With pursed lips stained with cherry red lipstick she stood in front of her mirror and cried a little harder with each breath.
Why can't she be perfect?
Why can't she fall back in love?
Why can't she just ask for help again?
Watching herself in that mirror she saw her reflection... Makeup running down her face, and a cry for help only she saw each day...
Why couldn't she rewind?
Why couldn't she just take it all back?
Why was she so afraid the change and start new?
Today was the day she said with one shaky breath.... Today she would stop the self hatred and the tears.

She stopped asking why.
She stopped trying to rewind.
She stopped trying to be someone she wasn't anymore....

To my first love:
     & you were just that. You were the steps that taught me how to walk, but the same ones that taught me how to fall. You were my first kiss, my first shared breath, and my first broken heart. See, you were full of firsts and experiments,but that's all you were , an experiment.
To my next love:
     You were the summer sun, and I was a naive daisy that was star struck by your rays that made me feel alive. Because you, love number two, made our age difference, make me feel like I was on top of the world. With each 'c'mon baby' or 'why not' I fell deeper and deeper into your persistent persuasion.  I was not yet blossomed to my full potential, yet you insisted perfection. And a girl of my maturity would choose starvation over loneliness anyday.
To "Lucky" number three:
     I mean, 3rd times a charm right? That's what I thought too. I thought you were my super hero that was going to heal my bruises (Inside & Out). Don't get me wrong, you did for a while, with your sweet words and innocent looks. But my broken eyes didn't let me see that same look, wasn't just for me. I wasn't enough, I never was. I was enough to quench your thirst, but soon enough my taste became too bland. I mean, who in their right mind would want someone so damaged. Not before long you tossed me like a broken toy, considering that's all I ever really was to you.
To my current love:**
     I don't want you to be just my current love, I want you to be my forever love. I want you to adore my corny idea of love and my dark realizations of life.It's not even that I want you to love me, it's that I need you to love me. I need a security guard to save me from my worst enemy, myself. So to my current love, hold my hand when you see my empty stare and my empty tummy, and tell me it's going to be okay. Make me feel beautiful, forever, because I can't do it on my own.
a.m.

every time I write
it's like my fingers have to
dance around your memory
sweeping your substance
under my keys
not even an ounce
unearthing you
could so easily swallow me

we kissed like
that last bit
of drunken innocence
could cauterize
our wounds

but instead
we bled into each other
your sighs filled my
hunger
and you didn't know
that those scars were new
and I wanted
you to pretend
I wanted to
pretend for you

but really
I wanted to be full
and your lips were warm
and wanting you
was nothing new
and two hours of sleep
was plenty
for another day
of our pretending

There's a girl that I will never stop loving
She's my past and my future
I  believe that she's an unrealistic dream
I believe that she's my destiny
I earsed all the pages in my book to have clear white ones for her only
An ink won't describe
a soul won't breath
a clock won't tick
when her eyes meet mine
I die I die and I die
when I continuesly kiss the warmth of her lips
I swear that this is beyond description
poor words and letters when it comes to describe  her
She's my endless desire and obsession