There is probably so much wrong with me
Which is why I feel with my life filled with as much ambiguity
As I make it out to be
I will never know if you have seen nor found the real me.

So with all of my sincerity
With all the hopes of breaking these walls gently
You will have come to find
Something that I have never thought of to be kind

You’ll have never guessed
Why storms have meshed
On insides when outsides tell a story of calmness and bliss
But there’s possibilities that miss
The gravity behind
Widened smiles and loud laughters intertwined
With sleepless nights and teary faces
You’ll have never guessed that I am one of these cases

You’ll have always noted how my confidence is blinding
When in reality it is actually hiding
All that attempts to seep
Through these guarded walls for my emotions run deep
And the short time that was spent
Left a remarkable dent
One that I fear
Keeps that day near
The day when you see a girl crumbling
For love continuously keeps her fumbling.

You’ll have found a girl
Who has always feared the world
Leaving her alone
For every person she notes as a home
Has abandoned her in some sort of way
She feels her existence is unneeded some days
Which is why her feet have always been pierced with glass
And some days that glue cannot hold up her shattered mask

Yet you’ll find her pretending
And hear her apologizing
For all the things she has ever done
Even if she is not the cause of a single one
Even if you ask about her past
She will never tell you about the nights her mask did not last
She will never tell you how loud her thoughts get
The ones that have always kept
Her from knowing how much she is loved
And needed

So I ask you this
Dearest future boyfriend of mine
If you ever reach this deep end in due time
I beg you not to keep promises you do not intend to keep
That if you are going to swim this deep
Prepare to be very sweet to a girl trying to find her happiness in this world
Or prepare to add on what she’s always feared

And do not make an excuse
For there is no use
Of hiding intentions behind
For the truth is what I always find.

She had wavy locks
The kind that twirled around when she stood at docks
When the coastal wind fell in love with running in between the hair lines.
And everyone will always note her beautiful brown skin
But even those descriptive words could never sink in
Because she was the type of girl
That no other writer could dream about in their worlds.

Her dark brown eyes had always shied away from other’s looks.
Pierced and wandered when all the other glances took
A look at her attempting to flee
To the imagination she’s always dreamt about in the early morning passed three.

You see,
There once was a boy with ocean eyes and golden tip hair
With spots plotted all over his skin
Who made her feel like the flowered one underneath the sun
Because surely her heart was won.
But she never noticed the gun
That continuously took aims at the teared down fortress
For surely she believed that there was hope for the heatless
And no matter how many bullets hit the mark
She was too afraid of being in the dark.

You see
The idea of her was as simple as it can be
Smiles and laughs
Kindness that forever lasts  
She was the kind that got people to open up and shine
But there always came a time
Where they leave her far, far, behind
The ideal her starts ripping away
And there always came the day
When it stopped becoming her outer shield
And when her insides became harder to deal
There always came a time when the real one revealed.

And they’ve always foretold
The truest one breaking free from the hold
But they never tell you
Who’s going to be there to see the real one coming through.
And stories always hide the sadness with glee
Because no one ever knew that the spotted skin boy flee’d.

So she was left on docks
Wondering why her wavy locks
Had not received the coastal winds love for her hair lines.
Wondered why her skin
Was missing light rays the sun once gave in
Because even though people would write
How she must stay strong and be the light
That her love has to come from within
And not from what could sink in

But no one ever told her
How lovely it was to be nurtured
By the words that went passed her ideal
And comforted what has always been real.

I’m not one for writing about things that are useful
Things that can shape the world
Things that can help someone get on by.

I’m not one for writing about things that are relevant
Because whenever I write
You seem to have that presence.
That kind of presence that tends to etch itself on to the letters written
That kind of presence that tends to draw itself on to paper whenever given
And I hate it.

Hate it because your existence is all I’ll ever think about
Whether I’m busy attending to my own needs
Alone with too many words screaming in my head
Or anywhere in between
Hate it because you are the only one that seems to make it right
That seems to quell the angriest of storms
That seems to bring out the sun when the clouds hide it away
That seems to continuously extend even when I’ve given up reaching
Hate it because I never loved the idea of love

You’d think with all the love poems I’ve written
About how lovely it would be to wake up to your horizon
About how lovely it would be to walk upon sandy material with sea breeze all around
About how lovely it would be with our fingers intertwined
Because we both know yours fits right in between mine
About how lovely it would be with just you and me
That I would somehow love being in love
That my heart grows fonder with every moment spent

But I don’t
Its reckless
Its Foolish
For even the wisest of people grew without a heart.
Because they knew in order to live without pain
They would wish the bonds untwine
For they do not want a “yours” and “mine”

Yet somehow in the midst of being a cold-hearted *****
You found a way to stay and not ditch.
I’m too afraid to admit how deeply in love I am
Because I’m too afraid of losing something I had no idea I had
So please,
Let me let you know,
That I’m not one to write about things that can throw a life line
About things that can get you to say “You’re mine.”
About things that can be of relevance at this time
I’m more about writing about how much of a useless romantic I’ve come to find

Kind of like counting the stars in the sky
Its ridiculous to count the moments spent
To count the days gone by
Because to be honest its all been mushed together
Like pieces of the events slowly woven in

And to be honest,
I wouldn’t have spent it any better
Than to be with you

But let me take ti slowly
Back-track
Because when we first met,
I couldn’t have imagined it like this

Now
Let me be perfectly honest when I say
That I did not expect things to turn out this way
Because here I am lil miss haven’t been with anyone since god knows when
And here you are mistry white clouds with golden sun rays shining through
Mister deep sea blue eyes so easy to take a dip in
Mister piece of art museums everywhere are missin’
Walking imperfectly along black pavements and gray roads

You see it was an impossibility for me to be with you
What with how darkness easily encompasses me
What with how words are easily slippin out of your lips
What with how words are easily ****** into my minds dark abyss
And to be honest trying to capture the words into moments spent have been nothing but troublesome due to how much is entangled by thoughts like
"wow I can’t believe this is happening"

So just like counting the number of lights that paint the sky
Its kinda ridiculous coming up with 21 good reasons why today is pretty amazin’
Because there aren’t any letters that can string along together
To describe the amount of possible reasons why I find today quite so special
Because
To be frank its been 35 days, 840 hours, 50400 minutes with seconds still counting
Because to  be practically accurate its been 141 days, 3384 hours. and 203040 minutes with seconds continuously running
And no matter the moments passing
It still feels as though our infinities are intertwining
Decreasing the time that continues spinnin’

I can’t give you any good reasons just as the universe can’t place any more lights up there
But for a perfect one
I guess I can compose
That without you here
There wouldn’t be a rope for me to hold
Now I’m not saying that without you here
I can’t find a way to make my own happiness appear
I’m not saying you’re this bright light that shines through the grey crowds
Allowing me this way to surface from the deepest of seas
I’m saying that because you’ve been living in my mind rent free since day one
All of which that kept me drowning and entangled by chains that are not my own
Has loosened up and given me this ability to be free
And a better place to be
Because the perfectly composed reason why this is becoming an amazing year
Is because you are here, my dear

Now I hope all of your wishes come true
Cause all I’m asking from you
Is for more days to spend together
Completing the impossibly ridiculous task fo counting the stars in the sky
With just you
And I

The sky
with all of its calamity still shows its rage
Just like I

There's a storm brewing somewhere out there
While I stay stuck here
Unable to move.

I just kinda want to disconnect myself from the world
Without telling a single person
and maybe just maybe prove myself wrong.

