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2.1k · Nov 2010
Amanda Mary Rose Nov 2010
There is a place
So marvelous
That with a press of a few buttons
You can get what you desire

Many different people
With many different wants
Can all congregate
In this special place

All you have to do
Is know what it wants

Just give it what it wants
As you leave you find yourself with a greeting
Have a Good day

At all hours of the day
Glimmering with hope

Calling out to lonely wanderers
Looking to

The shiny silver candy bar
Snuggled amongst the chips

It's the little junkfood that counts
2.1k · Apr 2010
Amanda Mary Rose Apr 2010
Cleans the filth off a persons hair
Off their Bodies
From their hands
Cleans the swears from your mouth

A bitter recognizable sent
The scent of early morning
Clean Fresh New

With this my senses burn
Like these past few years are being wiped clean
All of a sudden I feel fresh
From the scathing hot water
The endless scrubbing
Of my raw flesh

Now no one can see my mess
They cannot tell where I have been
A fresh start
The one I have been hunting for for ages
There are still some scars left to explain
But with time those fade as well

I have found peace with myself

He is my soap
I'll never forget that smell
1.6k · Apr 2010
Amanda Mary Rose Apr 2010
looking for the door
the lever to push
the ropes to pull
open sesame
we are still here
until we choose to think our way out of the box
out of this box
here we will remain
in this
a entry
Amanda Mary Rose Mar 2010
Here is your minimum wage occupation
You will be serving ****** coffee
Cold pizza and Vitamin waters
To hurried college students with everything on their minds

There you are
Everyday festive
Today you glimmer like thousands of little flickering bulbs

Wake up
Grab your Christmas hat
Put on your coat
Get to work

Why do you love so much?
When everyone else with
So many reasons for joy just shrug it off?

Keep dressing up
Keep smiling

You may not notice
But everyday you bring me cheer
As you rearrange the sandwiches

You are hope.
oh college food
1.4k · Mar 2010
This is What I Want
Amanda Mary Rose Mar 2010
This is what I want
A little house with an a frame top
And giant colored strands of lights in every window
With a huge tree , too big most definitely for the room
And a ridiculous mixture of old and new just covering the walls

I want wallpaper
Peeling from the walls
As though it almost hurts it to remain stuck on so hard
And I want it so be intricately ugly and old an’ discolored
In a cozy way

I want to live on a street of little houses
With potluck suppers
Small gardens that are improperly tended
Maybe with some oregano spread throughout

I want a little cozy life
With a tall cozy boy
We can pick our oregano and our turnips
Cook us a stew
Peel the onions
Like the wallpaper from our little walls

I want a Polaroid camera
So I can take instant pictures that I cannot regret
That I can keep in a tin beneath my bed
Forever they will stay etched

I want to ride trains everywhere
Sitting in my seat
Glaring out at the window at the little houses
With A-frame tops
Yellowing lights
Covered in that glinting snow

Today the snowflakes looked like real flakes
Like the ones you cut out of paper
And hang on the wall of your dorm
To cover up the stains and cracks
In the yellowing paint
As is peels from the wall
Like my dream wallpaper

The wind in Buffalo makes me cry
From my right eye
My wrong one just sits and wonders
“What makes the right one so weak?
It is just a little storm,
Why can’t the right ones just hang in there?
Without drowning us in their sorrows…
one of my favorites
1.2k · Apr 2010
Amanda Mary Rose Apr 2010
Thou Shalt Not
From Where You Are
Scooping Low
To His Ankles With Elastic
Cold 'nd Sweet
Back Into Bed
Pink Hands Palms Up

Daughter, School Teacher
In His Dream
Smiling and Knitting
Weeping Like a Funeral
Deep in the Backyard

Walks Fourteen Miles to Deliver the Post
Raw as an Onion
But Kissed Her Never Again
My favorite lines the Voice and Speech class at Boston Conservatory  =]
1.2k · Mar 2010
Amanda Mary Rose Mar 2010
Would like this poem
Its short and clean and simple
Nothing frilly or bright or extravagant

