The day he left for Rome I cried
I wouldn't see him for 35 long days
To get some air I went outside
The fresh mowed grass reminded me of his beard
The sunset reminded me of his hair
Tears fell of my face when mum asked are you alright
I watched movies on youtube late into the night

1. Today I slept a lot
I felt mad when I woke up and saw that he'd texted me while I was asleep
And sad
I think his perfume is making me sneeze
He gave me his jumper to cuddle while he's away

2. Today I worked
Had plenty to do but it still felt weird
He texted at lunchtime
Said he missed me and loved me
I love him too
I think he might be the closest thing to perfection
I want to live with him forever
Tonight I worked
Had one too many assignments to do

3. Today I worked for 5 hours straight on my new business
My man texted me when he woke up and sent me a picture
Das my man
We texted for a bit
I think he's missing me as much as I miss him
He still wants to know what's going on
Procrastination tbh
I still have the oral presentation to write
And the slideshow
Uni *****
Never do it
Find yourself a man that will love you without a degree
Trust me
Sheesh I love him so much
Sposiamoci

4. Welp, day four and we fought
FML
So after crying a lot and questioning everything
I slept
**** uni
**** assignments
**** life
*** does he think he's doing
Saying that he loves me
Then hating on me
What's a good enough answer
To being told your life is going to be ****
And you wont get what you want
*** is the point of anything
If i dont get what I want
Call me selfish if you like. idgaf
Maybe I shouldn't be with anyone
****** if I do and ****** if i don't:
-Tell him what they say
-Ask for what I want
-Keep trying

Day 5
If anything or anyone is making my coat-tails flap
I think everyone knows who and what that is
We took a 'family' trip
Saw dolphins
And a blow hole
Things are so different now
I'm not in charge of anything
I'm not expected to be helpful
I suspect I 'should feel bad'
But it's less stress on me and that's great
I wanted to get a photo with grandma
Prolly be the last time I do anything with her
But no time seemed right
I forced myself to have a zest for life
Spent time with everyone
And really, it was beautiful
The way the sun sparkled off the waves
I hardly thought about what it would be like
To throw myself in
And sink

Day 6
Today was a day
High but low
Very animated
Singing, laughing, running, working hard and fast
Getting a lot done
But teetering on the brink
Having to savagely tear myself back
After the email from mum
She got the job!!
I'm glad
(But no, it's not what I'll be ever doing)
And scared
Life's just rushing along like a torrent around me
I dont matter
Nothing I do really matters
It's good
But what if I get left behind
With nowhere to go
What if I drown
Alone
While everyone else is
Head long
Full pelt
Going places
Young men in a hurry
But good things did happen
Felt like they did at least
Come to think of it...
The best thing was that Ross and Rocky saw me and said hello
It's ages since someone said hello to me
It's even longer since someone said hello to me that I didnt want to punch in the face
So yeah
Boyfriendless Fridays ****

Day 7
Today I slept in really late
I'm feeling good
Recorded my oral presentation
It's 12 minutes when I read slowly
So I've cut some words
I'm a *******
Gosh I'm grateful for people that help me
This assignment *****

8.
I was so busy doing nothing today
Waiting for life to be over
Waiting for time to pass
Waiting for lunchtime
Waiting for 2.30pm
I went to my sisters baptism
She spoke to the congregation
About her conviction
I cried
A lot
I'm glad she's going to heaven
But worried I'm not.

Day 9.
Back to work
Had nothing to do
So I offloaded to the other side of the world
Big mistake
Everything went to ****
I broke down
crying
again
And now all my energy
and enthusiasm
is
gone
I dont want to do this
Or that
or anything
I just want to do what I want to do
I'm so sick of people telling me what to do
Oh I KNOW it's because they love me
And it's for my own good
But that doesn't stop it
FROM ANNOYING TF OUTTA ME
whinge
complain
sigh
****
Welp
Anyway
Whatevs
Do you laugh in glee
At how easy it is to manipulate me
The "disappointment" card
The "headache" card
The "wasting time" card
Guarantee success
I'll do it
P.S. I love you
PPS. I'm sorry

10.
BUSY BUSY BUSY
And just as well...
Breakfast with sister
She asked how many trips it'd take to get my stuff outta her house
I asked why
She said 'in case i should help'
But
Then the truth came out
She wants me to give back the key
*** for tat?
She's angry
I wont tell her where I'm going
I'm being "foul"
Kinda wrecked my day
But breakfast was good
And I was busy busy busy
Went to work and talked to Iris
She likes my trousers :)
Worked for five hours......... plus
Collated my crap
Went to the shop for some things
Australian things
Mum called
Asked if I was coming home for dinner
Wish I could have said no
I miss having dinner with my man.

11
I forgot my washing dang it
So much to do
Note: My boyfriend is freaking awesome
Feeling a lot calmer about DVT
Mark helped me a lot today
It's starting to sink in
Today is probably the last day I'll spend with him
Tonight was the last time I'll have dinner with the family
Tonight is the last night I'll be sleeping at home
my comfy bed
my big spacious room
my lack of awkwardness at opening up the fridge and cupboards and staring inside
I'm going to really miss the old life
lots of emotions
lots of scared
looking forward to what the future holds though.

This is the last verse/post for a while... leaving for Europe tomorrow... the next 21 days will be just me staring at European things and counting down the days til I see my love again

I LOVE YOU!