I’m worried about the bridges I’ll have to burn later.
So thinking about the well being of someone else
Makes those bridges seem farther and farther away

I’ve been…
Misguided in a world that held no future for a person of my standards
Been told what I could and could not do
But when asked for a guide that supposedly came when I entered this world
I was laughed at and told life had no manual
Yet if the former is true why am I being standardized on how to live my life?
Why am I the black sheep in the heard?
Since when was it a sin to be who I am?
With all the labels in the world
You chose to set me as an outcast and discard me from the rest
Though,
What do I have to complain about?
While you’ve forced everyone into a black and white world
You gave me one with all the colors that could ever be fused
You gave outcasts a place where they can truly be
So stick to your labeling company
All is well
But don’t you dare think you have any say
When it comes to me finding my way.

Sooner or later
I’ll start drowning in the weight of all the worries
That attached themselves calmly onto my ankles
And keep me at the bottom of the sea

But maybe the thoughts of you are like a life line that keeps me on the surface
Maybe if I reach out far enough I’ll find a way to unshackle the chains
So I can swim around freely without having to drown

Because believe me when I tell you
Drowning when there’s no water around
With invisible things that keep you bound
Is no way life should ever be.

There is always going to be someone better than me
And I’m not saying that because I feel like I have no talent
No skill
No way to make myself stand out
I’m saying that because there are seven billion people on this world.

Seven billion people on this pale blue world
And it terrifies me deeply that only a quarter can actually be taken care of.
And within those seven billion people there is bound to be someone who is exactly like me
Regardless of gender
Or race
Or sexuality
They are bound to be exactly like me

And what’s worse
They are probably better than me
At writing
At being a dork
At being hilarious
At being invisible
Hell they could have written a better version of this!

But let me tell you something
If you want to know my greatest trick in the world
It’s disappearing on the spot
Unnoticed by the human eye
And it’s probably the greatest trick I’ve ever pulled

And I’m not about to say I’m some ******* special snowflake
Or that I’m different from the rest
Because believe me
Some people have pulled this trick and it’s totally amazing to see
I’m telling you that no one see’s the invisible people.
Because even as I stand here reading this out loud
You probably just hear a voice echoing through the speakers
Wondering who the **** is even here
And even as I tell you how ******* invisible I am
You probably will never understand

Because as far as seven billion people go
Talent, skill and even creativity can only stretch so far
Hell even genetics can repeat itself a numerous amount of times
Because as far as seven billion people go
There are probably a handful who know

So let me tell you a little something about this trick
Where you can be totally invisible
Where white lines don’t even appear
Where once you stop being of use
Of convenience
Of matter
Of care
You stop existing
And while everyone else goes about their daily lives
You’re still stuck in a plane wondering how the ******* got there in the first place.
Even in instances where you think you’ve met a great bunch of folks
You finally figure out you’re just one huge cosmic joke

And hey you can say
I’ve mastered this nifty little trick
Because when other people start being a ****
I finally realize
Where I stand in their lives
So yeah I’m some special snowflake
But I prefer to be a cosmic joke since that’s a better take
Because as far as seven billion people go
I might be the only one who really knows.

Two roads diverged onto a yellow [road] and I took the one less traveled by
Yet
When I believed it to be the one that makes all the difference
I was robbed of the chances it would be adventurous.
I was robbed of probabilities that were high enough to be safe
I was given something that seemed to make less sense as it continued on
And even though it is less crowded
It still is given the same challenges as the populated one
Still goes to the same ending as the other one

So when you see a road diverging into more than one path
Do not follow the crowd because one thinks it will be easier
Do not go to the less traveled one because one thinks it will be better
Go to the one that shines with fluorescent colors that bellow one’s name.
The one that is deemed to be more adventurous
For when the road comes to an end
You can proudly say that the road you traveled on has indeed made all the difference
And if someone tells one otherwise
Then one may tell them  of the adventure they have been robbed of

I remember once when I was small
I’d cut the strands of my hair because they were too long

I’d used to paint my ****** features with waxy substances
But found that too tiresome
Words pained them instead.

I remember turning fear into a form of anger
For every creepy crawly that walced into my door
Deserved every shoe I could toss on the floor

I remember turning a very innocent crush
Into multiple stories that I’d tell myself once the night settled in

And I remember the feel of disappointment when I grew older
To know those stories never came into fruition

And I remember the feel of sadness when I lost myself into that imaginative world.
That knowledge that place wasn’t real
That knowledge that they weren’t real

I remember not so long ago someone once said the mad dreamed up a place
Because they ran away from what they did not want to face
Because the strange understood the way of the world

So perhaps all those strands I tossed out in the beginning
Were the strands that could lead me
To the world that could be

I wrote every single word about you
But you never even knew
You dared not peer your eyes
Into the stormy skies
So I took you out of those worlds
Replaced you word by word
Till I wrote about someone new
Someone who wasn’t you.

I’d miss your eyes
The pair of northern stars that light my way
The pair that I can find in the darkened times.
I’d miss your voice
That soothes the maddening sounds
And calms the storms

I’d miss your warmth
That clings on when you are not near
That is craved the most when it completely disappears

But most of all
I’d miss you
Who contains every inch and every dose that keeps me here.

Fifteen meteors.
I counted fifteen meteors that showered above tonight.
I counted fifteen stars that fell from the upper skies
And all of them I wished for you
The best you can be
And the best for only thee.

I don’t want someone to see right through me
I want someone to look at all of my inner workings
And fall for each and every one of them.

I wanted to touch the starry night skies
And pull you from there
Because every time I looked up
I was attracted by the magnificence you left there
                In the stars
You left your soul there
You left your heart there
                And I so desperately wanted to hold onto that again
                Hopping this time it won’t float up into the starry night sky.

In this era
Romanticism is dead
For a simple “I Love You” sent through text
Can get anyone’s heart pumping
Rather than someone going the distance
To knock on your door
To tell you those lovely words.

4.
I remembered the world
For what it seemed
For what it was.
I just remembered being.
And I remembered everything.
From holding my mom’s shivering hands
To watching my grandma descend from this world
From the sun rays that shined upon the beach
To the moon that cowered behind the buildings.
It all seemed like a distant dream
A dream worth seeing

6.
The loss of our home
A simple one story with three bedrooms and one bathroom,
A simple home in a simple neighborhood.
Gone,
In an instant.
Welcome to the apartment story
Population: The Diaz.
With only one friend made
I wonder how much of my sixth year of living do I remember.
That I can ever recall

7.
Packed bags
Packed moving truck.
Off to the North for this So Cal Babe
Because maybe just maybe my mom doesn’t have a pathetic excuse for a family
Maybe they’ll come to see her.
Or maybe we’ll be ignored
****** like **** that doesn’t belong in a sea of flowers
****** like sailors out in horrendous weathers.
How is it that my mother was the only golden child out of these coal filled children?

8.
A new life
A new home
Can’t believe I made any friends
Can’t believe I still hold onto one.
Can’t believe I fell for the other one.

11.
From apartments to townhouses
Just down the street
Further and further away from him
A start of a whole new chapter
I furthered myself from religion
Furthered myself from faith
I just kept on living on
Didn’t think too much of anything

14.
A new chapter starts again
While everyone moves on from childish games
Playing in the big league
While getting lost in the High School hallways
I remained true to myself
True to the inner me
I had forgotten what it was like to be an embarrassment
Forgotten what it was like to not be me.
I continued my childish acts
And continued on this path I set for myself
I looked towards writing
Connected with the dead.
I found my passion in words
And my words in worlds
And even my worlds in dreams
I no longer knew what everything seemed to be.

