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10.2k · Nov 2015
The Light of Bravery
Bibby Nov 2015
Truly brave souls plunge into the dark-simply to learn how to find a way out.
2.0k · Aug 2017
Worth it?
Bibby Aug 2017
Sometimes I wonder, how I will make it alone,
When all those in my life have refused to see what I have always shown?
The fact that I am ill, yes indeed it is true,
A mental illness chains me, physical illnesses too.

Depression has been a friend, for as long as I know,
Panic and anxiety, do you even need to be told?
Am I paranoid? Or is that what you want me to think?
In the next minute, I am dissociated, or cannot think.
I am over here and over there,
"Hello!" or "Goodbye",
What is seriously wrong with my mind?

Friends, they stay a distance, and I don't need them anyways,
Family? Forget it...
I lie and I lie.
I pretend that I feel nothing,
Nothing touches me,
But truth be told I am terrfied,
My heart, as if, bleeds.

Perhaps you've heard of Fibro,
Or IBS as well,
Maybe you know Chronic pain,
And a fatigue like ****.
Maybe your are familar with being in constant pain,
Maybe you know all the pills, over and over again.

"How can it be hard to get out of bed?"
"How hard can it be to ignore what's in your head?"
You won't understand, even though I've tried,
No I'm not special, especially when I'm chained to a bed.

I've been told I am older now, "Hurry up and get a job",
"You will be nothing when you get started and move on."
"Can't you just stop whining? Grow up and live life?
Can you just do something rather than sleeping and wasting time?"
"You worry about this, you cry about that, you want this but don't even try to relax."
"You are doing nothing but sitting around,
So what if you are sick? We all are, all year round."

I am the lazy, the black sheep the failure,
The worthless, dissapointment, the immature.
"I am the would have been, could have been, should have been, never was and never ever will be",
Did I really just quote a song? Indeed, I've felt what they really mean.

I am weak or stubborn, Ms. "why" and "Okay but how come?"
Believe me, there is no look or answer I've been given, that I have not sawn.


There is help out there, there are programs and places to go,
But who would want to love someone who struggles to get up and go?
Who may be sick for the rest of their lives,
Who doesn't even feel worthy of time?

People do what they have to, to go off and survive,
But the next time you want to go and ridicule someone,
Please know, they try...
To those who know the struggles of any sickness, ailment, disability, illness or struggle, you are never alone.
You ARE worthy,
You ARE stron
and in my own eyes?
You ARE so much more successful than anyone average who has never known a worse enough ****.
I love you.
<3
1.5k · Dec 2017
Tide
Bibby Dec 2017
Wear your scars like tattoos,
Let them remind you of the times you could've died,
But you learned to swim with the tide.
<3
1.5k · Jan 4
Pain
Bibby Jan 4
Hurt people,
Hurt people.
I often spend hours at night reflecting or having memories of past abuse and trauma. I am the type to see the level of pain in my abusers than evil. It makes me sad and often...
Has made me look crazy for giving them forgiveness and empathy from a lot of people.
No one is born evil, be it an illness, pain, or even trauma themselves...
I at least try to see some reality in it all.

I don't know, that's just me.
1.3k · Jan 10
Self
Bibby Jan 10
As I was
f
a
l
l
I
n
g


a
p
a
r
t,
I came together
To the person
I had to become.
:)
1.2k · Sep 2015
Scars
Bibby Sep 2015
She leaves scars all over herself
To forget the ones that refuse to fade.*


Stay Strong In Times Of Darkness.
I love you.
1.1k · Sep 2015
Suicide
Bibby Sep 2015
Slit my wrists?
I won't.

Smoke cigarettes?
I don't.

Run away?
I can't.

Cry all night?
I have.

Think of dying?
I do.

Face the truth?
I did.

Suicide?
-Never.*


1.1k · Aug 2015
Vulpes Vulpes, Canis Lupus
Bibby Aug 2015
There was once a fox, a fox whose name had gone unknown, but nevertheless was in truth all on its own.
With a pelt of fire and auburn, and eyes deep and serious,  it was no doubt why so many considered the fox "mysterious".
Yet, this tale is different, and I will tell you why, this fox was not like the rest, he sought to be like the wolves- twas' no lie.

