gazing at stars
when struggles with
darkness deep down
stretches the night,
I seek counsel,
searching you
amongst the brightest
of lights above.

one of the hardest feelings
in the world
for me
used to be
the one that
reminds you how
nobody loves you
which I now believe
to be grossly untrue for,
there'll always be
somebody who
dares to love you
in silence,
from afar

Sitting, looking out the window,
only me and the darkness
waiting on the Christmas sun.

Wondering what is next to do –
the sun doesn’t fix the solitude.
Maybe I will just go out and run.

Run forever, until I find
the mystery at the edge of the earth,
keep running ‘til I’m done.

they say
you become what you
surround yourself with
I surround myself with nightmares
am I a nightmare
I surround myself with invisible friends
does that make me invisible
I surround myself with toxins
so am I toxic

you call me creative
but my mind is the place
dreams go to die

they embark on a quest to impart me with
gold stained teeth that smile with some kind of weight

but they drown soaked in the ash
of too many stale apologies and
late night '*******'s screamed at the sky
so hollow they ring on their own

i'm so tired of pretending my words have meaning
but the only things bouncing in my skull are the nightmares
that survived me

so i don't go to sleep

its four am
I'm drinking coffee
I'm writing stories
writing poetry
being productive
but
its no fun
there's just pain
and pain
and misery