16.
I dreamt of him
Dreamt of us
I fell in love with those dreams
Fell in love with him
Or perhaps I’m just low balling it
And just stuck with the whole dream thing
Stuck with the whole dreaming someone means they were always thinking of you
Because perhaps I wanted to believe deep down inside his mind
He always had thoughts of me


17.
Graduated with no honors
Don’t know where life will take me
Don’t know what to do
All I know is
My pathetic thoughts, imagination, and stupidity let someone else take him away
I lost sight of where I wanted to be
Lost sight of he who belonged in my dreams
Reality took over me
And dreaming was the only thing that let me be.

18.
Still alive but I’m barely breathing
Still alive but I’m losing grip on everything
Still trying to survive
Still trying to go on
I’m just aging day by day
While I watch the leaves float on by
I watch the parts of my life flutter away.
I want to start over again
I want to wake up when I was 4
Restart life all over again
With the knowledge that had been
I want to change what I’ve done
Re mold myself to a better person
But wishes don’t happen like that
Got to work with what I have
And mold a better tomorrow
From the crummier today’s.
But on the bright side,*
With too much philosophy on my mind
Sometimes
I’m kind of excited where my life will be.

One
What’s your ethnicity, or your race?
Are you
Mexican, Filipino, Hawaiian, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, Alaskan, English, Irish, Polish, Scottish, British, Brazilian, Cuban, Spaniard, Australian, Canadian, or Jamaican?
Are you something I have not listed?
Are you a combination of multiple ethnicities?
Do you not know who you are?
Still not sure what you identify with?
Or do you not consider your ethnic culture?
Do you prefer to leave behind your roots, only sticking to one true race?
Is your race
Human, Robotic, Alien, Animalia, Plante, Fungi, Bacteria, Futuristic, Untamed, Unreal, Tideborn, Winged-Elf, Elf, Earthbound, Soul, Ghost, Zombie, Magician, Wizard, Troll, Vampire, Dragon, Unicorn, Werewolf, Mysterious, or even too epic to be identified?
Though, this question itself shouldn’t really matter
For, I do not care what the color of your skin,
The identification of where your ancestors have been
Or even who you were then
I’d treat you the same

Two,
What’s the weather like in your mind?
Is it cloudy and unsafe?
Can you bear to let another thought fill up the cloud in your mind?
Or are you still intertwined,
With the thoughts you’ve let yourself get so lost in?
Is it filled with happiness, sunshines and rainbows?
Are bunnies hopping around a sea of flowers?
Can you see the sunset in the horizon and are you capable of clearing away the sad blue skies
Is it safe for me to live in there?
Because, I want to be your thoughts,
I want to show you the sun
So,
Would you mind me living in your mind?

Three,
Are you lost?
Do you wander?
Because being lost is recreation
When we continue to lose ourselves
We tend to recreate the person we are.
We tend to go near and far
We are lost wanderers in this world we call home
So if you’re lost in your thoughts,
And if you’re lost in your world
Let me guide you to a recreation of yourself
And maybe you’ll love being lost as much as I do.

Four,
What’s your world like?
Is it like the world we live on?
The world we take shelter upon?
Is it filled with misery and mayhem?
Or is it filled with peace and tranquility?

Five,
What do you see?
Can you see the darkness that surrounds our hearts?
Can you use it to strengthen the reason to basket in the light?
Do you see the destruction humanity hath brought upon the world?
Can you see it?
Or are you too blind to realize that tranquility and peace no longer exist?
That those are just delusions your mind hath made up.
That the word of the Lord has been bent and now is broken by the people you rented your beliefs to.
That the world is now in turmoil,
And soon,
Oh so soon
It’ll be destroyed by the greed you were to blind to stop

Six,
Do you regret something?
An action you have committed,
An action you have done.
Did you let all the chances slip away?
Did you let her get away?
Because I have done that
So many times I’ve stopped counting.
For if I had kept track
It would have filled up a novel entitled How to Lose Someone (and How to Repeat it)
And so many times,
I have wished I could take it all back.

Seven,
How many wished did you make?
And how many of those wishes came true?
How many falling stars, 11:11’s, eyelashes, and fountains did it take to get it through your mind that wishes don’t come true?
That without a little bit of effort,
Wishes are just meaningless words you’ve wasted your breath on.
Because for every wish I made
Reality slapped me in the back of the head,
And told me it wasn’t going to be true.

Eight,
Have you fallen in and out of love?
Did you regret falling in love in order to fall out of it again?
Did you count the ways you can tell your lover how much you loved them?
Or did you cower in the corner?
Too afraid of something, like rejection, that never existed.
Did you misplace you love?
Are you single but your heart belongs to another?
Someone in which you cannot have?
Isn’t that just how the love life works for the wicked?
We love so much
And our hearts give away,
Yet no one is there to give us theirs
So we end up the heartless
Or even the broken hearted.

Nine,
Have you cried yourself to sleep at night?
Allowing the tears to rock you to sleep
The gentle sirens of the sorrow really do know how to sing a saddened lullaby
And sometimes,
You do not awaken feeling happy,
You may just feel even more ******
But the days you fall asleep with tears in your eyes
You may find that the day has only begun
When the morning sun
Shines on

Ten,
Would you like to tell me a story?
For I have already told you mine
I would like to hear yours.

I am of human race with ethnic culture of the Philippines and Mexico
The weather in my mind is a bit bi-polar but I believe it’s a liveable one.
The world I live in causes me to get lost that I believe I’m just a wanderer
What I see are my regrets
And boy do I have a lot
I’ve made so many wishes that I have lost any hope in having it come true
And dear sir,
I believe that it is true
That falling in love, I continued to fall out of.
But I’ve lived my life like this that I do not know how to get out of it.
I’ve cried myself to sleep at night
But mostly tears awakened me.
Sunshines have come and gone
But I still a wait for the morning sun
So will you tell me a story?
Start with the beginning and end to some where
I just want to know
How much our lives can click into one.

Hi, I’m lost.
Can you find me?
I don’t know where I’ve been
And I don’t know what just happened.
But can you direct me where to go.
I’m just lost and
Did you see that squirrel that just passed on by?
It’s tail was so fluffy and it looked like a troubled one.
And
I don’t know where I’m going with this but,
I’m just lost

And if you ask me why it is so,
Then I will tell you I don’t know.
I’m just lost.
And I need to find myself again.
And when the rain falls from the sky,
Is it’s destiny just to land on the ground?
Or will it land on trees
And pass on from leaf to leaf?
Will it go into the mouth of some poor animal
And quench what ever thirst it my or may not have?

And if you ask me why I ask these things
Well it is because…
I
I don’t know.  
And if you ask me who I am
Then I wouldn’t know how to answer you
Because I don’t even know
And if I even were to give an answer
Then I would just go off on philosophical rants
And look out to nature and
Just go off on whatever is going on like
The wind.
How freely it runs.
Roaring through trees and trees,
And spreading leaves all over the ground
How it must be
To feel free
To be the wind.
Going where ever you please and
Just getting lost and knowing where to go.
And maybe I am the wind..

But no,
I am lost.
And I don’t know where to go.
And as I continue to whine about how lost I am.
I continue to question why do I want to be found?
If you were to ask me who I am,
Then I would answer that with a name
Because I am lost.
And frankly, I don’t want to be found.

I am not lost in the physical sense where I can look at a reflection of myself
And see how ugly I am.
No.
I am lost in a mental sense where I don’t know where I’ve been
And I don’t know where I am .
But isn’t that great?
Because that’s what life is really about.
Not knowing where you are.
And not knowing where you’ve been.
Continuously losing yourself.
Not to be found.

