Sitting silently,
He sits and stares at his phone,
Shifting slightly,
He doesn't look up from his phone,
Coughing quietly,
He ignores me and looks at his phone,
A little louder,
He stays there slowly reading his phone,
Groaning with the pain,
He still remains there silently checking his phone,
Starting to bleed,
He raises an eyebrow at the screen of his phone that he studies so intently.
Feeling faint,
He sighs and looks at the clock before looking back down at the obviously intriguing phone in his hand.
Skin pale, vision blurred,
He chuckles to himself and takes a sip from the half-empty cup of tea at his side and scrolls with a single finger on the screen of his phone.
My voice is weak as I call out,
"Dad..."
For the last time the blade glides over my wrist.
He stares at his phone.

i missed that
tiny white pill
it stops
me from chattering.
i tremble without it
buzzing.

you might
perceive me
as still
but i am erratic.
shivering.
tiny white pill
stopping the

wide eyed
teary
expression.

it keeps me
kissing you
it keeps me
sane.
it lets me dance

but you
make me sing.

are you
a tiny
white pill?

She would judged me, by my footprints I left in the mud
--
She would only look at me, through a pain of glass
--
She would never touche me, she thinks i'm cold
--
She would never listen to me, only to others
--
She would only talk to me, with her tears
--
She may have loved me, if she knew me
--
She never knew, the hurt in me

Ever have that moment where a thought crosses your mind?
Just like any other random thought?
But this thought, causes you to stop in mid stride.
Makes words stop flowing from your mouth when in conversation.
The thought makes your face immobile.
No expression upon it...
Or emotion appearing within the eyes.
Almost like a mask, portraying a veil that covers what you wish not to be seen.
Everyone has those moments...
Sometimes when you're alone, or when you're around others.
That thought reveals a moment from the past that found its way into the present.

I am haunting the past,
my own,
and the others
who cast me aside.

Pearl after pearls before the swine found
back in the backyards of the backyard of time.
I am haunting the past.

The constant in me and at last or
somewhere near there
I share what remains,
the bain or the bane of my youth?
the pain of the truth that
stains the sidewalks with blood.

I am haunting the past and
I'm good at it.

I forgot to fill my prescription.
How is it that I always forget something that makes such an impact on my life?
Without it, I am not myself.
or am I more myself?
Who is to say that depression and anxiety aren't characteristics as opposed to mental illness?

A chemical imbalance of the brain.
That's how the doctors describe it.
That's how we describe it,
To make ourselves feel less ashamed.

So I forgot to fill my prescription.
Sometimes I think I forget purposefully.
Is it possible to cautiously make a sub-consous choice?
Cause' I think I might.
I think I do it to make myself feel alive again.
**** being able to "function".
I don't see functioning as living.
I truly feel alive when I allow myself to indulge in the pain.

Treating the emotional agony as something that I shouldn't feel, only makes me feel more ashamed of it.

So instead I indulge.
I don't cry.
I don't cut.
I don't expose.
I indulge in my inner sadness.

It makes me feel like a rebel.
Indulging makes me feel more alive than the actual act of living.
And that terrifies me.

I terrify me.

alone in her room is were she could speak with her demons
alone in her room were no single soul could find her

she always lived in her own little world
away from all the sorrow and the tiny little mistakes
dreaming about a love bigger than the universe
something that would shine brighter than the stars
someone she could call her own

trouble was her second name
it never stopped following me
my daddy called me special but I was just miserable
and everytime he closed his eyes pretending he didn't saw

yes this girl lived in her own little world
with all her scars, bruises and her ***** sweet mind
a way to escape is what she always wanted
because deep down inside I knew this demons

weren't good for me.