Words
pushing against my chest
longing to get heard,
trying to fit into my heart

Words that I have so carefully
not let in
That I have so intentionally
left outside,
not giving space for them to be spoken

It's just stupid, isn't it?
How they always catch up on you
Whether it's through a sound,
a stroke or simply through a word
How they always stay, no matter how unwanted they are
They always stay

just like you.

You cannot change my decision,
you can only make the pain more thorough

Because, you see, this isn't the first moment we're discussing this
this is only the moment I'm showing it to you
this is only the moment I'm sure I'm done.

Because
I've been on my way a long time now,
I've just clinged on
a little while longer
But.
The decision is already taken,
no more words can postpone it
I'm already gone

I hate it every time the feelings find you
before your words
And then, after two years, one minute or five hours
or whenever they bother showing up,
it's like your heart and your stomach just sitting there
saying "we told you so"
and you hate them for speaking so clearly
whilst you refused to

I love how my voice feels
after being gone
for so long

but
it also makes me sad to realise
I haven't heard its strength,
not since I met you

I miss how the smell of grass made my feet smile
how the sun made my belly tickle
how the waves made my heart jump with fascination
and how I made myself feel safe

How the clear blue sky made my mind full of hope
how the birds made my ears relaxe
how the gravel made my legs extend
how I gave me joy

I miss the summers innocence
mixed with my childish naivety,
when all it took was a day full of summer
for me to be full of light
for me to feel happy

For all of us who have bashed ourselves numb
trying to be there
(for our brothers)

For all of us who have locked our hearts inside
settling with a joke
(for our fathers)

For all of us who have loved them more than ourselves
more than we could handle
(for our men)

For all of us who keeps putting our friends before us
always coming last place
(for our loved ones)

For all of us whose hearts are out there, feeling with everyone
trying to save strangers with one look
(for our fellow humans)

For all of us who can have amnesty and forgiveness to all others
seeing their imperfections as beauty
(for everyone besides us)

For us
We will learn
We will sympathize
We will passionately love ourselves
more than we have loved anyone else

At last
we will free ourselves

Let the soft stay with you
Do not change it for brutality,
Anger
Stress
Pain

Instead,
let it keep you
and them
Let it spread over the trees,
through the meadows
Let it tangle itself in the black curls of scarred people
Let it grow inside of everyone
Let it let you remain yourself,
the soft, wonderful being that you really are