Because when you find yourself
You find yourself in a herd
You identify with the same things as everyone else does
You become inauthentic and you lose your true self
And you succumb to the herd,
Following a mindless leader because maybe their ideals are right
Turning your backs on the ones who stand out
The ones who are different
Because when you find yourself in a herd
You find yourself in a miserable world.
Because you don’t know if your dreaming or if your awake
And you’re just looking for answers that no one will take.

And if I were to find myself,
I would find myself with no heart because
“I may be single, but my heart is taken by someone I can’t call my own.”
And it’s only because I found myself a person who accepts rejections before it even happens.
So excuse me while I lose myself
Because I don’t want to identify myself as girl who knows what it feels like to lose to that.
And excuse me while I lose myself
“Because I took the road left traveled by”
And even though it made all the difference
I am still a black sheep in this herd.
So as I lose myself,
I shouldn’t ask anyone to find me because

Hi, my name is Lost.
And even though I will continuously ask someone to find me
And even though I will continuously whine about trying to be found
I would rather be lost
Because even though I’m spewing a bunch of **** I learned from philosophy lectures and what I’ve read on Tumblr
I started to think this clicks and makes a lot of sense
Because no matter how many times people say
“Life starts once you’ve finished college.”
“Everything clicks in at this certain age with this certain job and this certain income and this certain life.”
It doesn’t.
And the “sooner you figure it out, the better off you’ll be.”
The sooner you learn life starts at this certain minute and ends at the other.
You will be better off.

So don’t tell me I’m wrong
Because at the ages from 0 - 5,
You started life,
Trying to figure out what everything is
From the ages of 6 - 12
You begin to figure out how everything clicks in
And you start freaking out
Because from the ages of 13 - 17
You’re caught at the stage where “You’re too young to do this but you’re to old to do that.”
And from the ages of 18 - so on
You finally figured out how much ****** you were when you found yourself in the crowd.
So excuse me while I get lost.

Because
Hi, I’m lost.
And I’m not physically lost in the sense where when I look into a reflection of myself.
I see what beautiful thing I created and
If I were to duplicate myself,
You have no idea how hard I would go out with myself.
No.
I’m lost in the mental sense where I don’t know where I am
And I don’t know where I've been.
So excuse me while I continue to be lost.
Recreating myself day in and day out.
Because that’s how authentic I’ll be.
And I will do that for an eternity and

Hi, I’m lost.

I wake up in a cold sweat in the midst of the night
So terrified to figure out whats real
What's fake.
I looked for you , 
Searched for the comfort of your arms
Because you always scared the bad guys away.
You always said,
"Don't worry, babe.
It's nothing but a dream."
So why does it seem,
When I went to find you,
All I found were empty promises.

Do you remember when I was just a child?
When you used to hold me tight,
To make all the scary thoughts disappear.
Because you used to say that it's only a dream
So when did the dreams start to realize themselves?
When did dreams surface into the reality of things?
Its not like wishing upon useless stars
Asking for all of your dreams to come true,
Because sometimes 
Just sometimes those dreams are horrid nightmares,
Nightmares that mask themselves and hide in human form.

Dear mother,
Where are you?
Im searching for the empty promises of you,
Hoping to find that you're still here,
Still here to hold me tight and make all of those creatures disappear 

Dear mother,
Where are you?
Do you still love me and are you even here?
Staring at your cold eyes every time you fake a smile or a laugh.
Where did our mother-child relationship go?

Dear mother,
Have I disappointed you?
Have I forsaken this unbreakable bond because I am not the child you wanted,
Or raised?
Have I strayed too far away from the path you set for me?
Or did you delute yourself to the fantasized images you had of me?
Carrying it far into the grave.
I'm sorry for the child I turned out to be.
But I thought mothers were supposed to carry unconditional love for the child
So when did it start to become a condition?
When did the love turn sour and whisk away into the wind

Dear mother,
Do you love me?

Dear mother,
Why aren't you here?

Dear mother,
Where have you gone?
The beasts were supposed to disappear but you went away with them

Dear mother, 
Where are you?
I miss you,
Where have you gone?
And do you still love me?

Dear mother,
I woke up in a cold sweet in the midst of the night
I cried out for your name
I wanted to be held tight by your open arms
And wanted to be told all those creatures would disappear.
So
Why did you turn into one of them?
Why did I come to find
The empty promises and your nurtured lies?

Simple questions deserve simple answers.
For that is the way life runs,
The simpleness of a subject is complemented by something much more simpler.
So why is it, 
When this question surfaces in the minds of every writer,
There is nothing simple to it.

The reason for writing is as simple as it can be.
It is like painting on a canvas board,
For every stroke of the paintbrush is a stroke of words
Painting vivid images in the minds of every boy and girl.
We as writers are giving life to the lifeless lines of paper.
For even when it's blank,
There is still an image painted through words.

The greatest invention mankind could ever think of is words.
For without them, 
Nothing could ever exist.
Without the simpleness of screaming out how blue the sky is 
Or how soft those clouds look,
Or even how beautiful a starry night sky can be,
How can we
Ever appreciate the beauty writers create on canvas boards.
For every written word on a blank sheet of paper,
Is a stroke of paint,
Creating magnificence inside a dull mind

My good sir,
When asking a writer their reason for writing should be as simple as this
But
If its too complex for your mind to comprehend,
Then, let me simplify it further.
When you ask an artist their reason for creating art,
You are merely asking their reason for existing
Asking why they are  deluding themselves on such strange fantasies
But you have yet to realize the true nature of us artists
We find many ways to escape harsh realities 
Creating picture perfect paradises
Or even amplifying how gruesome society can be. 

The reason for writing should be as simple as this.
For the simpleness of a subject should be complemented with something much more simpler.
But if it's too complex for you,
The reason why writers write is as simple as this,
Writers are artists and therefore write to create art,
Like taking a single paintbrush and painting on a canvas board
We as writers take a single pencil and write on blank sheets of paper.

And as fairy tales go,
This one was the best

The Story of a silly-dark-brown haired girl
Who never strayed too far away from strange.
And of a short-light-brown haired boy
Who was nothing but strange.  
A pair of star-crossed strangers
Who never realized how strange they were

And as far was fairy tales go,
This one made no sense,

You see the silly girl and the strange boy looked everywhere for someone as strange as they were
They looked everywhere for the person at the end of the red string
But whenever they saw each other,
Deny
   Deny
      Deny
Blinded by their strange ways,
They looked pass one another
And didn’t stop to find each other.

And as far as fairy tales go
This one has no end.

An infinite loop of separations,
         And meetings
Denying everything in between.
They may go on to their separate ways
And meet once again,

But as far as fairy tales go,
This one was the best…

Because there are infinite chances to always meet,
And someday soon,
Their fates will intertwine,
Together forever,
           Is the best ending line.