He envied their beauty, their ability and strength, in fact his admiration went on to a fractured great length.
He would try to howl and change his stature- **** even his look, it was a matter of great indifference, but try as he might- no matter how long it took.

In time, after so much effort he took to the wolf, they welcomed him and never knew his story, pride and arrogance he was engulfed.
He followed and lived as one for the while he was deceived, but after all the time had past, disgust and mockery from all other animals was what he received.

It was only when the wolves outwitted him and made him a fool, that they chased him and slandered him, oh, the treatment had been cruel.
Now the fox understood why animals each held their own class and identity, when he realized then why he was meant to be.

A fox he was and would always stay, to the start of his life to the finish of his decay. Yet, he was reminded of why foxes were special, it was because they were no one else; it was ****** to compare, whether it be lion or mouse.  He saw beauty in an idol of its own, he became so mesmerized and driven, that even his heart he disowned. He saw no beauty in himself, when really all others did, that now his respect and dignity was so pitifully dead.

Though he admired the wolves and tried to seek them without end, let it be known fame and popularity is a horrid trend. So there are others greater and have more to do, but have you ever considered they may wish to be you?

Like the fox who wanted to be a wolf,  but in time fell too much in greed, be careful of the lies you choose to follow and take heed! Because not every beautiful face is as kind and free, be happy you are You and can declare "I am me."


A poem that had been in my heart for a long time, but took much time to understand it's true meaning as to why I was writing it-and how personally, it would mean to me.
I hope you find a meaning of your own as I did. <3
987 · Apr 2018
P i e c e s
Bibby Apr 2018
Even the planets aren't perfectly aligned,
How can you expect yourself to be?

Being in pieces doesn't make you any less beautiful.
2 AM thoughts.
979 · Oct 2015
Trauma
Bibby Oct 2015
Do you remember that young child so innocent and small?
Do you remember her laughing as she ran down our hall?
Do you remember that little girl with that big eyed smile?
Who saw happiness and sunlight in all that came?
I cannot remember her, in fact I have never seen her again.

She sits in a mirror young and small, but instead of running she's forced to crawl.
She cries and cries as she runs from the unknown,
I asked her once why she's so afraid and with a sad reply that answer was shown.

There stood a shadow, with blood on his hands,
Then to my horror I fell-I once knew this man.
Until then I realized I had lost my innocence to this game,
I was controlled by the trauma that made me forget my own name.*


Excerpt No. 8
Bibby Sep 2015
And all the "I love you's"he said,

She knew would turn to "I loved you" one day.


931 · Feb 2018
Makeup
Bibby Feb 2018
Paint,
For an already beautiful canvas.
We are not picture perfect, but we are still worth the picture in the end. <3

You are beautiful.
In being human, in being you.
824 · Apr 2017
Endless Sleep
Bibby Apr 2017
Here I am, lying on the floor,

I just can't go on like this no more.

From my wounds I'm crippled and weak,

From my pain I start to weep.

I feel the blood draining out of me,

All I want is for the pain to leave.

Let me sleep and never wake,

Save me from my wretched fate.

I should've known all along,

That this battle can't be won.

I've never been a hero, I am only me,

And that was never good enough to be.

But this suffering I shall not keep,

When I close my eyes for the endless sleep.
818 · Dec 2018
Voices
Bibby Dec 2018
I have two people living within me,
Two shadows, follow me home,
Two voices screaming inside,
I don't know which one to call my own.
765 · Sep 2015
Release
Bibby Sep 2015
Spill* your emotions,

Or

Be prepared to drown in them.


Late night thoughts. Nothing more, nothing less.
757 · Dec 2017
Grave
Bibby Dec 2017
I gave a part of me,
To everybody who needed it.
.
Now I am just a grave they keep digging deeper.*
.
733 · Sep 2015
Devotion
Bibby Sep 2015
"Why do you love me?"

"I know no other way to exist.


Reasons are always simple, but worth so much. <3
733 · Sep 2015
The Tale Of A Dead Man
Bibby Sep 2015
A dead man once told me to open my mind to the pretend "fore soon they become real."
He told me to open my heart to the forgotten "fore they too have an appeal."

Upon the ghostly white face of that dead man, eyes of pure gold,
His white body stood tall and lanky, the touch of dead flesh grew cold.

