Where do I go
to find the right place
where I can be me
and live happily

I am often the lonely person in a crowded room
watching over everyone as they relate to each other
how will I ever be a person of people
with all the distance of our indifference

I don't belong here where none of it feels real
there is no genuine favor anymore
just conditional emotions based on desire
fickle and hypocritical with two faces
impulsive for immediate gratification
leaving nothing for those who wait

All we have
are the breaths we take
and the experiences we survive
teach us how to fail brilliantly

In a strange environment
drifting slowly through the world
passing by unknowingly
others who are strange like me
but more unique

It is strangely common to feel different
and that is how I am just the same
I don't want to belong here
I want to be out there
failing because I tried
not because of my indifference  
that kept me grounded

It's a good night to be lost
to be left alone to create
something so horrifying
people will wish  
they could have stopped it

Just sitting there silent and motionless
as it develops into the nasty thing it should become
humanity rotting away
with the mind being abducted by subliminal torture
using life to simulate alternate realities

Moving as ghosts do, as cold shadows move at night
through every tear drop
every ache and pain
until the heart breaks
until there's a willing and somber life to take

The lost become mutated
the unknown need a place to go
to die and be reborn

Let go of the memories
grip the still beating pulse
bring torture and agony

I will teach you what I know

A whisper falls into the night
close your eyes
waiting for me to sleep
find me in your dreams

So cold and silent
I'll be there
waiting for the warmth of slumber
* just a little closer*

Hallucinating reality
this is always the beginning
It's like another life
right now it's real

I can't feel my skin
here I am
but I can still feel
control me or I'll control you

I feel fear
* you are slipping*
I feel sadness
* you want to let go
I feel resentment
know what you hold on to*

* I am the voice inside your head*
* the voice you think with*
* I am the loudest cry no one will hear*
* you control me*
* but the fear I speak of controls you*

I want to take courage
and have it become me
so I take bravery
to resolve this insanity
in my dreams

The one place I should have control
* I can help you*
where the days and nights are endless
if you let me
if I wish for them to be

Speak for me
as I speak to you
your true words
as I am a part of you*
who is me

I'm going to explore my mind
to feel who I am
and there I will find
*the place I stand

I see images of you flashing in my mind
pictures my heart holds on to
so one day I will find you
with all the hate I face every day
from someone who has promised love
a broken heart and broken skin are what I have to show
I keep moving, holding on to what I have of you
just an image my mind has made of you
a reality I dream
a love I crave
your touch
I want to feel your embrace
I just hope I am not too damaged for you
so much pain has been put on me
I have bled for love before
sustaining toxic cruelty
psychotic rage driven abuse
there's a lot of anger and sorrow in my heart
a lot of fight left in me
I endure silent tragedy
being in this love
separated by doubt and misery
I am all I physically have
my illusions are my own
I hope I find you before it's too late

Dear brother of mine
the words I have for you
when you take a familiar path
down a destructive road

It ruined so much of our lives
now it has it's grip on you
how could you accept it
why would you let it in

After everything it has taken away
what it has taught us
you turn your faith to addiction
to replace your own anguish

Life will never be easy for us
but you're making it harder
burying yourself in lost memories
hoping to forget the rest

Take another hit of a seductive high
forget about your future life
it's only right now you live
forget what you have
as you create something so black in you

come a long way to the end
reach for more torture
forget if it hurts your family
we all die anyway

From the greatest and worst times of our lives
we always had each other
to hold on to and to survive
no matter how much it hurt

From one bro to the other
it's not for you
don't make the same kind of mistakes as our mother
you only have this life and you won't get another
just find a better place and live another day

It hurts to see our memories go away
If she saw what you are doing
she would roll in her grave
you will never get these parts of your life back

Not only do you do it to yourself
but you deal it out to others
for the collapse of love and family
a cold union so hollow
no warmth to feel inside

Aching sickness for more to come
only the will to make it go away
like I want it to get out of you
and never return

All the words I make with sounds
with a canvas of silence
a rage of emotions come out
like peace provokes violence

Free the mind
leave all the quiet order behind
our feelings shouldn't be disguised
and our thoughts should be realized

