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I am drinking Bourbon Street blues
thinking in jazzy riffs
of a syncopated you
swaying to those snappy beats
head held high
eyes lit with fire
pulling me into your dancing arms
and all I can do is sigh.

Aztec Warrior 8/25/15
Your reflection is in the water
Stir the water and it gets distorted
The ripples carrying away your image
Leaving you defaced for a moment
As if a part of you is washed away
Cleansing you of your previous self
Giving you a new lease of life*

© Amitav (Radiance)
 May 2014 amanda martinez
 May 2014 amanda martinez
You dance like the earth
As the equator effortlessly spins
Around your perfectly imperfect hips
Layered in cuts and scars.

Everyone stares and laughs at you
While you search for god
In the reopened scars
Opened by that same exact equator

The blood pours out
As you comb through the muscles and tissues
All while discarding what you believe
Is making you fat

But whats making you fat
Is embedded in the blueprints of your mind
As they dance along your brain
Eluding your grasp
 Apr 2014 amanda martinez
It is utterly preposterous
that so many beautiful people
can believe they aren't lovely
that they can wonder if
anyone has ever loved them
that they can look at themselves and see
hopeless, ****, worthless
because I have loved enough beautiful people
who didn't know they are beautiful
to let you know that
chances are, if you don't realize your loveliness,
you are beyond heavenly- the only reason no one has told you
is because they were scared you wouldn't love them back.
I have loved enough beautiful people
to trace the trend and absorb the sheer irony of it
that all the astronomically lovely men and women
doubt that it even exists.
I breathe, dream, and have cried over you,
O chariot of the gods, you vessel of angels,
I have woken to your sight imprinted on my eyelids,
I have woven your every word into my poetry.
It is utterly preposterous
that so many beautiful people
don't see their own beauty
while I live for the sight of it.
 Apr 2014 amanda martinez
 Apr 2014 amanda martinez
I crave it,
the smell of raw earth that is fertile
and pregnant with anxiety
newborn vulnerability mixed with a ****** innocence
desire, pure and unfiltered
in its most childish and embarassing form
the smell of raw earth is what I live for
when the grass has been torn up
and all that is there is possibility
roots snaking and enticing through
fresh ground, the birthing-place
of all things alien
familiar only to other aliens
I am new
and I can smell the newness here as I fill my lungs
with that which has been written and found filled
written and done,
dirt is the ankles of the world
the calves, thighs, and what's between them
forever moving and shifting restlessly, frustrated,
rising and falling beneath the soft fur of grass,
for the grace and gifts of the gentle soft
baby leaves and sprouts
to come upon the raw earth
and take it to its highest love.
 Apr 2014 amanda martinez
you wouldn't know what love is;

for love cannot be defined
the feeling cannot be described
as love, is a force of nature
it can be invited, but not dictated
we sometimes push that feeling away, but it remains
that strong incoherent 6th sense that we long to feel
you cannot make somebody love you
nor can you prevent it
inherently compassionate and empathetic
it confuses many.
is love real?
or is it just a fragment of hope left in humanity?
**maybe we'll never know
My mother should be an author
She carves her soul into millions of pieces
Leaving it behind all of the family photos
When I see my mother
I see a woman
Who wants to hide her soul in a needle
Just so the screaming can stop in her mind,
These bottles are rattling in the living room
You see they have put shackles on her heart,
She can't love anymore
Without having ***** in her water bottle.

Where is she hiding her beer?
I feel like my mother is giving me a scavenger hunt
From the shards of glass that were left on the baseball fields
My mother used to take me to.

You know she always wasn't like this
She was strong minded and had a big heart
Tonight I will tell you the story of a woman
Who lost her soul to the Keystones to the Miller Lites
To the ****** Mary’s.
Let's rewind time
See ******* the soul in ten years

10- I look into my mother's eyes and I start to cry
Because I'm looking at a woman who I don't know anymore

9- I refused to bail her out of jail again
Because I'm afraid her kidney will fail if she drinks again

8- My mother staggered into the theater and disrupted the whole play,
My cast mates turned to me and asked, isn't that your mother?

7- I had to hold my mothers hand
Because she was throwing up the cocktail of drugs and alcohol

6- Daddy had to get mom out of jail she was drinking again

5- My mother throws the bottle across the room
And told me the reason why she drinks is because I'm Autistic

4- My mother overslept for my piano recital,
I didn't think it was a big deal
But I remember she spent the whole night crying
With a wine glass in her hand.

3- Mommy I didn't know your prescription came in a needle

2- Mommy the prescription say 2 pills a day
why are you taking 6?

1- My mother went to the doctor
Found out that she has Rheumatoid Arthritis
I don't know what that means,
But I know she will still be strong right?

0- She took me to a Dodger game for my birthday.
I remember Sammy Sosa hitting a home run that game
She told me that the only person that can **** your soul is yourself
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