World is cruel
Wounding me
Hurting me
Making me feel like I am alone
My heart is used to the scratches from the past
The dangerously beautiful scars
From those who've ever stayed
From faith that has been stolen
I said enough was enough
Hypnotizing myself
Thinking I would never found the treasure
And my heart is ****** cold
But then something is shining so bright
Blinding the eyes of my heart
Standing there magnificently
Three ashtonishing treasures
With all the warms
Melting the cold heart
Vowing so confidently
To always beautify my chapters of life
To always be mine

My best friends

The most beautiful treasures
that will always be mine

They said
it was 'First Love'
the best feeling
I've experienced throughout
this mortal world

Being loved
by the guy I loved
It felt too good to be true
Cloud 9
was all I felt

I was clueless
whether the love was real or not
whether he faked it or not

But if he did
he was one of hella fine actors

Can you trust someone who thinks that 'Love is Temporary' ?




Because
I used to love someone with all my heart
Every inch of my body loved him
Every drop of my blood loved him
Every little cell of my body loved him
My body was his
The control was his

I could not eat if I missed him
I could not sleep if I could not smell his intoxicating cologne
I could not breathe if I could not see him

He was the center of my universe
He was the beauty of my world
He was my everything
and I could not live without him



Do you realize that I used the words "used to"?
It means that I survived.
I survived the heartbreak that he caused.
I survived the unbearable pain that he gave.
I survived the deadly reaction of my body after he left
I survived days without eating
I survived days without sleeping
I survived from 'he was my everything'
I survived from 'I could not live without him'
I survived from all the prodigious illusions of loving him.

Because
Love is Temporary
Love is not Forever
But Love will always be there


When Love dies, Love is born



So, can you trust me?

The memories will be fading





The love will be evaporating






There will be no trace of him








And you will survive your first heartbreak









Just believe in yourself that








You are something without him










Because the only person who will never leave you is







That girl in the mirror

Playing again
the playlist of memories
trying to feel
something
we used to have
but
nothing

the feeling we used to share
the warmness of your skin
the touch of your lips
the sweetness of your smile
the crookedness of your nose
they all are gone
I could not feel it
I could not dream it
I dont even remember
how your face is like
Time surely is unyielding
it makes my body
not to remember  
any of those feelings
Its like you've never been in my life

But somehow
the pain is still there
its like
im still hurting
from a wound that
has totally been healed
its like
i've moved on yet stuck
im happy yet sad

or
does it mean
im just broken?

Thought of
missing him is
the scariest thing
is indeed an erroneous assumption

I have always thought
seeing his face
holding his hands
feeling his kiss
in the dreams
are one way
to **** my heart
when you miss someone
who arent yours anymore

but
when you miss someone
whom you cant even remember
the face
the touch
the feeling
is even scarier

Have you ever experienced
the disagreement between
your brain, heart, and body?
when brain heart and body just
outcry to each other
and then you lose?

I have once
when I had my firstlove
first heartbreak

I cried everday for months
everytime i closed my eyes
in the shower
in the bed
everytime i was alone
My brain told me not to cry
yes because i deserved better than him
because he didnt deserve my tears
but my heart hurts
i felt the physical pain in my chest
my body
that was the first argument between my brain, heart, and body

I loved dressing up and doing make up
I loved shopping
I loved watching movies
those all are my hobbies
but I stopped doing them all for months
I tried thousand times
because my brain told me that it was a good escape and healing
but my heart wasnt interested at all
and my body kept screaming to sleep

I loved sleeping
I'd rather spend my time to sleep
than play with my friends
but I couldnt sleep for 3 days straight
trust me
I closed my eyes for hours
but i just didnt sleep
and sleeping pill was my last choice

I loved food
but I couldnt eat for 3 days straight
I wish i was being over dramatic
but no
I couldnt eat not because i didnt want to eat
i wish it was the case
but no
Lord knows
i really wanted to eat
but every food that crept in my mouth
would be thrown out again
every single time
I just couldnt eat
literally for 3 days straight

My brain always gave the solutions that I really wanted
But my heart always seemed not interested
And my body rejected all the attempts that I did

that time...
I just didnt know what to do...
other than try to survive
and never give up to love
my brain
my heart
my body