Be free as possible like a patient escaping a mental hospital
crazy to think you can't prove sanity when there so many normal's in humanity
unrestrained growth could help us realize we have anywhere we can go
doesn't matter what we think we know because it's the experience we have to be shown

Life the way it is now is growing tired and the art is uninspired
then we give our money to the liars
who will keep their jobs because they will never get fired
but the money for its' power will always be falsely admired

I know I'm crazy for what I believe
but we're all in the same pool of people who've been deceived
it's getting pretty crowded and I wish I could say "**** it" and leave
though I know for a while this is where I'm going to be
waking up every morning chasing the money while convincing myself somehow that I am free

The trees breathe deep so the world can be alive
the living creatures trade breaths with nature
and we all stay alive for a little longer
so we can **** each other

The world is crumbling
and all you have to offer
is your opinion

See how many lives you save
as you watch it go to waste.
If you can save one life
make sure it is the one
that supports yours.

This world we call Earth
is our only hope
and we must defend it
so it may save us.

Save your judgement
for when you have compassion.
Use it to care
for life is everything to a mortal.
But do not fear death
it is there for life.

You have more in your hands
than you can see
until it slips through your fingers.
But you must hold on
and never let go.

There's few people I trust, but ****
you give me butterflies

I am here to steal your loneliness away
I know the pain all to well
I'll give you my hand and you can give me your hell
I'll change everything for you
I know emptiness  comes from going nowhere and knowing no one
truly we all hide behind masks whether we admit it or not
these white lies are still lies and it is torture to call out and hear only your own voice echoing back to you as if it is rejected by those who wish it unheard
I can help with the cold if only to make eternity more bearable because the silence never ends when you're all alone
you will have a way to end it all
this gift will be your tool to shed your prison
you are imprisoned by doubt and fear
I'll change your mind
and you will burn now when you shiver in your empty hole of despair  
nothing is as warming when there is desire to save yourself

the sound that makes me shiver and the hairs on my skin stand up
reminds me of better times compared to what I see now
with the sky bearing clouds of grey and no color
snow covers everything
the daylight brings as much misery as the night
endless days that go on for months and seem like years
Thoughts are putting a hole in my passion
destroying my dreams
slowly as death takes it's time with me
I feel so tired and want so much to sleep
not knowing if I really wake up
or if I already live in hell
feeling every bit of pain
there should be remorse for pleasure
but I don't care
wandering through the lust for flesh
finding my truth to tell myself
secrets about me kept from me discovered by me
a light I don't want to see myself in
the guilt of regret I swear I do not have
may find itself catching up to me
and live with my body  where I do not wish
to remain

Forget he's human
just like you
because he loves a man
just like you don't want him to

Forget that she's human
just like you
she likes women
instead of you

Does it break you heart?
when someone falls
out of your expectations
there must be something wrong

He may not have grown up
wanting to be the man
your faith wanted him to become
so where goes the love

Men don't cry
just **** it up
and move on with life

She may not have grown up
being very lady like
so you've had enough
of her relating to the guys

Women aren't strong
you need a man
to hold you up in life

Where are all the people

Oh never mind him
he's just mentally impaired
you can make fun of him
he's too stupid to care

But really
he hurts like the rest of us
needing the acceptance

Where are all the people
with the unconditional love

Why can't these robots see
life is more beautiful
with color

Love should be free
so should our choices
how hard is it to imagine
will it ever be?

Hide your feelings
you might be a woman inside
even though you are a man
you should hate yourself
because everyone else will

What will the children become
when the future is already laid out for them

Who wants to grow up
and have no imagination?

So why be silent
when we can spread love
like a virus
spreads an epidemic

Wake up and stop hating
hate is for those with fear

Forget what you don't know
and accept it for what it is
it's going to be there anyway

Dreams are different
and they are a part of life
behind closed eyes
to open minds

Worlds like the one we share
places we never thought could exist
beings we would otherwise never see
all for fear and enlightenment

None can be more vivid
than the nightmares
fear to make us feel weak
to conquer us in our sleep

Try not to fall prey to darkness
stay in the light
if you wish to see
what is coming after you

My world is blackening
all around me
saving me for last
leaving me no hope

I have reached the end of my dreams
where I am running away
all the fear chasing me
has shut all the gates

It wraps me in the cold
and runs over me
trapped inside a cocoon
I feel everything changing

