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Sea Oct 10
You wanna heal,
Don’t you
But breaking the ingrained patterns of generations
Is hard
But you’ve grasped the idea
And now you just can’t let it go,
This notion that you could be stronger, healthier, more joyful— inviting all of life in through your senses
And just letting go
Of all the heavy burdens that have weighed you down for so long
You’ve spoken your burdens for years
But speaking never beget change
The change you ached for, the transformation you only theorized about
But what you didn’t know
Is that this idea of healing
Was a seed that was planted into your heart
And this kind of seed
Takes a long time to gestate
So even if you haven’t seen visible changes in yourself and in your life
Just know that the seed has cracked open
And is spreading deep roots,
Replacing the roots of your traumas
Your healing, when it is born and continues to grow in its visible manifestation
Will appear differently than how you imagined it
Yet you will be more overjoyed by its reality than by your limited fantasy of it
Your healing
Will be a revolution to yourself and to all those you have ties with
Some won’t understand your changes, neither will you at times
But just continue to listen to your heart, it’s simple, inviting song
And rest in all the beauty that is unfolding before you and within you.
Sea Oct 8
Joy was a dream I once had
My happiness is fake and imbibed,
Well really, contrived
Because no one knows my secrets
And what if they ever slipped?
And everyone saw me,
Naked, like in dreams
In public, my shame unveiled,
For people to see
But I don’t want them to see
Because what if they hate the real me?

But these things I didn’t overthink when I was a child
But in adulthood we create narratives that represent us falsely to ourselves
Adopting the labels others have assigned to us
Threading them into the fabric of our identity

I wonder, how can I embody joy again?
I’m so **** tired, and scared, and bitter
And I’m worried that everyone will hate me,
Or even worse, nobody even cares
I guess in childhood I had more stability,
Everything didn’t seem so fleeting,
So cold, so dark, so lonely

I guess all I can rely on right now
Is the possibly irrational notion
That things will ultimately work out
That I may not find the light,
But I can learn to create it and sustain it within myself
A reassuring ember of warmth,
Guiding me into reimagining my childhood dream.
Sea Sep 25
The young people of this world will save us from our old, destructive ways
The young people, with their uncensored courage and brazen haste
Calling us jaded, complacent adults to change
Their pure, untainted hearts still unburdened by hate
Will become the very pathway to our escape
From the death traps we’ve made
Because for so long we’ve hated ourselves and we’ve hated the world
But the youth, with the full force of their fierce love
Are saying: “WE’RE NOT GIVING UP.”
They’re not giving into death and decay,
They won’t allow our earth to simply waste away
With all its beauty and all its wonder
But greed has corrupted our hearts and fear has led us astray
Filling our minds with hateful thoughts that cause disarray
But the youth, they’re here to stay
They wield their heart as their weapon
And pierce through the chaos our hatred and division has caused us
To make way for a better life,
Beyond our self-inflicted misery and strife

So carry on, young warriors
Brave and wise
Fight for this life we have taken for granted,
And save us from our own demise.
Sea Sep 24
The world is always begging for my attention
For my eyes and for my mind
It wants to mold me into something unnatural
And make me a foreigner to my own instinct
I feel anxiety tighten around me like a stifling rope
As my psyche is bombarded by an endless array of digitized stimuli
It’s created as an addiction, and this addiction suffocates
Painting illusions that cause a soul-rotting envy
But we’re all liars engaging the game
Knowing that we are imposters communing from a safe distance
Avoidance has become the most deadly form of complacency,
It is a dark comfort
To not have to experience the unpredictable world within our animal bodies
But instead, curate our perfected persona online,
And disengage from the body
By having the mind incessantly entranced by an onslaught of media.
Sea Sep 18
Colors dance through my mind
My heart is the artist
Spilling through the confines of reality
Because she knows
That seeing with the heart is more essential
Than seeing with the eyes

Flowers bloom in my tailored, skull encased reality
My senses light up as if on fire
My mind has trouble distinguishing reality from fantasy
I clench my hands
As if to anchor myself
But then I release,
Knowing that I must allow myself to be carried within the ambiguous sea

Hatred is heavy like lead
Weighing me down in my chest
And causing too much air in my mind
Rotations of thoughts
That illicit bitterness
I point my finger and scream “Phonies!”
At the world
But the world is also me,
Phony, eager to please

Some symphonies are composed by harmony and beauty,
Peace and integrity
But unsuspected symphonies of chaos, malice and disorder
Crash into the melodic symphony
And cause disharmony,

Though, at times
I’ve fancied the idea of eradicating the chaotic symphony altogether,
I find more beauty
In entertaining both the sadness and joy in my life
Inviting both to my table
Because I can see beauty in the sadness
And I find also beauty in the joy.
Sea Sep 17
****, I think
It hurts
It hurts that trauma takes root
Like a thorny rose bush without roses
Stuck in the ground in winter,
A cold, neglected stump

The pain is ingrained
Like tire tracks in a road
Deeply grooved by years of daily repetition
I’ve tried so many times before
To reset my course
But my tires always fall back into those deep, ingrained grooves

I truly don’t understand how some people do it,
How some people make healing seem so effortless
Because healing feels like torture,
At least in the ways I’ve tried to do it
And my system just can’t tolerate torture anymore

So all I can do
Is make peace with my unmet longings
And bow in humility to this miracle of life
Be content with my lot in life,
And let go of the desire for the seamless life that is social media worthy,
But instead cultivate meaning through holy dedication to incremental, sometimes painful change.
Sea Sep 5
I can change
I assure myself
But doubt still dwells in me
Keeping me chained to old ways that are slowly eroding my joy
Fading colors until everything I see is covered in a film of grey
It’s so difficult to push against this
When the resistance comes from within me

But there’s a flickering flame
Igniting the hope that I can change for the better
That I can start caring for myself
Despite my upbringing of neglect
That I no longer have to be against myself
And disregard my needs
But slowly rise
In becoming stronger
By making incremental changes
Until one day, I tear through my chrysalis
To expose my wings.
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