I've seen the soul in the eyes of people
The fire within
I've felt the pull of the future
The unseen forces in the night sky
Misunderstood, often called different things
Still very real 69 followers / 7.7k words
I seem to have left, unknowingly tethering from the edge of a familiar window drowning on a coffee stain in the eyes of a memorable stranger or hanging from the torn pieces of my least favorite letter, a strand of red string
It used to bind me together tightly, perfectly almost simulating a whole
The brick and mortar the absolute, terrible choices the beautiful aftermath now left behind.
I flew away the North roaring, soaring unraveling
I burned enough bridges to shine with the fire of a thousand Suns so why do I feel so cold?
The gleaming city the sunrise, somehow off what exactly did I want before?
The string disintegrated into a hundred different useless words What good is my cursed vocabulary? All I wanted to say was made of porcelain all I ever was or could have been deflected by the gleaming possibility of a life away from predisposition and even that, my friends, is a lie!
This is my warning, my truth, my curse; I only ever learned how to unravel.
The trouble has been inked across the pages and I wish the manuscript would crumble after all these years of reading once, and over in the dim candlelight all the words we've spilled and kept
Will it have been worth it, after all? The question echoes in my chest, but my mouth is closed and yours, I wonder if there is an echo at all Or if I ought to change my focus and concede that all I ever loved were my own ideas and you were the perfect pretext to create something out of nothing and complicate my existence
Every time the waves came rolling and receded they spoke only of regression of the eternal pattern, and never of conclusion
I am tired of finding meaning and diving into the unspoken word
I am not impossible, so what is this fear? Perhaps a way of elongating our conflicted time? I am tired, worn out, please understand I will not fight for you I've had enough of war
The colours return, just like the waves the shade and the gardens have nourished my misery my blue verses, my blue voice thank you, most profoundly, I'll sing if silence is your answer, thank you and goodbye for even the most silent stole your thunder and you're not bold enough to steal it back.
It was an impossible feat to traverse deep seas in a boat full of water
this is no pledge for forgiveness and in absolute truth, this isn't for anyone but me when inebriated with newfound words, I realized I have been running from the dephts of spoken truth favoring bite sized romance and a lifetime of saying "no, I do not believe in the ocean" how foolish to think anyone believed.
He promised me endless mountains and peace of mind Yet, I chose my own broken compass and the freedom of fresh air only to find I always had been tied to another falling leaf autumn in our lungs, an unbreakable string never a choice
No matter if someone else loved me in the best way possible or if I tried my luck at odd romances I found one thing that's remained true through all these waves but let's not say anything yet not until it's time to build a bigger boat and get lost in the sea.
I was tired, drowning I chose love first, and then realized that love can't be chosen
it drags us to colors when reason is monochrome breaks anxiety to inconsequential shards takes air from my lungs, relish the lack of oxygen, the lack of thought gives ecstasy, rather than quiet moments of indecision inconvenient, stubborn soaks us to our very thoughts it is unavoidable, the monolith
love didn't bring me here I did, on my own two feet
I'm running to find me before permanent damage is fact forgive my packing of things my swift goodbye my unpronounceable pain but understand! I wrote you a letter with a proper word you turned it away and your red rose dried up, once again
yet, I wish you nothing but the best I can only hope you do so too even if forgiveness is impossible
I will continue to run, in and out of arms which you'll undoubtedly hate in and out of lenses, and actors, and the art of my life to a place we couldn't arrive
I hope for so many late nights Insomniac, as I've always been I exist in peace, knowing I won't be disturbing your sleep you see, I was never to be held I have only ever been myself at least for now, that is all I can be.