Is the reason for so many smiles

Protects me like a taco on a cold hard floor

Encourages me and eats pasta with me

Judges tattoos, analyzes photographs, listens to my qualms

Shows me skateboarding

Is wonderful

Is taken

Have no idea what to do.
I'm over

still like the poem though.
1.2k · Mar 2010
I am Ravishing
Amanda Mary Rose Mar 2010
I am ravishing/ I’m awkward
I am desired/ I usually do the desiring
I’m pretty wonderful/ Some would say I am damaged goods
What else could you want in a female human?/ Not all you could want in a female human

Let’s be honest/ Let’s be honest
I am trim with some curves/I am not in stellar shape
I have freckled green eyes/I have wild eyebrows
Thick soft hair/Short-cropped hair
I’ve heard I smell great/Often I reek of the pool
Like a rich thick bouquet of flowers and soft earth/Like chlorine and hot damp air

I don't have a horrible sense of style/ I rarely ever match
I recycle/I have a messy dorm
I have a great sense of humor/I can be too loud
And will willingly watch any guy movie at least once/And I’m hooked on musicals
Quoting along the way/Quoting is a ridiculous habit of mine

I love to curse/ I can be crass
I don’t mind smoking, drinking, /I drink a lot and like that
All for typical male insanity/Sometimes I am a ****-joy

I’m warm/ I get too hot
Usually soft/My skin is really dry
And I care/ And I care
A lot/A lot
I care a lot/I care too much

About everything/About everything
Your grade in chemistry/Us

Ill tutor you,/ Ill tutor you
Console you/ Hang around
Advise you/ Pry into your life
Hold you/Even if you are against it
Comfort you/Pry into your life

So why/This is why
overwhelming amount of contradictions
Amanda Mary Rose Feb 2014
Oh what a shock, he changed his mind.

In a conversation dripping with sarcasm and oozing distain, I begin to tell my coworker about my big news. I begin with the transition with *remember that guy I used to talk about
. For months now we had been hashing this situation out at work, the unanswered text messages, the constant apologies, the sudden disappearance of what was seemingly the perfect guy. Everyone had heard the story, it just glided off my tongue whenever the conversation came to relationships, which at 22 is the topic of choice. By now everyone is either so stable or in some varying level of turmoil which makes my story not all that unique. It’s a classic girl gets drunk in costume, falls for a tall guy who listens to records, then spirals into self-doubt and bouts of frustration.

So how did this happen, the coworker asks with a laugh as we drive back. He knows the story up until this point and cannot wait to hear how I managed to get to this level. It started just as it had begun, a full circle of drunkenness. I had texted him after an open bar, and to this day I don't really know what I was expecting to come of it. After a casual opening conversation, the first that we’ve had in many months, not counting our stream of snapchats, I tell him we should hang out soon. When I saw that he was pretty drunk.ish. drunkish, I knew that we could have the first real conversation in a long time. We discuss his unavailable nature casually and he identifies as not being worth all the fuss.

Of course he is not worth all the fuss, I had been telling myself that since the beginning. Of course I had been fussing all the while but at least I was aware that it was not necessary. This is where all those craft beers stepped in and I agreed with him. Yep I told a guy that he wasn’t worth effort. To make it even clarified that due to a lack of variety, he was just the best out of many bad possibilities.

I deserved to see him reply with a single, punched in the ball style, ouch. Being the strong independent black woman I pretend to be I once again hit him with a one-two punch of truth. Oh please, as I electronically roll my eyes, you know I am interested in you. I tell him that he confuses me and that we could figure things out. I hear the classic line that I have now heard from many more guys than I am happy to admit, blame it on my need to hunt down every damaged travel ****** in the western New York area: I’m going to be nowhere near here in a few months.

They never are, this one is bicoastal but the last few are across an ocean, across the world, a verbal cultural and emotional divide away. To follow up he hits me with possibly the worst thing you can say to a girl, in my very extensive history of turn downs at least: I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings.

