He loves her
when he isn't himself
holding the reins
protecting the top shelf
with layers of barbed wire
but he doesn't know
I like to bleed

A daisy chain
grazes scars lined up like dominos
I long to tip forward
a collapse upon collapse
a tumble down a long hill
down a long eyelash in the wind
your ebb
flow
weave
for this I heave
the mountains and streams aside

Wanting
And letting
I draw spirals around them
With sugar molecules and smoke
Poke fun at my addictions
When it is really only one
Ton of metal
Calling my name.
I look for the same
But find a lot of different
I look for words...
Why are you sad?
Why did she get cancer?
It's the same answer.

I wear a shell around me
Choking
A little
I can't seem to find
Hay in a haystack
Only the needle.
I'm beginning to feel the *****
The stick
Of a shell around me

Be human
Or object
Thin air. Project
Science fair
A mismatched pair
Of socks
Mom collected them
A basket in the bedroom
Frantic rummaging
Trying to find a match
Trying to unfold a patch
But only finding ruin
The truth is, it is only human

Take a pill or leave
Take a pill and leave
Take a pill, alleve
This
Gaze trying
To lasso the moment
In memory
Of a time when
This was at least ugly
at most something to be forgotten.

My mind is drizzled
with golden chains
wrapped unforgivingly
and I search endlessly
for a picture of us when we were a family.
I've been waiting for you
floating on an air mattress
of thoughts useless to anyone else.
Wear jupiter on your ears
to make you seem in-tune
or out-of-tune
whichever he prefers
cures as simple
as wearing a bullet around your neck.

Joys and pains
Wash past me like sunlight
Breaking through the clouds.
What I long to say
Stands before me
Just out of reach
Just past the horizon.
What I long to feel
Flees from me
Just far enough
For me to know its shape.

You never see the dark side
Of the moon,
Just like you never see
The light side
Of he
and she.
Just be
as I fall through a lotus blossom.

The sun kissed me yesterday,
I wonder if you'll mind
The traces of gold
It left behind.

I understand the world
Through a dark sea.
Barefoot, I walk
Through the shock
Of sting rays,
But all I feel is the sand
How it holds me up, helps me stand,
And run towards you.

I meet rough seas
Like a cool pool of oil
Sick and poisonous
Colliding, but not mixing
Holding the secret
To living without actually feeling.

I feel asphalt beneath my feet-
Flat and black.
Microscopic ridges longing
For rough pearly sand,
Sharp golden grass
Ask if black never appears in nature
Except as an absence.
Past tense humanity
They always say
"Live for the now"
How can I understand time
If I can't understand asphalt?

I love
And hate
At the same rate
So it all ends
In a neutral blur,
A human one.
The sky stands stark
In my memory
What color was it
The day I lived
The day I died
Were all my stars out?

pretty fascinating mind
appearing light,
flecking dangerously close.
swallow
let go

But keep one pinky on the edge.
Walk the line easily
between fascinating
and ******* with words.

fighting whats left inside me
i am or am i
laughing,
throwing my voice,
cracking the night,
And another bite mark
finds

A scar
A humble star
A version here
A ******* there

the quiet hits,
as it will,
defeat in my bones,
Quickly it does distill.
Looking around the room
momentarily left insane,
fringed, frightened,
buried cold

long dark rings
tucked in the eyes
black circles where you've hid
those years
behind.
Defined in every happy ending
to an ever-ending ride
In my pretty fascinating mind.

Fear of living on
Natives getting restless now
Mutiny in the air
Got some death to do.
Mirror stares back hard
**** is such a friendly word
Seems the only way
For reaching out now

He was a mid life crisis
Wrapped in black velvet:
A curtained tunnel
Of scarcity
the drive to create it.
I was a placeholder
A magazine while you wait
Your diploma comes in the mail
Marketing copy in Latin.
The only thing you fear
Is the weight of your own sound
Resounding:
An invisible fist
Beating a drum,
The one your rib cage locks away.
Soundless.

I use my pennies to buy experiences
Like your smile
The smell of your skin
Fresh and real
For those I steal
Lie
And cheat
A drug to beat
Another drug
To beat the need for drugs.

I could begin climbing a tree
To attach a swing for you
And me
I'd build it to only seat two
But I am stuck inside
A brown paper bag
Chopped up
Into pieces I can't describe.
I reach out to catch him
But miss by an inch,
A mile,
A day,
A year,
So
I wait right here.

There is wood grain
on train track ties
buried under gravel,
broken glass, and goodbyes.
Lovers' footprints
echo on the platform-
A stampede repeating
It all lays silent now,
whistles in the distance.