Leaves crunching in the wind
Waves crashing into the abyss of the sand,
And the water shines an everlasting fluorescent color
As the winds play with the beauty of a girl's hair
      And sways right on through every boy's hair
I'll always remember
                  The smile you bore
                  The laughter we shared
       And even the sweet, calming voice
                  That always speeds up the beating o my heart

Images and sounds
                  etched on the sides of my mind
This is the feeling of forever
                  And I hope to the highest of heavens
                           It doesn't fade away

Though this is only a dream
It is a beautiful dream I want to be locked away in
Keep me here
Inside better places
Because waking up is a horrible truth
                                                           ­             Beautiful lies
                                                            ­            Are much better than this

The leaves crunch away in the wind
As the waves take a dance with the abyss of the sands
And the color of the fluorescent waves are complemented by your smile.
Your presence adds on to the beauty of nature
For when the earth formed
       She was thinking of you
Letting oceans shine the same brightness as your smile
Letting flowers grow the same beauty that you omit
Shaping Her magnificence into the form of you

Babe,
You keep looking for beauty
Eyeing every girl as candy
And when they leave you because of your personality
You change who you really are
Discarding things that create your beauty

If you were looking for beauty
Then stare into a mirror
And uncover what you have been trying to hide
The things you've buried deep inside
Is what's been keeping me alive
And locked away in dreams
Keeping a better place
Than living in reality
Where you chase after hopeless feelings
Continuing to lock yourself away

You're still looking for the girl
To be apart of your world
So when you've stopped chasing after lies
Find me in the pages of books of fantasies
Find me on lines of poetry
For I am the leaves that crunch away in the wind
What crashes into the abyss of the sands
I am what plays with the beauty of a girl's hair
                  And sways through a boy's hair
I am what carries on the laughter you and I share
For I am the ocean that shines the same smile as yours
I am the flowers that grow into your beauty
          I am what Earth created
          To be the dream that you locked away from yourself
          I am the girl meant to be for your world
So when your looking for beauty
          Unlock me from your dreams
          And find what shines in reality.
For I will always shine in your darkest times
For I am Yours,
                                                            And only yours.

You created problems
Left and Right
You didn't want to solve a single one,
So you let them grow,
Like a white elephant that refuses to leave the room.

And as they grew,
The problems got too rough on you.
So you ignored them all
Slept them away
Dreamed of a happier place
And on the very next day
You forgot each and every one of them.

Just sometimes I wish,
You knew how tall your problems grew,
How wide the white elephant got
And how small our room is now.

You say you don't want to argue,
But all I'm telling you is the truth.
You say you want to end the conversations,
But all I'm saying is lets get rid of the white elephant in the room.
But you still refuse.
So I'm telling you know babe,
Your elephant grew.
Its getting to big,
And this room can't hold me and you.

Your problems continue to grow,
And your elephant is getting to big now,
It might burst soon.
Your creating problems,
Left and Right
And your white elephant is still in this cramped room.
Just sometimes I wish,
You knew how big your elephant grew.

At the dawn of a new day,
Your smile still goes on,
Even when your life span is gone.

I made a wish with the wind.

The breeze from the plane feels oh so nice!
The addiction of adrenaline is catching up again
And as my legs scream walk
Preparing to jump off into the deep blue
My mind’s tellin’ me stop!
Not ready for lift off.
Standing up from the plane
Thousands of feet high
I’m staring off at the eyes of a beauty
You see,
Cupid shot his arrows at me,
And I ain’t fallin for no boy
I’m fallin for the ground
Cause feelin this intense breeze
Makes me want to dream
I asked for a wish
A wish from the wind
And as impossible as it sounds
Jumping off into the sea of skies
Growing wings and wanting to fly
Feeling the breeze beneath white feathered wings
Would truly be a wish come true.
That wind,
I want him to cradle me into his arms
And though he cannot put me back on that plane
He will end this misery
Why wind, oh why are you so tempting?

YOU TEMPRESS BEAST!
You’re calling out my name!
Begging me to come jump to you!
But as you can see,
Man is not able to sprout wings and fly!
So what gives me the difference to jump into that sky,
Trying so hard to beat evolution.
But, I’m not worried about that right now,
You see I’m giving my self delusions
My rusted heart has been ****** at with words,
Because I was the silent child who’s life was always messed with,
And I Cannot tolerate these monster’s tortures anymore!
So I’m ready to jump off this plane and into the ground,
Even when there’s no parachutes around.
See, I’m giving into his siren calls,
I’m ready to jump off from my miserable life,
And fly into a world filled with angels.

And as I am taking this leap from life,
The winds are carrying voices from down below,
I hear my parents screaming no!
And I hear my friends saying don’t do it girl we’ll love till the end,
I just can’t let myself continue any further.
So I’m doing it now,
And I won’t be listening anymore
All I want to do is feel the wind beneath my wings.
Come at me wind, grant me what I’ve dreamed.
These next few seconds of my life,
Will be spent reminiscing about how many times I’ve been hazed at and hated.
From now on and forever,
I won’t be a victim to your crimes,
I’ll be set free into that sky.

This year,
This life,
This senseless ****,
This style,
It all seems like a pattern now.

You know?
Day in,
Day out,
Sunrises to sunsets.
I feel like my life has finally found something hidden in it.
A sort of pattern that just continues to repeat
And repeat itself.
There is no end,
There was no beginning
It just happened like that.

17 years gone by.
I’m stuck in that age between being too young to know
Being too young to do
Too young to feel.
But being to old to know better,
Old enough to be wiser,
Old enough to know this is what is real.

And I'm hatting my adolescent years,
For I've never been able to live it once.
I don’t know what its like to have that sort of freedom
That sort of life.
To be a teen
To live it up, as my peers say.
To be somewhere almost every weekend
To have that sort of social standing with the incrowd.
Because I have always been the outsider looking in,
That was my pattern.
My life style,
That was the sort of senseless **** I went through.
Because no one gave a clue,
What its like to
Be the one your parents have to depend on
Be the one your parents can trust to keep things in order,
To be the one your parents know can leave at home,
Alone.
Because for awhile now,
I’ve been playing adult for four years.
And never once did I live up my life.
Day in day out,
Sunrises to sunsets,
My life has a pattern.

I live in a doorway,
Where it splits into two roads
I live in a doorway,
Where there are mountains to climb,
Bridges to cross
And stories to write
Where the word “struggle” is nothing more than a myth in a fairy tale land
A door way in which
Children are taught Universal Knowledge
So, their ignorance doesn’t blind them
A doorway in which
Humans can all coexist as one race
Where things like racism and prejudice
Are all just silly little myths
I live in a doorway
Where fantasy and reality
  Are split into two
Where the line between the two
Is falling apart
Where the doorway that splits
Is hutting off,
  Forever to be sealed away.
I live in a doorway
Where it splits into two
One filled with the ignorance of
Reality.
One filled with the freedom of
Fantasy.

Would I be able to win your heart?
Would I be able to create a beautiful world?
With just musical notes?

Would my voice reach out to you?
In a musical tone,
In hopes you’ll get to see something that’s a true beauty~

If I knew how to play an instrument,
Would I shine the brightest for you?
Leading you away from the darkest of tunnels,
Leading you to a better place.

If I knew how to play an instrument
Would you be able to notice the figment of your imagination,
Was creating a wonderfilled world,
With musical tunes and notes,
Making sure you live in a world of color
And darkness will never be able to grasp you again.

If I knew how to play an instrument,
Would you be able to notice the girl who tried so hard,
To learn how to play a simple instrument
In order to give you this wonderfilled world?

You know,
It sits there all the way above,
Looking down on us,
I wonder how lonely it feels.
Or how sad it must be,
To see so many people do so many bad things,
It must be entertained as well,
To watch heroic acts and..
Its probably always on the edge of its seat,
When someone is about to face death,
But someone else comes by and saves them.

I wonder if the sky feels lonely.
It just sits there,
It wears its stars throughout the night,
Can put on a brave sun throughout the day,
But when it can’t hold the sun anymore,
It has to let the grey come on by.
No one there to let out its feelings to,
So all it does is cry on the rain.

It must be very lonely,
To be the sky,
Up there so very high.
Not a soul to talk too.

In the middle of the bridge.
I want to give you something special,
I just hope you’ll give me something special as well..

