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Mar 11 · 285
confused
Amber Mar 11
you warm up my heart
like sunshine in the cold
you look at me and oh;
I want to love you so

there goes my heartbreak
running after me
you pulled me in
and said I would be free

when I cry
all day and night
until dawn breaks and night falls
until the stars light up the dark sky
you will be there
you will be there for me

pulling me into your warm embrace
warming up my ice cold fingertips
and kissing your soft lips seemed like the sweetest thing
everything seem to stop at that moment
as if the whole universe froze and gave us time for more—
for more—   time
for      me
to pick up the courage
to say to you
I love you
Feb 18 · 203
fragments
Amber Feb 18
don’t crush his heart just because you want his pieces to fit into yours
Feb 12 · 101
torment.
Amber Feb 12
a lasting portrait that sways in your head
like the pendulum in a clock swinging every second
it was tormenting you
and— i lingered     still.
even though i’ve long left
it seems like my heart was still there
my mind trying to cut off strings of attachments
my heart clung onto

both of us saw each other at the corner of our eyes         again.
yet we look down and walk away
not even giving a smile but a “bye”
you didn’t know your feelings
and up till now u still don’t
but i did.    
—from the very start i knew.
but yet knowing you, like i knew myself
i still expected a nicely wrapped gift
when u had let me down.

from another perspective/ replying to @childofgodyay (carelessly)
Feb 8 · 102
imperfect
Amber Feb 8
tears like sleeping pills for the sleep
slashes for stress relief
thoughts for scaring oneself
broken keys and pitches
for the melodies one can’t sing
broken mirrors
and—
i hate me
Feb 8 · 174
:(
Amber Feb 8
:(
tears     just won’t fall
fALL pLeAsE
or— I will
be the one fAlliNg aPArT
Jan 16 · 70
back in time
Amber Jan 16
when we were young we all wanted to grow up
but now that we are all grown up we want to go back to when we were young

when we were a child we were carefree, naive and playful with much time to spare
now that we are all grown up we are trapped in our own cells throwing the keys out
time slipping through our hands
as if we are trying to hold water with our bare hands
no matter how hard u try to keep it the more it goes away
and all we wanted when we were young was to grow up?
Jan 12 · 70
remember to forget
Amber Jan 12
i can’t seem to forget your face
the way u smiled at me
the way u speak to me
your voice i yearned to hear
the way u looked at me as i gazed
how u played with my hair carelessly
and rested on my shoulders
and how your back look when u walked away and left me
Dec 2018 · 59
hold on
Amber Dec 2018
im glad u didnt give me anything
because now that u left
i have nothing of u to hold on to

Dec 2018 · 99
fragments of each other
Amber Dec 2018
they were both broken
with many fragments to pick
some couldn’t be placed back
but her pieces could fit into his
they slowly assembled back the puzzle
and they were as a whole
no longer broken
however soon they left each other
with broken parts of each other
that will stay with them forever

Dec 2018 · 84
goodbye
Amber Dec 2018
lifes that once intertwined together
two persons mess that tangled as one
however the strings seemed to loosen and untangle
the knot that held them together untied
soon enough they distanced and let go

Dec 2018 · 84
promise me?
Amber Dec 2018
don’t forget me
ask me how i am every now and then
think of me sometimes
and miss me
u won’t forget me, will u?
i know i’m nothing to u anymore
but won’t u still
think of the things we did before
and smile?
sorry for still clinging on.
Dec 2018 · 72
not yours to read
Amber Dec 2018
this diary isn’t for you to read anymore
so stop trying to pry it open
its locked,
and there’s a key for a reason.
stop acting like you know me
the truth is, you don’t.  
i could write down things about myself
and you could read them
but what about those that i don’t write
you don’t know me,
so don’t think you do.
i’m not an open book like you think i am
some chapters are meant to be kept hidden
and i don’t want you reading them.

i will be quite inactive (already am) sorryy its just that i don’t write poems as much now :(
Amber Nov 2018
a treasure chest filled with gold.
is that all we need?
we go through so much just to get that money?
instead of wasting time finding that treasure,
why not find a hobby
or spend time with your loved ones,
feel love and happiness.
money will never satisfy us.
Nov 2018 · 211
love yourself
Amber Nov 2018
you shouldn’t get use to being hurt.
you shouldn’t feel emotionless.

i want you to enjoy your life, treasure it.
add colours to it if it was monochrome.