Snakes wrap around
Tighter and tighter
Like the blinding darkness
Of a tunnel with no end
Like wrapped tube
Hanging from the rafters
Pigeons coo
Take flight
At the slightest movement

I am a wooden floor
An ant under the table
Black speck
I am a second choice
Place holder
A paint swatch match
Just a little too blue.
I have become a tiger
Fierce teeth bared
Stripes up and down
And I love you
Even as you tell me
I am a wooden floor.

I seem to recall the details of emptiness
and the somethingness
defining it
the line where the nothing turns into something
the artery wall
the air and the ground
the spot where you found
the sadness in the joy
the pain in love
the pursuit of balance
the moment where details
don't matter anymore.

Time is an angel,
Decay, slow rotting
Love and vengeance plotting.

Girls drown in crowns,
whiskey, and tessellated tides
Sharp edge, triangle swords
Surrounding all sides.

Boys point arrows
Sharp, yet crooked
And fly from flower to flower
As a sparrow

All of everything ticks by
Into itself
Of itself
By itself

I often wish
to feel not as a dead fish
flipping and flopping
on your dashboard
on your sharp sword
on, around, between.

I often think
I feel a sense of this
which is really that,
lovely like the space
between the molecules of your face.

I often stare
to feel between the lines
swimming and swerving
When is "I'm tired"
"I'm tired"
and when is it "I'm tired of you."

It starts out specific
Pretty, far away, and perfect
Take one step forward
One to the left and one toward
The edge of feeling something
And everything
And nothing
All at the same time
Somehow
Somewhere
We became two vines. Ensnare
My heart
As shards of a light bulb
Hot hurts just as cold.

I run circles
Place to place
Face to face
With fear.
You're far and near
To where I just was
Pause
Think about what you're doing
Remember the sunset for viewing
Stewing and swimming in luck
Or the lack thereof
I look above
And ask for love.

You wanted a poem
About your heart
I see it there beneath
Thorns and broken parts
A rib cage
Pick locked
Replace with barb wire
Opened with the right
Twist of the tongue
The right inhale of the lung
But I am a fish
I breath blue
And don't feel air
I'm telling you
It's not fair

I can't think of titles
But only bullets in rifles
What color is blood?
How can I understand truth
When there are only lies?
Show me all your party tricks
Say the same lines
One in bed
One in the shower
One dinner
One linear
Up and down is always certain
I draw the curtain

I don't have much
To love you with
A small light and such
A tight hold, a soft clutch
The stars align
A mystic sign
A hopeful line
An I love you
That doesn't make sense
It's meant to be in past tense
Because you don't mean it
Please, give me something to fill this pit

Variations on a theme
same play, different team
I kick the ball
But they don't receive
I start to call
But cannot answer
Quiet parasite
Quick cancer

Your red eyes
French fry fingers
Only look when they won't remember
Loose trip
Tight grip

Your heavy sighs
A million angel singers
Only listen when they can't hear
A little sharp
A little broken harp

Your compulsive lies
Your scar lingers
Only comforting the next day
Sit. Stay.
Come what may.

When skies are blue
The right shade
The right hue
things are made
extrapolation
compilation
Of time and pain
Of loss and gain
I listen but find no words
I look but nothing appears
And as the fog clears
And the light breaks
I find what makes
I find what takes
I find what fakes.

You are the last drop
circling around the ice cubes
and I am the fish
at the bottom of the glass
tossing and turning
looking and yearning.

You are a wide net
to let
all my lions out
and I am the metal
you should have used instead.

You are no amount
infinity isn't enough
and I am the stuff
you ***** out with *******

You are a rough that lingers
because you scar,
and I am one, single,
shooting star.

Am I a black bird piercing the sky
or the space between your sigh
and my lie?
Am I an amber drink
or just a poem that makes you think
or the blood thats in the sink?

I scratch and hatch
some kind of plan
to sift through all this sand
surrounding me like a grave
but I walk nowhere
on these limp legs
on these wooden pegs
splintering underneath me

I unhitch and restitch
all the wounds
all the suitcases
all the trailers and all the trash
I throw out and blow out
all the people
all the places
all the face and the traces
of whatever this "me" is

I hold an umbrella
Turned inside out and filled with sand
Cradled somehow beneath my grip.
You take my other hand
So I let it slip

I see this pit:
Nothingness so vast
It becomes somethingness
And I see it in their eyes
Looking right through me.
I stand on the edge
Looking at my life on the other side,
They say you can build a bridge
I think they lied.
I scratch at the distance
With wild eyes
And razor blades
And memories of what emptiness looks like.
I see this pit
Standing right next to me.