I believe in the rule of Equivalence Exchange.  
In order for me to give this to you,
You have to give something that’s of equal value.
And I’ll only except if its real.
And if it’s the same value as what I gave you.

Have you ever wondered how far away it is from here to the moon?
Looking at that elegant thing
So high in the sky.
Have you ever stared at it and wondered, "Why am I so small?"

But of course,
You wouldn't have noticed.
Because I couldn't help but notice,
You were that moon.

You who so elegantly showed your presences to the sad little creatures of Earth,
You who so dared to only make the few of us turn into stars to surround your beautiful elegance.
But I couldn't help but notice,
I was not one of them.

I, the very one person who placed you onto the high pedestal
I, the only person who ever noticed how great you are,
How elegant you were.
I, the sole person who was sent into the corners of the Earth,
Awaiting for you to notice how loveless you made me
Awaiting for you to notice how free I want to be.
But I couldn't help but notice,
How nonexistent my existence is to you.

Because I am just those invisible lines you wished were gone,
I am just someone from the past who wishes to ******* falling stars,
In hopes that they will allow me to take their place,

Because I couldn't help but notice,
While you were out there hanging with your stars,
I was still down here awaiting to be where you are.
But you gave no care to how I feel,
So now I leave you with your stars
And in hopes you'd fine what you've always been searching for,
Hoping that you weren't searching for something that already has given up on you.

Do you know how far it is from here to the moon?
Its about the same distance that separates me from you.
And I hope that one day,
You couldn't help but notice
That, that sad little creature who's placed you so high up,
Won't be down there looking at you anymore,
That sad little creature who's been waiting to become a star,
Has already found a better place,
In someone's elegant heart.

What I fear isn’t hairy eight legged creatures crawling into my mouth at night
What I fear isn’t the whole “Something’s gonna come out of the dark and eat me,” while I’m trying to get a glass of water in the middle of the night.
Nor even when my father angrily yells at me
Because in all honesty he starts regurgitating spit from his mouth making it so hard to take him seriously when he’s drooling.

What I’m afraid of is…
            I’m afraid of tomorrow…
You see,
            Once upon a time
On a Saturday Night
I was so excited to finally finish writing my second chapter of my fan fiction
Talking to a few friends.
And relaxing from my stressful day of a Saturday.
Then suddenly a wild message about financial aid appears,
Now,
            This isn’t where my fears start coming to life
            This isn’t even where my thoughts were being provoked.
This was just a simple conversation about financial aid information.
You see,|
My friend knows little about financial aid and my friend asked about the information I know.
I thought, “Well I have limited knowledge on this…I’ll give my friend my best answers and hope it turns out alright.”
Well,
            Things didn’t turn out the way I had imagined it.
You see,
            This private conversation evolved into a group chat
And even the financial aid information conversation evolved into, “How are you
going to pay for your college expenses?”

You see,
            I don’t fear of creatures with eight legs,
            I don’t fear of monsters in the darkness
            I don’t even fear of my father’s angry tone!
I fear what tomorrow’s going to be
I fear that my future will only just be a dream.

It’s so hard to be focusing on where I’m going to be at next year when this year looks like the saddest thing on Earth.
It’s so hard to concentrate on tomorrow when today looks like a horrible nightmare.

Today,
            I’m stressed
I’m not stressed about my grades
            I know I work harder than the average student.
I’m not stressed about the guy I might like
            Because right now,
            A boyfriend is not what I be needing.

I’m stressed that I may not get a job
I’m stressed that my dad may lose his
I’m stressed that my mom can’t find another
I’m stressed that I won’t be able to pay for my ACT Ticket
I’m stressed that I won’t be able to afford my SAT Subject Ticket
I’m stressed that I won’t be able to pay for my college apps
And I’m stressed that I can’t get fee waver
Because according to the government my parents make too much for me to have
one
            When in reality
                        My family barely survives on a paycheck.
It’s getting harder and harder to survive on that paycheck
Because presently speaking
            It’s getting harder and harder to pay to keep on living.

And because I don’t have a job yet,
            My parents are still forced to pay for me to keep on living.
I’m stressed that I’m not going to have a tomorrow
I’m stressed that I’m not going to go to a college to pay college expenses for
I’m stressed that this fear is going to keep controlling my life!

But…
I can’t let that happen…
            I can’t let this fear run my life.
‘Cause sooner or later its going to run it down tot eh ground and I won’t be able to recover from that
I can’t let this fear consume me,
Because I’ll never find a way out.


I fear something…
I don’t fear eight hairy legged creatures crawling into my mouth at night,
I don’t fear monsters eating me alive while I’m trying to get something to drink.
Nor do I fear my dad yelling at me.
I fear of tomorrow.

I can’t focus on where I’m going to be at next year when today is all foggy with no sign of light.

Come With Me
And you’ll see,
            A world of pure imagination,

Can’t you see?
            This world of glee~?
Just come with me…*
  
Yet,
I wonder how I can go into a world of pure imagination without having one foot in the grave.
I wonder when I can taste the chocolate waterfall without having the salty after taste of a child’s sweat and tears.
Please Mr. ***** Wonka, please,
Tell me how I can visit your world of imagination without hitting that eternal slumber button

We all know how harsh reality can be,
Especially when we log onto Youtube and we see,
Blonde girl ranting on Asians in the Library
Or even when we turn on the tele,
We see a 3 year old just got molested in the Dollar Tree
Or even when you walk out your front door and see
Some humans beating up some other humans
Ya see its easier to live in a made up world where everyone is treated the same
Its easier to pretend that the lies are what’s true and ignore the rest.

Don’t you see what a bunch of lies can do to harm the truthful words?
I’m sorry Mr. ***** Wonka,
         But that whole world of pure imagination is unable for me to reach
            For the world of reality is what is holding me behind,
                        No matter how hard I try to escape its wrath.
And that chocolate waterfall you have is filled with the sweat and tears from children who were forced to make it
How can we walk on the world of pure imagination without killing ourselves in the process?
How can we turn this reality of ours into something that was made for dreaming?

And its funny when they say,
At the end of the rainbow~
                        There's a *** of gold~
But didn't you know the *** of gold is tainted with Humanity's Greed?
Why do you think humans look for a leprechaun?
    So they can fill their fat pockets with their precious gold
Why do you think Christian churches teach you about the 7 deadly sins?
   Its because that's what humans are.
We take what isn't ours in order to satisfy our Greed.
We Envy other's for the objects they have.
We Lust for the things that we are unable to obtain
We unleash our Wraith on our own kind!
We take too much Pride on hurting others,
We feed on the sorrow and blood in order to be Gluttonous
And we are too much of a Sloth to do anything about it.

    We too are living beings,
       Yet we are the only ones who "love" to cause harm to others.
We are the ones who can walk on two limbs and use the other two to cause destruction and mass mayhem!
We take what isn't ours and use it for our own profit,
Even worse,
We have the ***** to believe in a Jesus Christ that can come and save us
Right after we have taken out another life

We have the nerve to call ourselves human
We are the so called God's creation
Yet we put shame on him for the way we've been
We put shame on ourselves for blood lusting
When we protest against suicides and deaths
We put shame on ourselves for being greedy
When we protest against the government selling our children's future to save a petty penny
If we were to label most of Humanity's Population
It would be labeled Capitalist Humanity

And at this time, I'd like to write a letter
Dearest Capitalist Humanity,
I'd like to congratulate you on causing the most genocides Mother Nature has ever seen
I'd like to congratulate you for playing with monopolies
In order for you to grow your big companies
Causing the gap between the rich and the poor to get wider and wider

Thank you for killing off your own kin
And I'm not talking about people of the same ethnicity I am talking about people of the same HUMAN RACE

I am talking about the person you just killed yesterday because he was wearing a different color, because he was a different color from you because HE WAS DIFFERENT FROM YOU

Thank you for re-writing history to make it look like you were the hero when in fact you were the villain hiding behind the mask
Thank you for forcing children into the work labor
Thank you for taking what isn't yours
AND THANK YOU for destroying this once beautiful home Mother Nature has given to you

Dearest Humanity,
Thank you for everything.