I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING YOU AGAIN SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

XOXOXO

There's only so high you can go
All good times come to an end
The joy and the happiness of a high
Wonderful
Except
The higher you go the harder you fall

last night i had a little sook
cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried
and suddenly all i could see were knives and sharp scissors
i scratched my wrists and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried
and put myself to bed
now he's threatening to leave me
because i had a little sook

Chewing anxiously on my foot againnnnnnnnn

I've been alone for many moons
Many blue moons I have seen
I've been singing many blue tunes
For many moons blue I've been
I've seen with you many things anew
These capture supreme melancholy
Singing at many a blue moon with you
Breaks hard hearts truly beautifully

"Can I help you?" she asked
"I'm afraid not." he smiled
"Why not?"
"I'm all messed up."
"What a coincidence," she laughed, "So am I...
Let's  mess things up together."
And so they did.

Crashing between the high and low
What the hell is happening does anyone know?
Where did I go wrong when it felt so right
Please
Help me understand... I hate when we fight.

How do you still love me
Whinging, complaining, crying, clingy
I peed my pants and I peed in the bed
And still you kiss my lips and scratch my head
and love me
You love me even when I'm sick
Ugly, blotchy, sleepy, grumpy
You make me food and tuck me in
Cuddle me until I fell asleep again
And love me

I feel so lucky when I look at you
But I feel even luckier when you look at me
And I know
For certain
That you love me

<3 xoxo

It's four o'clock in the afternoon
Run upstairs
He's coming soon
Hurry
Hurry
Hurry
Far too many ***** dishes
Wash up fast
Suds and swishes
Hurry
Hurry
Hurry
Everyone wants to stop and chat
Hear them out
They deserve that
Hurry
Hurry
Hurry
Finally finished I make my escape
I'm too late
He didn't wait
Tears
Tears
Tears
Drip
Drip
Drip

Hey, It's okay you say
You know as well as I do
It's not okay
But I'll smile back at you bravely
We'll pretend it is
And you'll continue to say
Hey, It's okay
But it's not.

I love how relationships are mostly

making plans
but falling asleep cuddling instead

asking
have you watched this movie?
ten thousand times

learning
and teaching some things too

waking up
and not even being mad that it's the middle of the night
because
it's another chance to fall asleep in his arms

The divorce and I live alone
We feed the fruit bats tiny bits of pear
The floor is fairly tidy
But the washing line is broken
Would you like to come for tea
We’ll talk about the navy
How old I’ll be next Tuesday
I remember nine eleven
The ghost will hiss at strangers
There’s a succulent on the windowsill
The house never echoes
But we live here all alone.

Does your heart belong to me
Or does your right eye wander
You make love to me when it rains
But break me when there's thunder
You hold my hand and kiss my lips
But I keep hearing lies
And when around the other girl
I can't help but surmise
Because you're not really happy
And admit that you are jealous
What am I supposed to think
There's proof within my premise
So I beg you stop and think
What's this love story all about
Although I'm in all the way...
Are you trying to push me out?

The inextricable
no real definition
neither noun, verb or adjective
splatters over iron and wood
                                            to rust
                                                 and rot
breaking hearts and souls
close your eyes
sink into sweet emptiness
beats and chords
hands make their steady way around
                                                        and around
                                                                ­      and around
just let them
each second is a second closer to when we meet again
each droplet of emotion leaves salty tracks
salty tracks from the soul

You're in danger everyone
There's a dark force out there
It's something you can't avoid
It's just drifting in the air

Nobody can see this thing
Safety you can't assume
This thing that you cant see
Has the power to clear a room

Nobody can hear this thing
It can't be heard by ear
But you will know if you've been hit
You'll quake and gasp in fear

What is it that's so powerful ?
What has mastered such an art ?
There's nothing quite so deadly
As a Silent But Deadly **** !

Some days I want to **** myself
slash my wrists and fade away
because there's nothing i can do myself
not a ******* thing

I ask
I get
then
I regret

Ignorance is bliss
I thought that I was okay at this
Turns out I'm ****
at everything

I wanted to say 'yes' so badly
Every time I looked in your eyes
I wanted to say 'yes'
Yes I'll be your girl
Yes I'll be yours only
Yes we'll make this **** into something amazing
I wanted that so badly

I was floating through outer space
Planets and stars orbit through my vision
The music ***** my mind into a black hole
That's when I found the cave

Darkness my old friend I thought
As he wrapped his arms around me
His steady breathing brushing on my neck
That's when I felt safe and secure

This might be happiness I thought
Though the sun will never be seen again
Safety, security, nobody can see us in here
That's when the music crescendoed

Nothing and nobody could harm me now
We breathed in unison the oxygen of fate
He carried me through a mindless state
That's when we fell asleep spooning

Grey clouds frown
Hands move past three
Papers shuffle and faces yawn
Coffee cups have an empty echo
Bored poets will browse discreetly
I want to write
Here I am

I understand your youth she said
I understand your lust.
I understand what's happening
But stop, you really must
Every time you get together
And look into his eyes
It will get harder for you
To see through the devil's lies

And now I'm wondering ... is it true?

Not that he's the devil or anything
I mean, is it true that it's just youthful lust?

Is that whole love-at-first-sight thing lust?
I mean, he is crazy beautiful...

shrug

There's gotta be a balance there right...
A bit of love a bit of lust

Maybe I don't understand what love is
Sounds harsh but, it's rare in the spectrum

And if I can't really love...
The least I can do is lust tf outta you!