I told myself I won’t fall again
For your stupid drugs of lies
But I was high on you already
I couldn't keep it in disguise

I tried to smile when I cried
Thought of you all day and night
I tried to think of happy days
The days when I was by your side

So I tried to get off the drugs
Just to keep myself sane
Because it was me who kept changing for you
While you remained the same

moon dust in your lungs
stars in your eyes
you are a child of the cosmos;
ruler of the skies

I promise you I don't want to **** myself
This isn't a letter saying goodbye
Not a poem blaming you for not seeing this coming
But sometimes
When I'm all alone
I sit in the bath just a little bit longer,
hoping and hoping I drift off to sleep
Or smoke three cigarettes
one after the other after the other
and hope my lungs get so filled with tar that I
stop breathing
Or stand dangerously close to the edge of a building
and close my eyes hoping the wind might *******
just hard enough to fall

It's easy to imagine
I know what everyone would say
How some people would cry
And some would secretly be glad
Some would feel guilt
Others sorrow
And in about a week it wouldn't matter

But I want to matter
Whether it be to just my mom
Or the man I helped cross the street
I want to matter

And so I tuck those thoughts deeper in the closet
And I step away from sharp objects and steep edges
And I sit and write poetry
Poetry will be the death of us all
Anyway

Seeing his body lying before me felt unreal
If I only knew of the pain he would feel
As my shades shades the rays and hides my sobbing gaze
Never would I have thought to see this day
Tears fill my eyes as I hug his mother
He use to be like my blood,my brother
She says "His saddness is at an end."
The pain is indescribable watching them bury your oldest friend.

you stopped talking so I stopped trying.
it's a miserable existence to feel the pain of slowly dying.
and now we're trading indirect curses hoping the other will notice first and give in and say hi.
but instead we sit alone and suffer in silence.
just pretend that you're fine.
hide behind those fake smiles and blank stares.
the feelings will fade until you remember you care and you miss her.