*****, please. You are talking to a psych major here, I know more about feelings that your barefoot running lack of *** could even imagine. Saying that would require that I have feelings in the first place is just the tip of the ******* iceberg. I am on lock with being in charge of my emotions. I am a grown *** woman who knows my **** and has healthy *** cognitions most of the time leading to stable *** feelings. Don't get me wrong I feel but no vegetarian is going to reduce me to a puddle of disgusting feelings.

So what are you looking for? The same thing I was looking for four months ago, a friend, a fellow explorer, maybe some physical contact, someone to confide in, worry about, cook for. Nothing big, nothing serious, nothing forever. ohh

Sorry bud, ohh is just not going to cut it here. Now’s the time to check back in with what he wants. As a recap, originally we had a conversation, same topic different tone. In that moment he wanted a friend, a fellow explorer, maybe some physical contact, someone to confide in, worry about, cook for. Nothing big, nothing serious, nothing forever.

Oh what a shock, he changed his mind.

This time his conscience was taking over, he couldn't hook up with me because its not in his nature, because it wouldn't form something real, because that's his guiding force. It’s certainly tempting, it would be lovely. He took my a good time in the present, no strings attached * as a ******* which wasn’t its intent but finally I was relieved.

The purpose of this story is not for pity or out of unbridled rage even though I used a few swears. The conversation goes on to target some insecurities, to open up about this being a pattern, and ultimately to wish him the very best.

And, I do, honestly and entirely wish him the very best. Although he had disappeared I know that he didn't do it with malice and that he has a really kind soul. Once again it didn't work out but this case was different.

We had 2:30 AM closure of the best nature, and I feel free and so much happier for the time I spent hung up on him, which is not something I can say for all those previous cases. I really enjoyed our sparse conversations but even more than that, this was the first time I came out of my shell and got pushy about what I wanted. I did all the work and had nothing to lose and for that I do not have a single regret, and I feel like the sky is the limit. No more texting rules or hurting other people feelings in the Game just for the sake of winning.

thank you, you too :)

His response was perfect, and I promptly removed him from my social media. After all, I am human.

*NSYNC’s best hit
Amanda Mary Rose Mar 2010
Everyone I kind of have a problem with goes here/ visits here
It is nice and far
It gets all snowy and mushy

I like the tunnels
It is a kind of
Safety and Exposure
Nice and Warm
Cold and Fresh

The wind
The big dancing snowflakes
Calm hallways
Instant hot water

Dumb boys
Cute boys
Confusing boys
And of course dumb, cute, confusing boys
1.0k · Sep 2010
Amanda Mary Rose Sep 2010
is a virtue?
it's waiting
but how long should you wait
are you waiting for the right thing
what if things fall apart
wanting something good to happen
impatience might just have to be a hobby
917 · Nov 2010
November Returns
Amanda Mary Rose Nov 2010
Yes, I am waiting for the cold,
for it is far too warm here as of late,
and this is not how it’s supposed to unfold.

I left home when I was not quite so old
and my choice they all berate.
But I am just waiting for the cold

as if this worry can be controlled,
with that which can inebriate.
Isn’t that how it’s supposed to unfold,  

when often I see him and it takes hold?
Wishing I had the words to elaborate,
but he left me waiting in the cold.

It is a story that I rarely have told,
for to him I am the true expatriate.
This is the way it’s supposed to unfold

though its unclear if I could have foretold,
that we would be two separate schoolmates?
On this day, I am still here, waiting on the cold
to freeze the warmth that should not still unfold
villanelle project!
881 · Mar 2010
Here I Sit
Amanda Mary Rose Mar 2010
Here I sit,
Perplexed and confused to say the very least
She has no idea what wonderful things she has
Throwing it all away for what?
Oh for some fun, wild crazy irresponsible fun
Why is it that frivolous madness is what we all crave over structured wonderful?
Is it not enough that the sky is blue, birds are singing and you can get Swedish fish with every meal?

