Been so long, since I felt this way,
at a loss for words, what's left to say?
As inspiring as this feeling may seem,
it's hard to explain, much like a dream.
Mind is tired, can't sit still,
my heart is something you seem to fill.
Smiles made easy, never a frown,
is how I feel when you are around.
But now it is time to say the cliché,
I hope you have a Happy Valentine's Day.
My life is on a roll, because I fianlly get to live it,
My right foot hung a cliff, but my left began to pivot.
Cause that's how I lived my life, completly on the edge,
But today I live in comfort, I steer clear from any ledge.
The thought I have today, about how I lived and thrived,
Scares me more than ever, I'm so grateful I'm alive.
My middle name was "apathay", my last was "no control",
but now that name has changed, the glass is more than full.
Today I live "transition", and look forward to progression,
note that these are blessings, and a highly valued lesson.
And this adventure never ends, it has really just begun,
the wind is at my back, and I can finally see the sun.
Trying to catch some sleep, but I just can't seem to grasp,
all the blessings I have gained, considering the past.
It's more than just this girl, and the energy she brings,
because my heart is in the heavens, and for once it finally sings.
Yes this moment is so 'perfect', and that word gets tossed around,
but for once I finally live it, it is the greatest sound.
I never believed in life, in regards to all what's good,
so if you've never tried it, I suggest you rather should.
Because this feeling is finally real, and I'll practice all it takes,
to keep my soul up in the heavens, for happiness' sake.
Though it won't take much, to test my fragile spirit,
but my Higher Power listens, I know he really hears it.
Yes, my life is but a miracle, and I'm not afraid to tell,
Cause there was a point in time, when I was living hell.
But those memories of sorrow, have become a precious gift,
they're more than just incentives, they're a loving, guiding lift.
I must take every step so careful,
as if the floor were slick and wet.
Cause I've never felt quite like this,
I just can't believe we've met.
I felt something from the start,
but was afraid to act it out.
But then a small flame grew to fire,
and within it's ashes grew a sprout.
And with the sprout comes feelings,
so delicate and rare.
Ones that grow to bigger things,
and stretch out into the air.
Yes it's branches define aesthetics,
with blossoms at the ends.
But what I seek digs deeper,
It is it's roots my friend.
Cause there'd be no point to sunshine,
or an early morning mist.
Without roots to bound it's life,
it would simply not exist.
So, a foundation is in order, to able it to strife.
For the one who seeks to grow,
and the ones who share it's life.
So I'll take today as a blessing,
that I see, to work on me.
You do the same, I know we can,
and then one day we'll see...
That there is something here, for us to cherish.
I pray that this feeling will never perish.
Cause today there is hope, and lots of grace,
And I know this is true, because I've seen your face.
I'm seeking the comfort that came with her lips,
and the hours of sweat between our bonded hips.
The connection we had, must have been shared,
but the look on her face showed she didn't care.
But who am I to judge the love that once was,
twas as pure as the hum from a honey bee's buzz.
I'm building up anger with all that's inside,
these feelings I have, I just cant hide.
I'm sorry for the doubt I slayed upon her soul
Cause in all reality I made her heart turn to coal.
I realized this, the day that she cried,
"we were supposed to be together" but then we both died.
I'm more than scared, and far from alone,
and so every night, you will hear my moan.
Aside from the everyday pressures we face,
I face one other, it's quite a disgrace.
This demon I speak, leaves me bare and left cold,
yet I continue to ignore all I've been told.
All the great things I've become blessed to acknowledge,
surpass all the things taught in this bullshit called college.
Cause the answers I seek, don't reside in a book.
But knowing me, I'd be sure to look.
Cause I'm jumping around from place to place,
my very own mother may not recognize this face.
I'm searching for love in all the places on this earth,
but is true love even out to find me, or did it die at birth?
Cause love is just another term that gets loosely tossed around.
Sometimes I wonder if it be better, simply, buried in the ground.
I just want that love to come to me,
then maybe my heart would be at ease, oh please.
Cause I can't figure out what all it takes,
with all this hurt I just can’t seem to shake, or fake.
I don't really have too much left to feel,
cause these scars are indeed a much done deal,
I'm screaming at walls that just won't hear,
I'm taking time to fly, got lots to do before I die.
Making a new, its simply due,
learning from all these things you put me through
I'm seeing the light, it's bound with insight.
It's gonna be okay, it’s just another day.
And then maybe one day I can see,
what it’s like to be so sincerely free,
cause this hole I fell in is much too deep,
I'm gonna be okay, at least I really hope I may.
Fourteen hours total, I spent in that car,
but twas the motive that drove me, so it didn't seem far.
I hope the impression I left, was above all her dreams,
cause my heart seemed to melt, like a spring de-thawed stream.
Though I still know, that I have so much to do,
in regards of my life, and general attitude.
But I loved what I saw, there is no denying,
so my hearts for the taking, its all I'm supplying.
And I'm scared more than ever, that I'll be left hurt
as all of my feelings become one with the dirt.
While I wait in my sorrow, I try hard to relate,
but I can't for some reason, so maybe its fate.
Though I do know, that I cannot blame her,
her life is her own, I am nobody's savior.
And this bad feeling I have, is about to come real,
her heart is something that I wont be able to steal.
How did we go from, "I want you a lot",
to, "its not gonna work", (that is all that I got).
So I'll ponder once more at what will never be,
the southern girl left before she even knew me.
But I'll give her one thing, and that it could have been worse,
cause maybe a relationship would have left my heart in a hearse.
She did what she did, and just soon enough.
But I still wish that we could have tried to been tough.
Her worry and fear went along with her silence,
the lack of her words left me with an altered conscience.
Why must my head be filled with worry and such,
the things that make you say, "this is all too much".