I opened my mind and began to see clear reality,
My heart opened wide to find those forgotten knew the truth of actuality.

I asked him why he blessed me with this knowledge, wishing me off so well,
He told me how he had not know, causing him to fall to a death more unpleasant than ****.

That somber dead man then fled to his grave,
Just as he vanished he whispered "Be brave."

I pass on this event to tell you all,
Open your mind and heart or soon you too shall fall.*


724 · Jan 2016
Too Late
Bibby Jan 2016
A body filled with nostalgia,
A heart filled with ache,
This is my karma,
For saying "I love you" too late.
711 · Apr 2017
WindSwept
Bibby Apr 2017
I'm too much and not enough,
I'm nothing and I'm everything,
I sleep too little, wake too late,
And I dream too much, want too much, feel too much...
Or nothing at all.
I talk too much and I breathe too fast,
I can't take everything in as quickly as I should,
And I get attacked so fast,
It's like a fury , fresh,  fierce.
I am scarred by the sinews that bind me
And I am scared of
Myself.
697 · Sep 2015
Lamentation
Bibby Sep 2015
Sorrowful mornings,
And lonely nights,
With windows closed,
And turned off lights.

Scarred wrists,
And swollen eyes,
Speaks a story,
With no surprise.

A dismal heart,
Needing its cure,
A lonely sea,
Needing its shore.


After all...we're all rivers searching for our shores . . .
695 · Oct 2015
To be sick...
Bibby Oct 2015
Clonazepam, Lorazepam, Diazepam, Alprazolam, if you've been acquainted with benzodiazepines,
Then you will know the hassle that I hearby mean.
Names so crazy it's like they fit your mind,
Yet without them they can be so unkind.

Clonazepam, Lorazepam, Diazepam, Alprazolam,
Tiny little pills, oh how you can truly and seriously help me to heal!
Yet, you make us happy as we should be without you to feel,
Because I'd rather remember you as an old friend who was there for a while to keep me "still".

Clonazepam Lorazepam, Diazepam, Alprazolam...
I know it's hard to say goodbye,
So for now I'll just say "goodnight",
And maybe one day I'll see without you-
the true happiness of daylight.*


I hate the consistent need to feel "normal" with any medication. It such a pain when you go through deadly withdrawls too. :(
688 · Oct 2015
Reversal
Bibby Oct 2015
"Happiness is wrong,
Sadness is right,
Healing is darkness,
And pain is the light.
To conquer pain is to add more,
On this you can be sure.
Love is hatred and cruel,
No one could ever love you- this world is dull."

If that is so, I would rather be killed saving lives,
Than live in peace within your twisted lies.


Excerpt No. 4
688 · Aug 2015
No Time
Bibby Aug 2015
I knelt to pray, but not for long,
I had much to do.
"Must hurry off and get to work,
For bills would soon be due!",

And so I said a hurried prayer,
Jumped up and off my knees,
My Christian duty now was done,
My soul could be at ease.

All through the day I had no time,
To speak a word of cheer;
No time to speak of the Kingdom to friends,
'They'd laugh at me', I feared.

No time, no time, so much to do,
That was my constant cry.
No time to give to those in need-

At last t'was time to die.

And when before Jehovah I came,
I stood with feeling of strife,
Within his hands he held a book-

It was the Book of Life.

God looked into his book and said:
"Your name I cannot find,
I once was going to write it down,
But never found the time."


Written from the inspiration of Matthew 24:14.
How important it is not to only "practice what you preach" but to take the time to really show your love for God.
Not just because people expected you to do as a true Christian, but because you wholeheartedly want to. <3
679 · Mar 2017
Appreciation
Bibby Mar 2017
The biggest mistake you can ever make is to walk away from the person who stood and waited for you.
To the people in my life who both walked away and to those who stayed-for many years.
676 · Sep 2015
Nevermore, Nevertheless
Bibby Sep 2015
They started with a love letter-

And ended with a suicide note*


671 · Mar 2018
RX Poetry
Bibby Mar 2018
Poetry has always been the medicine for my tired, tormented head,
They tried to numb me away with many tiny pills, but "I'll be okay" I said.
With confusion, I knew none would understand,
What writing does for me, why typing or a pencil was more powerful than any drug induced trance.