Just to be happy watching movies, kittens in boxes, tossing m&ms; laughing as the room falls into a mess
I’ll address this whole mess tomorrow I always say.
The room is beginning to feel a bit smaller and cozier
It always seems that way when you come around
“Lets look for classy people”
What if I told you that you were classy and I was classy and maybe what they all are saying could have some merit?
What if we give off all of these signals so grand we could summon Batman?
Because they are there and we could never hide them?

Something we could never ever fight off with our coats,
Like the winds here that blow us around like fraternity flyers,
Crashing me into walls and benches, skittering about campus.
Pick me up
Read me or throw me out
You’d never recycle me that’s for sure.
Keep me in your pocket, put me on your bulletin board.
Ill gladly sit there all day,
To be there every moment you need someone to talk to

You don’t need to worship me,
Adore me,
Praise me,
Cajole me,
Indulge me,
Or even Impress me.

Just pick me,
Choose me,
Love me.
867 · Sep 2010
fairy floss
Amanda Mary Rose Sep 2010
it is not so much that i forgive
those cotton candy memories
of sun,
ice cream
national primary elections
we'd never vote upon.
these are the sharpie drawings
in my mind
Mr.Clean himself cannot expunge
those storm clouds,
they might as well be just that
swept away by the wind
the weather is never a constant
so should i worry
over the summer storms
Copyright: Amanda Mary Rose
844 · Mar 2010
Friday Night
Amanda Mary Rose Mar 2010
My last day in sandy hell, or buggy heaven?
I’m not trying to be “malarious” in saying that I will miss the reek of those boys
Ryan’s giggle, Rob’s beard, Joe’s quotes, Brian’s Wit….T.J.’s unwit

Missing hearing my name about three trillion times-a-day
Whether in confusion, or joy
Or that childish fury that builds up within us

Oh kids
They are so much smarter then we give them credit for
They love unconditionally,
They everything unconditionally

Running running running
Till they physically cannot
Always asking why, when, how
I wish I was that curious, that everyone was

“You are cordially invited  to the scenic Freedom Lake”
To give away forever
Your summer
Your inhibitions
And many brain cells

We’ll pay you
With a tan
Baked goods
And the best friends you could ever imagine

This will be your home
Until you get a “real job”
Which you learn not to expect

You learn about ***,
Drugs, College, First-aid, people
And most of all life

You will find yourself here
Along with some spare bottle caps
Be sure to admire the view for me
We all take it for granted
All of it
the end of yet another summer at the lake.
829 · May 2010
THIS bitch is back
Amanda Mary Rose May 2010
Im back
a picture's worth a thousand words
so seeing is saying
thus Saying is Believing

So I'm saying it and trusting in it
Im back
you no longer make me sad
hold me back
press me down
a heart suffocating the lungs
role reversal

now I can **** in all the smog my body needs
find my new evil
and use it up

because now
I have a few new tricks up my sleeve
so this time
instead of begging and self pity
this one is a THANK  YOU

Heres to
Not responding to my sarcastic pleas
No longer peeping into the windows of my soul
Teaching me to love myself

Teaching my to love who I become
When I realize that I broke free
Left this labyrinth
Made all the wrong turns that we all have to make

This girl
Is now brand new
Shiny and Waxed like that used sedan

So Thank You
No Jagged Feelings
this is a super scrambled ramblin
788 · Apr 2010
Amanda Mary Rose Apr 2010
There I was, in the shower
Rubbing conditioner through my cropped hair
A flashback to warmer weather
Sunny days with verdant grass.

The sisters played sports together
So did we that day
I failed at passes to you,
But I was always sure to make a few at you.

Pastachio we read
Misspelled above the rocky road,
We read and re read
Flavors and each other.

What if I told you that on that day,
I loved you.
Just as much as the cappuccino chip ice cream
Melting all over my hand
You don’t like coffee.
You probably wouldn’t understand

And here’s another sunny day,
The grass still green
The breeze still warm

Throwing ***** from the hill
In those jeans you loved
Count to ten
Highs and lows
We were so close to a perfect score

Then we came in for a quick nap
You would play your games soon
I read sci-fi
You fell asleep
Inside the crook of my arm.