Carry me to another dream
where I can be free
to change my world
in a new image

Fear corrupted my mind
as I corrupted my dreams
and all those who I thought of
were changed

Sometimes I wonder if we can ever
be in the same dream with each other
It seems to be the only place I see you
anymore

Life is short
nights are long
forever in darkness
where we find a glimpse of light

Don't lose the dream
let the nightmares chase us
fear shows us courage
courage gives us strength

Change is inevitable
nothing is forever the same

Dreams to nightmares
normal to insanity
prey to killer

Empty from the distance and numb from the cold
used to all the lies that have long been told
the light is never going to shine
only some things will be just fine
Hatred and fear will never end
neither will selfish greed and lust
and they will always find a way and a friend
corrupted evolution turns hopes and dreams to dust
The promise was broken as soon as it was conceived
words are empty and are only meant to deceive
Nothing will last forever
life on earth will end and we will all die together  
extinguished by a dying sun
a star will decide when we are done
If we don't destroy ourselves first
something else will
so let's all just let it all keep getting worse
and watch everyone we love and care about be killed
We will never see each other again
in a lifeless hell made out of our heaven

Few words really mean anything even when there's a lot to say.
My mind doesn't only experience words in a single thought.
It all comes down to sounds and images.
And some of those sounds come out as words to describe ideas.
It seems my imagination is more active than I am anymore.
Dreams mean more to me than my own words.
I'm just creating garbage that takes up memory which occupies some kind of space.
Maybe some of my words can be someone else's gold.
All I know is I don't know anything, I just experience it to create a purpose.
I suppose if my words had more purpose, they'd be more meaningful and I; more predictable.
The only change is the collaboration of ideas.
thoughts that could have been put into words.
words put into action.
actions that could have changed the world.
the world that keeps spinning.
Do our lives mean anything to anyone other than our own kind?
What we really depend on doesn't really depend on us.
So what are we really doing here?
We have changed the world in more ways than one and that is about how much worse it has made the world.
We have made more ways to **** than anything else.
But then again it is death that makes room for more life on the surface.
Everyone deserves a chance to make one great mistake to change everything.
In the end doing nothing is as harmful as doing something so either way we're all going to die anyway.
Words don't have to tell you to see it this way.
Personal experience will bring us somewhere and show us something.
We still have a different point of view so what we see won't be the same thing.
What good are words then?

What is death
it would seem like the end of life
but does life really end
when one life dies there is still more life beyond
maybe death is just part of the cycle
like death is the opening of a candy wrapper and eating the candy
death is the wrapper that no longer holds anything of value
death is the shell that is now empty
death has no inhabitant
so what is life
the thing that makes everything move possibly
not just simple movement
but conscious movement with a thought of where it's going
so when life and death meet
where does life go
and why does death stay if it is really here
if there is one thing I feel
it's weight
life and death weigh on me every day
pushing me down
making everything take more effort out of me
like I am made to suffer just so I know what pleasure feels like
life is pleasure and pain
death doesn't feel anything at all
life is finite and infinite
death is life's shadow knowing one day it will be gone
when life finally dies
death lives forever and becomes nonexistent
and there it is
nothing
the thing we see when we are looking for something we cannot find
that's what is weighing in my heart
what am I looking for
some kind of sign that there is magic to ease the suffering of life
if not to make it thrive despite being constantly surrounded by death
I feel as though magic is science that cannot be explained by modern terms
maybe one day
but not today
my own life isn't so mundane and yet I don't want it
I feel it calling me closer
it's voice getting louder through time
time which was merely invented
all I see is motion and motionlessness
panic and calm
love, hate and indifference
my love and hate battle while indifference plays video games
ignoring everything and every thought
because reality is ****
suffering is how I know it's real
I don't want to be real anymore
I don't want to dream anymore
just let me sleep
I am tired
but no
I have to keep going
I have to see the end
I can't give up on my secret search for what I consider magic in my time
what is magic in my time
well, it's love
unconditional love from someone who isn't your mother or father
someone who chooses to be your family
it's a pleasant surprise that doesn't end in an instant with a dose of harsh reality
magic is having your pet be your equal like another person
it's knowing that when you die, you will be fine
it's being being real in a world of fakes
or being fake in a world of real ones
magic is the opposite of reality perhaps
the imagination at its' finest
or worst
you decide
*****
you think I'm done
I'm not
I'm just getting started

Stress builds in my head and thickens my blood
swarming my imagination with failures
hope is being swallowed in an abyss of endless apathy
success was only a short lived dream anyway

Silent killers swim through my veins
pushing through and attacking my mind
the conductor of my actions already aims at my submission
if only I had a different situation and a different frame of mind
that were both better suited for life
then I'd probably want to keep trying.

