Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
2.2k · Mar 2017
I really do
AnolikeAkau Mar 2017
I miss you, I really do
But you obviously don't want to talk to me anymore.
So what's the point?
It hurts, it really does
But I still hope for a "Hey how are you?" Every so often.
Sometimes I miss you so much it physically hurts.
But I don't blame you for not wanting to talk to me anymore.
I just wish you would.
When I get into moods like this and I know it's really all my fault, I really do want to **** myself. But what's the point? You wouldn't reach out if you saw this anyway.
1.7k · May 2014
Hug Deprivation
AnolikeAkau May 2014
Hugging you is so much better
More so than being alone
But that feeling I get
Of happiness and joy
Can't be achieved if I never see you
If we are never together

Hugging you is so much better
I feel protected
But I can't feel this
For the reason that even when I do
See you, you don't want me to hug you
You tell me to let go

Hugging you is so much better
More so than feeling alone
Any where I am
With anyone I'm with
Hugging you couldn't be better
If it was actually you
Hug deprivation is a serious illness. I get it all the time
AnolikeAkau May 2016
I think I'm starting to get bad again
I'm playing with my knives again
I like the feeling of the blade on my skin
I almost sure I'm starting to get bad again
I've picked one knife and used it
I've cut into my own skin more than once
Not deep enough to scar though
I'm definitely getting bad again.
I wrote this awhile back and figured it's time to publish it now
AnolikeAkau May 2014
It hurts to see you found someone else
I heard you two are cute together
That must be a plus
I know it shouldn't hurt the way it does
It shouldn't bother me this way

We were never more than friends,
maybe not even that
but even then, in the back of my mind,
I can  hear you say to me,
“You were never good enough anyway.
You didn't even have a chance.”

Right now I only tell myself
“You saw this coming anyway.
Why'd you even get your hopes up?”
I know that you, personally, will never get to read this
but it still hurts and I know it shouldn't, oh well.
961 · Jul 2014
AnolikeAkau Jul 2014
I want to be an artist
using multiple types of medium

I'll be a chef
creating wonderful pieces of art
with my food

I'll be a writer
making people feel so many emotions
with my words

I'll be a drawer or a painter
creating beautiful works
with the pens and paints of my choosing

I want to be an artist
an artist that makes peoples emotions
run wild
922 · Sep 2014
So I've Been Told
AnolikeAkau Sep 2014
You are a nice person
Everyone looks up to you
You always do your best
Or so I've been told

You're at the top of your class
You always get straight A's
You never turn in homework late
Or so I've been told

