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Rachel Jul 2017
When I look up at the sky
Tiny teardrops fall across my face
I shiver with the cold
but my feet seemed stucked and doesn't want to move
Then I remember when I was a kid I used to play in the rain
Closed eyes, arms open with a big smile on my face
But the clouds weren't like this
The sky isn't this sad
And the raindrops wasn't this cold
Then I wonder, is it the reflection of what I'm feeling right now?
Does the sky symphatize with what I feel?
This isn't the rain who will have rainbows later on
This is the rain that will continue to pour till it can
Till theres nothing left to shed
The rain that doesn't care about anyone but itself
The rain who feels so lonely
So sad
This is my rain
Rachel Feb 2017
Many years passed like a blur
I thought I'm over you
But why is it my heart run wild
whenever i get a glimpse of you
I wish you knew how afraid I am you might hear it beating
I wish you knew how hard it is for me not to tell you this
Why do you keep messing with my head?
Why do you have to keep me up all night?
And bother me even when I'm sleeping
But every time I think of it
All of it lead to the same conclusion
It's hard but I have to accept it
I have to move on
But every time I take a step forward
I still came back to the same spot
Even though I keep telling myself that you'll never like me
No, not again
But why am I still stuck?
Why do I feel the urge of taking care of you?
I want to hug you
So tight it will be harder for you to breathe
I want to make you feel that theres no need to feel alone, to feel empty
I want to pat your head while caressing your hair
To remind you how worthy you are to me and that you should never looked down to yourself
If you could only see how high I think of you
But I guess I can't do that
I have no right to do that
Then that just leaves me with one thing to do, to wish.
To wish that someone would do that for you
Someone who will make you feel whole
Someone who will make you smile
And someone who will wipe your worries and tears away
All I wish is for you to be happy
To the point where you won't need alcohol and nicotine to fill the emptiness
Could you atleast do that for me?
You owe me that for all the pain you've caused me haha kidding
But seriously I don't regret any of it
You know what there's a saying,
"No one could ever avoid pain, for it demands to be felt"
But I also believe that you can choose who will cause you that pain
And if that person is worth the suffering
I already said it but i will say it again
So could you be healthy and happy?
Annyeonghi gyeseyo
Rachel Mar 2016
Every minute of my life I made myself believe that I am strong.
That I can do anything
That no one will have the pleasure to see me cry
But I was wrong

I shut myself from everyone
Because I thought it's better to be alone rather than to have someone who will just make me cry
But you know what's more painful?

It is to let someone go
Despite how much he begged to stay
Because you thought you're strong
Strong enough not to need anyone

And now that you see him again
He's not the same anymore
He's not the boy who can't last a day without you
The boy who promised to give you even the stars
The boy whose eyes belonged only to you
But now everything has changed

And you'll realize how stupid you are
So stupid to lose him when all you've
wanted was to make him stay
So stupid to think that you're strong when the truth is you're very scared
And now it's too late
too late..
Rachel Dec 2015
Let me do the things I used to do
Until I realize none of my effort will ever matter
Let me think that I am still with you
Until emptiness finally drown me in
Let me bring back our old memories
Until  my mind stop processing any of it
Let me show you how much I love you
Until I have nothing left to give
Let me cry
Let me grieve
Let me die
Until I felt nothing
Until my heart stops beating
Until I'm tired of everything
Just let me
Let me watch myself slowly running out of life
Let me succumb all the pain until I get used to it
But once I stop hurting
You will just be some other guy
Because you let me
You let me go..
Let me say all the things I want to say.
Rachel Oct 2015
As the dawn comes I tried to write
Sealing words with promises I keep hoping
Although none of it will ever come
Still my heart can't stop assuming

He'll love me today and will leave by tomorrow
Without any trace that both of us ever met
I felt cheap and at the same time used
Yet, I keep waiting for this boy

As I watched the stars and the moon above
There's a building pain inside my chest
While my body aches for exhaustion
This boy consumed a lot from me

And before I close my eyes
All I hear is a sad song
A melody that does not belong to mine
But keeps my heart beating
Rachel Oct 2015
Love is a disease
It is a crime
It drives people insane
And may lead to death if you have it and if you don't
A partial death that will change everything
Some can escaped but some cannot
Those who escape are reborn to be a better person
But those who cannot are still stock in the past grieving
Love is always accompanied with pain
It requires suffering and sacrifices
But even though love is inconsistent
I still prefer not to be cured
Because we will never be truly happy if were not unhappy sometimes.
Rachel Sep 2015
Sometimes I wish I could tell someone everything, but I just couldn't.
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