Why, how, what?
Are the things I asked,
As my tears,
Fell against the cold, clear glass.
I don't want to hear it,
Make it go away,
They're lying grandmother,
This news can't possibly be true,
Believe me, I prayed.
Now here we are,
"I promise I will be fine!"
Little do you know Grandmother,
Your battles are now mine.
We found out my grandmother's cancer has just come back again and she has just started treatment and it's killing me having to see her go through it.
3-4 Years ago when she first had it, I wasn't made aware what was going on so I wasn't as present and didn't understand fully...
Now that I do, it is one of the most painful things I am going through.
I can't eat, sleep, think, focus and I am doing EVERYTHING that I can for her. Anything to be both a caregiver and a support as her granddaughter.
Yet, deep down I can't cope. It's an agony I wouldn't wish on anyone.
I am angry at everyone, yet at the same time I don't want to be alone, but I don't want to bother anyone. I feel terrible.
I don't know what to do...
But against all the dark thoughts I am fighting, she is the main reason I am staying strong.
I have been told that I am as much of her best "medicine" as she is for me, and that very idea alone, is what is keeping me here.
Other than that, I am lost.