From the souls of windows
come the the admiration of a dream come true
from the laboring point of view
for the love of freedom

Imprisoned to serve another slave
work to remain
earning a life to be saved
as the illusion of time goes to waste
eyes begin to open and the mind escapes

Taken away as one drifts to sleep
indescribable experiences create secrets one cannot speak
promises of silence always to keep
it is in other words, inner peace

Motion of euphoria
created by the longing for a personal heaven
wanting to feel alive
walking away from the endless void

Endless stares into space
beyond the sky filled endless face
an alternate reality seems to be made  
just trying to find another way

I close my eyes to the memory I have with you
call it infatuation if you must
I call it exhilarating
when I looked into your eyes
as you looked into mine
and I felt a smile in my heart

I held on to every second I had with you
like the ocean holds on to the beautiful image of the moon
I held onto you

it was more than a kiss
more than feeling your lips
I never thought I'd feel this way again

for all I had with you, it was more than a day
and I never wanted it to disappear
not the memory to simply fade  
I just want you here

If I could do anything I would live all my dreams
and bring heaven closer to reality
but what is heaven without a little hell
I'd take the risks so I'd be able to tell
from all the hate created from the lack of love
a poor child still has to grow up with barely enough
where it should have been given
just to survive the hunger keeps him driven
fall to the cold to be revived
missing a heart to keep the warmth inside
a rage of brutality brought to spread the hate
all the same living noise or dead silence to fuel the pain
If I could do anything I'd take it all away
no one would be deprived or *****
there would be no corruption
or human trafficking
slavery would be no more
I would open up programs to go to space
we could explore distant planets and live on another face
so the earth would never over populate
would that not be great?

good things happen
only the strong survive

figure yourself out
until the last drop it will still fall
count yourself lucky you are down here
knowing how far above you it is

yet another reason to be thankful
or to resent your existance
under everything that isn't below your feet or beside you
reasons to keep moving on
so keep listening to your favorite songs
everything will work out
like everything does
forget the memories and people who don't make the future brighter

I'm trapped inside this torment I can't escape
I wish I could give up and walk away
it's not so easy being confined to distance from living
surrounded by empty space and silence from the other side
solitary existence feels like a lie
I've become a ghost believing I still breathe and yet no one acknowledges me
this prison of emotional pain keeps me locked into place
and I reach through the empty spaces only to find cold rejection
the empty space and silence have sentenced me to a certain death
I watch as it crawls all over the places where life used to be
and now I haunt the ground I walk longing to live again
hope is slipping away and I can only see one way out
and yet nothing would change

As I go back to my memories
I feel what I see
when I remember
who and what I used to be

A young boy has his dreams
his nightmares
his judgement
and instinct

Feeling his own
right and wrong
suffering and bliss
danger and comfort
sadness and happiness
hate and love

How the days seemed to drag on
as if I were waiting for an end
wanting to get the worst over with
so I may enjoy the best in the end

I felt a little less love
and little more tough
each day seemed to lead to the worst
with all the things I would learn

The kind of people I did not like
the people who beat people
the people who ***** people
the people who neglected people
and the people who let it happen

I can't blame gender
I can't blame age
just people
because we all are

So why does it happen
not just to our skin
but also underneath
where the pain is longer felt

So much happened around me
I could not control
all the pain and misery
I did not want in my world

I just wanted happiness
I wanted love
with all it's warmth and affection
but it seems to cause a lot of pain

I didn't want the drugs
I didn't want the selfishness
I didn't want the neglect
I didn't want the violence

So many promises were made
so many were broken
so little kept
what was the point in the disappointment

I didn't want to ask what's wrong with the world
I think I have seen enough
I wanted to know what's right
and how to change the wrong to right