don’t feel lonely,
many people are here for you.
don’t feel afraid in the dark when you can’t see,
someone will be your light to guide you out.
and a helping hand would help.

try to be positive,
work towards it slowly,
you don’t have to rush.
just know if you are making progress,
it is good enough.

you shouldn’t think that you aren’t enough because this society will never be satisfied
no matter what,
society demands will never be met because no one is perfect.

so be happy with who u are, love yourself.
a certain someone will always love you.
it may be your parents or someone special.

be truly happy and enjoy your life don’t take it away from yourself.
this isn’t really a poem...? hmm idk but its okay haha. sorry if its a little messy... i hope all of u are doing fine and please never hurt yourself alright treasure yourself okay self love weee
Nov 2018 · 324
not alone (him)
Amber Nov 2018
u say to share my burden with u
but why don’t u do that too
u are troubled, living in fear
why don’t u tell me
i see it in your eye every time u talk to me
it says help me
please i want to help u too
don’t always say that nothing happened
don’t contradict yourself
if i were to share my burden with u, u are to share yours with me
because we are together as one
and not alone
u shouldn’t just care about others
start thinking for yourself
and please take care of yourself
don’t hurt yourself
u know that i love u right?
u don’t want me to get sad right?
so tell me everything i will be here for u
there’s a her version do check it out too
Nov 2018 · 244
not alone (her)
Amber Nov 2018
i see that u are tired
u seem troubled
u had ur own things to worry about
yet i add on more
u could carry the weight
that is what u always say
but one day u will break down too
it’s too heavy
and u can’t carry it by yourself
u will finally see that i am here
here for u
so pass me ur worries
give them to me
i will share ur burden
so don’t be
afraid to think u will drag me down
i will help u
suffering alone is painful
u shouldn’t
so i will be here for u
there’s a him version do check it out too
Nov 2018 · 338
dream
Amber Nov 2018
fairytales don’t exist in reality
so do happy endings
Nov 2018 · 187
smile :)
Amber Nov 2018
he was always smiling
but the sadness behind the smile wasn’t seen
Nov 2018 · 542
sunshine
Amber Nov 2018
i will be your rainbow after the storm
Oct 2018 · 142
undo
Amber Oct 2018
deleted contacts
deleted messages,photos
and everything i could physically
but mentally i couldn’t delete u
but u mean nothing to me now
memories still stay though sigh
Oct 2018 · 410
i'm sorry...
Amber Oct 2018
u were the one that hurt me
but i said sorry
Oct 2018 · 130
teary eyes
Amber Oct 2018
looking up so that the tears don’t drip down
Oct 2018 · 96
happy for u
Amber Oct 2018
i just want u to be happy
and if letting u free means that
i wouldn’t hold on anymore
i would let u go
but i don’t want u to leave
Oct 2018 · 532
bottoms up
Amber Oct 2018
lets get drunk and drown all our worries
i want to forget everything
i don’t want to be sober,
i don’t want to see the reality
i’d rather live in a state of mind that i want to be
u were my drugs that made me happy
u got me addicted to u
and it’s hard to quit
but i should just let go
because it’s all over.
Oct 2018 · 360
later became never
Amber Oct 2018
words u said became lies
hopes u gave became disappointment
comfort u gave became cold
happiness u gave became temporary
sadness u gave were permanent.
Oct 2018 · 177
to “a friend”
Amber Oct 2018
don’t bury your emotions deep down to a place u can no longer find it.
don’t just ignore them
don’t distract yourself away from them.

u know i loved u and it hurts me seeing u like that.
please take care of yourself, im already no longer with u.
no longer being able to share the burden with u.

when u told me u had a mental breakdown, i... i was sad.
even though i’ve already let go of u, i will still care for u.
so don’t make me worry please because now im no longer with u.
i don’t know what’s happening to u, and yes i know i’ve loved u.
but i will always be with u
well hopefully “u” stay strong. sigh
Oct 2018 · 287
her
Amber Oct 2018
her
the cold wind was blowing against me
it was cold
my body was ice
his fingertips running across it
as if he was melting the coldness of my body
and my body became warmer
he wrapped me in a blanket and in his embrace
he didn’t want me to get sick
i could take care of myself
i... can
if one day he wasn’t around...
i would... still survive
i could.
but i didn’t want him to even go
don’t let go of me
stay here and love me.
this is the her version there’s a him version already posted weee
Oct 2018 · 273
him
Amber Oct 2018
him
her body, it was cold to the touch.
my warm fingertips ran across it tracing every inch of her.
she was cold. i pulled the blanket and wrapped it around her.
pulling her into my warm embrace.
i don’t want u to get sick my dear.
please take care of yourself.
i wonder how u would be like if i wasn’t around
wasn’t here for u
to take care of u
u were like a little child that i had to care for
a child of my own
but i love u
ur silky hair that falls on ur shoulder
that smile of urs
even though it hides the fear
i will still love u even if u don’t love urself
i will love every inch of u
this is the erm him version there’s a her version too
Oct 2018 · 323
Precious garden
Amber Oct 2018
As i first saw the beauty, i walked in. The garden flowers so fresh everything seems nice but the horror lays within, i sighed.

