you asked me to explain to you why it is this way
and i trudged through swamps and fought my way through damp jungles
to find this poisonous answer
but I all seemed to discover were the delicate scars dancing up my arms
and the reasons for why I should've just locked you away

you knew the answer all along
it has been hiding with the dirt underneath your fingernails
fabricated throughout the fibers in your bones
shame on me for gazing into your eyes;
seeing vapid intentions, but expecting fertility

i had a dream i was drowning in a pool of black and white
you shone flashlights on me expecting the light to somehow
diminish this infinite night
you stood there, watching my veins overflow
with a lack of oxygen
just as if I were putting on a show

that is not too far from reality
apply the inverse property
calculate it, the answer is actuality
your heart is a machine
and your brain is a pump
it doesn't take the geometric mean
to figure out you were just a speed bump

i warned you about my habit of hating
people are insidious creatures dedicated to breaking
and maybe you should of thought of that before we were dating
then maybe my love for you i would not be forsaking

i opened up to you, you saw all the bruises
the blues, blacks, and reds formed a painting inside
you picked me apart and thought of excuses
but its clear to me i came second to your pride

I'm not an object you can use then dispose
Im a ******* human being
and if you still don't understand that let me propose -
I'm the rose and you're the thorn
you aren't good for my wellbeing

call me bitter and everything in-between
but at least I know what it means to feel
this isn't a play stop putting up a scene
we can all see through your egotistical ordeal

i guess i'm just trying to say
you burnt me to the ground
threw what we had away
but life will grow from ashes, the dust is not bound
and lighting things on fire
that's just child's play
you threw what we had away

we drove through vacant parking lots trying to recover our lost luggage

the moon reflected off the gray asphalt making the *** holes look like craters

and your voice stung my skin when it broke the silence

because the interior has been worn down by all my angles

I was drowning in all the things I couldn’t say

for a second i felt greedy because

here I was choking in an ocean of thoughts

and there you were parched, searching for anything

any word at all

if this is what the surface of the moon feels like-

streetlights glowing on my hands, making a kaleidascope

of patterns and shapes-

then I still would never want to go

if it meant draining your bones until they are brittle

until they are nothing but dust piled in my hands

there are times like these where the paper stares back
as blank as I stare at it
there are times when my mind stops running and the fog clears out - the pain
has diminished, melted away in the cracks of recent lovers
covering them in a monochromatic film
it dulls the pain

the hum of the vent is whispering sweet nothings in my ear and
i've never noticed how grounding the table is under my elbows
the air tastes of musty filing cabinets but that's okay
because 1,000 years ago it was just a barren field
under my feet

my nose is running slightly and
there's a heaviness in my eyes that I can't explain
but I never knew being happy would mean wrapping up
the memories and burying them
under the desire to be loved

I think I'd rather be sad and introspective than happy and numb
it may be lonesome, but at least I am able to
differentiate between who really cares
and who's only here to say they've climbed the tallest mountain

it is easy to kiss a boys lips as his hand slides up your leg
to play along letting the infatuation of the moment
control you like a puppet tied to strings
because ******* means nothing, its like breathing
or sleeping
it comes naturally
that is the easy part
human connection, being with someone
despite how many hours grace the day
or how many miles cut between
emotional connection means they are there
no matter what
not just their unmentionables
indulged in your body
the hard part is holding hands
or sipping coffee, puffing a cigarette
in 5 degree weather, just to be together
relationships, romantic or not
require more than just physical elements
and you ask me why i am already okay
it's like you expect me to miss you
my respect for you has begun to decay
but can we still *****?