I'm starting to remember again. How it felt to just sit in one place and do nothing but sink deeper into my misery and numbness. Thinking that if only I was happy thing would be better. But, like that mirror you punched when I made you so ******* angry,I'm never going to be whole again. The important parts of me are shattered and there's nothing but unsteady hope holding me together. And who knows how long that will keep my pieces from falling apart again. You see, you break me time and time again, and I let you. It was true love, right? You made me mistake your anger for love and that's an error I won't be making again.
"You're really not as heartless as you think you are" you told me once in the middle of an argument, I don't think you could ever understand how much further in love with you I fell in that moment. You see right through me and finally I have someone that I don't need to hide from. You make me feel safe and secure and happy and sad and loved. You make me feel. And I know, without a doubt, that is the greatest thing you could ever give me.
She's got sunshine in her hair and the ocean her eyes. And I swear when she laughed you could hear bells ringing. But her soul echoes with emptiness like the walls of a mausoleum. And if you listen close enough, you can hear footsteps of lost loves wandering the halls late at night. She believed, with naive, childlike hope, that those lovers would stay. And she invited them into her heart, and soon they swallowed up her whole being. Now the emptiness leaves a ringing in her ears and an ache in her bones. There is a struggle in the beating of her warn and tattered heart. Isn't it sad that such a pretty thing was drained so completely; without a second thought.
I find it funny how I always used to complain about not being able to remember my dreams. Now that you're in them, however, I wish I couldn't. I don't beleive in signs, but are you coming back to me?
I learned a long time ago that nothing matters as much as you think it does. But a single look from you and I feel like a house that's burning to ashes. The flames burn hot and wild so that in the end I'm left with nothing but the memory of your eyes on my skin. The way you say my name reminds me of the eye of a hurricane, calm and steady amongst the chaos surrounding it. And even a little touch from you makes me feel like glass shattering; my pieces scatter too far to put me back together again. This is the kind of feeling that reminds me that there's more than the pain I've been in. I know that everything is insignificant, but with you it doesn't feel that way.
One day I will be ready to burn every trace of you out of my life. On that day flames will be burning wilder and hotter than any wildfire. You'll feel the heat in your soul. Burning at the edges at first, then slowly engulfing your whole being. And I will smile knowing that you've always been afraid of burning alive.
Those little white lines seem to erase every little problem, don't they? But be careful, dear, you can only run for so long before everything comes catching back up to you. It'll hit you square in the face, leave you with a black eye for a week. Don't let it get that far. Put down the little baggie, put away the credit card, you're better than that.