Because I didn't want to grow up
in a world filled with lust and greed
yet now I feel them both
inside of me

Doing things now the child in me did not like
I feel as if I have disappointed a child
because I have disappointed myself
giving in to wicked temptation

My corruption
is my understanding
feeling pain is more alive
than no pain at all
as if to feel bliss was dead

It always gets worse
and it always gets better
that's how it always is
and always will be

As time goes on
we get creative with suffering

What is given to a child
a child will use to create
who he/she will be
and will never stop

You can find yourself
when you forget

May childhood never end

I take delight from the suffering
dwelling in madness
when driven far from compassion
no light will take away the darkness

There is no quick silent torture beyond the soul
and on to the flesh
Reason falls from trembling lips
on to deaf ears

Burning hate
like love set on fire
passionate to the grave
ashes over the desire

Savored by the cold and sharp
believe in a savior
who will leave you in the dark
to answer your prayers

Feel your heart beating with hope
maybe it's all a dream
but you won't truly awaken
not to a soundless scream

You will see my burning heart
when the day will come
I am the last star
before you see the sun

Is it all a dream or is it real
not knowing the difference between pain and fear
and either way it stings when you can feel
everything you were afraid of reflecting in your tears

I shall call you my dream
you will see me again
not remembering me
as you never do and it will never end

To lose someone you love is to gain solitary confinement in your heart as it does not actually break. It pounds in your chest the beat of devastation.

I failed
I couldn't reach out to any of them
not for long
they wanted to be understood
none wished to understand
truly
honestly
walls that couldn't stop death
but rather
prevent life
emotion and intellect cannot thrive
for some time and still today
we are born to die

My mind wants to wander
My heart wants to love
If I have a soul
I want it to be

Solitude is my oasis
it is away
becoming more of a home
a part of the earth

I feel myself getting closer
closer to silence
closer to feeling
closer to her

loosening beneath my feet
swallowing me
slowly enough for me to say goodbye
to all the poison leaving me

molten, passionate love
becoming the very beating of life in me
warmth emanating from the core
spreading outward to just beneath the surface

I am cold and hard to all who dare to approach me
to look at me
to judge
but I am not lifeless
I am not a part of your country
not your territory of any kind
I am not a part of your culture

I use your language so you will understand as best as you can
because you do not have the ability to understand another
truly
honestly

I am returning to earth

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TH3 F4CT Y0U W177 D13 1N3V1T4B7Y M4K35 Y0U PR3C10U5
71F3 C4N 83 M4NY TH1N65 8UT 1 4M 0N7Y 0N3

materialism has caused so much greed and obsession over useless things
mankind has learned to love its downfall
love to be useless
useless to himself
himself for his love
desire and a dream to remember and to believe
it seems so few live a lonely life as they are spread apart
no one wants to be a part of their lives because it seems so unfulfilled
meanwhile they save for bigger moments the very same people want to be a part of
but they have already given up their chance
their chance to help them grow and succeed
their chance to celebrate the success
their chance to feed an even finer greed
all opportunities are gone without an original idea
unless you are good at stealing
as some ideas are so great they can parts of them taken and put somewhere else
among a collection of other stolen ideas
and to think an idea can be mankind's weapon or medicine
we used to spend money on people
but now we use people for money  

the heart of the multiculture is being broken
but we will be stronger soon enough
for now we just want to survive all the hate
all the selfishness, the lust, the greed, the laziness and envy
but maybe it's logic that controls such a cruel balance
if it weren't this way then what way would it be?
it's a wonder what this way would bring to humanity

All alone to suffer the thoughts of the voices that hate me
judging all the memories
never letting go of the details of the tragedies
I never stopped them  

The tragedy is the failure to be brave
the failure to let go of fear
to recognize I may have a future
but a part of it is gone

Wave goodbye to the one who cared
another voice has control
heartless and cold
as if to be fearless and bold

No longer a stranger to chasing desire
impurity embraces the light
feel the warmth of her flesh
indulge in the lust of tonight

A cold exterior dances with a heart of cold fire
numb to feeling inside, but desires too much
tear down the walls and come closer
To ending the feeling that is cold to the touch

