I deliberate.
I contemplate.
I procrastinate.

Then I write in ink...

In the hopes
of capturing
all that swims unruly
and speaks in runes.

I watched...
As the moon revolves
round its stunted orbit.

I mourned...
As the stars left
and disappeared into nothingness.

I felt...
As the earth betrayed
and swayed my balance.

I cried...
As the sun still rose
- unfazed and careless.

Paintbrushes ready by your side.
Canvas, put up, ready to be painted,
It's hands placed on it's side.
Hands ready, framing the canvas, putting "everything" in place.
Ocean blue skies stretched across.
Floating tears drifting in the skies.
Paintbrushes trees sat by the side.
Shifting waters busking in the sun's light.
A humble quiet house, would be nice.
With a garden at the side.
Birds in the air, horses down below.
All creatures painted into the canvas.
My family, stood by the house.
Hands on shoulders.
Something was missing....
Where is God?
Is God amiss the trees?
Is God drying up the tears in the sky?
Where is he.
Maybe he is simply, right there, by my side....

Hands held high.
Jumping up and down.
Bowing down with fear to deny.
Problems out of focus.
Love in focus.
God in focus.
Prayers lifted high.
Praises lifted high.
Scars filled with love and care.
Tears dried up.
Tears welled up.
Wonderful God.
Loving God.
Forgiving God.
My Father.
God.

the little things
that they do and say
come and stay
in their place.

Broken hearts.
Lost ones in the dark.
A cage for a mouth.
The voice inside refused to come out.
Locking of hands.
Tightening of chest.
Hoping to be alive.
Trying to survive.
My father.
Sorry for letting you down.
For putting the scroll down.
For missing the crown.
Forgive me.
I pray.
Your presence, I crave.

Suddenly the words of the songs came to me.
Not like a piercing sword but like a soft hand slowly hugging onto me, tightly.
Holding to my heart.
You brought me down.
So that I could look up.
There is going to be darkness.
But more light is coming.
I just have to persevere.
Endure.
A Child Of God.
Oh how precious are those words to me now!
I am a Child of God.
I repeat.
Thinking....how?
But that is who you are.
Love.
You love me.
And I don't have to question that.
Surrounded by your loving hands even when I couldn't see it.
I want to believe it.
Please.
I don't want to fear anymore.
I have a desire, LORD.
To no longer be a slave to fear.
Because you are here
with me.

Shuffling of feet.
Shuffling of ants.
Waving of hands.
Swaying of leaves, not planned.
Blinking of stars.
Blinking of eyes.
Walking of feet.
Walking of the wind.
The feet of the young beside the old.
The feet of youngones beside the feets of their guardians so that they won't be cold. Inside or out.
My hands on your shoulder.
Your hands on mine.
Sunset painting my face and yours.
Together marveling at the marvelous course of birds in the sky.
The music of this world.
Brilliant.
Corrupted.
Perfect.
Broken.
The Orchestra is here.
They are near.
You.

And the thing was
I was falling so hard for you
I had jumped off the cliff
Hoping you would catch me
At the bottom

I wore
Your necklace of hickeys
Around my neck

But once I saw the ground
And realized you weren't there
The necklace turned into a noose
And tightened right before
I hit the ground

My last thought was
How relieved I was you caught me
Even if if wasn't in the way
I wanted