When all has frightened me,
From voices, hallucinations, and death,
Writing is my heaven from the monsters who tell me:
"No one cares or loves you, just shut the **** up and go to bed."
My schizophrenia has been a horrible **** for me lately, and so has resurfacing trauma.
But needless, despite all my medications...
The power of writing anything has saved my life more than anything.
657 · Oct 2015
Please Understand...
Bibby Oct 2015
No amount of pills could ever "cure" me and no amount of doctors could truly know my pain,
Why I refuse to look in any mirror and why I sometimes almost go insane.

No therapy could ever make it "disappear" completely, or diagnosis try to "understand" me.

You see, I am not crazy or lost, I am not wanting "attention" or daft,
But I search for all that I've lost-
Freedom and memory, my smile and laugh.


Excerpt No. 5
645 · Sep 2015
Paradeaux
Bibby Sep 2015
Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm asleep or awake,

My dreams are real and reality is fake.

What I think is real might be wrong,

Perhaps I've been deceived all along.

Maybe I'll wake up if this is a dream,

And realize that nothing is how it once seemed.

There are times when I just feel-

Like nothing in my life is real.

Perhaps I'll wake up after I die-

And see that my whole life was a lie.

Maybe not even reality is real,

Sometimes it seems abstract and surreal.

My life is terrible, too awful to be true,

So can it be real? I wish I knew.

This surreal life I can't escape,

What if I'm not even awake?

My whole life could be a dream,

Trapped in my mind, reality unseen.

If my life is a dream, don't wake me yet.

I want to live a life I'll never forget.
Living with dissociation, you begin to wonder...
About the things you have never dared to think of before. Both condemning and relieving.
632 · Nov 2015
Inner Soul
Bibby Nov 2015
Do not bring your light into the dark.
It is not meant to be seen though;
It is meant to be felt through.
621 · Nov 2016
Why?
Bibby Nov 2016
Why am I me? I sometimes ask myself.

Why am I not somebody else?

I could have been anyone, anywhere.

So why am I me, why am I here?

I am who I am, but why?

Will I be someone else after I die?

Why do I look the way I do?

Why am I me and not you?

I am me, but why am I this way?

How come I am alive today?

From all the people I could be

Why am I exactly me?
Personal experience...
589 · Jan 2018
Depression
Bibby Jan 2018
It is truly a devastating thing to know that the sun rises every morning,
Only to wake up each time to see it set.
I am fighting suicidal thoughts daily.
Lately, nothing seems to help.
Not people, friends, professional help, medicines...
Or the relase found in poetry.

I haven't left the house (or even my bed really) for months.
I see no point.

Yet, still I write.
549 · Sep 2015
I Wonder..
Bibby Sep 2015
One loved,
And died for love,
Cause happiness wasn't an option.

Another loved,
And lived for love,
Cause happiness wasn't an option.

Who loved more?
I wonder...*


...
547 · Sep 2015
Flowers
509 · Dec 2018
Altruistic
Bibby Dec 2018
Today, give a stranger one of your smiles,
It might be the only sunshine he sees all day.
501 · Oct 2015
From a lost & blind heart
Bibby Oct 2015
Shattered mind and stolen heart,
What you did was pull me a part.
From all that was and ever will be,
Not only did you govern my life but take my sight to see.
Throwing me back into the world, thinking I would be just another "machine",
I ran far away and found God within.
I now know men can be evil and often do cruel injustice to those blind,
You ask why I do what I do? Maybe because I believe in Freedom of mind.*


Another excerpt from my condemning past...
497 · Oct 2015
.
Bibby Oct 2015
.
From name to name I tried to fit what would please you,
From "Skia" to "Luchesi" to ones like "Paradeaux".
Over and over I tried to find an image that would keep me from pain,
To my misfortune you only used it for personal gain.

I have come to the point of duality,
An awful state of mentality,
Where freedom is lost not just in body,
But mind and life;
To cause sickness, fear,
Frustration, insanity
and ongoing strife.

What is my name? Do I really even know?
Who was I before I became a prisoner of control?
Everyone has grown hatred wanting to call justice,
But you see I understand now-that is why I instead call unto forgiveness.

Never hold onto hatred no matter what you've lost, not even the amount of fear, damage and pain-
Not even when you have lost your very own name.