The comments sound better than they actually are
They would be surprised if they knew who you really are
Some people need to stop telling me about how perfect everyone else is. People like you need to accept me for who I am or get the **** out of my life.
902 · Mar 2014
AnolikeAkau Mar 2014
Rosanna knew she was kidnapped. She was taken all those years ago. She never knew her new family was really as bad as they were. Her older brother Liam changed after high school. He wasn't ever really normal. This was something she always knew.
Being nine years younger than him, he was her protector. The day he snapped was about a week after he turned nineteen. He killed his parents and buried there bodies in unmarked graves behind the house. He was ready to **** himself when Rosanna got home from school.
He knew that before he took his life that there was something she should know. He told her that she was adopted legally but not obtained that way. The family that adopted her were the ones that took her away. He told her that he loved and her birthday was her own, that he had killed their parents and she would have to survive on her own. He said his final goodbye but he never would have known that she would snap to that day and he wouldn't let go.
She took the gun from his hands and threw it out the window. She pulled a chair over from the kitchen table and smacked her brother in the head with tears rolling down her face. She told him he was an idiot for forgetting the promise that he made just a few years ago. He said she'd never be alone, that he'd always be there. She reminded him of this while hugging him around the waist.
He wanted to be alone and tried to push her away. She wouldn't have it, especially not today. This only made her hold on tighter to the only family she had left. He picked her up and carried her back up to his room. She was still crying when he sat down on his bed and told her that he was sorry. She cried in his arms, late into the night.
She woke in her brothers room, on his empty bed. Frantically she ran down stairs to find her brother there. He was setting the kitchen table with a breakfast made for two. He saw her and he smiled. He went and scooped her up. He was feeling sorry for making her cry. He didn't  know his actions were the partial onset of her taking her life.
She was diagnosed as schizophrenic exactly one year from that day. He had no idea she would trip the way she did. The year she turned fifteen she went on a trip. She heard her brother and her boyfriend, they were the voices in her head. They were telling her to **** herself and that is what she did.
She thought about taking a rope and jumping from the balcony but she didn't want to display herself  for all the world to see. Her next option was to take a knife and slit both her wrists but that was just the thing everyone would expect. Finally she came to the decision such as this, she would get the bottle of ibuprofen and take all the pills at once.
Her brother had come home to find her laying on her bed. He thought she was sleeping but really she was dead. She wasn't too far gone, though, she was barely breathing. He sat her up against the bed, laid a towel on her lap and stuck his finger down her throat. She threw up the contents of her stomach. The whole pills and all.
She woke up unexpectedly in her brother arms. Another body was now laying in another unmarked grave. This one belonged to her ex-boyfriend. Liam's reason for this crime was this and only this. His sister nearly took her life because of the voices that were triggered when her boyfriend told her to the face that he was cheating on her.
He got all this from the note that was on the bed beside her. When she laid there on her bed going cold from all the poison. After he had saved her life he took the life of the person that didn't deserve any affection from his angel ever again.
Liam now has a new toy, a nineteen year old name Niall. It's been four years from the day his sister tried to take her life. She is happy with a guy that she can truly love. Caleb is the cutest thing and he doesn't mind that sometimes she is going to breakdown and he will see her cry. He doesn't even mind that fact he's going to have to share with Niall and Liam at times. She knows that Caleb will protect her just like Liam had. He knows of Liam's crimes. It's all happily ever after because her heart won't be broken this time.
898 · Sep 2017
I Might Do It This Time
AnolikeAkau Sep 2017
I think it'd be better that way
Maybe I should just do it this time
The reason?
No matter how hard I try,
I'm still not good enough
Not good enough for my friends
Not good enough for my boyfriend
I'm not even good enough for my own family
Maybe my brother won't resent me when I'm gone
Maybe my sister will understand that I was trying to help her
Maybe my boyfriend will realize that there was someone better.
I should just do it
Because no matter how hard I try
I'll never be good enough
To make the people I care about
I really don't think anyone would stop me if I did it. No one would find out until it was too late.
574 · Jul 2015
Dear Freind That Moved Away
AnolikeAkau Jul 2015
I'm sorry I wasn't a good friend from the start. I should have put down the phone and put in the effort to talk to you. I'm sorry you took me to another state for two weeks and it didn't seem like I was paying any attention to you. I did pay attention to you but when I did you were upset with me. I'm sorry that I was so scared of losing her that I nearly lost you. I'm sorry that while I was there it didn't seem like I was having fun because I was on the phone all the time. I really did enjoy being there with you and I'm very happy I got to spend your 18th birthday with. I guess  I just wanna say sorry because I let a relationship get in the way of our friendship and I know it was wrong. Most of all I'm sorry that I'm too scared to apologize to you and that I wrote it here instead.
And now
Thank you, thank you for giving me experiences and adventure that I can't have on the island I grew up on. Thank you for being one if my best friends throughout the years we've known each other and putting up with my crap. Thank you for understanding that this other person made me happier than I have been since you've known me. Thank you for being there to comfort me when all I did was cry because I couldn't figure out which boy I had a crush on and thank you for doing it again when the boy I had a crush on couldn't go to prom with me. Thank you for giving me more than one second chance to prove to you that I wanted to stay in your life.
I'm such a coward
549 · Apr 2017
How would you feel?
AnolikeAkau Apr 2017
Tell me.
How would you feel if you knew,
That January of last year I wrote a suicide note and nearly acted on it?
I'd like to know how you would feel.
AnolikeAkau Aug 2014
Everything I saw in you
I don't see anymore

