you knew my past,
loved my present,
and i hoped you would be my future
but you erased yourself out of my life
before i even had the chance to engrave you into my soul

It’s a dark, lonely night, and I am sitting on my bedroom floor
a bottle of stolen ***** on one side,
and the ghost of you on the other

I take another swig
and realize that maybe I spend so much time kissing the mouths of bottles now
because I know I can’t kiss yours anymore
maybe I like the way the liquid makes my insides burn
because it reminds me of how I felt whenever you touched me

I’ve been counting the days since you’ve left
and I’ve realized that maybe thats why I’ve been drinking so much
because every time I do it feels like for just a moment I can forget about you
I can forget about the way we promised each other the world
but could barely gather enough tinder to keep ourselves warm

you were nowhere on the weather forecast
a sudden storm that left me soaked
i loved the chill you sent through my bones
and the water cleansing my sadness.
i asked you three months ago if i was worth it
and you told me i make you feel dizzy
you were high but i know you meant it
and i think you're crazy for loving me.
all i want is you in my bones
and to feel the warmth of every one of your kisses
every single day of my life
you've turned me into something better.
there are still days when i can't get out of bed
and the thin lines on my wrists are a little more prominent
but you have become my home
where everything is sunkissed and light.

*(a.m.c.)

I followed the light
At the end of the tunnel.
He led me here,
To this place.

I followed the light
At the end of the tunnel.
He promised to show me
God's grace.

I followed the light
At the end of the tunnel
Not knowing just what
I would find.

I followed the light
At the end of the tunnel
To leave all the
Dark days behind.

I followed the light
At the end of the tunnel
And now I'm here
With you.

I followed the light
At the end of the tunnel
But I'm not sure
What to do.

You followed the light
At the end of the tunnel.
He led you here,
To this place.

You followed the light
At the end of the tunnel.
Did you ever receive
God's grace?

We followed the light
At the end of the tunnel
But he didn't lead
Us astray.

We followed the light
At the end of the tunnel.
So at the end of the tunnel
We'll stay.

1945

when the word flits off their tongue

a b u s i v e

it will taste like 3 days gone sour

like the lick of a catch before sacrificial slaughter you will caress

it and bury it in the backyard

you will let their lips cradle your neck like a baby while the ship slips under

slowly, willing


they

laugh you off like an old acquaintance

burn curses into you

make you pay sorry as toll tax till the end of time how could you have been

so

destructive my sweet nymph

my eternal beam of light they will laugh you off as a lying child tried like a old witch


your last lover, the one before she

the one you still choke on every time you purge your body

clean of the sin of nutrition

tells you that you and them were not inherently bad

but together an abuser's tale

do substances take responsibility for the damage they

cause together?

did the two uranium nuclei know they would call their honeymoon hiroshima

how atomic the love must have been

and oh, baby

how so catastrophic




the consequence.