Mind control suvivor...
<\3
484 · Oct 2017
Woe and Behold
Bibby Oct 2017
Behold the man who terrfies with power,
Behold the man who can **** a king with his glower.
All hail the man who has it all,
All hail the man who cannot fall.

Woe to the man who fears judgement day,
He paces and turns the clock off in fear driven rage.
Woe to the man who hides his pills from the other "eyes",
He sits vengeful at his past, masking it with every lie.
Woe to the man who doesn't sleep at night,
For he regrets selling is soul, he doesn't sleep in fright.
Woe to the men who are evil, for deep down they do not know,
Their sickness has overcome them, they aren't aware they are suffering, barely able to crawl.

Behold the one who sees it all,
It is I, the lowly, the injured, the small.
Behold the one with the love for the wolves when the world does not,
I love what the world only wishes to die and rot.
The evil are not born evil, some this truth is no option,
For many, "Go to ****, you deserve no love, you are just a toxcin."
I have grown to love what you consider "wicked",
Despite my life, I am the victim.
I can only love and forgive, no hatred after all these years,
I still pray for them, behind my bruises, scars and tears.

We could both debate, argue and try to pursuade, but I care too much, I will not lie behind hate.
Perhaps a weakness, call me pathetic,
but I was sent to heal the broken,
Even if it makes me just as sick.

Without a cure, how can we heal?
Without a heaven, there is only ****.

I fear the day when I am free,
I fear the day this chord is broken,
Killing them from me.
What will be left is me the murderer,
Me to mourn their decay;
And what will be left is just a dream, a blurr.
A pain I cannot bare to think it,
I cannot stomach that, not even for a bit.

So, woe and behold,
The evil, the sick,
Whom society and the mind is their virus,
A good soul their antibiotic.
Survivor of SRA/CSA and multiple traumas.
To my abusers, whom I could never find it in my heart to harbour hatred and vengence, for doing so would keep me not only prisoner, but blind.
Despite all the pain they have given me and the freedom, innocence, and stabilty I may never have again, I have learned to love and understand their pain deep inside.
What has made them, them today...
What has destroyed them.
I hated seeing that pain.
I have done everything I could to be what I believed "a cure" for their troubled hearts.
Who knows if what I did found them.

It kills me still that I don't feel "sane" without them, as if I killed them by escaping because at one time they said "we were one".
Yes, I still deal with heavy Stockholm Syndrome, but for me, loving and forgiving is what I will never not do.

As said, no one is born evil,
No one is born with a black heart.
I wished society can understand this,
but there is nothing more I can do.

To all surviors of all trauma large or small, May peace, happiness and freedom forever be with you. <3
465 · Oct 2015
Light In A Windowless World
Bibby Oct 2015
Demons with purity, Angels with Sin,
Benevolence truly shines from within.
Judge those who are not shrouded with darkness,
For they have experienced pain and emptiness.
Open your arms and share with them your light, and one day you may just end their fright.*


462 · Jun 2017
Fat
Bibby Jun 2017
Fat
Fat, fat, fat.
All I see is fat.
I am the "chunkiest", the "chubbiest", the "roundest" and the "**** pig".
I might as well be a rat, the biggest of the big.

Fat, fat, fat,
All I see is fat.
I am "just right", "average", "normal" or "perfect size."
They lie every single time, and ****, just 'like that'.

Fat, fat, fat,
All I see is fat.
I am "too skinny!", "I wish I looked like you", "wow! Size zero jeans?!" and "underweight".
Yet, I refuse to touch this cold, stocked plate.

Fat, fat, fat,
All I see is fat.
I am "awful", "dying", Miss "eat something" and "throne of bones".
Yet, this body will never be my souls rightful home.

Fat, fat, fat.
All I ever will be is fat.
Even in a long gown and stuck to the end of an I.V pole,
With doctors and psychatrists and loved ones crying and begging me to just "recover, please come home!"

I am still fat.


The hospital bed is empty,
My bed is left untouched,
There is a silence as the wearers in black all sob and stare silently at the body in the ground.
Devasted and hushed...

I see them, but can no longer speak.
No longer able to feel, no longer live,
Forced to watch time pass and hearts mourn...
Their days now heartbroken and bleak.

My  best friend doesn't speak, she now sits alone,
My mother sobs every night, family reminded
so often of my presence,
The one who secrelty loved me has loved no more,
Even my pets still wait outside my door.