Oh the peacefulness as i strolled slow paced, not needing to look back but once i do i’m never coming back.

What happened, why is time passing away so fast, like we are running through a never ending garden filled with thorns.

Scraped my knee as i fell and i screamed for this to stop. Help me, please save me from this maze i can’t seem to figure out this place.  Guide me out or give me a map, i want to come out from this mess.

please...

The rain pours down, i laid on the ground. No one there for me in this lonely town i cried... But no one seems to hear me, i cried... Someone please help me.
Oct 2018 · 160
792671
Amber Oct 2018
waiting aimlessly for a text
a text from you...
i guess you are tired of me
ignoring me
not talking to me
looks like you have given up on me
always having to put up with me
are you unhappy?
please tell me
don’t just leave me
giving me high hopes
then bringing me down
you know that i love you right?
or maybe you are doubting that
but please don’t leave me
i need you
i want you
and i... love you
sigh i love you pls stop doing dis to me
Amber Oct 2018
wishing the one i was hugging
was you
wishing the one i rested my head against on
was you
the one that held my hand
the one that fingers ran across my hair
the one that held up my head
and kissed...
it was you
sorry it wasn’t*
it was all my imagination
but i wished it was
sadly wishes don’t come true
but i loved u
Sep 2018 · 182
sweets
Amber Sep 2018
eating chocolates
trying to be happy
telling myself
that there are
many fishes in the sea
u are not the only one i need
there are many others that can be
the one that helped me like u did
the one that cared for me when no one else did
the one that loved me like u did
Sep 2018 · 333
loved
Amber Sep 2018
if one day u ever leave me, know that u will always be in my heart.

i won’t forget u like other people do.  i wouldn’t delete the messages and memories we made. pictures we took that once captured happy moments which fade.

u made me happy when i was at my lowest. u fixed the broken pieces.

it was shattered glass but u picked it up with ur bare hands, not being afraid u would be scarred.

thanks for helping me up
thanks for not giving up
thanks for thinking that there was still hope for us

i loved you.
Sep 2018 · 665
you
Amber Sep 2018
you
saw u walking with that other girl
smiling so happily
i think its jealousy
so don’t mind me
u talk to her
every single day
yet u throw excuses at me
maybe it’s not just jealousy
its just u
not making ur priorities
Sep 2018 · 126
waiting...
Amber Sep 2018
walking down the dark corridors
turning behind every few seconds
scared of what was going to be behind
fear that i go through while waiting
sitting alone in the classroom
dull dimly lit
seemed so eerie
the four walls of the classroom
that seemed to cave in
u have no idea
blasting music in my ears
hoping i won’t hear anything
any whispers
closing my eyes
hoping i won’t see anything
any shadows
hoping that u would come quickly
and keep me company
laying my head on the table
eyes closes
earpiece on
but every single small noise i hear
i awake
feeling scared
or hoping it was u at least...
Sep 2018 · 502
i am sorry
Amber Sep 2018
i am just the worst person you could have met
one moment im kind to you
another i talk behind your back
lie to you
be mean to you
im fake
and i know that
yet u don’t
your kind innocent pure soul
YOU think that i am..well good at least
and i don’t want to make you feel upset
but i did eventually
you should start realising that i am bad
i am no good
and you should not talk to me
even if i treated you like the worst
you still continued talking to me
i am the worst
please you don’t deserve to be treated like that
by me.
Sep 2018 · 86
lonely
Amber Sep 2018
the warmth that once filled this empty heart
this lonely soul
the laughters that filled the air
covering the voices in my head
the happiness that i once had
broke to sadness
trying to make things like they were before
but once its broken
u can’t fix it back
like the glass window that shattered to pieces
it could be replaced with a new one
my heart that shattered couldn’t be.
a little cliche? maybe
Sep 2018 · 143
“dream”
Amber Sep 2018
living in this lie
even when i know the truth
i don’t want to wake up
to... this reality
keep me in this dream
no... nightmare
i don’t care
even if it was to live in this nightmare i am already living in
i don’t want to wake up
to more...
erm i don’t know what to write after that so to be continued?
Sep 2018 · 218
happiness
Amber Sep 2018
Everyone have their own problems
but they seem so happy...