Everything that was once there
Is missing from your core

Your smile
Not so radiant

Your eyes
Don't sparkle or shine bright

The way your arms enveloped me
The way you use to hold me tight

These things now bring me nightmares
They cause my suffering

And now that you have left me here
You will be the death of me

I'm trying hard to let you go
But you never seem to leave

Staying in the back of my mind
Haunting my thoughts, always bringing them back to you
I think this explains how I'm feeling but I'm not quite sure....
468 · Mar 2014
Jeffery Likes Blood
AnolikeAkau Mar 2014
There once was a man named  Jefferey. He was a very loyal man. You really couldn't have guessed it but something was wrong with him. He like the smell of blood, the look, even the taste. This wasn't just a fetish this was the normal case.
For every year since he's know he would find one victim. On the anniversary of the day he was sure, he'd go out and pick someone. He'd pick them right out of the crowd, introduce himself and they both would go. They would both go straight to his house the same night and Jefferey would have a feast. His new friend was just right.
No one would’ve guessed it. They couldn't have been sure but Jefferey liked the smell of blood, the look even the taste.
But this year it was different Jefferey wanted something new. The anniversary was coming up and Jefferey wanted something special. Something even more special then before. He could have gotten anyone but this year he picked me.
This year was truly special. That is something I could tell. Jefferey tied me up and made my life a living hell. He still likes the smell of blood, the look even the taste. The only difference is, it's only mine he will take.
I'm not ******* anymore. To me it's just a fetish. I can live with Jefferey and I'm the only one who can guess it. I know Jefferey likes the smell of blood the look even the taste. I don't mind, not at all because to me he's perfect.
No one would've guessed it. No one would really know. Jefferey and I are a lot alike. When Jefferey picked me from the crowd on that faithless night. He never would've have guessed that I, too, like the smell of blood, the look, even the taste. That's why, in the end, we were perfect mates.
My blood for his, this a fair trade. Next year we will hunt together and have a feast all our own. We will live forever with a fetish all our own.
AnolikeAkau Jul 2014
Wonderfully Amazing
Outstanding Person
Impossible to live without
Everything I've ever wanted in a friend
I just thought you should know what I think your name means <3
362 · Aug 2014
Thinking About You Again
AnolikeAkau Aug 2014
I found myself thinking about you again
The person I've been trying my hardest to forget
I find myself repeating your name over and over again in my head
Wishing, maybe, that you will show up
I find my mind wandering to thoughts of what could've been and memories of you
When I have nothing to focus on your name comes to mind
The saddest thing is,
I know I was nothing to you.
358 · Mar 2014
We Would Be The Ones
AnolikeAkau Mar 2014
We were at the beach.
Just another day.
Just the two of us.
Along comes a little girl,
just walking by herself.
She reached out for help
but no one else heard her.
I, on the other hand, saw.
Her arms a bloodied mess.
Legs cut and lashed at.
Face, hands, and neck all
scarred and bruised.

This little girl.
Never again would she trust.
Never again would she laugh.
This innocent soul.
Never again would she smile.
Never again would she care.
This little girl would be taken in.
by the very people who,
one day, became her killers.

Just the two of us.
The only ones that saw,
this little girl, her need.
We would be the ones,
those who took her in.
we would be the ones,
the only ones at that,
to earn her trust along with a smile.
We would be the ones,
the people that had taken
her into our home.
We would be her killers.
Her poor innocent soul.
I have no idea what was going through my head when I wrote this.
349 · May 2015
Someone New
AnolikeAkau May 2015
So I meet someone new
A new friend
One that isn’t very different from the the friends I have now
But also
One that is vastly different in every way

I made a new friend
One that I cherish with all my heart
A friend that makes me happy
But not just any type of happy

The new friend I made
Is more than just a friend
She’s mine and I’m hers
And I hope this will never end.
I met a girl who makes me really happy. She was talking me trough a slight anxiety attack and when I calmed down this is what I wrote.
344 · Dec 2014
What This Does to Me
AnolikeAkau Dec 2014
I understand that I came out
But only to a few
My sexuality and drinking
Cause me to worry
about what I say
How I phrase things

But it's driving me mad
I love a boy who is off in college
he'll probably have a girlfriend when he comes back
I love a girl who moved away
She was happy and I hate her ex.

The main reason i'm going insane
Because deep down
I know that the chance of me calling either of them mine
is slim to none.
I have a friend who's against drinking and drugs and she thinks bisexuality and homosexuality is wrong. I haven't told her about this and i don't plan to. I'll lose a friend if I do
339 · May 2017
Help me? Please?
AnolikeAkau May 2017
Can you talk to me please?
I just need someone to listen...
I need help.
See, the scars on my legs are disappearing.
But I need to know... if that's a good thing...
If that's a good thing, then why?
Why do I feel the need to replace them...
with new ones.
Can you tell me why?
Please can you talk to me?
Never mind.... It's already been done...
336 · Jul 2014
AnolikeAkau Jul 2014
Eventually I'll cry myself to sleep
Then I'll have a nightmare
Only to wake up again
Gasping for breath
And the tears
they're still rolling down my cheeks
318 · May 2014
I'm Sorry
AnolikeAkau May 2014
“I'm Sorry” I said
in that dream last night
I was hugging you
then I started to cry

I have no idea
nothing at all
about what I did wrong
or why I said those two word
(I'm sorry)

I didn't think it was
Something I'd done
it might have been, more likely,
something that happened

Not between us,
not necessarily,
Just something that happened
it affected us both in a way