Thoughts are my silent rage
with a blackened heart and a love as blue as my eyes
reflecting on the moments that mirror the person I see
I am merely disguised as the person I never wanted to be

The beauty of pain
below all of the flesh
to cause the heart to ache
and the mind to worry

Weakened by doing nothing at all
comfort in apathetic failure
with the passion that died and silence called
to be unbreakable after my last word

Show me eternity
as you begin your torture with me
the beginning has no ending
it's all too painful to count
with each cut and stab
the blood drips drips down my flesh
as I grow colder
weaker and numb
I can only look at my life
all the times I was happy
it wasn't worth being sad
yet I had to ruin what happiness I had
never letting it remain
scaring myself away
I am at home in misery
pushing in all the hatred and indifference
keeping myself alive in the heart of night
surviving from the luster of hellish nightmares
learning to survive closing my eyes
what happiness came when it all went away
when I could feel the warmth from the light of day
those moments are screaming to get out again
still alive in me
caged in by all the cynical memories
nothing ever lasts
it's not meant to be
I'm just a page in a book that always gets erased
use me for a different story and laugh at my anguish
when things get better
I have so much to hold together
before it all falls apart
I can live with a unhappiness forever
expecting a broken heart
but sometimes I remember I know better
and maybe it's all just for the sake of art
and it's all just a joke
I don't want people know
how I really am
as they often sabotage my dreams and ridicule my beliefs
I don't have to be gay or have psychological disorders
to face the oppression I deal with every day
the worst judge in my life is myself
I'm too different in my own mind to belong
the silence is what kills me in the end
the comfortable discomfort I know so well
bleeding out of me by the second  
the nectar of animistic  life
leaving me empty as I have often felt
now it will all dry on the ground
with my last breath I will hold it for as long as I can
to drag out the misery for one last thought of gratitude
as I look at my killer
"Thanks for thinking about me"

I didn't know what to say so I stayed silent. How could I use mere words? this is a ******* dream! Still, I'm glad you're in it. With all the vibrations in the universe, yours is the most beautiful I have ever felt in my life. Stars don't shine when I look at you. They burn with fiery passion. It is a beautiful thing to me that you don't yet know you're beauty. It excites me because I get to show you and I will do it so extravagantly.
It was love at first sight that I chose to ignore for what felt like a long time. Yet, somehow you were still drawn to me even if just for a brief moment in time for time is seemingly eternal. Does love die so quickly? Or is it a ghost forever wondering through life and death, living through mortal beings capable of expressing it and with every dying breath expressing true emotion of deep regret. I ask because I don't know. I don't truly know anything. I just experience my own existence and I'm constantly reacting in some way. Like death is poking me, prodding me in some direction until I reach the end. And you came along. Maybe you didn't mean to, but my god you were so beautiful, so breath taking. How could my words truly grab your interests? It was easy to pretend I had little to no interest because I felt like I had to in order to protect my heart. Talking to you would have caused it too explode. I don't know how it happened, but I am happy I got to hear your voice. Your voice is like no other angel I've never heard. To catch your every word and then to catch your embrace. To hold you so close is like feeling a dream I never thought would ever come true.
I love getting lost in your eyes, your beautiful shining eyes. Maybe it's a good thing you don't know how dear you are too me, how special you are and how much you mean to me. There's a reason dreams don't always materialize and for me it is because I don't think there's enough space. That's how much you mean to me. Just the little while we have known each other, you have helped me live. It warms my heart to feel such a sensation of something so powerful that beats in my chest.
Being with you calms me so. I feel so weightless with every kiss and I will always go back for more. I may seem calm and cool on the outside, but you have no idea of the burning desire and passion you've ignited in my heart. I hope I don't burn you out so I will attempt to slowly reveal it all to you over a vast amount of time and maybe, just maybe you will enjoy the ride. I do so love the time I spend with you, floating through time and space. Eternity has never felt so full before and I could stay forever with you.
When the infatuation dies, then you will still see me there with you. If you will still desire my presence, if you will love me too because I already believe I love you and I don't know if I can hold it back any longer. This is how I'm telling you. The way I will show you will take years and in case I don't have that long, I just want you to know before our time together is over. Nothing lasts forever and I hope you will make this vain attempt with me for every moment with you is just so magical in some way or another. Life passes by so fast when I'm with you and that's why I feel like I could grow old with you. Yet I feel so alive with you.
I just want you to know you are on my mind and in my heart, so in some ways you are always with me. I want to be more than a memory for you, I want to be your everything. For me, you already are.

