Don’t look down at your feet
You’re standing near the edge of a cliff
With your hands bound and your mouth shut.

There are rocks under your feet and weeds near your ankles
And something in your eyes is unsettling
You can’t smell fear, you can feel it.

Your heartbeat is unsteady
Your knees are weak and your chest is fragile
There’s no way you can fly.

The executioner’s hood is over your head
Your legs are numb and drooping
You’re about to fall
D
O
W
N
.

27th May 2016

Watch me as I disappear.
As my soul begins to fade.
Watch as inside I start to go numb.
And find comfort in a blade.

Watch as my heart grows cold,
As the sparkle in me dies.
Watch as my voice goes silent,
Worn out from my unheard cries.

Watch as the girl you once knew
Slowly retreats within.
Watch as my armor cracks,
Thinking about what could've been.

Watch as I scratch words on paper.
Words that are never heard.
Watch as I try to fly away,
To be free like a bird.

Watch as I stop showing emotion,
And I start not to care.
Watch as I try to make it through Hell
When I haven't got a prayer.

Blue eyes please look at me,
Cause I'm standing here hopelessly.

Wishing for a second chance;
Praying for a sideways glance.

Unable to look in them without pain.
Terrified I never will again.

Blue eyes, I know how well you lie.
Cut out my heart and leave me to die.

Divert your glance to avoid seeing my face.
As I write poems about a boy named Chase.

Everything said in them is true,
And not quite ironic that the name belongs to you.

You chose the wrong heart to break.
The sparkle I saw in those blue eyes is fake.

They call me schizophrenic
And say I talk to things that aren't there.
But they have been there since I can remember.
They talk to me and I listen.
But sometimes I wish they would just go away.

They call me pyro
And say I set fires for fun.
But it is a fascination with the beauty.
The colors and the movement are mesmerizing.
But that kind of beauty can be hard to control.

It's not my fault that I'm like this.
Ignorance isn't always bliss.
I'm okay. I promise. I swear.
I'm not crazy, don't you care?
Trapped inside this padded cell.
Living in this white-walled hell.

They call me cutter
And say I slice away my problems.
But it is the emotions that it releases.
I imagine the flowing blood is my anger and hurt.
But those feelings come back and the scars don't fade.

They call me bipolar
And say I can't control my emotions.
But it's not my fault.
My mind changes them to extremes and I freak out.
If I could stay in control I would.

It's not my fault that I'm like this.
Ignorance isn't always bliss.
I'm okay. I promise. I swear.
I'm not crazy, don't you care?
Trapped inside this padded cell.
Living in this white-walled hell.

They call me sadist
And say I find joy in peoples' pain.
But it is the high that I get
From the hurt and humiliation
That makes me crave it.

They call me psychotic
And say I have "lost touch" with reality.
But my reality seems real to me.
I am forced to live in the "real" world
When I liked mine much better.

It's not my fault that I'm like this.
Ignorance isn't always bliss.
I'm okay. I promise. I swear.
I'm not crazy, don't you care?
Trapped inside this padded cell.
Living in this white-walled hell.

They call us troubled
And try to treat us with tests and machines.
They all want to "fix" us and make us better.
They just want us to be the way society wants.
But that's not who we are...

Hiding in a dark room,
Reminding her body hurts.

the walls leaned in closer every time she spoke
as fleeting as her voice, time shook before her
her hands were the minutes and the hours
her smile was a reminder, her eyes were a lover's
yet she belonged to no one but herself
each breath took was a second lost
each word drifted and passed around
each picture taken was a memory
she was slowly slipping towards death
and although she knew,
there was always something beautiful about it

n.j.

They tell me there is a storm
way out in the East, NYC! you devil
and EVERYBODY knows it. Lord!
Nobody talks about the storm
I've been feeding since youth
except the psychiatrist who asked
the questions I forgot I had answers to
has it been that long?
I know I'm getting older,
but where are the memories placed
what is the residual of it all?
she asked and asked and I forgot
what I tried to remember
I still remembered what
I once tried to forget, you see
and not all I can see, baby
is the argument from this morning
my loyal apartment #7, I call home
maybe the clothes in the closet
the music I'm currently listening to
Mr. Nick Waterhouse if you ever have a chance
My job, my suits, my whiskey, the typer
my curious young boy, most of all,
is the certain reflection of where
we must be join' and that is the truth
and the ******* plants,
you gotta water the ******* plants, man

Did you lose me?
Are you too busy?
Am I just so unimportant
That you'll toss me to the back burner
Like a failed dish?
Something you're done with.
I'm finished,
You're out of focus.
Focusing on the ones on their knees,
The ones who sing, and truly believe.
I thought you were accepting,
So why won't you accept me?
Did you lose me?
Are you too busy?
Am I just so unimportant
That you overlooked my name on the list?
Was it ever even there, written clearly in print-
Or cursive?
Maybe your thumb smudged me off,
It's possible that you erased me
And just ignore all of my calls.
It's not your fault,
I know it's mine with this filthy mind
And skin that crawls with sin, like parasites.
I'm sorry for killing your son-
I'm sorry I ****** him every night,
I want to be forgiven,
To turn all of my wrongs to rights.
I want to retrieve the innocence
You let life, so cruelly take;
Why then, was I not saved?
Was I a child so depraved?
Did you lose me?
Were you too busy?
Was I so unimportant
That you let him have his way?
Or is it just a part of this play?
Not everyone gets the chance
To see your face,
To feel your grace,
And find the path that leads your way.

You're not my father
And I think of you as cancer,
But I'll keep on calling
Hoping one day you'll answer.

-SLuR

Silly voices in my head,
Telling me I should be dead.

Silly voices in my mind,
Saying things that aren't kind.

Silly voices every day.
Why won't they just go away?

Silly voices, here's my plea.
Don't you know you're killing me?