I woke up from that dream
last night (I'm sorry)
turned off my alarm
to find I'd been crying
307 · Dec 2014
How Would You Feel?
AnolikeAkau Dec 2014
I wonder how you would feel if you knew I drank 2-3 cups of coffee a day
Just to stay awake
I wonder how you would feel if you knew I don’t want to sleep.
I just want to stay awake forever.
Or how would you feel on an opposite day. When I just want to stay asleep forever.
I wonder how you would feel if you knew that every time I look at my wrist I want to cut myself
That’s why I wear a jacket everyday
I wonder how you would feel if you knew I want to get drunk every Friday night
That I constantly crave alcohol now
I wonder how you would feel if you were here to see me like this now
295 · Jun 2014
AnolikeAkau Jun 2014
Tomorrow the family will gather again
We'll have some drinks and make some plans
Come December we'll follow through
Come December we'll say goodbye to you
262 · Jun 2014
It Had To Be Done
AnolikeAkau Jun 2014
I really wish I hadn't done it
but I had no choice
I had to stop the thing in you
before we both had died
I never once regretted it
even though I still see your face,
and hear your voice
and feel your touch
but in all reality
It had to be done
260 · May 2017
AnolikeAkau May 2017
That's what I feel like right now
That's what I know I am to many people
Even to those who claim they care
I know that, eventually, to them
I'll be nothing too
People change
I know they do
But what if everyone else changes
And I don't
I'll still be nothing
Or become nothing
To them too
This *****....
259 · May 2014
A Dream She Had
AnolikeAkau May 2014
She took a whisk to her hair
“It's my hair!”
All over the walls
Blood and hair
“It's my hair!”
Was it stress or was it fear
“It's my hair!”
That's what she screams
She whisks her hair
She's no longer here
252 · May 2014
I'd like to say...But
AnolikeAkau May 2014
I'd like to say I don't obsess,
but you are my obsession

I'd like to say that I'm alright
but you know the real answer to that question.

I'd like to say that I'm happy
but we both know that's a lie

I'd like to say I don't dream about you
but we both know that's not true

I'd like to say I'm really not, all that into you,
but what's the point when all I do is hope and dream for you.

You are the answers to my prayers,
you are my dream come true

The only question that I ask is
“Why can't I have you?”
245 · Jun 2014
The Voice is Back
AnolikeAkau Jun 2014
In the mitts of all the terror
That is, in fact, my life.
I hear your voice talking to me
Saying that it's alright.
You're telling me,
in the back of my mind,
that what I want to do is right.
You're telling me,
in my clouded thoughts,
not to worry, not to fright.
For soon after this nights ends,
my regrets will be no more.
Very soon after this night ends,
my memories of you will be no more.

There through all my clouded thoughts
Is a plan in the works.
The gears are turning,
in the most creative of ways,
to execute it without a flaw.
In this, my plan will turn out right.
Never again will I need to fight.
Never again will I need to fight.
I'll see your face no more,
because there will be no excuse,
your remains lay on the floor
The result of a darker day
229 · May 2014
I've Got That Feeling Again
AnolikeAkau May 2014
Curtains drawn
I'm in that mood
I need to **** again

Someone else
Needs to dies
Someone who's
not my friend

I'm in that mood
I need to **** that
someone I can most
certainly live without

Curtains now open
I still need to ****
Sun now shining
through the window
time to spot my target

Now I've got
in my head
who I really want

For them this won't be easy
they'll have to say goodbye
tonight will be their final night.

Now sit back, enjoy
216 · Jun 2014
Sometimes I Wonder
AnolikeAkau Jun 2014
I wonder what it would take to change your opinion of me. Would it take the most extreme?
                          would you have to see me on my worst day
                          contemplating cutting or even taking my own life

I wonder would it take much less then that. Would it take the lest extreme?
                            would I just have to say the wrong thing
                            or do something stupid for you to decide

I wonder would it take something in the middle of the two. How about something in the middle of the extremes?
                             would we have to physically fight
                              hand to hand, throwing blows

Sometimes I wonder what it would really take for you to change your opinion about me because you only know that good side
AnolikeAkau May 2014
Open your eyes
All you can see
The color of white
The room so bleak

You can't remember
Who you are
Why you're here
How this happened

I say your name
You don't here me
You don't remember me
You don't want to

You lost yourself
In the pain
In the misery
In your life

You had a dream to start over
To make it right
To forget the past
To only know good

I don't know anymore
How long I can hold you
How strong I can be for you
How much more I can take

The tears are falling
Each one a promise
From you to me and me to you
To never let go, to remember

Just take my hand
Give me a chance
To do what I can
To help when I can

I'll jump for you
If I can't help
Take the pain away
It's the least I can do
I can jump for you
I really don't know what to call this so if you have any suggestions tell me

— The End —