I fill my head with lies
maybe I'll believe in something one day
I cut myself with memories of times past
bleeding emotions all over the moments
lying on the floor
drowning in an abyss of indifference
looking at all the happiness
has turned a beating stone to nothing at all
occasional fits of rage to show I still care
wanting to end the anxiety caused by the measure of time
how long do I have before I'm too late
pass the day away treating souls like slaves
like paper will ever be enough to pay back the time loss
give me a piece of you
maybe then it will be worth something
when I can sculpt an anomaly made of pieces of arrogance
what about my memories
they won't just leave me
my heart used to ache for pleasure
now the emptiness deals in business  
happiness is waiting at the end of it all
this existing race of time with a purpose
to carry us all to our end
using fear to push us along
enslavement using the whip made of materialism and the endless hunger for more
blood of innocence for the dreams of tomorrow
these are my new memories

I feel my spirit carry my body as if I am neither one
walking through the woods, touching leaves as they brush me
drops of water from the morning dew drip from leaf tips and branches
birds are chirping along with other sounds of wildlife that cannot be distinctly seen
as I wander deeper through the woods I suddenly become surrounded in mist
darkness and light dance within yet out of reach
I wonder if it will come to me
then I hear indescribably beautiful sounds
as the light gets brighter through the forest  
darkness defines itself even more as images taking form in close distance
the mist becomes thick like fog and all becomes quiet all too quickly
I keep walking and forgetting my age, the reason I am here tied to it
there before me I see a throne of trees
roots that seem to have been feeding from the ground for a long time
big as ever and yet they move as if they were living creatures
a pitch dark figure with no felt presence with a very much piercing gaze
stares into my eyes with his made of starry light
he told me I will never die here, but to my own kind
I am already gone
I will forever wander the woods
until I prove I can become a part of nature
and suffer mankind

to lay my soul to rest I came
immortal here I remain

Please don't go
no matter how you live you won't die alone
a part of those who love you will die with you
so you're killing more than just yourself
you may not care about others because you are so hurt
you may feel tortured by society and feel no love
and maybe you just feel so alone with no connection to anyone or anything
maybe you have tried reaching out and have failed
maybe you are rejected by those around you for any reason
and maybe you have given up on everything altogether
but have you considered something you have not known before?
something you may not thought of because of where you are
because all of that negativity building up inside you has blocked it out
you don't hate yourself
you feel sorry for yourself
because you love yourself
and you can change your life by giving yourself more to live for
you should start with the moment and move forward with today
go on an adventure and meet new people and see new places
you don't have to end your life to get rid of the life you live
you just need to live in different moments and change what happens to you
there is no reason to do it alone either
I will help you if you let me
I love you and would do so much for you
so please don't go

Silence grips my mouth
keeping it shut
so words will never get out
making it difficult to ask for help

In my mind
I am never good enough
just letting things be
a pushover is someone who could describe me

Never taking hold
for fear of letting go

Silence is never wrong
but it doesn't always feel right
time seems to drag on and on
as I wonder what if I tried
to take hold of my life

Just for fun
I'd like to live
only holding on
to those sweet moments

I may not ever say it with my voice
but you will see it in my eyes

Dear poem I am sorry I have forgotten you
I meant to memorize you further than my mind
there was nothing for me to write you in
now you're just a thought I remembered I forgot
so this is your memorial to recognize your art
you had a good sense of humor and you made me laugh
I remember that much about you
you were made up of a bunch of words, but you were still you
it is just so hard to remember everything that made you who you are
a bunch of ****'n words...

She is my light
I admire her from the dark
tracing her movements with my eyes  
playing her voice over in my mind

She is so perfect to me
flawless skin she wears
covered in elegant fabric
how I wish I could touch her

She has an intoxicating fragrance
I am lucky enough to catch her scent
sometimes she will walk by me
never noticing  

She makes me feel like a peasant to a queen
graced by her presence  where I wish to be
but she will never see
where I will always be hiding

I am always watching
always remembering
always admiring
always... planning.