Those who knew me, only can remember me in the things left behind,
Even the sun itself rarely shines.


Dead, lost, gone.
I am no longer fat,
But I also no longer- belong.
Recovery is worth it. <3
458 · Nov 2018
2AM
Bibby Nov 2018
2AM
All I want to do is cry,
Because all I can think about is wanting to die.
Simple vent.
I hate depression.
I don't know how I am here anymore.
455 · Oct 2015
I Love You
Bibby Oct 2015
Shh, mommy, I have a surprise.
How would you feel if I told you I was dead inside?
How would you feel?
Would it make you cry?
Would you apologize?

Or would you let it slip to the back of your mind?

How would you feel?
How would you feel about the cuts on my thighs?
How would you feel if I 'accidentally' died?

How would you ******* feel?

Would you be able to swallow your pride?
Be able to listen past your stubborn side?
Cause lately, I'm feeling pretty worthless, don't you know?
Oh yeah, that's right... Cause I don't want to worry you- I don't let it show.

How would you feel though?
Would you believe me if I told you so?
Or would you just say I'm "crazy" and forget it all?
I am curious...
If your daughter killed herself, would you miss her at all?*


It really does hurt...
Bibby Aug 2015
Someone, anyone?
Are you out there? Are you near?
I have lost so much and I behold so much fear.

Even though I have found a beautiful hope and I have been shown true love,
There is still so much I fall short of...
...and still doubt thereof.

Have I not forgotten and given up all the bad and all the evil?
Or is there still something within me that intrigues the Devil?
Why is it still so that I mourn and suffer from the fangs and claws of the wolves and the mock of the crows?
Why is it so that I haven’t found my repose?
Wouldst one be freed from the wicked and far from all those whom have opposed?

Please; someone, anyone, please tell me why the "Prophet" and his "Acolyte" still look to attract, take, and keep me for himself?
Please, please, tell me why the false one never gives up, and why he never tires!
Is it because of his endless and conspiring desires?
Or is there something deeper that I have yet to transpire?

Can anyone hear me? Or have I been silenced by this wicked man long enough for those to forget that I am here?
Is anyone out there, can you hear my plea?
Or has he taken them all away from me?
Is there someone out there who still holds the love and sympathy I once known? Or has he deceived them too to leave me on my own?

Whichever it may be, please give me answers, please let me see. I want the truth and not a seducing lie, I no longer want to live crying, I no longer want to fear, all I want is someone to hear.
Not the voice of demons, not the sight of spirits. I don’t want the company of a single man, and I don’t want to live anymore under his commands.  

Please hear me; please understand, he can take away everything with even the slightest motion of his hand.
Dear ones, friends and yes, you! The reader in whom I may never know, please do not mistake a ''shadow show'' for the dances of the angels. I warn you, yes please be smart, that this form of trickery this unlawful act is no beautiful art.

I am a ***** to my fear, and I am imprisoned by things left unsaid, because I was careless and gullible and in time misled.
I wanted something out of greed so I let my heart decide, I let it blind me and let it misguide.
I fell for the wrong person, and I awakened the wrong intentions, and now I know what many speak of “sweet impressions.”

So you see and so you have been told, do not be deceived and do not fall for the unknown, for it will be something worth a large bemoan.
Beware the man who dresses as a Shepard but behind him falls the shadow of a wolf, take caution of he that hides his hands covered in blood.
He is no sheep, and he is no goat, but a ravenous wolf that loves to misquote. This ravenous wolf he will not hesitate to throw you to his pack and the rest of the black ravens, for in looking to find something wondrous and grand, you will find no such relations.

I am guilty and I am regretful for the mark on my hand, which leaves me to believe I will forever be banned. I live in my own mistakes day after day, all just because I wanted to hear what he had to say. The scars and the wounds placed upon me from this tormentor have made me no one special anymore.
The only thing I have known is to find what I need through him, and that is it, for he says: “Where else where there be a place that truly cares for you to fit? I am here and I love you, this is the truth not those whom you have looked to!”

It’s ever so painful, ever so hard to depart from the prophet who stabbed me in my heart.
Why does it hurt so much?
Why do I still bleed at such a thought?

I will be free and I will be happy! Yes I will finally be able to see.

