony J. Alexander 2005
Following dark roads all night
looking for bright lights
to spark excitement and wonder where life went
the further we break from the burden of the world
the thinner the barrier between us and the heavens
I can almost reach out and touch them
while were on these hilltops
dancing like demons and devils
letting the magic dipped paper slip split
my mortal mind from my immortal soul
as the past slithers through the crowd like a snake
lurking in the grass only rearing its head to boast its own self loathing
but being so lost in the bass and the movement
makes me not even close to human
makes me more immune then
a deaf man trying to tune in or an ignorant man assumin'
and just as me and her return from our voyage
mother earth greets us
with the most beautiful sight
these one time eyes have ever seen so pristine
like a dream as a cloud drops to kiss the crisp hilltop
once again everything stops
and I thought
even witnessing the rot that she got
from scraping the bottom of the barrel
and lapping up the sin couldn't dampen the thin grin on my chin
so smile back baby
because not even all the cumpsters, so called friends or Christopher Walken himself
can stop us.
My question to the world is
Have you ever been lost?
Or felt like no meaning?
Empty and cold
Like a drug addict fiending
Drop everything
Just to pick up nothing
Put up a strong front
When you knew you were bluffing
Now you're hollowed out
Like a turkey no stuffing
And the universe is on you
With weight so crushing
You're walking in slow motion
And everyone is rushing
You're falling behind
So you open your mind
Only to find
That it has been confined
Now I'm left in the dust
To sit here and rust
Hitchhike with this sign
That says "Sanity or Bust"
Anthony J. Alexander 2008
Shhhhhhhhh
Do you hear that?
I think I've heard that song before
Can you play it once more just to be sure
'Cause under all this water
Everything sounds strange
So can you stay in your lane
I'm not down with the pain
I don't need to know your name
Or your status in the game
I feel like we came for the same thing
So quench my thirst and cure my hunger
You get on top after I go under
Then the rain and thunder
Sound like an infinite number
And as you start to sing
They continue to bring
Ceaseless diseases that break me to pieces
So I'm begging Jesus please just release us
The singing has been ringing
And already started stinging
Can you take it back to the beginning
When it all seemed more fitting
This sound is dampening what's left
**** near making me deaf
So show me the next step
Because I still can't hear anything yet
Anthony J. Alexander 2010
So many times in my life
I’ve gone down the wrong path
Leaving nothing in my wake
But a brutal blood bath
I seemed to be misdirected
Until God and I connected
With us being conjoined
He gave me the insight
To see that when I thought to be right
Actually all along
I couldn’t be more wrong
He handed this power to me
Only to take it away
Then give it back another day
He kept doing this
Just for fun and just for play
Sometimes when I needed him
He wasn’t there
When I looked for him in my soul
I found it was bare
He did help me at times
But these times are rare
It looks like he helps some
More than others
And that isn’t fair
Is it that he can’t help us all?
Or that he just doesn’t care?
Whatever it is
When I needed him most
He left me alone
When I needed him close
He left me to roam
Now I’m lost
And I don’t know which way is home
Anthony J. Alexander 2006
I sit here thinking
This heart of mine
It just keeps sinking
Why heart? Why do you sink?
Why girl? Why must you wink?
Why do you have to love so hard
And why must mine
Be chained and bared
Locked in this cage
With no where to go
Locked in this daze
Where my mind cant grow
And its hard to stay above you
With a fading scream
My heart says to love you
But with confused cries
My mind says otherwise
So I’m still sitting in the mist
Trying to make sense of all this
My body cold in this chair
I feel a touch on my wrist
And on my cheek
A soft warm kiss
Then suddenly
I start to reminisce
Of the love and the bliss
I slowly life up my head
To see your beautiful face
And all the feelings I dread
Gone without a trace
But you didn’t hear what I said
You gave me no space
In a while well be back in this place
But deep down inside I thinks its okay
As long as we live to fight another day
As long as I make it to the morning
Just to hear you say
I love you sweetheart
So lets try again I want to restart
And hopefully we can make it
Through the next rough part
Anthony J. Alexander 2007
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