Time to wake up sleepy head.
Off you go,
Get out of bed.
Who would predict
Such an end.
745 · Nov 2010
Amanda Mary Rose Nov 2010
To save from the ever changing tide;
to never fall. This innocent’s
tumbling, tumbling ride
quite like Alice’s twisted descent.
Is this to be the fate of all
the girls who flower harvest?  
Forced to hell, meant to appall
and frighten all the rest.
Yes, the world is full of holes
But I will hide within the poppy field,
watch my step, refuse the ferrier’s tolls.
I will never, never yield.
Now, this is the vital chore,
to anchor safe upon the shore.
713 · Mar 2010
I Don't Have Tattoos...Yet
Amanda Mary Rose Mar 2010
I don’t have tattoos yet
I hate to run
Exercise is okay but I would never say I am in shape
I am not pretty enough or thin enough or sharp enough
Ravaged by acne

I hurt now
You describe the perfect one
Who is going to find her
You have never seen a girl like her here
She does not exist yet

I want to be perfect
I can’t change by just wanting but if I could
I would run back home
I would sleeve my arms with everything we know
I’d be clear and shining
Bronze and toned

But I can’t
So I wont
But for now I’ll wait
I don’t know how long

I wish I could see it then
Could this be a repeat offense?
Or that final freedom
You make things sparkle
I feel mostly strong
Please stay for a little while
Just until I finish this…
I stopped waiting
709 · Oct 2010
ursa major
Amanda Mary Rose Oct 2010
bear with it
bear with me
like the stars in the sky, organized into patterns that you don't understand
unless someone says thats they way they are supposed to be
cant you see it
they say
i cant see it
is this meant to be
or just a mirage?

please don't steal
674 · Sep 2010
Amanda Mary Rose Sep 2010
a place to place
wet drippy con den sa tion
stain ing all the fur ni ture
remove it and that
is a mark you can never get rid of
a ring
a scar
for all your friends to see inspiration to the rescue
652 · Mar 2010
Amanda Mary Rose Mar 2010
Exhaustion settles deep within my bones
Forcing them to ache from the sheer weight of it all
As they drag this near lifeless human form from her bed

The eerie glow of the monitor strains at my eyes
Washes my t-shirt in its light alone
My hands shake as I violently type out what remains

Running to the bathroom on feet with no direction
A ghost flitting from room to room
Feet pushing hard onto the linoleum with no sensation

Quick yanked over my wet mop
A hand-dye tee
I sure did love him then
Didn’t I?

Sleeping still eludes me
Even though now there is nothing to keep me up
But that person in side my head
That never fails to stop finding things for me to think about

I am caring for a basil plant now
Not even mine I just lucked out with a patch of rocks that gets all the sun
Herbs could desire

I pluck off all the dead leaves
Water it daily
Make sure all the leaves can turn their faces towards the rays

Today is dress up day
Get out of bed
Put on your Lady face
Try again
Its already been a long week, its Thursday
Amanda Mary Rose Mar 2010
Now I know why they invented music
For dead uncles
And bombed biology tests
To work out your abs in lessons while constantly being pushed
Till the sound you hear is something unimaginable
Something great
That is was music is

Greatness entirely packaged in sound waves
Listening in the music building to hymn
The sopranos dance with flourish
The bass fills the room with their echoing roar
The tenors create those chords that yank at your soul

On those days when all you can do is cry there is music waiting for you
Your iPod will keep you together as you wander the sidewalks
Your instrument will allow you to funnel the emotions right out for all of the world to see
Here I am world, times may get so tough but you cannot get rid of me yet

Talks of cancer and death lead to those of rebirth
Of hearing “get your affairs in order”
And having it mean, “ Get out there! Live your life!”
To forgetting regrets and finally just being free

Music is there when all is wonderful
Celebrating a new love, a good day, a little less wind outside
To blast it in your room and to dance
But that is a different kind of dancing all together,
No one can really hear you or see you
So just move
The chords carry your legs about the room and you spin and you jump and you sing
Most important is to sing
Let nobody and everybody hear your voice tangle into the lyrics
Sing till you are hoarse
Sing till you have sung it all out


Now I know why they invented music
To lead you through that maze that is life
To help you understand it and to understand yourself
Music is that life vest
This is your first jump off that diving board
Hang on so tight and bend your knees
Let go and rocket into the real world
Don’t worry; you most likely will not drown.
**Music is what gets me out on the town
Tonight will always be a good night if you put it on first
Music is what gets me to bed at night as the soft lyrics caress my ears
Random chords organize me as I study.