Yet, he knows me and what I want to do, he knows just about everything and what I have been through.
He can read anything and he can see it all, but the one thing he does not want is any wailing call.
He fears he will be defeated and he fears one day I will win, so he will do everything he can to make me fall back down in his arms again.

Someone, anyone?

Oh if you please, won’t you help me?
Help me to be more at ease?
Won’t you show to me the light and not that of the dark?
Will you help me to be freed from him and make him depart?

Please oh please, I will not forget you, I promise to do the same, the same that you do. By this promise I swear that I can repay you with good things, ones filled with benefit, love and blessings!

I can teach to you what I know, and I will help you to understand, all because you were there for me to help me take a stand.
I just need to know that there is someone out there, other than the "Prophet" with unreasonable care.


Much pain and much sorrow, there is no "better tomorrow."
For the apostate has captured me and never intends to let me go,
That this is the ''only way possible'' that I can ever know.

This story is true, as true as can be,
Hopefully by then, will it help you to see.
That this world is not friendly and not many can be trusted,
For the circumstances I guarantee, will make you exhausted.

But fear not that I have lost and will wish for any kind of end,
I still hold and progress to make a strong and powerful spiritual mend.
I will hold steady to the only Faith that I know, to learn from experience- to develop and grow.

And may soon the time come when troubles are no more, and the Wolf and the False Prophets be forever done for."

---------
An old poem, but one that means, is, and still so much to me. Personal and however you see it, the story is mine, but that is for your to find out the truth yourself.
440 · Aug 2015
||The Book of Kakarou||Time
Bibby Aug 2015
Times an illusion,
We think it can not be controlled-but we thought wrong.
The Devils intrusion, has blinded us from the truth that-
lies in this song.
There is a link connecting us; time stands still then turns to dust.
When the truths placed in its stone, and this song is played,
Time is His to own, it shall obey.

Times an illusion,
We think it can not be controlled-but we are wrong.
The Devils intrusion, has blinded us from the truth that-
lies in this song.
Present, past, and future change, hear the prayer from all our days.
So you must never give in, what ever the cost.
If you let him win-then time is lost.

-The Book of Kakarou


An excerpt from my book "The Book of Kakarou".
432 · Oct 2015
Falling Apart
Bibby Oct 2015
Threw my pills across the floor and my blades against the wall,
Screamed until the voices stopped, cried until I was sick-does anyone care at all?
Vomited until I was sore, destroyed mirrors until glass was on the floor,
I fell to insanity leaving reality for a while until I came back realizing I was shattered form the core.*


Excerpt No. 9
421 · Oct 2015
I now understand
Bibby Oct 2015
My freedom was taken from me, and I'll never get it back,
Can't you see the happiness that I lack?
You've made me insane, to the point of scars and wishing for death,
I am miserable and helpless, I have nothing left.
I would ask you "why?" but now I understand,
You too are trapped and a suffering man.
Excerpt No. 10
415 · Oct 2015
Suicidal
Bibby Oct 2015
All my life I've been known as "Crazed",
My life is falling a part and I feel dazed.
I cover up my face with a smile as a mask,
To cover up my pain so I won't be asked.

I've been told to try and find some help,
But with none all I can do is cry and yelp.
Day by day I feel like I am fading,
Whether or not I should keep fighting-
I am still debating.*


...
402 · Sep 2017
Scars
Bibby Sep 2017
Left over from the fear and pain, now the results across and all over my arms,
Oh, how on days that are the coldest, these scars have kept me warm.

Lines and lines of everything left unsaid,
From the deepest of emotions in turmoil, to the tears that soaked my bed.
A single blade to help me speak, to help me fight with insanity,
Who is it again now, that I am trying to free?

Maybe one day I won't have so many,
So many I cannot count,
Whoever is looking back in the mirror, is not me in a single doubt.
):
Relapsed.
400 · Dec 2017
Stay Strong
Bibby Dec 2017
There will come a day I know it,
When you'll love yourself as I love you,
And you won't view your scars as ****,
But a tally of times you made it through.
.
.
.

I love you's.
390 · May 2016
Reality
Bibby May 2016
It's a dangerous world that we live in,
But a dangerous world we create,
Where the wrong are too often forgiven,
And the right are convicted of hate.
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