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 Mar 2017 Angelique Paolucci
the word CAUTION is tattooed on the side of my rib cage
and i know you're going to try to barge in anyway
with your muddy shoes still on, spilling your insides
all over my floor
but, it's okay
I made sure the universe knew
to not let you in anymore

There is a solitude of space
A solitude of sea
A solitude of death, but these
Society shall be
Compared with that profounder site
That polar privacy
A soul admitted to itself—
Finite infinity.
The white rabbit leads me silently
I follow her dutifully blind
She's all I've ever known in this life
No lost world left behind

The caterpillar won't help me
Surrounds me in thick, grey smoke
Cocooned in itself as always
The truth it always cloaks

The hatter dances to no music
With the mad March hare
Intoxicated on more than tea
Through me the hatter does stare

The Cheshire Cat is plotting revenge
Grinning high up in his tree
Watching my every movement made
He's hiding the only key

The Queen of hearts just hates me
With all of her strength and might
No reasoning will soothe her
All she does is done in spite

This is no Wonderland here
No wonder to be held at all
I scrabble in the darkness to find it
The key to the only door
i was glass when you found me,
you knew how fragile i was,
just cleared from the hospital,
just learning how to sleep again
without getting woken up
every thirty minutes for vitals
and medication

i was glass when you found me,
you held me in your palms
like a waterglobe,
occasionally swaying me from
side to side
to see what i was like inside

i was glass when you found me,
glistening and elegant
but desperately scared
of falling off the ledge,
like the vase on our dresser-
daisies in my hair,
but potential tragedy everywhere

i leaned into you
and begged you to hold me up

you didn't drop me on accident

i didn't slip from your grip

you didn't lose me
in a tired haze
or a lapse of judgement

you threw me into the gravel
with your arm up over your head
and your eyes closed

you broke me
into fifty different pieces;
a graveyard of sharp edges,
a garden of glistening truths,
dimmed by the hovering hand
of dirt and sand

now boys are afraid
to pick me up off the ground,
i'm still right where you left me,
cause i'm not worth a cut on a hand,

no one will bleed for me,
not in this town

and to think,
all i wanted was to *******,
i never meant to love you,
all i wanted was to *******,
i wish i never met you
I opened myself up and pulled my ribs to the side
        Trying to find something that matters.
                   Something to stick to.
A religion,               a belief,
And in the              dark empty space
                |I found
Whatever                  led me to understand who I                                Thought I was
                **|was already dead.
i'm not killing time
i'm surrendering to it

i was picking up slack
until it started twisting
around my ankles
and working it's way
toward my neck

now i'm hardly breathing
and i'm scared speechless
of breaking a nail,
because there's very little
left of me
and i can't afford
to lose an other piece

i drove to florida
in my leased elantra,
i hoped 16 hours
with my thoughts
would allow some clarity

but it rained the whole way
and the fog never lifted,
i spent ten hours counting
the miles i'd be paying
for at the end of the month
and six hours counting
the times you promised
you'd come home
and never did

i hope you're safe
out there in the grey
The blood splatter dripped and pooled at the floor
       Even time slipped amidst all the gore
If I stood in our doorway
   With the light against my back
          Would you answer me a question
              If I gathered the courage to ask?

If I whispered to these four blank walls
Of how Time scared me more than death
Would you laugh at me in pale moonlight
As I draw ragged breath

                                   "That stuff kills you!" They all say
But by then they've failed to listen
           The hands are broken, the clock tipped over
*But I still hear it ticking!
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