It is June now, you know, the month after May,
"So relax" she said, "experience the bonnaroovian way."
But it's not that simple for a man like myself,
to take all my troubles to be put on a shelf.
To be sporadic and fun at the drop of the hat,
but the bonnaroovians say, "What’s wrong with that?"
That is who I am, and I know it’s confusing,
to go from angry and tired, to up most amusing
So bi-polar disorder is might what you think
But, “it’s not, I've checked”, said my internal shrink.
Cause these wild emotions were based off of love,
and sometimes from always being as high as a dove.
They weren’t a good mix, at least for some people
So I fell really hard, like a runner in steeple.
I regret so much, but wouldn't change it for the earth
Cause now I'll have a chance to have an endearing rebirth.
So this now gives us a chance to live in a way,
a way that roots from what the Bonnaroovians say.
People seem to come and go
not much it takes for me to know
that what you seemed to do for me
is worth much more than one can see.
You took the time to ease my pain
and lift these dark embedded stains
how scared I was to come and tell
of my sick life and living hell.
Full of shame and pure regret,
this something I won't soon forget.
Just like the sand that falls in line,
I was losing breath and losing time.
You took an extra step at this,
it's something that I just can't miss.
Alas, I had a chance to feed,
you helped me out a man in need.
Torn out of my life like a page from a book,
shredded apart like a fish's lip with a hook.
I now realize that I had what it took,
dive deep in my mind and be sure to look.
Manipulation comes in the form of many ways,
the harder I tried, the more difficult the maze.
The maze that keeps you wandering for days and days.
All I wanted was love, not pointless praise.
But now that it's done and we've come to an end,
why must it be so hard to be considered a friend.
With all the broken pieces I have tried to mend.
But MY heart was broken, so it's what I'll tend.
Like water frozen to
ice, I watch a blossom
never bloom, it stays
as still as an autumn leaf
deprived of the wind
that should let it go free to
a place where it is
noticed for its aesthetics and
in ways it never thought it
could. Tell me where this
transparent liquid will flow,
tell me how far you
will let it if I break free
from these chains I have
we have fastened them
together, bound by what was
once considered love.
As the dirt and rain,
become part of my outfit.
I stand up in great trance.
The deep vibrations around me,
seem to interact with souls
of beings all over who
come "home" for reasons
such as mine, and that keep them
coming back to play.
The booming echo of haunting
animal's skin creeps up
over the trees and hills.
Howling the insane
breathing green fire.
Brings comfort and wholeness
to the purpose in which
we have united today.
Sharing more than melodies,
seeing more than what meets
the eye of the storm in this
controlled chaotic world.
I then slip into a realm
that keeps nothing masked.
Smoke rises as
ashes fall upon the
tan freckled shoulders
of real lifetime bonds.
Nickels, pennies, wishing wells,
I do declare, I bid farewell.
With all that's here and said to be,
come on girl, please look at me.
I see all the scare and hurt,
so now's the time to wash the dirt.
Cause hope is what you fail to see,
I guess that we're not meant to be.
But just before you leave for good,
please speak to me, you know you should.
And tell me at one point-in-time,
that I was yours, and you were mine.
I feel the pain that grows inside,
it's swelling up like morning tides.
And all that I can seem to do,
is dream of us, and think of you.
Now that all the pains set-in,
I think about where we've been.
And realize that we were dead,
A bitter-sweet thing to be said.
I know what is good for my personal health,
but this world is run by greed and wealth.
Not with love, nature, trust, or caring,
so listen to this, it's what I'm sharing.
Try to think back to the creation of time,
who is the brain, caveman or Einstein?
In a world that revolves around the internet and phones,
we're nothing but mindless carbon copied gnomes.
We think we grow close to the answer, with each passing day,
but the "closer" we get, the more I pray.
This world is detaching at all of its seams,
I hope that I'm considered to be on his team.
Tapping foot against a linoleum floor,
with a quick little tip, then I'm out the door.
Hate to see what is in-store.
Aesthetically pleasing? No, it's gore.
What appears so benign is really ghoulish,
and nothing short of completely foolish.
I have dug a hole far too deep,
can I shake this, should I leap?
With money in pocket and a shaky hand,
I'm lost off-shore, far from land.
There is a way out, but it's not near the surface,
I write today with a purpose.
What you do doesn't define who you are,
however it lingers like a terrible scar.
Sticky and messy like a gob of black tar,
and burning so hot like a bright neutron star.
I see all the good, and I weigh all the bad,
but at the end of the day it just makes me sad.
I try to press on and keep all my cool,
but it's burning me up, so I jump in the pool.
The pool of life, or a puddle of death?
Like a junkie's high compared to meth.
Never again will I take that leap,
cause next time around the road will be steep.
Steeper than the first time it came.
I'll be lucky to even make it out sane.
I'm taking time to think this through, in hopes that I can mend.
All the hurt that hides inside of us, will this ever end?
I know that I did let you down, as you did to me.
Like a light beam that shines for-ev-er, and all eternity.
Please just stop and think right where we fell,
Cause if not we'll never get too well. Oh well.
Cause living in constant worry feels, like a stab in the heart that will not heal
I can't even say sorry. I've got to live my life, I've got to live my life.
So please take some time to feel my fear, as all my anger turns to tears,
you never really proved to me, you wanna be in my life, you wanna be in myy life.
A baggage of cabbage slung over my back
It's starting to smell, but don't open the sack.
Cause for all I know it could be much more,
perhaps it will kill me, dead, onto the floor.
But as I grow weary, and my eyes get teary,
the sack seems to reek with despair.
Oh what the hell, I'll take a look.
To see what is really there.
As I come to find out, it was indeed what I thought
This "baggage of cabbage" has finally been caught.