Just to look
Never to reach
never as good as it could be
a failure to try
judge so harshly
discouraged to take a chance

Secrets are kept
wishes go unfulfilled
one suffers alone
fear is prison
nothingness is home

A feeling of insignificance
desire for love
hope for acceptance
calling for a voice
without condescension

I hope you understand
what I am missing

It is sad to think
of the friendships I gave up
because I didn't speak out
and I wonder

Would our lives be better
if I had tried
or would they be worse

The cultural paradigm has encouraged me to be shy
as some answers are found through ridicule
and there is much sensitivity that has guided me
yet I drive myself crazy wondering what if

I'm starting to see that truly I don't need to justify myself
I should embrace myself and others who do as well
if we can coexist together

Trapped in a cage
locked out of freedom
the routines of every day
become like chains

It is not living
but merely existing
how we all take
what we are given without question

Our lives become so simplified
being handed down pieces of the truth
with the lies being spread wide open
to better fit inside our minds

It is civilization under control
tamed and filled with fear.
A kingdom of cowards
weeping in silence
without a voice to protest the poison.

Blood will be shed
without modern defense.
We are being led to our surrender
and execution.

In death do we keep our eternal sorrow
a sweet release to reach the end
to be liberated from waking up tomorrow
eternal black our silent friend

Death is just a word for the gateway to the unknown
for the living have never witnessed an inconceivable sight
barely imaginable and yet an alternate reality
lying on the other side of life behind the gates of passing

There's all this suffering going on
some of us have  a great love for humanity
and we hurt so much for it
because others are hurting it

When and where did it begin and why?
what the **** is the point.
No matter what we believe it only comes back
and we will all suffer and die again

Is that what life is really for?
so when we pass on to the other side
will we appreciate it more?  
because some ******* doesn't want us to have it all

It's a great challenge to not want something worth having
when what we have now is already falling apart
we just need more people to care about each other
instead of growing more indifferent and distant

So a question might for about what the point is in it all
if we're all going to die anyway
why all the tyranny and betrayal on all the people who helped you up?
you're just going to die alone at the top or get torn down and ripped apart at the bottom

Death seems to be the answer
nothing brings a greater change than death
as life is the only thing that experiences change coherently
it is only natural for someone to want to change it all themselves.

The sun is shining on the surface
shedding light on the beauty of wilderness  
life is sprawling and ever present
just like a dream you swear you could feel

A dream to a person who wants to escape
escape from all the responsibilities bestowed on to him
responsibilities of endless labor with little pay back
so someone who is deemed more important can continue
continue to reward themselves from everyone's hard work
as they merely collect the benefits

Go to sleep and have a dream where everything isn't quite what they seem
forget about people doing what they call necessary evil in the name of good
grand illusions await to show you a different kind of dirt that would seem so clean
compare it to the toxic filth they want you to use and make you feel as if you should

Dreams give us more than one life and which life do you really live
do you hurt people instead of using your ability to forgive
as if it didn't matter and if it doesn't then why do we exist

it's easier to understand those who make the same noise as me

My shell is my home away from reality
Pain the senses on me so I can ascend from worldly pleasures
My psychotic breathing is my only euphoria leaving my lips
tastes of insanity and the will to reach through reality
I relinquish control of the mundane and monotonous
so I may collide with the unknown and be the envy of fear
I am just a power who struggles with beauty and emboldens the ugly
Inside and out
somber drives the blissful inside the dreams when I am awake
with closed eyes I witness the abstract
my heart is going nowhere
stuck in a loveless bind
for once, the mind and body both want to leave
I: the consciousness that which exists in synapses within a singular being
must go to bed

On another planet
I am living a dream
where I always feel warm
even when it is cold.
The air is always fresh
with a gentle breeze
blowing softly
on my living nature
where we are one.
The punishment is
being the only one
of my kind
as I am
often alone
caring as much as I do
about everything.
Living not for the conflict
of another's paradigm
as mine is simply a collection of others
as are all of ours.
Our dreams can be nightmares
when we don't see what others see.
In my dreams on my own planet
I can please everyone
because I am the only one.
I have everything
and I can go anywhere.
To share a dream with another
and love another
is another dream
I share with someone I don't know
because it can't live alone.