is happiness fake?

feels torturing to smile
feels like a burden to live
to cut a smile on my face
something’s wrong with me
with this fainted heart
it’s... so...
confusing
what is wrong with me?
my frail heart can’t carry this weight
just... wait...
for me
i... will be there soon.
a poem written by Joshua and I :D
Aug 2018 · 246
time proved so much to me
Amber Aug 2018
if only i was my old self
i didn’t need to worry much
just had homeworks and tests
thats all
the new me
the changed me
the messed up me
that now knows everything
loneliness
fear
trauma
and everything else
that changed the light into darkness
changed the happy me
the pure innocent me
the old me..
that was carefree
:/
Aug 2018 · 230
i thought...
Amber Aug 2018
i never felt so useless in my life
u suffered all by yourself
i thought i could help u
but when u said
i couldn’t carry your problems
and even said yourself would burden me
u didn’t have anyone
physically
u said u cast your problems to God
but u need someone don’t u
however u often think
u are a burden to people
then how about myself
i told u my problems
yet u quietly helped me
n suffered yourself without telling me
all these time
i thought that i could
help u
but when u said i couldn’t
i... i couldn’t take it..
u could take my problems
so why can’t i do it for u
Aug 2018 · 84
left
Amber Aug 2018
i didn’t know i meant so little to u
when u said that u didn’t care
if we ever talked anymore
u crushed my heart to million pieces
i thought... i... at least i.. meant something to u?
well u did to me
were all those u said to me
lies?
i can’t believe i’d ever trust u
i can’t believe that i’d ever thought u were the one
months and months
of crying
thinking that it was true love
but now i snapped out of it
and i guess it wasn’t
Aug 2018 · 418
us
Amber Aug 2018
us
there is no us anymore
i wish i could go back to the times
that us existed
but without u
us won’t exist
and without me
us will be broken
trust
heart
all smashed to million pieces
broken
picking up those pieces
stitching them back
to the right places
hoping that they won’t leave a scar
hoping that it would look the same
hoping that u would come back
Amber Aug 2018
only the first few pages
scribbled with thoughts
it was five years ago
yet u only wrote that much
but through those
i already saw
what went on
im sorry i didn’t see that earlier
im sorry for not noticing
i thought u didn’t know me
yet i was wrong
i didn’t know u
u were suffering so much
yet keeping quiet the whole time
why didn’t u tell me anything
not even one thing u told me
u should have let me know earlier
u should have told me something
now its too late
i can’t do anything
i teared up after seeing what u wrote
im sorry for not noticing what was going on
sorry
Aug 2018 · 169
hello “friends”
Amber Aug 2018
are my only friends
the shadows around me
they seem to follow me everywhere
and accompany me
like a friend would
are u my friend?
come and take my hand
bring me into your world
we shall disappear
Aug 2018 · 1.9k
tears
Amber Aug 2018
teardrops
rolling down
my face
saying its the last time
that i would cry
but no
every time it gets me
though the least i’d cry
it hits me
the tears still drip by
it hurts me
i think i would give up
cause no one
was
there
to stay by my side
it hurts:)
Jul 2018 · 238
tears
Amber Jul 2018
tears dry
and vanish
while the pain
and feelings
stay
:)
Jul 2018 · 148
self-esteem
Amber Jul 2018
as the light keys
of the piano
drift smoothly
and swiftly
across my fingers
i played
as the melody sings
the piano keys
seemed heavier by the second
as i played softer and softer
the voice became louder and louder
the melody disrupted
Jul 2018 · 89
hush
Amber Jul 2018
stop torturing him please
it hurts me to know that
he is suffering
the voices
in his head
please just quieten down
and never echo back again
just let him have his peace
and a normal life
stop making him feel that he is the worse
when he is not
he feels like a failure
when he is not
he is so much more
so stop telling him
that he is not
when are you ever going to stop hurting him
please hush
well i hope that he is alright (my friend). i really wish that the voices can go away. but it isnt that easy :/
Amber Jul 2018
what about all the plans
in the future
we already talked about
what to do next
but how can there be
even tomorrow
when us
don’t exist anymore
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