Awake and asleep,
remember which?
Time is all that's changed
since we last touched.

Clutched in limbo,
between a red and yellow light
sight for sore eyes,
yet you were born blind.

I can feel your eyes:
a blast furnace red and yellow
blistering my face with your touch
pain, glorious pain,
numb smile
that part of me no longer exists*

It floated away
on a sea of sweet silence.
And I let it.

I have become the ghoul
In your faint nightmares
I have become the fool
In your dreams.
Give me pills and creams
To put where things went wrong
To make me into something strong
Long gone are the days
When I was wispy butterfly,
A struggling little cocoon.
I look for a way out

Nothing is too soon.

I thought I could
Fill this up
With whispers and eyelashes
Of strangers
I hold on
to their finger prints
With thread and barbed wire
I throw rocks
And listen for them to land
Maybe then I could understand.
I thought I could
Fill this up
As you would
With thread and barbed wire

All this destruction
Is an unaffordable construction
Of an escape door.
Sometime simple, sometimes more.
What did I want?
What did he want?
They say people are better than objects
I think not

The suitcases are stacked wall-to-wall,
Weigh the same as me, about as tall.

You pound down the door,
Drop more suitcases on the floor

Jack-in-the boxes pop
Out of each, one-by-one, stop!

I take a shot but throw the bottle.
Light a match. Here's to full-throttle.

There are wild roses.
They grow up through the cracks
in the pavement,
they have thorns
they have petals
the bees hover, but never settle
the bare feet step, unknowing
their soles then showing
thorns trapped beneath the skin.
they offer their dangerous beauty to the sun
they stay in one place; they never run.

The things I love
the things I hate
Here, self-medicate
Take the cake
With soap as frosting
Costing and tossing
Is all I see right now
As my mind is salad, how
Is it you look so pallid?
My mind races
To fill the spaces
Where stars used to be.

Could I ever call your name
Loud enough
To be heard?
Words herded through your mind
In one, out the other
But I was just a puddle
On your living room couch
A sheer sweater draped over me
Ridiculously.
Every face I show you ficticuously
Shows you
Your reflection

I want to capture
all this blood-sludge-drainage
dripping drops down my femur.
I put down the ******* to look for the creamer.
She's lost, they say. She's a dreamer
stuck in a dream catcher
fetch her a blade quickly. Come
over to see her last breath.
I want to capture it all
in words
lines on paper
drape the world with it,
so everyone will be lost
and no one will be lost
and I won't be lost.

Silver cask and red wine
Fine things that rhyme
Find things with time
is what they keep saying
and the clock keeps ticking
and the ticks keep licking
******* up my blood and spilling it
onto the kitchen floor
but I cry about spilled milk
what a waste
hasten this versioning
this red-wine-cushioning.

I orbit this center sun
on a silver ring I run
and gaze with longing
therefore prolonging
my blindness and suffering
hold on while this video is buffering
my grip grows weak
I can't stop, I can't speak
I reach out to her and say
love him all you can, every day.

Free falling
Water up my nose
Am I smiling or am I frowning
Am I swimming or am I drowning
Isnt it strange
How putting your leg between mine
Echos like we are still
In that cave so long ago
Grabbing and racing to fill
This bright void
No question marks
Because you are all the answers

I imagine the wave
of your hand
your hair
standing on end
at the sight of me
not the me I know
the me you somehow see
through a distorted glass vase
encase me in molasses love
slow my heart down from above
my face facing yours
it was the last time I took a breath

I thought I saw you yesterday
Through my blurred vision
A piston engine, stopped
And was left to rust
In the front yard
They say we all come from stardust
There mustn't be any left
Pick a card, any card
The one you want isn't in the deck

I keep a look out
For your ghost
I keep a knife
By my bedpost
Just in case.

I seek a lengthy silence
To listen better
I seek a sharp object
To cut this tether
Just in case.

I speak not a word
They flew away
I speak a glance downward
That's enough to say
"Just in case"

Maybe I don't want to see you again
Maybe I want to drift away
on a bed of poppy petals.
This soft blanket has become heavy
like lead
it tells me
things are okay
but I can't hear it
I'm too busy listening
waiting
for your footsteps to fall away
for your shadows to disappear
like everything
that was once contained in me
has come and gone,
like the moon.

Twists and turns
Describe the spaces and races
Body processes, yearns
To learn how you tie your laces
Stars group in a constellation
Pointing the way
And through the devastation
I see them like wounds, say
Did I ever tell you
I love the blue
In your eyes.