Poetry is like a living being
It lives in a world that's created on lined paper
It breathes in the writers' imagination
And feeds on the words that is written.
Poetry is the vast oceans
Words swimming around
Forming sentences and rhymes

Poetry is like the meaning of life
Forever to be a myster
Until. . .
Some smarty pants
With no pure imagination
Slaughters it with logic
Dissecting the poem
JUST to fugure out its meaning
Leaving the poem LEFT FOR DEAD

Poetry is like the free birds in the sky
Til one day a greedy child
Traps it in a cage
Never to be let free
Till it learns how to sing~

I,
Am a teenaged girl
Lost between the deminsions of
Fantasy
And
Reality.
I am a Filipino and Mexican
Knowing no spanish
Lost in a language my mother has forgotten.

I am what it means to be a human being.
Trying my best to be there
Making zillions of mistakes that end up drowning me in the end.
Wanting to remember but always forgetting
Wanting to help but saying the wrong things at the wrong time.
Trying to find a place in the world
Only to end up being isolated like a lone wolf.

I am what it means to be a student,
Not loving the whole school system but trying her best to prove it wrong.
Educated by watching the world, day by day,
Philosophizing life
Analyzing the story lines that mean something
Surviving in a jungle we call High School
And day by day,
Struggling in classes just to pass it.
I am, what it means to be
not so smart, not stupid at all but
a hard worker, learning everything I can with the little time the school system provides.

So,
Who am I?
Well for starters,
To tell you who I am,
I'd have to spend the majoirty of my life writing a one hundred paged book,
With only one page that has one sentence of writing that says,
"Too much to say, ask me another day."

Who I am,
Is a teenaged-Filipina-Latina-video gaming-anime loving-poetry/story writing-girl
Who is always lost in her own world~

That night
That night
I found a  stranger...
That night
That night
I looked into a mirror.
I heard a voice
That sounded familiar
I heard a voice
That sounded strange.

One that surfaces on the outside
One that shells itself on the inside
One that is cynical
One tht is regretful
One that is Yin,
And one that is Yang.

That night,
That night,
I looked in a mirror.
That night
That night
I looked in mirror.
That night
That night
I lmet a stranger
I turned to my right and met,
A cynical child,
With a crooked smile
Her eyes were pitch black,
Her voice was of a demon's
Her soul was not present.
If I ever believed in a god,
She would be the devil's spawn.

When I turned to my left,
I met a coward,
Her face that always blushed
Her voice was always quiet
Her eyes were that of mine
Her soul was partially there.
If I ever believed in angels,
She would be the one that fell from the heavens.

That night,
That night...
I found my self,

A girl who didn't give a care in the world,
A girl who couldn't speak what was on her mind.
A girl with devilish horns,
A girl with breaken wings adn a fixed halo.

The two sides of me that I never wanted to see.
Yet, they were always there with me.
The two sides of me I wish that left my side
Yet, they are super glued to me for the rest of my life.

That night,
That night,
I met my past.
That night,
That night,
I met the demon.

That night,
That night,
I found my present self,
The one who held the past child and the demon child in one,
The one who endured all their complaints and torments,
The one who had those lonely conversations with the broken angel and the devil's spawn.
That morning...waking up to
Bright and shinning lights,
Birds singing happily,
The sky smiling on me,
The devil's spawn had kept its trap shut,
The broken angel fixed herself,
And the present me,
Was nothing but happy.

Surrounded by falling stars,
Walking on water in the dark~
This must be a fantasy
Starrs dropping from the sky doesn't happen too often
Walking on water just seems like something a god would do.
Is this real?
Or is this a dream?
Someone PLEASE pinch me.
I am,
Surrounded by falling stars
Walking on snow in the dark,
I was lying in my bed just a moment ago....
So, how did I end up somewhere so cold?
Only to see you in the glimpse of darkness,
Smiling a soft smile,
Wearing golden halo and fluffy wings,
Running up to me,
Holding me ever so tightly.
This is nothing more but a mere dream,
For you don't exist in this world of reality,
For you always existed in a world of make-believe
So, can we play make-believe?
And, make-believe you were real?
Because,
Someone like you doesn't exist in this life,
Someonelike you is hard to find,
So, can I just dream of you tonight?
Because you live in my fantasy,
Harsh reality threw you away,
Because this ****** up reality
Did not want to see me this happy,

So I awaited for the night to fall
Awaited for the moon to grace itself with its magnificent presence,
So I can at least dream of you,
Because you forever awaited underneath sakura trees,
That bloomed ever so darkly.
Finding you is just the cruel reality.
Because every time I look for thee,
I end up finding myself in a lost dark corner,
With no happiness nor glee.

I'm,
Surrounded by the brightness of my dreams,
Because I am only dreaming of you tonight,
Do not let me be awakened by frightful reality screams.
I don't ever want to wake up,
I am happy just leaving this fale world...
Where its is only just you and I...
For,
I am lost in a world of fantsasy,
Barely holding onto that tiny string of reality...
Falling into the world of illusions....
Wandering around in confusion.
All because
I wanted to dream of you,
All because...
I wanted to be with you.
I don't want to go back to the first stage of sleep,
Leave me be in the fourth stage of sleep,
Because all I want is this tiny bit of glee..
So please....
Just please allow me to be happy...
Yet,
No matter how much I wish to stay..
I am forced to leave this world of "happy"
I am forced to go and search for true happiness on my own...
I am thrown onto a star,
Wishing it would take me  to you..
In a place very far~
Yet,
Instead it took me into a familiar room...
I'm riding on the falling stars,
Falling into a sleeping child in the dark,
Crashing onto a soft warm bed,
Yet,
Waking up feeling like I am dead,
Not dead on the outside, buy dead on the in.
I felt like I was in this far away dream,
Taken away from a cruel fate,
Wanting to escape back,
Back to taht world of happy!
Back into that world of glee~!
Yet,
Unable to escape into the wonderful fantasy,
Alwayscaged up by cruel reality,
Always knowing why the caged bird was singing..
Singing to be free....

Surrounded by falling stars,
Walking in the endless dark,
Never awaken me from this fantasy,
Allow me to escape the cruen reality~

Childhood,

                   Such sweet everlasting blindfolded years.
          Where, we didn’t care who you were
                   We didn’t care where you from
                   We were just happy to have you as a friend.
Where the only type of love we yearned for
          Was the one given by our mother and father

How I remember those wonder-filled days,
          Where the only thing we whined about was,
                   Having more sweets and staying up later.
          Where the only thing we whished for was,
                   Having two front teeth and
                   Wanting to grow older.

Wanting to grow older so we could,
                   Buy a magical car to take us anywhere in the world!
Wanting to grow older so we could,
Buy whatever we god ****** felt like buying without our parents questioning our insanity!

But…
          What was so great about growing up?
Heck, when we got to that stage in our life,
We wished that we could build a time machine to go back to the past and relive those simpler days.