(omitted...maybe tweaked and remitted)
627 · Apr 2010
Amanda Mary Rose Apr 2010
it is brown
living deep underneath the soil
hiding from the sun
as it sprouts eyes in my drawer
trying to see exactly why we dug it up
why we choose to eat it
it wonders
a entry
618 · Mar 2010
Do Not Mirror Me
Amanda Mary Rose Mar 2010

These are your choices
Take me as I am
Be my friend
Or let me be
And what ever you choose


Cause sometimes I need to work hard to quit loving you
And no matter what you do

just some teen-angsty rage, yelled onto paper
609 · Sep 2010
Amanda Mary Rose Sep 2010
Once I was told to look within my chest
Imagine Romance, allowing it to stand
Respire life, preforming it at best
To paint it with a gentle hand
Twas from longing love's command
Of this which I best understand
605 · Mar 2010
This One Is For You
Amanda Mary Rose Mar 2010
This one is for you
Mr. Brand New Obsession

Though I don't want it
Could easily be
Not inevitable
Not unavoidable
Not unwarranted

This time
I’m putting up my fists
Blocking hits

I am not giving up
I refuse to give up

Here I go
I will open the door
But I will stand right behind it
Swinging like Babe Ruth
If you decide to try to break me down

I will give you some pieces
But each one will
Beware this will self-destruct
If we do

I will admire you
Through binoculars
Behind my barricade

Though you have never done

I will be keeping you out
As I try to let you in

So this is my plea
Stand in this doorway
Allow me to tidy up the mess I have made

If you remain
You can come and see
What love remains in me

Please Refrain
From fearing all this Rain
And just Remain
586 · Apr 2010
My Purple Sanctuary
Amanda Mary Rose Apr 2010
back at the cubbyhole
how long it has been
the smell of crowded people,
old couches,
and warmth

it just fills my lungs to the brim
i inhale the soft lights,
the purple walls

we are home again
a random mix
of random people

writing, playing chess, organizing cards
catching up

here are our lives,
we are the same people,
we just have different tales

nothing ever changes as everything begins to change...
oldie but a goodie
549 · Mar 2010
Amanda Mary Rose Mar 2010
Amongst a bus of strangers
Closest I’ve been
To gentlemen

In a while

A long while

I am ready now
To not be quite so alone
To feel love

Love like
The dive pool

My toes are on the edge
To dive in
Or use the ladder

Right now all I do
Is walk back to my room.

I refuse to feel lost anymore
With my face on the milk carton
Open your goddamed eyes
And find me
451 · Mar 2010
I Love You
Amanda Mary Rose Mar 2010
I love you
I’ll probably love you for a while
You have joined the list
Boys who I have given my heart to

Who calm me when it bangs outside
Who hold me when I am lonely
Who use me when I let them

I always let them
Each and everyone
“I will love you but I’m sorry I will never date you”
“I will be your best friend through thick and thin”
That is until

I get them back on their feet again
Back in their lover’s arms
Or another lover’s arms

I will give you that warmth
Then maybe I will smile
I will display it’s all alright
But inside
I keep on loving you
Wishing you had x-ray vision

Just for a moment just look inside me
See that girl who has been hurt so many times
Who loves to drown everything in anything she can
Mostly lies and pity

I’m fine
Just ******* fine
I cannot make you love me
Care about me
Talk to me

And when she hurts you again,
Here I’ll be
To hold you as you cry
To stroke your curls
To walk you home again
Home to whoever you want it to be
I will love you
If you even love me
sometimes i use the "****" word

— The End —