I have fresco chips
Stuck under my nails
I think I like it
The green pigment sinks
Through
Into my blood stream
It circulates through my body
Into my mind
I cannot stop thinking
Remembering
The feel of your texture
The humor in your tongue
A man
Whose laugh
Haunts me
Plays with words
Jabs my heart
And then smiles
So crooked
So twisted
I should run
I should hide
But I cannot venture
You are squeezing
My heart
Blood squirts
Out between your fingers
You say you don’t want me
You say that I am not needed
But you don’t let me go
You cover it in plaster
Unfinished
You put it away
Dust covers it
Maggots eat at it
I move on
I walk on
Trying to smile
Trying to breath
Denying
That I am empty
Hollow
Shallow
Waiting for you
To walk through
The door
Grab me
Hug me
Love me

My insides
Are shaking
Doomsday
Freedom day
Fools day
Is approaching
I have to jump
I have to leap
Insanity
Obesity
Depression
Is nipping at my toes
Half of me
Says this is wrong
Wait, wait
Time is not right
Not correct
But
I must believe
I must strengthen
I make time
I create opportunity
Even though
I know
My world
Is folded
My timeline
Twisted and turned
Tweaked
Into obtuse, acute, and right
Triangles
I try to
Move them
Around
Shape them around
Blow them out
Feel them up
And see
If
I can get
A little more space
A little more freedom
Play the game
Ignore the game
Wink hard
Skip long
Try to focus
Focus
And not get board
But
Hold my feelings
Keep them cool
Like ice cubes
But not
Too cool
Not too
Distant
Listen
To those
I know
Who came before
Walked so crooked
Trying to make it straight
Perfect
Everything is perfect
Everything is fine
Not looking behind
Never behind
Feel my breath
Going to fast
Feel my heart beating
To fast
Quick
Happy thought
Happy thought
The ogre has no effect
No thought
No moment
In my heart
My body
It is gone
Wiped clean
With the pain
Hold on
To my imaginary dream
So twisted
Into the pain
Try to separate
Compartmentalize
Ignore
The entanglement
Just to survive
Live one more day
Ignore
The jokes
Mental pain
Rise above
Survive above
Do not die
Do not go down
Not like that
Never like that
All the confusion
Obsession
Of who I am
What I am
I don’t know
I don’t understand
The fascination
With my destruction
My frustration
With the manipulation of my life
The unknown
Target
Of my life
Such an easy
Simple
Target
Of my life
I’ve always known
Who I am
A simple, strong, dark, bright,
Woman

I like tension
Tension that is so thick
You cannot breath
It surrounds you like
The humidity
Deep in the air
Wrapping your body
Swallowing your lungs
It wants to be you
It wants to be with you
How can you breath?
When the tension surrounds you
Envelops you
It slides down
Your hair follicles
Encasing you
Hugging you
Kissing every inch of you
Who needs air
With tension
It stops the time
It sends the minutes away
It makes eternity possible
Everything else
Goes away
The only thing left
Are the tiny ******;
Teases
Of tension
On your flesh