BUT!
          ITS TOO ******* BAD SUCH A THING DOESN’T EXIST!
          It’s too ******* bad that we live in a world of reality where it crushes our fantasy
          It’s just…
                   Too god ****** bad,
                             That when we grow older, our hearts grow wider…
                                      And the love we receive from our parents…
          Just isn’t enough.
So,
          Let me formally introduce my self,
          I am the loveless creature
Who was always told never to look at the  Moon,

Because it would forever remind me of me and you.
Because when ever I did look at the moon,
          I’d cry at its beautiful presence
Because its so ******* elegant to look at
          Yet its too god ****** far away to be with.
I couldn’t be like the stars that always surrounded its elegance
I couldn’t fly up to the moon because every time I tried,
          I ended up falling after breaking through Earth’s atmosphere
          Crashing and burning onto the ground.

Because I,
Am like many lonely hearted, hopelessly romantic, empty hearted people in Earth’s room who always wanted the warm fuzzy feeling of someone holding their hand
Of someone holding them in their arms
Of someone just being there for them when their world is crashing down on them.
I,
Am, like many people who have those awkward weird feelings of seeing everyone around them coupling off one by one,
Leaving you stranded all by yourself in a lonely corner entitled “Loveless Creature”

Yet,
          In that corner,
                   I always saw that devilishly looking moon
That always ******* stared down at me because I would never be able to reach the skies and become a star so I too can surround its elegance.
And I am always fearing that this dark corner I sit in
          Would forever become my “home” because I feared that
          I will forever remain a loveless creature.
Because I will always be a loveless creature…

So,
Can I please go back to those beautifully filled childhood days where all I ever required and needed was the love I received from my parents and even the graceful loving moments being surrounded by friends who never coupled off

Can’t my corner be a little bit brighter?
          So I can endure the pains of being an empty hearted creature?

Because, walking through those cruel ugly hallways
          Is just making me suffer.
Because, seeing that god awful moon
          Is just causing unwanted tears.

Heh,
          I guess its just the feelings of a loveless creature.
So,
Allow me to apologize to my friends who already found someone to complete them because I am unable to feel truly happy for you.
I am sorry that when you say, “I love you as a friend,” it never really filled the emptiness in my heart,
And for ******* cramping your style,
Because I cannot truly smile
Sorry for being entitled as the loveless creature,
And for having ****** up emotions
Sorry for crying when I looked at the elegant moon,
And for reading to you to you a disgusting depressed poetry about how ridiculously loveless I am!

And…
For those who are lonely hearted, hopelessly romantic, people who need to fill that empty void in their hearts,
Sorry that we all mostly feel the same
And that life put us in this cruel game,
But…
          Maybe in the future, not so far…
          We will become a star,
          Shinning ever so brightly
          Next to the one elegant moon
          That will forever complete that emptiness in our hearts.

Crunch away at your feelings,
Everything is meaningless,

Wash away your pain
All it will leave is a big stain.

Try to be that little bird that can fly away,
So you can leave behind that one awful day.

You can't grow wings,
You can't fly away,
The pain is too much,
You can't go on either way.

Wash away your pain
All you need is a little rain.

I don't need to hear it anymore,
I just want to scream and yell some more.
I don't want to hear his name again,
I just want to wash away the pain.

Wash away your pain,
But even with a little rain,
It will only leave a big *** stain.

I come from a moldy house
With human tall grass,
I grew up with water balloon fights, Saturday morning cartoons,
And the child like imagination I still carry.

Happiness, sunshine, and rainbows were all I ever was.
Things like gangs, ****, and even death
Were all unknown to a child’s mind.

I come from the lazes, the loud mouths,
The goof-offs, the gammers,
The writers, the poets, and the crazies.

From sunshine to isolation,
Sandy beaches to hard concrete
A lone fixed house to an overpopulated town house.
Struggling daily just to put food on the table.
Keeping up the grades just to get to that end of the bridge we call high school.
Bearing false happiness just to get through life

I come from the breaking sweat father breaks every day.
I am from the goals and dreams my parents have accomplished

I come from the center of the universe
  Growing wings and flying down to the Earth below,
Landing on the majestic, blue calm waters.
Like that lone forbidden fruit gently falling off the sacred tall

Doing different things,
Walking on a different path,
I’ll always know,
I’ll be on yours.
Falling for you over and over again.

And even if I was born into another life,
Doing other things I grew fears for.
Doing things I’ve always wished I’ve done.
Things that I’ve always regretted not doing,
I’d fall for you again and again,

Because maybe we were born with half a heart,
And we complete each other so much,
That even if we were born again into different lives,
Our hearts will still realign.

Insecurities are poisonous to a child's mind
It causes so much negativity in themselves that one day, death is the only thing positive left.
And it's not like that whole
"Oh Romeo, let me drink this poison to fake my death in order to be with you."
No, It's more like,
"Oh Romeo, I'm so FAT AND UGLY LET ME JUST USE THIS DAGGER IN ORDER TO
                END MY EXISTENCE"
And it's definitively not that whole "Teenaged Angst" psychologists come up with
It's more like society's baby food is starting to poison it's children.

You see,
Not so long ago society started this whole standards issue on how girls and boys are supposed to look like
Girls are supposed to have that hourglass figure where regularly eating is considered being a ******.
And where anerexia is the new cover of beauty magazines.
And guys are never supposed to cry,
Because tears are a sign of weakness and not how strong they've been holding those weights in.
And guys who are always on the cover of men's magazines are those muscle headed jerks who treat women as if they were mere objects

You see,
According to society
That whole lesson on "Be Yoursellf" is just a myth because being yourself is a sign of ugliness
And to trule feel that sign of beautty is to wear the mask of another.

And not so long ago,
I used to think like that.
I used to have those grey clouds in my head because there was always that one negative voice telling me I wasn't good enough
That no one wanted to be near a horrible existence liek me.
All those compliments like
Pretty
Beautiful
Unique
And Cool
Turned into insults like,
Ugly
Hideous
Plain
And Stupid
This whole negativity turned into a game of darts,
Where I was the target and te insults were knives
And it got to the point where I thought sweet ever lasting afterlife seemed like the only way out.
But because I'm the type of person who over thinks her actions,
Something like suicide never played out.
Days went by,
And all those pretty compliments turned into ugly insults,
And it seemd like that glimmer of hope wasn't going to come shine down through the dark clouds.
Even that game of insult darts,
Was trying to aim its knives at my heart.

Then...
One day,
I looked into a mirror
And I finally saw that pretty girl everyone was talking about
Those grey clouds in my head finally cleared up and showed Mr. Sun.
Those knives aiming for my heart turned into cherry blossom petals dancing in the wind.
Even those insecurities the negative voice pointed out,
Turned into compliments, perfections, and even beatifications
You see,
Insecurities can poison a child's mind
But,
It's up to the child to use it as a leathel weapon or an antidote for life long lessons.
Looking back on that self reflecting day,
I have learned to turn those imperfections that once kept me down into perfections that can hold my self esteem high up.
And I've learend that
I am terribly afraid of being someone other than myself.
So,
Livingup to society's standards of a female no longer worries me.
Because
The only standards I should worry about are the ones I make for myself.
And
Insecurities should no longer be apart of that.

When the sun rose,
You sat so proudly on your high horse,
And as your horse grew higher and higher,
You had so much pride that it multiplied into five
And grew by eleven.
                                                                                                                                                             We were your pride
When the sun setted,
You fell so far from grace.
And as you fell,
Your children cried,
You smiled as you passed,
For you knew you were no longer of this world,
When the night came,
You were gone,
Where you lied,
A grave sits there.
Where your high horse once stood,
Is now a house filled with memories you created.
When the morning sun came,
Your laughter remained.

Physically speaking,
You’re buried underground.
But if we take it spiritually,
You’re always around.