i wasn’t born to create
tear stains in my pillow at night.
i was born to draw
blood from bone
I’ve cut myself on the shards of the masks I’ve been putting on
Enough to realize I shouldn't have to bleed to fit where I belong
when i look at myself in the mirror
i see something blue, something dead-eyed.
she looks at me and sees something more,
something brighter, worth loving
i look at her and i think of the ocean
eternally beautiful, endless depth
sometimes i think i'll drown but
she keeps me afloat, makes me swim
we could spend hours talking
or not speak for a whole day;
no matter the number of words exchanged
not a minute goes by that she isn't on my brain
being with her feels like promise,
like an apology from life
it says, "here, this is your happiness"
i know i don't deserve her but i'll never take her heart for granted
it's been five months
but i already have our one year marked on my calendar
and i can count the days passed
by the number of smiles she gives me
emotion was never my thing
'til an angel dressed in humanity showed me
what feeling could be like,
what love could be like without pain
the clouds are mostly grey in england,
the sky muted by dreary weather
but these days i find myself looking at the flowers instead
and she is sunshine lighting my every step
you're enthralling, the way you captivate me
less than half a year but already
you've changed so many things
you are my most extraordinary experience
you're the constellations in my night sky
and the petals blooming brightly in a once barren garden
you make me see more; you're the pastels lightening my art
there's a spark in me and now i know warmth
if you could only see yourself the way i see you,
life is no longer just grey and blue
i need you to know that i love you
thank you for bringing colour to my world
i truly hope that your skeleton festers beside mine
and our dirt clogged fingertips mould together
even after we lose the ability to grip.
wouldn't it be nice to rot with you.
decay with me
i wish i could make something special out of my sadness again.
been months of nothing. tried to write again but it was just all random thoughts im trying to put into something. my mind’s a mess lately and I can’t do anything about it. it’s so hard to try and try again. i just wish i could write again.